In a Cello Mood

Dear Diary,

It’s second day in a row that I’m not attending studies. Not that I mind, or care. Yesterday, that was due to my (unfortunate?) kidnapping, today it’s because Vinyl and Octavia are to pick me up and drag me to see a shrink.

I could say I don’t want to do that, but, frankly, I don’t really mind. I don’t think visiting a shrink is going to do any good to me, or that he or she would help me unlike Octavia or help me with Father or help me stop thinking weird thoughts about Professor Dan WHO SHOULD STOP READING OVER MY SHOULDER RIGHT NOW!

***

“I-I was just going to ask you if you wanted tea!” The stallion backed down, leaving a very furious Beauty lying on the sofa and scribbling in her diary. “I’ll leave right now!”

“Don’t.” Beauty sighed and sat on the sofa, pushing away the cushion so that it would cover the little leather book. “Come here, Professor Dan, sit next to me.”

“You can just call me Dan if you want.” The lawyer sat at a distance from the blue mare, feeling somewhat like a young stallion. Which he was, to think about it.

“No,” Beauty shook her head with a tiny smile that, to him, seemed so very beautiful on her face. “You earned this title. Professor. I wish I earned something.” She looked away longingly with a deep, thoughtful sigh.

“I think you earned your grade in Law, for one.” Professor Dan smiled, looking at the blue neck, which had turned slightly pink. “I must admit, I’ve been biased towards you, and you still earned your A.”

“Everypony’s been biased towards me,” Beauty said bitterly, without looking back. “And I kind of understand it. I was acting like a bitch, wasn’t I?” She glanced at Professor Dan, who, evidently, had no idea how to handle the situation.

“Uh…” The (slightly) older stallion rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “No, I mean… What I mean is…”

“I know.” Beauty nodded. “But that’s because I was suffering. I still am. Difference is, I used to want others to suffer too. Now I don’t. Maybe it’s because I no longer care. Maybe it’s because Frederic changed me. And…” She gulped. “Just seeing Octavia so happy with Vinyl, it’s, it’s filling me both with glee and jealousy. I can’t explain.” She sighed. “You would not understand. This is not how I am.” What’s that even supposed to mean? a little pony in Beauty’s head wondered. Oh, I got that reference! another gleeful pony in her head pranced.

“You’re right.”

Beauty’s head slowly rotated towards the professor, her neck craning until she was face-to-face with him. “I am-”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t understand.” Professor Dan stood up with determination. “I have never been both jealous of somepony and happy for somepony at once. That must be taxing.” He stretched his limbs, showing off just enough muscle for the little pony in Beauty’s head to blush and hide behind a towel. “But I understand the desire to inflict pain, Bea.” At the form of addressing, Beauty found herself at the same plight as the little pony that was evidently to stay in her head - even though she didn’t have a towel to cover her pink-ness.

“I, too, used to be destructive. My father left no desire for me to do good to other ponies. Hell, other people, even. Because griffins are people too.” Beauty blinked at such a bold statement that went against everything that had been preached to her - and the whole of Equestria. “But I changed. I can’t say it was a bed of roses. It was prison.” The stallion winced. “But when I was out, I felt that I’d left that part of my life behind. That I could do good. That I could escape from my bitchy, destructive self. And I want you to heal, too.”

“Why have you made it your personal quest to help me?” Beauty asked very quietly and got up from the sofa. “Is it just the similarity in the setting, so to speak. Or?”

The doorbell rang, enabling Professor Dan to avoid the confrontation. Beauty just stood there while the stallion rushed off to get the door, then sighed and chuckled. Then another chuckle escaped her throat, and suddenly she found herself laughing out loud, laughing till tears, at the absurdity of the situation, at how nopony could really help her, how this was all a stupid game, at how-

“See? She’s doing better!”

Octavia shook her head, looking at the laughing mare, her once-nemesis, once-rival, now just a broken mare who needed help. Octavia had no idea why she felt obliged to help; maybe it was because she was innerly guilty for being unable to return Beauty’s feelings; maybe she was just a good pony. Yeah, the little pony in her head pshed. As if. “I really don’t think hysterical laughter is ‘doing better’. Beauty,” she addressed the young mare. “We’re here to take you to see a doctor. Will you go with us voluntarily?”

Laughter and quiet, crying chuckles were the answer.

Octavia looked around uneasily. “Uhm. I, I don’t know what to do. Vinyl?”

“Let’s tie her up and bring her to the doc.” Vinyl shrugged. “Alternatively, we can all have kinky roleplay. I would even go so far as to say…” She put on her violet shades. “Rope-play.”

A well-deserved slap on the back of the head was Octavia’s (expected) reply. However, before the grey mare could say anything, Professor Dan stepped in and glared at Vinyl sternly. “You do realise what you’re suggesting is basically rape, right?” Then, suddenly for both musical mares, he approached Beauty and gave her a big, gentle hug.

Beauty melted in his embrace, her chuckles subsiding and evolving into quiet sobs and sniffs. Uneasily, Professor Dan stroked the back of Beauty’s head, holding the mare close, whispering something in her ears, something that, to Octavia, seemed comforting enough for her and Vinyl to step away and let the stallion lead the vocalist towards the exit.

“Are we going or not?”

Octavia nodded, watching Professor Dan and Beauty leave the flat, leaving the door open. “You know what’s the most dreadful thing, Vinyl?”

“What, Tavi?”

“The most dreadful thing,” Octavia said, walking towards the door somberly, “is that I realised I am not helping Beauty because I am a good pony. I am helping her because, innerly, I am afraid to fail my uni project with her.”

With that, the grey mare walked away, Vinyl following her at a distance, just tagging behind.

***

I don’t know what the doc and Bea talked about, and, frankly, it’s not my business. But I see this young mare, and I feel for her. I feel her pain, and I feel anger towards her father, and I feel, I feel, I don’t know what I feel.

What am I supposed to feel?

She’s lying on the sofa, snoring quietly. It’s only seven in the evening, but the pills the doc prescribed for her make her sleepy. I hope those pills don’t do her bad. I hope she can overcome. I, on my side, will do everything to make that bastard pay. Just like I made my father pay.

And, if this means going to prison once again, I’ll do it.

For her.

Professor Dan, November 10th