Warcraft is Magic

ALL HAIL MrMinimii FOR HE IS THE EDITOR

200 miles now separated Azok and Canterlot.  The Paladin now hovered several hundred feet above a whirlpool that put the maelstrom to shame.  The roar of the water surging into the abyss was astonishing.  And yet it was also calming.

        He folded his wings to his side and dove down into the center of Abandons Furry and disappeared.

        “WELCOME TO HELL!” shouted a rather large horned Earth Pony who was standing on a boat filled with souls.  “On your left you can see the lakes of fire where we hold our annual fishing derby, and on your right you will see a Tauren.”  The Pony took a double take and then hopped off the boat. “Well took you long enough to get here.  Let's see you need to go straight from here take two lefts and a right and wait by the fluffy cages” The Pony jumped on the boat and took off again on the tour of hell.

        What you learn from dying a lot is never question somebody in the afterlife; it is just easier to go with the flow.  So after two lefts and a right Azok found himself standing in front of a cage filled with the most adorable creatures he ever laid eyes on.

        “Hewo mista ma name is Fwuffy.”

        He never thought he would see the day the creature before him was even cuter than the CMC when they were asleep.  It looked back up at him and spoke again.

        “Somfing wong mista?”

        It looked like a small Fluffy...Pony but why was such a cute and adorable thing in Tartarus?  And the things couldn't be too bright the cage they were in was nothing more than a piece of string with a stick drawn on it.

        “Mista wan pway wit Fwuffy?”

        Azok was taken back- nobody has ever want to play with him before.

        “Sure, but first you have to answer my question.”

        “Fwuffy will do best.”

        “Why don't you escape Tartarus? Your cage is just a string and a drawing of a stick?”

        “Fwuffy no understand.”

        Sensing he was going to have to dumb down his speech, slowing down and talking like a cave person was the only solution. “Why Fwuffy in bad place.”

        “Oh silly Mista. All Fwuffys go to bad place.”

        “Why do all Fwuffys go to bad place?”

        “Well I can answer that.” Azok turned around to see a large Pony with a fiery mane and no eyes, “But introductions first, my name is Hades and I run the joint.  Secondly, the reason all Fluffy ponies go to hell is because...well I don't actually know but they do. They’re from a planet called Earth- useless little marble, but they make good sushi.  Anyway the little fluff balls aren't good for anything except keeping the fires burning.  Once you light one of these guys they burn for days.”

        “Fwuffy make gweat kindawin.”

        “But how could you burn something so cute!?” Azok yelled, mortified by the fact these adorable animals were being used as firewood.

        “Ya know what? You carry the little bugger around and find out why we burn them.”

5 minutes later

        “So what happened to Fwuffy?” questioned Hades.

        “He fell.  Into the fire.  It wasn't an accident.”

        Shortly after the Fluffy Pony incident Hades led Azok down a long corridor till they got to the Hades office.

        “So you're probably wondering why you're here?”

        “Yes.”

        “Well I have no idea and the Author is still trying to figure that out.”

        “What?”

        “The Author, you know, that weird Gnome with the computer?” Hades pointed to the corner where I was sitting.

        “Hey leave me out of this, I’m just as confused as you are,” I replied.

        “Who the hell are you?” Azok demanded.

        “Im the Author.”

        “The Author of what?”

        “Your story.”

        “What are you talking about?”

        Suddenly as if by some sort of magic, Azok understood what was happening.

        “Oh now I get it.”

        “Awesome. Here take these too, they might come in handy.”

        “What are they?”

        “Plans for a portal device. I have a story arc idea.”

        “But you still don't know why I'm here?”

        “Any other options?”

        “You have to clean Cerberus's dog house?”

        “Tournament it is.”

ROUND 1

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE

        The stage was set, the arena was packed, and Azok was ready for round one of the ten round underworld tournament.  He stood at one end of a large football shaped arena; in the middle stood the Author and at the other a electric blue unicorn with a cape.

“HELLO UNDERWORLD! TODAY WE HAVE A SPECIAL EVENT PLANNED FOR YOU! A TEN ROUND WINNER TAKE ALL TOURNAMENT! BUT FIRST SOME GROUND RULES! ONE -  YOU MUST STAY INSIDE THE ARENA AT ALL TIMES!

TWO - YOU WILL FIGHT TILL THE OPPONENT IS DEAD.  WHEN KILLED CONTESTANTS WILL RESURRECT IN THE LOOSER CIRCLE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ARENA!

THREE - ANYTHING GOES BUT GROIN SHOTS! THAT'S JUST PLAIN WRONG!”

