Mirror the Fun

Sugarcube Cafe turned out to be surprisingly difficult to find. Even though I knew generally where it was, it seemed weirdly disconnected from everything else, just another dot on a map somewhere. The square building wasn't as eye-catching as my younger self remembered it, either, just the fading pink awning stopping me from cycling on by. Luckily, Princess was still waiting at one of the tables outside when I came to a stop. "I'm sorry I'm so late!" I panted as I fumblingly locked up my bike, unable to remember the last time I'd spoken those words. "I know you said after school, but I had to take Spike out, and I forgot I had homework, and then I got lost, and..."

"It's okay," Princess laughed. "I know I sprung this on you pretty suddenly. I'm just happy you could make it." She greeted me with a hug, which I haltingly returned. Touching her still produced that same calming sensation, as though my pained and twisted aura was being temporarily corrected to a more peaceful one. It was selfish, but I found myself wanting to touch her more. I briefly wondered if she felt the opposite when our skin connected, if I were somehow leeching her inner peace away from her, but she showed no hesitation as she looped her arm around mine and led me inside.

The interior of the building was more open than I'd expected. There were only a few tables and sofas scattered around, with scuff marks on the floor suggesting that they were rearranged often. The only other customers were a group of high school students wearing a mix of berets and knitted wool hats - never thought I'd see those two groups together - but they barely gave us a second glance as we strolled in. I had to wonder why the appearance of a popular girl's double wasn't causing more stares, but then, considering what I knew of her life so far, Princess probably got up to stranger things on a weekly basis. There was also a bright balloon tied to the counter, and several more bouncing around near the ceiling, which should have been my first warning that Pinkie Pie was working today.

Without warning, a blur of pink and hair that you could lose a brush in literally bounced out of the back room and over the counter, shrieking in happiness as it dove towards us. Among the unintelligible squeals I managed to pick out "Oh my gosh! Two Twilight Sparkles!" before Pinkie Pie collided with us and smooshed us into a hug that seemed anatomically impossible. "Double Twilight!" she gasped, pressing our cheeks together. "That's double, double, double everything! I can't even tell which is which! This is the best day ever!"

"Easy, Pinkie," Princess said, expertly easing us out of her grasp. "Be gentle, please. This is all new to her."

"Okey dokey lokey!" She took half a step back and stared at me expectantly.

I looked Pinkie Pie up and down. The last time I'd seen her was the ninth grade, back when she'd just been starting her quest to become Canterlot's number one party girl. The only part of her that seemed to have changed was her hair; while the rest of her body had grown proportionally with age, the ball of fuzz erupting from her head had grown into a sculptable poof reaching all the way down to her waist. I found myself amazed that she was able to keep it clean, let alone as soft and fluffy as it was, until I remembered who I was dealing with. "H-hi," I managed, waving awkwardly. "I'm, um, Twilight Sparkle. Do you remember me?"

"Of course I remember you!" She scooped me up into a spinning hug, luckily a more gentle one this time. "You're that shy girl who loves studying and had that thing with Sunset Shimmer and your brother and then you moved away to the city but not really and we all missed you so much!" She either didn't notice that I'd turned pale or didn't care. "I thought I was never ever going to see you again! I've got to show you to everyone and you've got to tell us everything and we're going to throw you the biggest party ever!-"

"Maybe later, Pinkie," Princess intervened, settling us out again. "Right now, we're just looking for a quiet place to talk. Do you think you can do that for us?"

"Right away, your Highness," Pinkie said with a salute, which turned into a giggle. She hopped back over to the counter, and we followed, me on unsteady feet. "Something to drink while you're here?" she asked. "First drinks are on the house!"

"One Twilight Special, please," Princess said. She turned to me. "And for you?"

My mind went blank. I hadn't been prepared for this. "Um... I guess I'll have the sa-" Pinkie Pie made a face and subtly shook her head. "Oh. Then, uh..." I scanned the menu randomly. "Strawberry Swirl?"

"Coming right up!" She flipped over the counter, then giggled again. "Mrs. Cake told me that's what our Twilight ordered the first time she came here, too," she added.

What followed next was a blur of motion too fast to be tracked. Pinkie Pie began turning on machines and getting out ingredients, then vaulted over the counter and began rearranging furniture. Tables, chairs and sofas were nudged around at whirlwind speed, some with people still in them. By the time I'd fully turned around to watch the last pieces were just tottering into place; if I'd come in a second later, I'd never had known things had moved. What we'd been left with was another natural, comfortable layout, but this time with a small table for two in the far corner. The people with drinks either didn't notice or didn't care that they'd moved. Right away Pinkie was back behind the counter, picking up right where she'd left off. "Drinks will just be a few minutes!" she sang.

