No Stalin For Time At Canterlot High

Tuesday, October 14, 2013:

Just today, when I was walking down the halls after 2nd period, I saw jackbooted fascists beating up a couple hipsters. I normally don’t give a shit when people get beat up (it happened in Manehattan High and in jail all the time), but I would later come to learn from one of the vanguard members that these people were paying for protection from us. If those idiots had read the fine print, then they would know that the deal only protects them from Sunset Shimmer and her lot, but apparently, they don’t think they’re getting their money’s worth for just that. Twilight tells me about dozens of our clients revoking their protection with us since this incident and going with the cheaper fascist protection, which, according to some members of the vanguard, protects them from all threats within the school. She says that we might have lost at least half of our clients. This is unacceptable. I’ve decided to give outer party members the go-ahead to attack anyone who is not under our protection. We’ll do this for the rest of the school week and see what happens.

Wednesday, October 15, 2013:

News from the vanguard. A couple outer party members who were harassing Sunset Shimmer (cat calls, lewd comments, etc.) during the lunch period were stabbed by a group of four fascists brandishing switchblades. Apparently, she’s buying fascist protection these days.

The fascists have fancied calling themselves the Canterlot Kings. Some of our party members have reacted to this, calling them the Canterlot Queens despite them being a mostly male group. We communists usually just refer to ourselves as the Party, although we don’t really have an official name.

Pinkie Pie came to my house with a fascist. A real gorilla of a man – enormous with a stupid-looking face – with a nailed two-by-four. She was also wearing the fascist uniform. Still, I didn’t want to pick a fight right there, so I decided to be polite to this pink bitch. She just wanted to tell me that the fascist leader, Bolt Rune, wanted to meet me face to face in the hallway of the third floor, west wing, thirty minutes after school, during vanguard time. I guess this is could be an opportunity for some diplomacy, so I told Pinkie that I’d be there tomorrow.

I talked it over with Twilight. She and I both suspect that this could be an ambush. I’ve decided to send an urgent email to all outer party members, telling them to spread themselves all around the third floor immediately after school in search of fascists. I told them to give any fascists they find a “wash” (our slang for intense beating).

Thursday, October 16, 2013:

The fascists were suspiciously quiet all throughout the school day. There were no harsh words, no beatings, and no extortion from the fascists today. Even in the lunch room, they were unusually well-behaved. We vanguard members sit in a separate table from the outer party (who mostly just sit and eat lunch with either their original friend groups mixed with members and non-members, or with smaller groups of outer party members, so we’re normally not part of whatever scuffles happen during lunchtime, although we do hear about them. There were no arguments or shouting matches between fascists and communists today despite some jeering from outer party members.

Twilight told me at lunch how happy she was that the fascists were finally getting quiet for a change. Snips and Snails even handed a letter to me, personally, saying that there would be a truce between communists and fascists for the week. Some of our less bright vanguard members even suggested that the fascists might be backing down. I almost believed this sort of thing myself, and I admit that I did let my guard down a little, but I know from experience and through knowledge of history that this sort of sudden, artificial peace is never genuine. As the great Stalin said, “If any foreign minister begins to defend to the death a ‘peace conference,’ you can be sure his government has already placed its orders for new battleships and aeroplanes. “ I was not alone in this. Several vanguard members shared my skepticism.

Turns out I was half right. Bolt Rune really did come as he promised, but he brought with him a pair of armed brutes about the same size and strength as my own, and he had fascists stationed in hidden places of the room, probably so he could coerce me to agree to deals that would benefit the fascists. Fascist and communist confrontations on the third floor proved to be a stalemate. Both sides were armed with switchblades and knuckle dusters, so I and Bolt Rune immediately made it known throughout the floor that neither fascist nor communist would attack one another for the time being, as neither of us wanted heavy casualties.

Bolt turned out to be a real snake of a man. Tall, but wiry and thin, and pale as the driven snow. He had steel blue eyes that could destroy a lesser man, but his voice was somewhat high-pitched, and he had a lisp.

