Ponoi: A Paradise to Die For

Act 0: Cinnamon

“SAY SOMETHING NOW!”

Swan eyes shot open and she bolted upright in bed for the second time that day.

“SAY SOMETHING RIGHT NOW OR WE”LL FUCKING KILL YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

She looked around in panic. She was in a bed in some kind of wooden shack. There was sports equipment and junk all around. There was a loud thumping coming from somewhere.

“I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU AGAIN!”

Two ponies were glaring at her, one light green pegasus the other dark red unicorn. The green one had a wooden paddle in his mouth.

She backed up against the wall not understanding at all. Why were these ponies going to kill her? Where was she? What was going…

Suddenly it all came back. The screams, the letter, the…mess in the hotel room…

“DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?”

“YES!” She cringed, waiting for a strike.

“Oh thank Celestia,” said the one with the paddle after he spit it out. “I’m a doctor, not a bloody executioner.” He sat down with a sigh and put his face in his hooves.

“Here,” she turned back to the shouting one, who was levitating a red metal can. “Drink this; you’ll need your strength.”

Nodding, she took the drink between her hooves. Shrugging her shoulders, she chugged the whole thing.

The sugar rush was immediate and intense. Any weariness she felt departed. Where was this stuff this morning?

“Don’t feed it,” a grey old mare looking said accusingly. “One of those…things bit her! She’ll be one of them any moment.” Wait…what?

She checked her side. It was heavily bandaged and felt like somepony had attacked it with a sausage grinder.

“Oh Celestia…” She was going to be sick.

“Hey, stay with me.” The shouter ran up, stopping her mid faint.

“See! She looks horrible. Whatever’s wrong with the freaks outside she’s got it!” Swan turned a pale shade of green.

“Or maybe it’s because you keep telling her she’s going to DIE, YOU STUPID OLD BITCH!” The doctor was back on his feet and was nose to nose with the mare. “Of course she looks awful. You’re scaring the living daylights out of her.”

“Oh no! I’m so sorry dear. But don’t worry; I’m sure you’ll feel much better when you start CHEWING ON OUR SPINES!”

“SHE’S NOT GOING TO TURN!” He looked at Swan with an expression perfected by those with years of medical training. A look that not only soothed, but conveyed a sense of intelligence and respect. “It’s been six hours. Most of the other ponies who’ve been bit were coughing up their guts in two.” He turned back to the mare. “So SHUT UP!”

“Plus there’s the other three!” the shouter chipped in. “They got bites to, and they’re perfectly fine.”

“See, there’s evidence.” The old mare just huffed and turned away. “Don’t worry lass; we’re pretty sure you’re immune. Or at least resistant.” He wiggled his hoof in a so-so motion.

“Lot of good it does us…”

“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?” The resulting stare off would have been legendary if there was more than three ponies to see it. After about a minute of awkward silence, Swan couldn’t take it anymore.

“Where am I?”

The doctor looked up in surprise.

“Probably should have said something sooner. We’re in a shed on the beach. Oh, and I’m Trip by the way.”

“Tanner,” said the other. The old mare said nothing and a young white mare in the corner just sobbed.

“I’m…”

Muffled shouting drifted in from the other room followed by a slamming door, cutting off the steady thump. After a few seconds it resumed, stronger than ever.

“What the hell?” Trip and Tanner left for the next room and Swan got up to follow. The mare in the corner cried even louder, obviously scared. The old mare moved up to her.

“There, there dear. It’s all right. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” As far as Swan could tell, that was a damn lie. That thumping was not a sound of love and tolerance.

“If he’s stupid enough to go out there it’s his problem! I don’t care if he saved your life!”

“He saved your life to ya git! He saved all our lives!”

Swan walked behind Trip and Tanner to see a colt and a mare screaming at each other while a second mare watched from the side. The colt was solid blue and one of the mares was green with an orange mane.
The other mare was far more striking.

