Stars Magazine

by Flint Sparks

On the day of February 30th, gossip struck the nation. Princess Twilight Sparkle, newly crowned Princess of Equestria, was said to be pregnant with Princess Celestia’s child! Only one month later was the princesses ready to give public light to their relationship, and to the confirmed pregnancy. Fortunately, we managed to sneak a reporter into the castle for an inclusive interview! And we did it without bribing anyone this time!

After dodging secret agents, ponies in plaid, and a few hundred death traps you wouldn’t expect to be inside a royal castle, our reporter managed to get in a word with Princess Twilight herself! The princess was found in her royal chambers, surrounded by stacks and stacks of bananas. She appeared to be victim of her cravings, engorging bananas until she painted her muzzle white and sticky.

“I’m a pretty princess!” says Princess Twilight Sparkle, when asked on her opinion of recent developments. The princess, approximately two months pregnant, continued to tell us of the story of her pregnancy and relationship. “Well, it’s not like she knew we were meant to be together since the day we met or anything. It’s not like she groomed me to be her trophy wife, using destiny to tell the future. That’s like saying the Elements of Harmony exist, which they totally don’t, and their bearers met by destiny, which they totally didn’t. I’m a pretty princess!”

According to several sources, Princess Celestia lost a feather or two over the child’s name. Apparently the child was named after the “father,” which has confused the masses after the rumor leaked. Nopony, as of today’s publication date, understands how naming their expected pegasus* son “Celestia” could be of any harm. When asked if there was any reason for her anger, including the sudden execution of a royal guard in the Crystal Empire for sneezing on her shoes, Princess Twilight Sparkle elegantly explained, “I dunno. It’s not like a cheated or anything. Girls with can have foals, right?”

As put by our lead biologist, mares cannot have children with each other. However, the court wizard gave an extravagant explanation to understand the pregnancy situation: “It’s magic, I don’t have to explain shit.” Well received and critically acclaimed, the wizard’s explanation went on to be featured in science magazines everywhere.

When asked for a closing statement, Princess Twilight Sparkle responded, “I hope he grows up to be a waifu stealer like his fath—er, mother. Uh, goodbye! Be friends with me or I’ll banish you to the moon! I’m a pretty princess!”

Coincidentally, when the reporter returned home, his Japonese wife was missing. No further statement from the police has been given.

*Ultrasound tests have confirmed the child’s race. Geneticists everywhere are confused.