We both came to a few agreements: that Sunset Shimmer was no longer a threat as long as either communist or fascist forces remain in the school; that what we both want is our respective ideologies to have total dominance in the school; that, in order for there to be peace, one must wipe out the other; and that police are not to be trusted.

He tells me that he and Sunset Shimmer have an alliance and that I should lay off my humiliation campaign against her or else face retribution. I suspect that, if they have any alliance at all, it is shaky. After all, how would she benefit from fascist alliance besides simple vengeance against me? And how would the fascists benefit from Sunset Shimmer, the powerless has-been of the school with nothing but her two boy toys? She would simply be a puppet of the fascists, and if I know Sunset Shimmer well at all, then I know that she would not want to be anyone’s puppet.

I’ve decided not to make any threats against the fascists for now. And even if it is unlikely, I still have to assume that they are allies, and that I should not trust her (as if I’d ever trust her to begin with!) I also cannot humiliate her anymore, and I must treat her with respect. That is going to be a real disappointment, especially since it would also reflect weakness on me. Of course, should she ever decide to get uppity and attack me, I’ll have no choice but to act swiftly and brutally regardless of fascist intentions.

In any case, we (Bolt and I) have decided that our ideologies must fight not only with steel and fists, but also with words. Therefore, on the second Monday of November, we will, with the approval of Principal Celestia, have a debate in the school auditorium, the subject being the role of the state. I agreed, and we shook hands on it. I am fairly certain that there is an unspoken agreement that we will have every communist and fascist in the school attend in order to protect ourselves. I cannot and will not trust Bolt, just as I suspect he does not trust me. We’ve also decided that, until the end of the debate, fascists will not attack communists, nor vice versa, but civilians are free game. Because the entireties of the communist and fascist forces were present, we will not have to send memos.

Friday, October 17, 2013:

A last-minute thought of mine dictated that I make a little change to the protection deal. The protection fee would be lowered to $35, would cover all threats, and they would be able to pay a simple fee to have someone they don’t like beaten up. $20 for a light beating, and $35 for an intense beating. The severity of each beating will depend on the implements used – a light beating will use no weapons, an intense beating will use steel implements such as switchblades and knuckle dusters.

A letter was sent to me by a fascist diplomat during lunch. It was from Bolt Rune. It said that he would get Celestia’s approval for the debate, and that he would send me an update on Monday. He says he figures that, in Celestia’s mind, victory from either party would beget an end to the violence. I don’t have any opinion of this, as I don’t know Celestia very well, but it does make sense.

Twilight wanted to stay with me for the weekend. She’s so damned clingy. I don’t like it. Still, she is my right-hand gal in the vanguard, and she’s zealously dedicated to the cause, so I don’t want to disappoint her.

She tells me that 84 students had paid for protection today. That means $4250 -- $1000 to bribe police, $500 to purchase weapons, and the rest to be saved. Simple enough, but I’d really like to break 100 again. We didn’t lose as many actual customers as I thought, but in reality, we’ve lost legions of potential clients who weren’t paying us for protection. We estimate that at least 150 students pay for fascist protection.

Saturday, October 18, 2013:

Twilight and I spent our time getting drunk and fooling around, mostly. She doesn’t get to drink booze at her house, and I’m not really supposed to be drinking either, so it’s a real treat for both of us. Nobody except us knows that we actually do this. Anyway, she brought us the money today. When she was particularly drunk (she gets drunk faster than I do), she said that she’d embezzle $1000 from the party bank so she could buy cocaine so we could have even more fun. Now, I’ve had my share of illegal drugs back in my jailbird days, so I wasn’t really offended by the fact that she’d want us to take drugs. However, I did take offense to her suggestion that she’d embezzle funds, so I gave her a swift punch in the face and gave her the silent treatment, forcing her to sleep on the hard wooden floor for the night.