Her coat was a deep, rich purple. She had a filled holster on her right foreleg. The interesting part was the three silver stripes on each of her legs, accenting her coat beautifully. Her mane was black and white, each lock alternately striped, running about halfway down her face. There was also a large bandage on her back. Her cutiemark was a revolver next to a police badge.

“He could have donkey punched Discord and given Nightmare Moon a buck to the honeypot for all I care! Those things are still out there!”

“Those things are going to be in here in about ten seconds if somepony doesn’t mare up and help him. I’m volunteering. Now you can either defy the odds and let me through, or you can prove you’re as stupid as you look and keep being a fucking roadblock! Your choice.”

“Look man,” a unicorn walked into view. Both his coat and his mane were gold, the latter styled in a short mohawk that ran to the base of his horn. He had on a ratty striped shirt. His forelegs were decorated with an intricate tattoo. There was gauze wrapped around his left shoulder. A hoofball angled upwards with wind-lines adorned his flank. “We both know she can kick your ass. Just let her get herself killed. Luna knows it’ll make our lives easier.” The striped mare cast a scornful look at him.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re annoying, but not enough to open the door. If I’m breathing, then this door stays closed!”

“Oh is that the only requirement. Why didn’t ya say so in the first place? Would’ve saved me a lot of time.” The purple mare’s words were dripping with spite. The green mare put a hand on the blue’s shoulder.

“Please, be reasonable.” His eyes widened in shock.

“Reasonable? REASONABLE? I’m the only fucking pony in this room actually BEING reasonable!”

The sound of laughter reached their ears from a nearby couch. A huge chocolate brown earth pony said. There was a red rag around his bald head that matched his tail. He had a fake (she hoped) leather jacket and a bandage around his rear left leg. Around his neck was a gold chain ending in an HV pendent that appeared to be encrusted with diamonds. His cutiemark was a microphone caped with a small skull at the base of the handle. He looked somewhat familiar. “What?”

“You think this is funny?” The pistol mare trotted up to him, her brows knitted in anger.

“A little bit, yeah. I mean, if this little bitch here thinks he can stand up to both of us, then just paint me white and call me a Princess.” Purple did a double take.

“What the hell do ya mean both of us?” He shrugged.

“Far as he goes, I give as many fucks as the doorman there has brains. But for the zombies outside,” he stood up and turned to the door, murder evident in his gaze, “I got a bone to pick with them.”

Did her really just say…no! It wasn’t possible!

Now the unicorn was laughing.

“When I first saw you, I thought: That dude is crazy. Glad to see I was right.” He took the huge pony’s place on the couch. “Have fun killing yourselves.” The green mare looked distraught.

“Please just let them through! He’s been out there to long!”

“He’s already dead and you know it! The second I open this door those things are going to pour in here! Don’t you get it?”
“Don’t you get that through inaction you’re going to let and innocent pony die?” Now the stallion laughed.

“Innocent? Please. You saw what he did to them. Even if they are dead, nopony who’s ‘innocent’ kills that easy.” The zony snarled at him.

“Ya weren’t complaining when they had you surrounded, were ya?”

“Th-that was different!” He stuttered, a blank look on his face.

“How?” At this, his browns knitted and his eyes began to burn with hate.

“The point is that this door stays closed as long as I say so.” The huge pony stepped forward.

“Who died and made your ass king of the door?”

“EVERYPONY! I don’t have to take this! I don’t have to listen to you,” he turned toward the green mare, “or you,” he pointed his hoof at the unicorn, “or you!” He swung his hoof in the direction of Swan, Trip, and Tanner. “And I especially don’t have to take shit from some washed up salt addict and his ZONY BITCH!”

*SMACK*

The colt collapsed, knocked unconscious by the purple mare’s punch. The room went silent, ponies staring openmouthed at the sudden violence. Chocolate gave a low whistle The thumping went on. Slow, steady, and now carrying with it the sharp sound of splintering wood. Realizing that time was short, Swan cleared her throat and spoke.