I was too stunned to move at first, so Princess had to take me by the arm again and pull me over to the table. "Is she... always like that?" I asked as we sat down.

"She's a lot of fun once you get used to her," Princess answered. "I know she can be a little overwhelming at first. I'll talk to her. Honestly..." She leaned forward and whispered. "The first time she threw me a party, I stayed for only two minutes and then hid in my room for the rest of the night."

That got a chuckle out of me; I could definitely see myself doing the same. It helped me come out of my shell a little. "Anyways, I can't actually stay too long," I said, feeling a little more natural. "Just half an hour or so. I promised my study group I'd be there for seven."

Princess checked the clock on the wall, confused. "But it's only four-thirty."

"I know." I sighed. "But my dad tries to cook an early dinner on study nights so that I have time to pack everything before I leave, even though that's way more time than I need, and it's a long ride back home, and they worry about me if I'm not home when they're ready..."

A sentimental smile crossed Princess' face, which suggested to me that her take on the situation was different to mine. "Yeah, he's like that," she said. "Always trying to help out..." She looked into the distance for a second, then snapped back to attention. "Why don't you just have dinner with us? That way you can stay a lot longer, and we can drop you off at seven on the dot. Pinkie, is that okay?"

"You know it!" Pinkie Pie called back, doing something complicated with chocolate.

I was flattered, but this didn't address what was, to me, the main issue. "What about my parents?"

"Just call them and let them know. They'll understand. Do you have a cell phone?"

"Well..." Hesitantly, I reached into my bag and withdrew it. It was a cheap, purple device, for emergencies only. I'd never used it. "It's just... I never do this," I said, nervously fiddling with the edges. "And... I don't know if I'm ready for them to know yet. About this, I mean. Not until I've figured it out myself."

"I understand." She held out her hand. "Want me to do it?" I looked up in surprise; she had an adventurous grin on her face. "Come on. They'd never know, right?"

My schedule keened from the back of my mind, but this only set my resolve. Matching her grin, I quickly punched in the number and handed the phone over. She held it to her ear just as my mom answered on the second ring, and I heard a very faint "Hello?"

It was in that moment that I saw the one flaw in this plan. At the sound of my - and, I supposed, her - mother's voice, Princess froze. Her smile and eyes became glassy, and some of the colour drained from her face. I was worried that I was going to have to shake her, but after my mom spoke a second time, slightly louder, she seemed to snap out of it. "Hi, mom?" she said brightly. "I met a friend from my old high school, and she offered to let me have dinner with her. I'll head for my study group right after, so I won't see you until tonight." She paused, listening to something I couldn't hear. "Who?" She hesitated for only a fraction of a second. "Pinkie Pie. Remember her?"

That was a good choice. Of course they remembered Pinkie Pie. "Yeah, that's the one," Princess said. Her voice was becoming a little shaky. "No, it's fine. I've got lots of time. I will. See you." To my distress, I noticed tears building up in her eyes. She started to lift the phone away from her head, then brought it back quickly. "Mom? I love you."

I wanted to snatch the phone from her then and there. Instead I just gripped the table as she closed her eyes and listened for several long seconds, nodding intently. "I know. You too. See you." She finally hung up, and pursed her lips for a few seconds before seeing me. "I'm sorry," she said, wiping her eyes. "I just haven't spoken to her in so long. I miss her so much."

"It's fine," I reassured her, mentally kicking myself. Stupid. I should have seen that coming. It wasn't fair to put her though that. "She'll definitely know something's up now, though," I added, with a hint of bitterness. "I guess I'll deal with that when I get back."

"It'll be fine," Princess said. She handed my phone back. "That can't have been that unusual, right? Your parents know you love them."

"My parents don't love me."

If a record had been playing, a needle would have scratched it to a halt. I swear I felt the temperature drop by several degrees. Princess stared at me with the most stunned face I'd ever seen on her or me. "Of course they do," she said. "You're their daughter."

"Yeah, and that's why they pretend. That's why they spend so much time watching me, to make sure I don't do anything stupid. I'm just a freak to them."

"Twilight..." She put her hand on mine. "They're my parents too. I promise you, they love you, and they're proud of you."

I didn't feel like arguing. "Maybe."

"Order up!" Pinkie Pie shouted.