Sunday, October 19, 2013:

I decided to check up on DJ PON-3. Or rather, check up on the vanguard members who keep tabs on her progress. They say that she’s making excellent progress, and should have a finished product by Wednesday. Ahead of schedule, I see. Unfortunately, I also learned that on Thursday last week, Sunset Shimmer forced herself into head of the school newspaper with backing from fascist muscle. I guess Bolt Rune wasn’t lying when he said that he and Shimmer were in bed with each other. I guess we can expect some real slander from Thursday’s newspaper.

Monday, October 20, 2013:

Back to school. I noticed that one of the fascists spray-painted a swastika on a row of lockers. He was caught by the school janitor and suspended for a week. I have to make sure no communist engages in vandalism.

There was a particularly ferocious beating perpetrated by members of the outer party today. It was that little girl that I personally recruited one or two weeks ago. I confronted her personally about it. Her friend (a big, fat bitch, she tells me) said something about the party being nothing but a bunch of no-good bullies who extort money from the students, no better than the fascists. She promptly got out her knuckle dusters and just wailed on her. She broke her nose, crushed her left eye, and broke several bones in the skull. She was unconscious and spitting out blood by the time this comrade was finished. There being lots of witnesses (unlike most other violence in this school), she naturally got in trouble with the staff. I really like this comrade, so I decided to go with her to Celestia’s office.

The little girl was almost expelled. Almost sent to jail, in fact. I lied to Celestia and said that I was there. I told her that I saw the whole thing and that her friend took the first swing and pinned her down, so she naturally had to defend herself. Through a little bit of intimidation (there was the implication that sending my comrade to jail would cause a communist outrage, and that she might be “caught in the crossfire”), my comrade was not punished for beating up her friend, but she was suspended for a week because she brought weapons to school.

Tuesday, October 21, 2013:

Things are tense in the vanguard lunch table. A few vanguard members recalled the Weimar Republic, and how Hitler ultimately put himself up at the head of the state by having Goebbels burn down the Reichstag and blame the communists. That, perhaps, this truce was meant to pacify us and focus our attention on civilians so that they could get enough resources to stage a similar black propaganda campaign. I let this swim in my mind for a while. What if they’re right? At perhaps more than twice our client number, they’re probably making more money than we are. They’re making more than enough money to; perhaps, sabotage some school sports game or some school formal and fund a propaganda campaign to blame it on us! No, that can’t happen. We need to break this truce at some point, but not now. The fascists are getting too cozy with it. We’ll let them have their money for now, because we’re going to take it later.

A member of the vanguard (not a member of the outer party since a vanguard member is less likely to become a double agent) will infiltrate the fascists by joining them. He will be wearing the uniform of the fascists, but in his heart, he will remain a communist. He will attempt to find out where their money is kept, and after they’ve collected for two weeks, he will steal the money and bring it to us. We will then break the truce by ambushing as many fascists as possible. This is an excellent plan in my opinion, and the vanguard agrees. I’ve already chosen someone who will go. She’s a real dark-skinned beauty, and her tongue is razor sharp. Comrade Chrysalis will go to infiltrate the fascists and transfer their funds to our account.

Wednesday, October 22, 2013:

At lunch, we had to deal with the fascists gloating about how they were able to “convert” a member of the infamous vanguard to their side. What fools. Don’t they know a Trojan horse when they see one? I guess the chance that it wasn’t a ruse was just too good for them to pass up. We were stifling laughs the whole time. Twilight couldn’t help but to smile, so she kept her head down while we covered her. Fascists got real uppity.

Regrettably, we cannot have comrade Chrysalis come to our vanguard hour because she needs to gain the trust of the fascists, and having that clutter up her schedule could arouse suspicion. Still, she is able to contact us over Skype, if only for 30 minutes or so at a time. She has not much to tell us about the fascists other than the rumors and the gossip that goes on in the lower ranks. She tells us that she is trying to arrange a meeting with Rune Bolt so that she can cozy up to him and beguile him to tell her the secrets of their worthless gang of thugs.