“Isn’t there somepony we need to be rescuing?” Surprised by her voice, the whole room turned to her. The purple mare glared at her suspiciously.

“What do you mean we?”

“I am immune, correct?” Trip nodded, still slightly slack-jawed from everything. “And this pony saved my life?” The brown earth pony nodded, a smirk on his face. “Then I owe it to him to at least try.” Swan turned to the unicorn. “As do you.”
“Wha…ME!”

“Yes you.” She gave him a stare that contained no anger or malice, just complete and utter certainty. “We cannot, in good conscience, let a pony who would willingly risk himself for strangers die without trying to help him. If we truly are immune, then we must do everything in our power to aid the ponies who aren’t.”

Swan was tired of wasting her talents behind some front desk. She was going to do everything in her power to make a difference and that included enlisting this colt.

“But…” the unicorn stuttered, alarmed at the sudden hostility. With the exception of Swan, everypony in the room was now glaring at him, daring him to refuse. She could tell he was close to breaking. He just needed one more push.

“If there are any mistakes you wish atone for, now is the time.”

He paused for half a minute before slowly nodding.

“Well why the fuck not.” He stood with a sigh, clearly not expecting to live through the next few minutes. “But when we die, I’m blaming you, got that?” He pointed his hoof strait at her. All she did was smile, pleased it hadn’t taken much to convince him.

“So how do you want to do this?” the brown colt said. Trip was busy dragging the unconscious pony into the back room,
presumably for medical care. Tanner came out of said room holding the paddle. He placed it at Swan’s hooves.

“If you’re going out there, you’ll need weapons.” The zony reached into her holster and drew a revolver. It looked freshly
polished. The unicorn looked around before noticing a fire extinguisher. He grabbed it with levitation. The huge colt just shrugged.

“Does it look like a need a weapon?” he asked, stomping the ground. Even with this (relatively) light tap they could feel the vibrations. Swan picked up the paddle and looked to Tanner.

“You ready?” She nodded, as did the others. “Alright then.” He moved up to the door, taking a position by the handle. “Go on three. One…”

“You sure you don’t want a weapon?” the unicorn asked the brown stallion.

“Please. I got in worse fights in Neigh Orleans. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.”

“Two…”

“Be careful.” Swan looked over to see the green mare. She nodded, but doubted there was anything careful about fighting the undead.

He wasn’t serious was he? There was no way…

“Fuck it! THREE!” Tanner slammed the door open, letting in the faint afternoon sunlight.

Oh yeah, he was serious. DEAD serious, clichéd as it was.

The view itself was stunning. The surf shack was right on a white sandy beach. Celestia’s sun was just setting off to the right. There was a small sandbar not fifty feet out with a cluster of gnarled palm trees growing on it. The whole thing projected an air of peace and serenity.

The effect was somewhat ruined by the pony hanged from one of the trees.

And the twenty or so monsters surrounding a battered looking orange stallion swinging a length of metal pipe.

The creatures were bloody, wretched, ghouls. Their coats were faded and patches of hair had fallen out at random. All of them sported rotting wounds and gashes. Some were even missing chunks out of their legs or backs, or even their jaws. There were unicorns, earth ponies, zebras, even a few pegasai were flying around (the ones that had intact wings). Their eyes were bloodshot yellow, or a pale creamy white, making them look like something out of an old storybook.

All of them were making the same soulless moan she’d heard this morning. It chilled her soul and raised the fur on the back of her neck. As much as she hated to admit it, there was no way these things could be alive.

*WHAM*

She felt a sharp pain in her side as her hooves left the wooded deck. She fell hard, seeing a screaming corpse thing standing over her. Without warning it went soaring over her head, landing in the sand with a crack. The brown stallion (she really should get their names) appeared in the doorway.