“NOW WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADUE, IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE THE THE KING SLAYER, AZOK THE PALADIN.  AND THIS CORNER WE HAVE TRIXY THE UNICORN.”

        “THAT IS THE GREAT AND POWERFULTRIXIE” The unicorn yelled.

        “WHAT EVER! NOW 3...2...1 FIGHT!”

Trixie began channeling magic to her horn sending tiny bolts of magic at Azok, but to the paladin the mare's magic felt as if she had been chucking rice at him.

        Azok raised his right arm and fired one bolt of magic at the unicorn.  It destroyed her horn and teleported her out of the arena.

        Flawless victory.

ROUND 2

CERBERUS

        The guardian of the underworld was the next opponent.  Its three heads focused on Azok, ready to strike at anytime.

        Following what great grandpa Otis once said: ‘When a dog is being bad bop it on the nose’  there was only one option.

        Bop Cerberus on the nose.

        Cerberus lunged at the Paladin, all of its heads going in a different direction to cut off any chance of escape.  Azok reared back on his heels and shot his fist forward.

*bop*

        “NO bad dog, bad dog!” Cerberus was laying down and whimpering. “Bad dog, go outside!” He pointed out of the arena and sure enough Cerberus slowly got up and left the arena.

        “I can't believe that fucking worked.”

ROUND 3

FLIM & FLAM

        Round three began with two bacon haired unicorns entering the arena piloting a giant mech.  “Why look there Brother of mine.  I do believe I see a giant cow.”

        “I think your correct Brother.  Do you think he can defeat our new robot?"

        “Most certainly not Brother.”  The Mech lumbered toward the Paladin and began to fire missiles from its arms.  The projectiles streaked across the arena straight towards Azok.

        He was able to dodge the first two missiles, but the rest of the salvo required a Divine Protection spell to keep him in one piece.

        “You're not the only one who can build robots!” Azok yelled while punching his belt. The buckle broke open to reveal a tiny pulse generator, “Eat EMP bioch!”

        A bust of Electric waves blasted the Mech suit frying its power supply; the robot toppled over crushing its drivers ending the round.

ROUND 4

300 FLUFFY PONIES DRESSES AS SPARTANS

        “Tonight we dine in heww!” More of the fluffy bastards, enough that they occupied half the arena. The leader of the tiny army was a white fluffy unicorn.  “Chawge!” The hoard of fluff began their slow three mile per hour assault.

        The front line of ponies tripped on their own hooves and were quickly trampled to death by their companions.  The ponies at the edge of the pack fell out of the arena into a pool of lava and quickly burned to death.  The burning fur caused the overhead sprinklers to turn on drowning the over half of the fluffies.  Only twenty of the original 300 were left; sadly they had only managed to make it about five feet.

        “What is 2+2?” Azok yelled.

        Nineteen of the remaining fluffies exploded from the complexity of the math problem leaving only the unicorn fluffy.  “Fwuffy gif u big owwies.”

        Azok pulled back his hoof and swung it forward punting the last pony out of the arena.

        “GOAL”

ROUND 5

THE BRIDGEKEEPER

        Before Azok stood a tiny frail old man. “Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ‘ere the other side he see.”

        “But there is no bridge here.”

        “Just let me have this.”

        “Fine, ask your questions.”

        “What is your name?”

        “Azok Sunstrider.”

        “What is your quest?”

        “To win the tournament.”

        “What is the average flight speed of a coconut laden swallow?”

        “Kalimdor or Eastern Kingdoms?”

        “Well... I-I don't.... WHAAAAAAAAAAA!” Upon answering incorrectly the Bridgekeeper was jettisoned from the arena, most likely dying on impact

ROUND 6

MIME

        The most evil abomination under the suns of all the world's stood before him- it was a Mime.  All the evils of Azeroth were nothing compared to what this...thing was.  The mime began to place its hands on the air in front of it pretending there was a wall there.

        “THERE ISNT A WALL THERE!” Azok shouted his voice becoming louder and more hate filled with each word.

        “..........” The mime then began to construct an invisible box.

        “Thats it, your dead!” Azok swung his mace but it simply faded through the Mime.

        “..........”

        Azok held his hand like a gun “Bang?” the mimes head exploded into a fine red mist.

        “Wow, what the fuck?”

ROUND 7

AHUIZOTL

        The next contender entered the arena; it was a large blue dog-man-monkey thing.  It began to speak, but its accent was so unintelligible that it all seemed to be one long string of noises.  Azok was able to catch some of the words- whatever “Daring Do” was.