Thursday, October 23, 2013:

The school newspaper came out today. Aside from the usuals, we saw a special article on the party. What I saw was nothing but dishonest, vicious slander. She called us a violent gang that extorts money from students and promotes an ideology of hatred and death. Not true! Communism is an ideology of equality and brotherhood, and we do not extort money, we provide security services at a fair price! She also compared me to Stalin. I’m flattered, really, but that’s not good for PR. Fortunately, she also denounced the fascists. She called them hate-filled thugs that are no better than we are, and she compared Bolt Rune to Hitler. Hah! I guess she’s no puppet of the fascists after all. That’s my girl!

Otherwise, things are fairly stable today. The vanguard member that I put in charge of weapons was able to buy such wonderful things as spiked knuckle dusters, machetes, and zip guns. These being far too dangerous to keep on school grounds, I’ve decided to keep them at another comrade’s house, taking them out only for the debate. However, I’ve decided that the more subtle zip guns should be carried by me and my bodyguards at all times. We can never be too careful. We never know what the fascists will do, so we need to be prepared for anything.

Friday, October 24, 2013:

Comrade Chrysalis just met Bolt Rune today after she was able to convince some fascists that it was safe. She shook his hand and invited him to dinner tomorrow. I’ve decided that she was allowed to have $300 from the party’s safe to schmooze Bolt.

Saturday, October 25, 2013:

Got drunk again. I do this every weekend. I’m starting to wish Twilight were here, but I guess she can’t be with me every weekend. I didn’t do anything particularly productive for that time, not even meeting up with the vanguard like I was supposed to. I pretty much just played strategy games all day. Even drunk, the AI in these games is far too easy. That’s why I don’t really play them often. I tried to play multiplayer, but mods on every server kicked me for sexually harassing girl gamers. I swear a couple of them liked the attention.

Sunday, October 26, 2013:

I had someone knocking on my door. I decided not to answer, but as the knocks turned into bangs, my drunk ass father opened the door. It was the three members of the vanguard who paid DJ PON-3 all that money. They were carrying a bunch of CD cases, all sporting communist imagery. They assured me that the product was top notch. I didn’t really want to bother with listening to every song, so I had them come in my room and play a couple tracks from each song. Of course, that fucking retarded DJ couldn’t come up with something original. She really thought I wouldn’t see all those blatant rip-offs of music from the USSR and the DPRK? Still, she was able to remix the sounds and lyrics well enough, and I suppose I can respect the ability to roughly translate a text and still retain the canon and rhyme scheme. Plus, I doubt hardly anybody is going to notice. All in all, I think this worked out.

Monday, October 27, 2013:

A member of the vanguard told us of an outer party member who happened to be a computer whiz, and he wanted to create the official party website. I think it’s a good plan, and I’m putting him in charge of the project. He asks me if I should pay for a premium server that lots of people would find on a search engine. I declined since we really only need our high school students to know about it, so I’m having him go with a cheap one. By tomorrow, we’ll have new flyers advertising the new website. I reminded this comrade not to put anything incriminating in the website.

Tuesday, October 28, 2013:

This Friday should be the second collection week for the fascists. Comrade Chrysalis finally found out where the fascists keep their money, but she also tells me that to get this information, she had to give her body to Bolt Rune. All of us in the vanguard commended her on her valiant sacrifice for the cause. Apparently, it’s in Bolt Rune’s basement. She tells us that she will have their money secure for us by Sunday.

Wednesday, October 29, 2013:

Another quiet day of school. I witnessed the beating of a non-supporting civilian by three communists. One of them glanced at me; I gave her a thumb up and a grin. It’s nice giving moral support to your comrades on the ground once in a while. I was with Twilight at the time, and she wanted to talk to me personally. I gave her the time of my day in some corner of the hallway, and showed her disapproval of me encouraging violence against people who aren’t under our protection. However, once I reminded her of our cause and the plight of the proletariat, she reluctantly subdued her own sense of ethics for the good of the party and for the good of the proletariat.