Our drinks landed on the table. Mine was simple, some chocolate thing topped with an over-generous swirl of whipped cream and dotted strawberries. It was also in front of Princess. Her drink was placed in front of me, and when I saw the Twilight Special close up, I understood why our order had taken so long to make. Princess' drink of choice was an extra-large chocolate milkshake capped off with multiple swirls of whipped cream, chocolate and caramel sauce, fruits, nuts, and what looked like at least two varieties of oats. Crowning the whole thing was a tiara made from delicately carved milk chocolate, set with a candy in the shape of a star. I couldn't even begin to speculate how many calories were in this. It was unbelievable that me and her were still the same size.

Princess blushed. "Um... other way around, Pinkie."

"Oopsie!" Instead of switching the drinks, Pinkie Pie spun the entire table around, miraculously not spilling a drop. "Better?"

"Yes." She fingered at the decoration on top, still blushing. "You didn't have to do the crown."

Pinkie Pie stiffened. "I always have to do the crown, Twilight," she said in what I guessed was, for her, a serious tone. "Always." Then she sprang back and leaned in close to me, speaking in a stage whisper. "And don't worry. I know you're not really a wicked temptress viper mean meanie-pants."

She skipped away, leaving me blinking after her. "Wicked temptress...?"

"...Oh. Right."

Princess looked down. I gaped at her. "She knows?"

"Well... kind of. Not all of it." For the first time, it was Princess' turn to look guilty. "After Flash and I... figured out what was going on, I talked with my friends about it. I didn't tell them everything that happened, but they seemed to get the idea. A few of them had some... choice words about what they thought of you at the time." She held up her hands quickly. "Nobody hates you. And I made everyone promise that no one would try to get back at you until we'd gotten a chance to get to know you. And..." She lowered her hands and folded them. "I guess it's fair to tell you that even if I'm not mad at you... collectively, we're still kind of mad at you."

After a second, she added, "I mean, it was a pretty rotten thing you did."

"I know." Thinking of that night made me shudder inside, but I pressed on. "I was just... jealous. After getting driven out of my school, and never making the friends you made, and never even getting to talk to Flash, learning about some double who had the life I've always wanted was just... too much. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, either. I thought it was some kind of dream. And even after I started to figure out that I was taking that dream away from someone else, I just... didn't want it to stop." It didn't feel like a confession. After all, I was talking to myself. "I kind of hated you," I added, since it wasn't like I could make things any worse for myself. "It felt like you'd stolen the life I should have had away from me. But since I tried to steal it right back... if you want to hate me too, I'll understand."

"I don't hate you."

Princess broke her chocolate crown in half and offered me the side with the stone. I declined.

We both attacked our drinks, trying to bring some lightness back to the situation. I almost gagged at first; I was useless without coffee most days, but even this pile of cream and fruit was more sugar than I usually allowed myself. Once my mouth had settled, however, an old craving stirred to life within me and I found myself taking a bite of nothing but cream. Princess, by this point, was attacking the top of her milkshake with a spoon, alternating between taking mouthfuls and sucking the inside through a straw. I caught her picking out a large flake of oat and nibbling on it, rolling up her eyes in ecstasy, and this threw me for a moment until the last detail clicked. Oh, right. She's a horse. It was strangely easy to forget this, but looking at her now, it cast a whole extra layer of weirdness over everything that had come before.

"How did you and Flash meet?" I asked, trying my hand at normal conversation. "Some big, magical adventure, I guess."

"Yes and no." She smiled fondly. "We started dating about two months after I arrived. He was actually one of the first people I ran into in this world, before anyone knew where I came from. Literally, I ran into him; I wasn't used to walking on two legs yet, and I kept bumping into him. He told me that's when he started to get a crush on me. We didn't have a lot of time to talk after that, since I was busy with saving the world, and afterwards I went a little crazy trying to fix the mirror portal. But when I was ready to talk to people again, he was there for me, and two weeks later we made it official."

I smiled, even though inward I was seething. That's it? That's all I had to do? Just bump into him, and he would have fallen for me? "Just like that?" I asked, keeping my voice neutral. "There weren't any... complications?"

"Everything was complicated. Remember, I was having to build a whole new life out of nothing, in a world that I didn't understand, with as few people as possible knowing that I was from an alternate dimension. Along with my friends, Flash was one of the people who helped make that happen. And even among them, he's one of the only people I know who still sees me as me. Not as an alien visitor, but not someone who was made for this universe, either. No matter how strange things get, he always takes the time to make sure I feel like the real me belongs." She blushed. "And even then... I think you know he's pretty cute."