        The blue dog thing began to slowly approach the Paladin.  It shot its gloved tail forward.  Azok grabbed it and began to swing the Blue thing around slamming it into several pillars and then into the ground.

        The Blue dog was unconscious on the ground with several large cuts and broken bones.  Azok lifted his mace and smashed its head in.

ROUND 8

HIPPOGRYPH

(It’s not Badger, but is written by the one who made Badger)

        Next up was a hippogryph it looked alot like Badger. It had black feathers, but a dark red crest. It seemed to have a sinister gleam in its coal black eyes, as well as a smirk that never left his beak. There was a small wall of fire from the lava, behind him

        “You look familiar.”

        “I’m Rage, got it memorized? You should remember me, from Badger. Nice to finally see you in person, Azok.”

        “Well I banished your ass once, I can do it again.”

“You didn’t banish me! You just... subdued me. I was part of him, part of his conscious. Regardless, time for some payback.” He grinned and softly punched his talon. “I’ve been looking forward to this. I want you to beg for mercy.” The fire behind him seemed to jump at his words

Azok pulled out his mace, letting it drop to the ground with a thump.  “Come at me bro!”

Rage pulled out what seemed to be bone claws and put them on his own.He then took to the air, flapping his powerful wings to lift himself off the ground as the fire slowly rose alongside him just below his wings.. He opened his beak and let out, what Azok could only describe as, a thousand screeches and dove toward him, claws outstretched.

Azok brought the mace up and jumped to the side, letting Rage fly past him. He slammed the mace down and hit Rage’s wing, causing him to spin out of control and hit the arena wall, where he held onto with his talons. He turned around on the vertical wall and stared at Azok. Fire erupted underneath him as he took to the sky again, “Nice hit, I was about to think you were as weak as you looked.”

“Well if I was as strong as I looked, this fight would at least be fair.”

Rage chuckled and snapped his fingers, the fire spreading to every inch of his body but his eyes.  He charged again, but Azok stood his ground. As Rage neared, a trail of fire coming after, Azok brought his mace up, an invisible bubble surrounded him, and waited until the last moment. Rage hit Azok square in the chest, and was welcomed by a mace to the back.

Rage hit the ground at Azok’s feet, but jumped back, using his wings to get him airborne, and landed ten feet away before Azok could deal another blow. Rage was easily the most pissed off hippogriph Azok had ever seen, even more pissed then when Badger killed the dragon for Gilda. The fire on him was out, but his muscles rippled under his feathers.

Azok looked down at his chest plate and saw large gashes where Rage had sliced him with the claws, and decided to end this quickly. If Rage got too close for the mace, he could be in some serious trouble. Azok held his hand up above his head and began to gather light in his fist. When it grew to the size of a baseball he crushed golden light fell to the ground it coalesced into a circle and began to rise.  The light reached five feet tall and then morphed into a golden Angel with a claymore made of light.  “Sick em boy.”

The Guardian shot forward as fast as it could. As it neared, the hippogriph snapped its talons like one would snap their fingers. A huge jet of flame and lava erupted from the ground where the Guardian stepped, causing it to disintegrate. As the fire and lava retreated to the ground, it gathered itself behind Rage.

The Guardians claymore shot forward like a lance, the blade impaling Rage’s ribcage. Blood started to pour from his beak, and he began to chuckle. “So, this is the mercy you show your enemies, Azok? Good. I can’t wait to show you how I kill them.” His chuckle turned into full out laughter as Azok walked up and stomped down on his neck silencing him quickly. The body disappeared instantly, but off in the distance, he could hear the Hippogriph’s insane laughter that chilled him to the bone.

ROUND 9

PARASPRITES

        Azok began to swing his mace wildly around in an attempt to kill all the bugs flying around the arena. He managed to get some of them but the majority of them were taking large chunks out of his armor with their surprisingly powerful jaws.

        Annoyed with the bugs he slammed his mace into the ground, tendrils of magic shot out of the ground impaling the bugs, ending the match.

ROUND 10

THE KILLER BUNNY

        “That's it? A tiny bunny.  How the hell did it even make it this far?”

        “CAREFUL! THAT RABBIT'S DYNAMITE!” A human mage stood up in the audience after making his declaration.

        “Who are you?”

        “You may call me Tim.”

        “Ok then, time to kill  rabbit...wait...where did it-”

        *thunk*

        Azoks head fell to the ground.

        Awakening from death Azok found himself back in the field he had first appeared in he remembered nothing from the previous week, but in his hand he had a blue piece of paper.  Opening it he found detailed instructions on how to make a portal device.

        “Sounds fun.”