Der Jude That Got Away

A bright beam of light penetrated through a gap between the curtains adorning the window. The light was striking our protagonist Mark's closed eyes. Irritated, he repositioned himself onto his other side, this gave him a view of his bedside clock. The clock read 11:35 AM.

"HOLY SCHIEßE WE'RE LATE!" Mark jolted out of his bed and immediately attempted to shove on a pair of socks. The room door opened.

"Ahh guten morgan mein Führer, or at least what's left of it." Said his friend James taking a sip of coffee whilst motioning towards the clock. He was fully clad in his Klaus Barbie costume. "You're aware Holocon started three hours ago? The queue's gonna be long as fuck mate." He said nonchalantly, taking another sip of coffee. Mark simply rolled his eyes and started buttoning up his uniform.

"What'ave we missed?" Mark asked fixing on his Hitler Hat™.

"Don't know, don't care, can we just get this over and done with?" James replied, looking down disappointed that his coffee was nearing its end.

"Hey! I went to that autismfest with you last month don't say shit about my hobbies!" Mark had accompanied James to Bronycon the month prior.

"You lost a bet fucktard I don't even have to go to this racist heap of shit but I'm going to be a good friend and put up with it and try to have a decent day k? Oh and you smell like shit; take a shower."

"Nah it's fine, we're late as it is." Mark said sniffing himself.

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll go heat up the car." He said gulping down the last of his coffee before leaving. Mark got back to fastening his boots.

Dear Princess Celestia,

                                    I recently discovered a spell that could not only manipulate and transport objects but also send them through different dimensions! I tried sending a plant through several different layers of existence before bringing it back with new bites, rips and leaves formed on it as if it "merged" with all of its alternate realities! This is extremely straining so I've only managed to transport small and simple objects. I'll write back with any more developments.

Your Student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Mark stepped out of the doorway, the crisp cold breeze instantly tickling his nipples even through his trench coat. James was waiting patiently in the car, it was a old heap of shit and could barely power its way through the driveway, but we loved it, it had a certain piss-stained charm to it. Mark entered the vehicle.

"It's fucking cold" James said flatly, cranking the car into reverse. Mark just rolled his eyes. He noticed something on James' uniform.

"The fuck is that?" Mark asked, pointing to the Rainbow Dash badge adorning James' chest.

"Hmm? Oh, that's muh pony badge" James said accelerating down the street.

"Take it off"

"Why?"

"It's disgusting, plus we'll probably get our teeth kicked in."

"Fuck the haters" James retorted. Mark was getting angry, this pony shit would pretty much destroy his chances of winning "Der Hitler Cosplay von die jahr". He attempted to snatch the insignia from James' coat. The sudden movement startled him, causing his to swerve violently off of the road into a ditch. The car rolled down the slope until coming to a stop at the bottom. Mark groaned; lifting his head from the dashboard. He looked to his side and saw James either unconscious or dead beside him, Mark slowly felt the life drain out of him, eventually darkness enveloped his vision.

Dear Princess Celestia,

                                    The test was a complete disaster! So much time and energy went into creating the riff but in the end all I managed to pull through from the dimension was a bit of charred rock. This is not time or energy efficient, I will try to further improve the spell but for now I am going to halt practical tests.

Your student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Mark groaned again, lifting his head from the dashboard. After allowing his eyes to focus he took a look around, the car was totaled, unlikely to ever run again given the guy's budget. Taking a look towards the driver seat he noticed that James was missing, his door wide open. Mark left the car.

Standing up so suddenly left him in a daze. Looking around he noticed that the climate had changed quite drastically, the crisp frosted ground had been replaced with a pleasant spring hue. Many flowers bloomed around him with various different bird calls being made from all around him. He saw James pissing against a tree. He walked up behind him.

"James?" Mark said, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yo." James replied, shaking his willy and zipping up his pants.

"Where the hell are we?" Mark asked concerned. James looked to his surroundings until returning his gaze and shrugging. Mark rolled his eyes. He started walking the direction of the car,

"C'mon, we better find the road again before it get dark." Said Mark, waving his hand for James to follow.

Mark felt strange, his top lip was suddenly extremely itchy, he refrained from scratching it as he didn't want to ruin the costume more than it had been.

Twilight and her friends were all on the train heading for the annual Canterlott Ball. All of her friends were chatting happily. She gave a deep sigh.

"What's wrong Twilight?" Twilight pulled herself out of her daydream so see and turned her head round to see who it was. It was Shrek. Twilight gasped. "This is ma swamp" Said the ogre before he attempted to grab her. She screamed.

"Twilight!" She snapped back into the real world. She turned to see all of her friends looking at her.

"W-What's wrong?!" Fluttershy asked concerned for her friend.

"Ughh, nothing! It's just... Princess Celestia never got back to me on those letters I sent. As with my new position a lot more is to be expected from me, I'm worried if I disappointed her." Twilight lowered her head. Fluttershy nuzzled her gently.

"Don't worry babe it'll be fine ;) Celestia is a very busy pony and probably doesn't have the time to care about your feelings :)" Fluttershy said.

"Wow! I forgot how insightful you can be! Thanks I feel a lot better now. :D"

"No problem bbe :) <3" She continued to nuzzle her friend affectionately.

It was growing dark in the forest. A group of men where all working around a radio kit attempting to get the thing working. A tall man  was looking at the horizon menacingly.

"Herr, we've got a signal, orders?" One of the men asked the tall figure.

"Hmm, call every panzer division lost in the area, then make the call to Berlin..."