In a Cello Mood

As per the norm, Octavia Philarmonica woke up completely covered in bitches. With a sigh, the lean, wise, and startlingly sexy mare shrugged Beauty Brass off her chest, then proceeded to repeat the procedure regarding Lyra, Bon-Bon, and, of course, Vinyl. Putting on her all-around awesome shades of awesomeness, Octavia prepared herself for a new day.

As any day, her faithful servant Jeffrey was right there, providing a non-alcoholic beverage that helped the young hero with her hangovers, which were also awesome and generally all-around repeatable. Accepting the vial with the sacred orange juice, Octavia headed to the outside.

In the wake of her trot down the street, the expected gasps and shrieks of awe and delight followed suit. A few mares collapsed in orgasmic convulsions upon seeing Octavia raise her brow at them. The heiress of the Philarmonico clan directed her hooves towards University.

Once inside, she headed to the dean’s office, waving her hoof at peasant professors pledging their allegiance to her and students fainting at the mere sight of the genius composer, multiinstrumentalist, producer, bandleader, orchestra conductor, ensemble manager, and, of course, peanut butter inventor, also known as the pony who first used rum for anything but disinfecting wounds, thus creating a drink of solace for everypony to relish.

“Sup,” speaketh Octavia the Noble and Awesome upon stepping into the lair of the Dean. The secretary gulped and looked at Octavia with longing. Of course, like all the mares in Equestria, she desired for Octavia to seize her and sex her with hot, unbearable sexings just for one night. But Octavia the Awesome Sexer was too busy saving the world to pay attention to charmed peasants.

“Oh Octavia the Mighty!” pleaded the secretary, falling onto her knees before the glory of the Mare. “Please accept this small offering as a token of our eternal gratitude to you!” With that, she extended her hoof with a bottle of best rum there was to find in that realm.

Octavia accepted the gift with calm humility, like only an awesome mare like her would; and drank the rum immediately, savouring the taste. She smacked her lips and licked them, pondering, while the secretary shook in fear. “That’ll do,” was Octavia’s verdict, and she motioned for the secretary mare to stand up. “I hear my expertise is needed here. What do you need me to do?”

“We merely beg, oh Octavia,” the secretary began, “to deal with our archenemy Professor Dan the Dank. He has barricaded the chair room, and nopony can enter. He is shouting something about intellectual property on Haylet, and evokes fear in all of us.”

“Fear not,” quoth the godly maid and finisheth the rum gladly in one gulp. “I will deal with it. For I have come here to drink rum and kick flanks, and I am all outta of rum.”

With that, Octavia left the Dean’s office, moving across the corridor towards the chair hall - but lo and behold! Dan the Dank’s voice roared across the university: “You shall never have me alive! Haylet will never be in public domain!”

With that, the floor became lava. But Octavia the Dankest knew them dank tricks and immediately grabbed a chair out of thin air, making several students faint and the others, well, boil in lava. Oh well. “Stupid Dan!” laughed our hero, riding her chair (which she had breathed life in easily). “Everypony knows that lava can’t touch you if you don’t touch the floor!”

She reached the chair room and broke the door with a forceful kick, storming inside. “Haylet!” She kicked the living shit out of the Dank. “Will not!” She launched the evil stallion to the Sun. “Be subject to copyright!”

The floor became normal again and all the ponies came rushing to Octavia and Lyra and Bon-Bon and Vinyl and especially Beauty praised the hero and she said she was tired so they all locked up in the chair room and then they had sex.

The end.

***

Dear Diary,

I really hope nopony sees my fanfic. Especially Frederic! Oh, I should burn it… But how can I, when it is such a degree of perfection? And when it is about the most perfect mare, who would, maybe, some day, pay me a fleeting glance, and see me for what I am… Oh Diary! I love her so, and I just can’t tell her! She would never love me back… One can only dream.

And write fanfics.

Beauty Brass