Thursday, October 30, 2013:

Comrade Chrysalis just learned the combination to the safe from Bolt. She and Bolt are fucking every day at this point. She says he’s a terrible lay with breath that smells like ass. Of course, she knows that she won’t have to do this anymore once she gets the money, and she understands that she’ll be labeled a traitor by the fascists and made a target. I am proud of her. She is a shining example of a good communist.

Friday, October 31, 2013:

Collection day for both us and the fascists. Twilight says that 91 people have paid for protection this week. $3185, plus $340 for our punishment services. $1000 to the police, as usual. We’ll save the rest. Twilight decided to keep me company for the weekend.

Saturday, November 1, 2013:

Hah! Today should be the last day that the brave comrade Chrysalis has to suffer from fascist cock. Twilight and I estimate that we should have an excess of $3750 from the heist. With this money combined with what we have already, we could buy all kinds of guns, ammo, and propaganda! We wouldn’t even have to fire a single bullet. The fascists would be so scared of getting shot that they would shrivel up into little balls, and their clients would be mine! We would eventually be able to buy off the fascists and incorporate them into the party.

Sunday, November 2, 2013:

No word from comrade Chrysalis. This is disconcerting. She might just be laying low until Monday. She might also be trying to surprise me with a huge heist, but I don’t like surprises. I emailed her just today. No response. I talked about this to Twilight. She says that comrade Chrysalis can be a little weird sometimes. She used to brood a lot, she says. Fair enough, but I’ll be sure to give her the most scathing criticism come vanguard hour.

Monday, November 3, 2013:

It looks like my worst fears have been confirmed. I was in my locker getting books for English when I heard a scream from down the hall. It was Twilight. A large crowd had formed around her, so I went to investigate. Communist, civilian, and fascist alike were shocked at what they found. I had some of my comrades clear a path in the crowd for me to get past. I admit, I didn’t really expect the conflict to come to this, but history dictates that these things happen eventually. I saw comrade Chrysalis’ severed head with a couple bullet holes coming out the forehead. It looked and smelled like it had been there since yesterday. The only ones in the crowd who seemed relatively unphased were me and Sunset Shimmer. There was a note in the mouth. I removed and read it. It read in large print written in blood, “Steel Cog is next!”

Needless to say, the truce is over. In comrade Chrysalis’ honor, I ordered any and all communists to attack any fascist and non-supporting citizen possible. Due to this order, there was a brawl in the hallway which was stopped by police. By the time it was over, pools and stains of blood and the groans and moans of pain littered the halls. Due to our bribery of the police, no communist was punished. I don’t know about the fascists. They’re probably bribing the cops as well.

Twilight and I have decided to honor the memory of comrade Chrysalis by attending her funeral along with nine other comrades. Seven comrades, including myself and my three bodyguards, will bring our zip guns to fire in the air, and we will have the other two comrades learn how to fold the crimson flag in a triangle in proper military tradition. Her funeral is on Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 4, 2013:

It’s been a quiet day today. Many communists and fascists are in the hospital for now due to yesterday’s brawl (which is being called by students as the “Battle of the Black Head”), and those of us who remain do not want to fight anymore. Comrade Chrysalis’ death was officially part of the morning announcements. Lunch has been silent and solemn. At the end of school, there was little conversation among classmates. It looks like they’re still thinking about that severed head.

Wednesday, November 5, 2013:

Every comrade in the party decided to take off from school to attend comrade Chrysalis’ funeral. There were so many of us that the seats of the funeral house were full, so some of her family members had to stand. This is a funeral, so there wasn’t much to say about it, really. Her father had already died a couple years back, so her mother was a total wreck, flooding the room with tears and wails of sorrow. She had one brother, a member of the outer party, and a sister, a middle schooler, who also cried. I shook their hands and expressed my deepest condolences. I had comrades guard the perimeter of the funeral building to ensure that no fascist could intervene.