Did I ever. After how forgiving she'd been already, it seemed unfair for envy to start flaring in me again. "Y-yeah," I answered, unable to stop myself from mentally retracing patterns over his bare torso. "Do you really find him attractive, though?"

"Obviously. You don't have to be human to see that." I thought I saw a hint of a smirk. "If you ran into the Flash Sentry from my world, I bet you'd think he was cute, too, no matter what shape he is."

"But how do you have... I mean, do you... have you..."

I stammered to a halt. Princess was silent, not looking directly at me, the casual smile on her face fading. My brain ran record speeds around itself, kicking me with what should have been obvious from the beginning, mounting up to the horror that my crime had been even worse than I'd imagined it to be. "Oh my gosh." I clasped my hand over my mouth, blood draining from my face. "You haven't done it. I stole your first time."

"No." This should have brought relief, but didn't. Something in her face told me I'd hit a deep and carefully hidden nerve. "We've done it twice before," she explained quietly. "On our anniversary, and two months ago. Or at least... we tried to."

She looked away, absentmindedly stirring the remains of her milkshake with her spoon. Finally I saw a face on her that I recognized fully on myself, one of deep thought, so I let her finish. "Twilight," she eventually said, "please, be honest. When you were... with... Flash. How was it?"

I selected and discarded several answers, finally settling on the one she'd asked for. "It was everything I'd ever wanted it to be."

She nodded solemnly, and I gave her a moment to process this. "But... why?" I prompted. "He's a human, and you're a..."

"It's complicated." She scooped up some more of her milkshake while contemplating. "I think... for me, it's always been about people, not shapes. When I was a pony, my body would sometimes want to find a mate, but that doesn't mean that I would actually do it. At first, it was the same here. And then I started dating Flash, and for the first time I had someone I actually wanted to do it with, and those feelings synced up, and..."

She looked down, and I saw that she was clutching the edges of her skirt. "I want it," she said. "My body wants it so badly, and I can't stand it. It's like I'm just a little bit in heat, all the time. When I first arrived in this world, I thought that my new body just happened to be in season, and at first I ignored it like I usually did. But it doesn't stop. My heats in Equestria were stronger, but at least with those I always knew that all I had to do was wait it out and the desires would go away. With this it's just a constant, nagging thought at the back of my mind, telling me that I need to be touched, and I need to have someone inside me, and no matter how many times I block it out it comes back stronger and stronger until I feel like I would do anything to..."

She stopped short, unclenching her hands and smoothing down her skirt. "Well, I guess you know," she concluded. I didn't answer that.

We shared an uncomfortable silence. By this point we were both beet red. "It's not... just that," Princess clarified. "I really do want to be with Flash, not just because of biology. It just... doesn't work. Even if my body wants it, even if I want it, nothing feels right. Everything's the wrong shape and the wrong proportions and even when it feels good, my brain won't accept it." She sighed. "Our first time took two hours. Including the panic attack. Whatever we tried, I couldn't get wet, and he wouldn't stay hard, not when I was struggling so much. We figured it out, eventually. I liked it, but I cried afterwards. After that it was months before I could convince Flash to touch me again. Our second time was easier, but he was so afraid of hurting me that neither of us could get into it. We haven't tried again since."

"...Wow. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Again, it wasn't. "It's just frustrating. Sometimes I catch him looking at me, and it hurts, because I know he's got all the same pent-up desires that I do, but we can't give each other what we want. It's a reminder that however hard I try, I'm never going to belong in this world. That never gets any easier." She bowed her head and looked up at me with soulful eyes. "Thank you for giving Flash what I couldn't."

An impossible realization snaked through me, rising through my gut but touching somewhere a little lower. Before I could bring it to light, however - not that I was sure that I wanted to - a sharp chime rang across the cafe. Pinkie Pie was ringing a heart-shaped bell. Once she had our attention, she leaned over the counter and hissed to us in another stage whisper. "Boyfriend incoming!"

My heart skipped a beat, then realized that it had done it for the wrong reasons, and tried skipping a few more to make up for it. I started scanning the room for exits or hiding places, noting that Pinkie Pie's careful rearrangement of the room provided neither. "I asked him to meet us here," Princess said, nervous at my apprehension. "I thought it might be good for us."

I wasn't prepared for this. I tried to articulate something, anything, grasping for some reason why I wouldn't have to take this exam that I hadn't studied for, but the ringing of the door cut me off. My body turned with no input from me. I looked into Flash Sentry's eyes.

And he glared right back.