The Strangest Things

Crap. My head. I get up and look around, and find myself in the ever so scary Everfree Forest. Well, familiar as you can get when you are addicted to My Little Pony. Apparently, I  just got inserted into a children’s television show. Oh, Celestia, a self-insert. Fuck. My next thought was, why are they called self-inserts if they don’t know how they got here?

My name is Nathaniel G. Slake. I am a nineteen year old zoology student with a knack for unusually cruel pranks. Mind you, they are usually hilarious. I am a Virgo, “5’9, and white with brown hair. Average in every way. Every way but one.

I love animals. Every possible minute I am with my dog, Hall, and my cat, Gregory. I have a strange obsession with the psychosis of animals, how they live, mate, socialize, etc. I am especially interested in domestic animals, and, by extension, wild animals living under a caretaker. My extensive studies of their behavior towards their surrogate caretaker brought me to the doorstep of Fluttershy, and the grand world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I am an obsessor. I have Memorized the layout of Ponyville and the surrounding Everfree, so I know where I am right now. I am outside the path of the Entrance to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.  It was lightly snowing. beautiful, but I was getting cold. The next thing I noticed is that I was completely naked. Completely. I tried to scream in horror, but no sound came out. None. It was like my voice just packed up and left. I calmed down and tried to work my voice.

“...”

Damn. What happened? I came up with several theories, in order of feasibility.

One: this is all a sick dream.

Two: I am completely BONKERS.

Three: Accidents happen.

Four: The Government is trying to do something to me.

Five: Celestia is having a laugh right now.

Six: Because Pinkie Pie.

Seven: I accidentally made a self-insert in my sleep or something.

Eight: My life is a fanfic and there are humans online reading this right now.

I saw Fluttershy’s hut. The peak of my studies could be resolved just by speaking to her. Alas, I conveniently cannot speak. I would also like to study the bone and muscle structures of the ponies here, especially the pegasi.

My mind, or at least the devious trickster part, gave me three options: Eavesdrop. Maybe, But a bit too risky. What would happen if I was caught? Hand signals or writing? Definitely a no. I didn’t want to reveal my sentient identity yet. I had a bad feeling in my gut that kept me motionless.

So there was only one somewhat viable option left for me, and that was the one I had to take. So I retreated, and thought about how to put my plan into action.

Another thought came to me. What about food and shelter. The first potion would not provide that, the second option might, but the third would definitely guarantee food and shelter, if done right. All that did was reassure my course of action.

Let it begin.

Also, Sweet Celestia it’s cold!

Fluttershy looked out from the window. The winter wrap-up was only weeks away, so the pegasi let up on the snow for a little while. She saw angel bunny sitting happily? by the fire pit outside. He was roasting what looked to be a chestnut over the fire on a stick. She smiled at the cute sight. She wished she had more animals like Angel, because he was almost sentient. But that would never happen. She sighed and got back to work. She looked out the window again and saw- What is that? She said it, not in disgust, but in wonder of the new animal before her. It was tall, a little less than six feet (or hooves) and bipedal. It had no fur except some brown hair on its head and around the groin. It was looking at the hut, and Fluttershy didn’t want to lose the opportunity to meet a new species. It looked freezing, obviously not meant for cold weather. Based on the anatomy, it was most likely a male. She quickly outside, and the animal slowly approached. He circled and slowly came to touch her mane with one of his hands. They were not clawed, like Spike’s, yet had a dexterous feeling to them, like they had the ability to so so many things unheard of to ponies. He looked slightly scared, so she quickly moved to comfort it.

“Oh, shshshshshhh... It’s okay, big guy, I’m not going to hurt you,” she said to the animal, and he visibly relaxed. She brought him into the cottage and tried to see what food he ate. He refused everything but the salad,so she assumed it was vegetarian. Bit she did a double-take at the canines and incisors in the front of its mouth. What were those for? As he explored her home, she noted a subtle and intelligent look in his movements. In her mind, the others didn’t need to know about her new pet just yet.

He seemed to follow her like a magnet, and she felt like he was something special in the animal world. She would find out. Tomorrow.  She wanted to get him comfortable around her,so she let him sleep next to her for the night. His hand rested on her side, and it felt nice, soft. She sighed in comfort, and settled in. This is going to be interesting.

I couldn’t believe my luck. The plan was to be an animal under Fluttershy’s care, and she seemed as excited as I was to get me inside the cottage. I tried to tense up, look scared, and, as planned, she sprang up to comfort me. I relaxed, and let her take me inside. All the food she laid out for me was inedible, until I saw the salad. I loved salads, and this one was great, even without dressing. I looked around her home, and she proceeded to look me over. I wasn’t overly comfortable, but I let her look, and give me the cursory once-over.

It was getting late, so I followed her to where she slept. I sat down next to the bed, but she grabbed my hair with her teeth, and I ended up sleeping next to her. I rested on hand on her gently moving side, moving in and out with her breathing. She sighed, and I felt her relax. I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake me. This was going to be interesting.