He jumped down and ran straight at the nearest zombie, turning at the last second to give it a buck that shattered its skull. Another tried to bite his leg, but a fire extinguisher traveling at high speed sent it careening off towards the larger group, knocking two of the corpses down. A loud bang split the air as the zony entered, firing off her gun into the horde which by now had turned its attention the new, noisier group, taking some of the pressure of the beleaguered orange colt.
“Are you just going to sit there all day, darling?” Swan turned her gaze to the gold unicorn, who was busy throwing junk at the approaching group. “Be nice to get some help. Just sayin.”

“Right…sorry.” She quickly found her paddle and surveyed the battle. Brown had made his way over to orange while purple and gold were busy taking potshots at the surrounding corpses. They had racked up quite an impressive kill count, managing to down ten of them in about half a minute. However, more were approaching from further down the beach and they were being hassled by six or so flyers.

This would be her job.

Taking to the air with a few flaps, Swan charged the nearest one, smacking it square across the jaw with the paddle. The combined force of the charge and the hard wooden oar turned its head into a red, pulpy mess. The now re-killed lump unceremoniously flopped back to earth where it landed on an approaching dead zebra.

Let it never be said that Swan did things half-assed.

Swan stopped for a second staring at the two unmoving lumps. She’d just killed them. No second thoughts, no hesitation, no prays for forgiveness, she’d just flown straight in and killed two equines because they looked like monsters. For a moment, she was overcome by sadness at the fact that it had taken her less than a minute to go from ‘trained to kill’ to ‘killer’.

The feeling passed almost immediately as one of the flyers dive bombed her. She had just enough time to avoid a collision, but not enough to stop it scraping her back with its hoof.

Sad later. KILL NOW!

The other four had already forgotten the grounded ponies, and were focusing their efforts on the closer survivor. They didn’t look very strong, but with all five of them on her ass, things were getting dicey.

She flew upwards, hoping to gain some altitude on her adversaries. Sure enough, the five corpses started lagging almost immediately, lacking the strength for any type of speed. Sensing an opportunity, she turned into an angled dive, bringing herself up just over the top of one of her followers. Her hooves snapped against his skull, sending him spiraling down with a scream.

Two down, four to go.

The remaining flyers tried to flip and catch her, but their turns were to slow, their movements to jerky. Before they had even completely turned around, she’d already dived back and smashed one of them in the head. Blood, brains, and cerebrospinal fluid spilled out into the afternoon sky.

A rush of confidence hit her. These things were weak. Hell, she’d had tougher guests at the reception desk. Apocalypse my ahhhhhhhh…

A new corpse, this one in a lot better shape, appeared in front of her. She crashed into it going at least sixty. The both of them went tumbling end over end in the air. She had the good fortune to land on top. The infected below her died with an audible snap as its spine shattered into a thousand pieces, but not before it coughed up a load of blood right into her face.

“Ack!” She screamed and spat, temporarily blinded by the disgusting revenge act. She rolled off the dead pony still shuddering from the surprise of blood and the shock of the crash.

“You alright there?” a familiar voice said. She wiped the blood onto her arm to get a look at the speaker. It was the orange stallion from earlier, now a lot worse for wear. He was sitting under a palm tree, now unnoticed by the monsters who were busy dealing with a greater threat. No bites though…

“I’m fine. It’s you we are worried about.”

“Heh-heh. I could see that.” He started to chuckle, which was a little discomforting since he was covered in blood.

“If you two are done flirting then GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE AND HELP US!” the unicorn roared. They were surrounded by at least seven corpses and the remaining three flyers. More could be seen running up the beach. This fight wasn’t done yet.

Something nudged her shoulder. She looked over to see the stallion holding her paddle in his mouth. He placed it gingerly on the ground.

“What are you waiting for? Get bloody going!”

She gave him a nod. Sweeping up the paddle, she flared her wings and charged the undead herd.
******************
*SNAP*

The paddle head broke with the force of the blow. The corpse in question suddenly found its brains leaking from its ears. It collapsed without a sound and finally, FINALLY, there was silence.

“Dammit.” Swan looked dejectedly at her now useless oar. Angrily, she kicked the dead pony’s head, causing it to split open completely. This garnered stares from her companions. “What? I liked that paddle.”