Everything proceeded normally, with as close to military honors as our comrades could get with this funeral. The seven of us brought a zip gun and two bullets each (one extra in case the first failed). Her mother would not take the folded crimson flag in its case as per military tradition, so we decided to display it in the vanguard room so that we may be inspired by her valiant sacrifice.

After the funeral, Twilight and I spent the rest of the day in my room where she cried on my shoulder for at least an hour. Then she got angry at me because I wasn’t crying with her. I had to tell her that a real communist celebrates death. The death of a man resolves the dialectic between the man and nature. That didn’t make her feel any better, so to make her feel better, I decided to make love to her tonight. She wasn’t initially in the mood, but I was able to schmooze my way into having her let me do it. She did feel a bit more relaxed afterwards, and went right to sleep.

Thursday, November 6, 2013:

Many of our comrades came back to school in casts, crutches, and stitches, as did many fascists. There is still much animosity between fascists and communists, but there is not quite so much violence since at least half of both sides are incapacitated. However, there is still the occasional scuffle, which happened between two communists and three fascists between 2nd and 3rd period today. Neither side was armed with any weapons, so nobody was seriously injured.

The vanguard is preparing a speech that one of our comrades will use to address the students during lunchtime. We even got him a megaphone so he can talk over the inevitable petulant jeering of the fascists.

Friday, November 7, 2013:

Lunch. We had prepared a speech of about fifteen minutes long for lunch about the departure of our dear comrade Chrysalis and, of course, the inevitable communist victory. However, about three minutes in, the fascists started throwing food at the speaker. Today was spaghetti and meatballs day, so it got pretty sloppy on the stage. I ordered every available outer party member to brandish a weapon and attack the fascists. Caught unprepared, the fascists surrendered. The speech was, after this brief interruption, finished.

Saturday, November 8, 2013:

Twilight and I spend all day helping me study for the debate. I’ve been studying a little bit since Bolt first set this up, but we’re going to go all out today. Not even any booze, not even any sex. We study until we sleep.

Sunday, November 9, 2013:

Tomorrow’s the debate. I’m just really tired. Too tired to write much here, actually. See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 11, 2013:

I’m writing this from the Canterlot hospital bed. Why? There’s a story behind it.

After 2nd period was the great debate. Every communist there was armed to the teeth with zip guns and machetes and spiked knuckle dusters, even the vanguard. Many fascists had fire axes and Glocks. Anyway, the debate seemed to go swimmingly. That intellectually dishonest bastard Bolt Rune was standing there dodging questions, misrepresenting my arguments, backpedaling, and generally being a dick. It was obvious that he didn’t prepare for this debate, seeing as he probably underestimated me for being young and having a criminal record. Through the words of Marx, Engels, Lenin, and Stalin, I was able to not only hold my own against this so-called educated man, but show him off as the cowardly rat that he is.

This went on for about 45 minutes. When it was my turn to speak, I stood up. Just a split second later, I heard the crack of a gun, followed by a bullet going through my chest. I went down. As Twilight and another comrade went to drag me to safety, I heard two more gunshots. I have no idea who the assassin was aiming for beyond the point of my own injury, and I wasn’t really in the condition to wonder. Just as consciousness began to fade away from me, I heard several volleys of gunshots, followed by shouting and wails of pain. The last thing I remember of that last day was the quick glance I took at the audience. Fascists and communists were fighting with the very dangerous weapons. I’m sure many died on both sides.

So now I’m here, in the hospital, with a bullet wound in my chest. Several ribs are broken, and it hurts to breathe. X-ray scanning shows that the bullet is still inside me, just between my heart and my right lung. I’m lucky the would-be assassin missed my vitals.