The creaking of wood split the darkening air as Tanner poked his head out the door.

“HOLY SHIT!” He stared openly at the carnage around them. They hadn’t been gentle. The earth pony had smashed quite a few to bits with his powerful hooves. Several had rocks where there really shouldn’t be rocks courtesy of the unicorn. And she was no slouch with that paddle (though she would have preferred a sword). The only one of them who hadn’t made horror story worthy kills was the zony who had dispatched her share with a seemingly endless supply of bullets.

“I know. Amazing aint it!” The (mostly) unharmed orange stallion walked into view. “And look!” He held up his right foreleg. “No bites.” At this he threw his head back and laughed. The rest of them cracked smiles.

“Trip! They saved Cinnamon! You owe me fifty bits!” This time everypony joined in Cinnamon’s laughter as Trip’s swearing drifted out from the shed. Cinnamon wiped his eyes with one hoof.

“Heh-heh-heh…whew…I need a drink.”
***********
Swan sat in fascination as Cinnamon managed to down an entire bottle of Buck Daniels in one single chug. They were all seated around a table in the main room. Even the crying mare (who gave her name as Sleet) had come out of the back room. 'Doormare' (who refused to give them his real name) sat in the corner. He had teamed up with Gray Goose in her campaign to give them all hate stares till they burst into flames. The green mare (Mulberry) was standing with Trip and Tanner by the door.

There was a slam as Cinnamon put his bottle on the table, taking a big gulp of air as he did so. The other nine ponies all jumped in unison. He chuckled.

“Well…that’s better.” He gave them all a friendly smile, particularly the four immunes that were sitting together in a corner. “Now then. Who are you?”

“Wait…what?” the unicorn exclaimed. By the way his face scrunched up, Swan guessed he was insulted. “Come on! I played for the fucking champions! MVP twice! On track for the hoofball hall of fame!” They said nothing so he continued grudgingly. “Cart crash five years ago. In all the papers.” Sleet looked like she was going to say something, but ended up scratching her chin in confusion. The unicorn sighed. “I’ve been promoting the blood drive? The colt that toured all across Equestria. I gave like seven pints!” Goose made a polite cough.

“I would like to point out that none of us are in Equestria at the moment. And we obviously don’t know who you are so just TELL US ALREADY!” She stared at him with all the wrath of a disappointed grandmother. He held his ground for a few seconds, but then faltered with a sigh.

“Longshot. Former quarterback of the Detrot Manticores.” He sat back down, muttering something about respect.

“Well, now that horn head’s out of the way, I guess I'll go next,” the purple zony called out. “Names Spurna. Bodyguard.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you around before,” the brown stallion said. “Never dancing though. Damn shame.” This was, of course, followed by a death glare. He grinned at her. “Name’s…”

“We all know who you are Hoodoo,” Doormare called out. Swan had to fight the urge to facehoof. How the fuck didn’t she recognize him? Hoodoo Voodoo, famous rapper. He performed four times a week on Diamond Island. She’d seen him once. Never cared for his music.

“Hey Longshot. Guess who’s more famous?”

“Just shut the fuck up.” The unicorn buried his head deeper into the couch. Cinnamon chuckled.

“Well, what about you miss?” Realizing it was her turn, she stood gracefully.

“I am Swan May. Receptionist.” He smiled.

“Oh yeah. Saw you when you first came in here," Mulberry stated. Satisfied, Cinnamon clapped his hooves and stood up. “Welp, guess it’s my turn. Names Cinnamon. Cinnamon Pie. Lifeguard.” Made sense. His cutiemark was a life preserver.

“Now then,” his voice took on a far more serious tone and the smile fell away. “What are we going to do?” Everypony stared at him. Swan hadn’t thought past this point. Hell, she was surprised she lived to this point. She sort of just expected someone else to have it all figured out. “Nopony has any ideas?” They all shook their heads. He sat back down and ran a hoof through his nonexistent mane. “Well…fuck.”

A light went off behind him. Ten heads snapped to it in perfect unison.

A letter had appeared on the desk.

Nopony moved. They were all too busy staring openmouthed at the scroll. Swan went back to her room.

“When I first woke up in the hotel...” All eyes turned to her. She swallowed and continued. “A scroll appeared on my desk. It told me to get out and avoid the infected. I probably would have been killed without it.” Cinnamon nodded sagely and they all continued to stare at the letter.

“Oh for goodness sake!” To Everypony’s surprise, Sleet suddenly grabbed the letter with her magic. Floating it over, she unfurled it in a quick motion and began to read.

“Nice job with those infected. Saw the whole thing. Fucking brilliant. It’s good to know somepony over there can handle themselves.

Now onto the bad news. I’m not going to sugarcoat this. You’re fucked. A new virus somehow got release on Ponoi and…well…you’ve seen the results. And it’s only going to get worse. The combined kingdoms of the world issued a royal decree earlier. Real hush, hush stuff. Basically, nopony gets in, nopony gets out. Except through me.

Now I know you must all feel like the unluckiest ponies in the world right now, but I need you to trust me. Our connection to the island is ten…crappy at best. We need to fix that. You need to find a magic amp. That will allow us to send fire-wire letters to the island. Do this and I can tell you how to get off this rock. You need to hurry though. The brass don’t like the idea of the walking dead so they might do something drastic.

Good luck, and watch yourselves.

There are worse things than zombies out there.”

Sleet looked up from the letter with wide eyes. Hoodoo gave a low whistle. Cinnamon nodded his head, then started to pace.

“We’re going to need food, medicine, a place to stay…” The other ponies watched him for a few minutes. After starting on a very promising rut he jumped up and smacked his forehead. “The lifeguard station! Oh goddess I’m an idiot.” The surrounding ponies stared at him blankly until Tanner managed to find his voice.

“Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean the lifeguard station?”

“I mean we should go there! It has everything a pony could need! Food, water, a gate…” he stopped for a moment, then facehoofed again, this time throwing a groan into the mix. “The gate! Of all the fucking…FUCK!” He grabbed the empty bottle of Buck and threw it against the wall. It burst into shards, some of which dusted Goose, but did no more than make her scream. Hoodoo burst out laughing.

“I think that Buck’s starting to buck you.”

“That was a horrible pun,” Spurna nickered.

“Buck you,” he said. Spurna just sighed.

“What is the problem?” asked Swan.

“The gate,” he said dejectedly. “I locked it when I went to work this morning. It has a crystal reader. Won’t open without my I.D.” They collectively groaned. Cinnamon just stared at the ground with a depressed look on his face. Then he looked up with a determined look in his eyes. “It’s only five, maybe ten minutes away. Bungalow 14. I leave now I can…

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?” Trip shouted. “Earlier you took twenty steps out that door and almost came back in pieces. Or as one of…THEM! Now you want to go back out there?”

“Listen…”

“NO YOU LISTEN! One wrong move, one quick nip, one tiny SCRATCH, and you’re dead! As a doctor I can’t, in good conscience, let you kill yourself! And it would be killing yourself, believe me. I’ve seen suicides, but this takes the fucking cake! And I’m pretty sure you’re drunk.” The lifeguard laughed.

“No arguments there. Alright then, so I can’t go out there again, right?”

“I’ll scalp you if you try.” The look on Trip’s face showed total seriousness. It scared Swan just a bit. After all he’d been the one holding the paddle. She had no doubts he was capable of such things.

“Okay, okay. Easy.” He stopped for a moment, deep in thought. Then his eyes shot open wide and he turned to Swan and the other three warriors with one of the scariest grins she’d ever seen. “I can’t go back out there, but you…”

She swallowed. It was obvious, maybe even logical. But that didn’t mean she had to like it. Longshot put it best.

“Anypony else feel like they’ve just been handed the shitshovel?”

End of Act 0