In a Cello Mood

Dear Diary,

Making friends is nice. Making enemies, not so nice. At school I had no enemies. At music school, I had rivals, but there was never hatred aimed at me. Now there is this mare in my group, and, by Celestia, I can feel the animosity. It all started this morning, when we were having our Introduction to IP Law seminar.

I honestly don’t understand why we need any kind of Law. Or Philosophy. It’s a music faculty, for Celestia’s sake!

***

“It’s a Music faculty, for Celestia’s sake!” Octavia exclaimed, shifting in her seat right in front of the teacher’s desk. She looked at Lyra, who was sitting on her right. “I mean, I expected we’d be studying Music History, Music Theory and the like. Not Law.”

Lyra shrugged and yawned. “I know all this stuff anyway. Patents, copyright. That’s foal’s play.” She glanced at Bon-Bon, who was snoozing to her right. “Hey, Bonnie. Wakey wakey.” She patted her marefriend on the shoulder.

“The seaponies!” Bon-Bon shrieked, her eyes opening wide. She took a swift glance around her and relaxed visibly. “Sorry, I’m a little sleepy. Was doing homework all night.” The cream-coloured mare smiled weakly.

“Bonnie, why would you lie to our friend?” Lyra said disapprovingly, shaking her head. She turned towards Octavia, who was already feeling somewhat uneasy. “We were having sex all night long,” Lyra explained loudly, yet with a pretense of confidentiality. “Bon-Bon asked me to go again and again, but in the end, my tongue was just… you know.” Lyra winked, while Bon-Bon blushed and averted her eyes, pretending she hadn’t heard.

No, I don’t. Octavia blinked. “What’s wrong with your tongue? Why would it be-”

“Hey,” came a feminine voice from the left. Octavia turned to the source of the voice, only to see a blue earth pony mare with a neat brown mane. “Can you not discuss your sex life in class? It’s fucking annoying.”

“Can you not swear like a sailor?” Lyra retorted in irritation. “It’s annoying. If you’re envious, there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m not sharing Bon-Bon.” Bon-Bon eeped and shifted away from her marefriend.

The blue pony gritted her teeth, then just smiled silkily. “Oh, I wouldn’t think of rutting somepony as fat as your marefriend. Keep her.”

“You little-” Lyra stood up, scaring Octavia more than a little (the mare felt as if she were between two great fires, ready consume her and not even notice), but, suddenly, the whole group stood up.

“Morning, first years!” The professor stormed into the classroom, a grey young stallion with a short black mane, cut in an I’m-a-rich-lawyer manner. “Sorry I’m late, had some business to tend to. So, let’s not waste any time. In this class, we’ll be learning…” He moved towards the whiteboard and wrote out, repeating: “Copyright. Patents. And trademarks. We’ll leave designs for those in Architecture. Now, let’s get acquainted.” He looked at the ponies, blinking in lack of understanding. “Why are you all standing? I know it’s a polite form of greeting, but I don’t need to give you permission to sit down. It’s not school.”

Everypony sat down. Octavia released the breath she’d been holding. Apparently, the storm had passed. She took a glance to the right. Lyra was gritting her teeth, but remained silent. The blue mare on her left was just smiling silkily. Octavia didn’t feel particularly assured this was the end of the quarrel. She didn’t want to be caught between Scylla and Charybdis.

“All right, let’s get acquainted. My name’s Professor Dan, but everypony just calls me Professor Dan. So you may call me Professor Dan.” The stallion smiled. The audience remained tense and mortified. The professor sighed. “All right. I knew I wasn’t going to break the ice that way. Next time I’ll bring a pickaxe and a bucket of ice. So.” He pointed at the leftmost pony, who was sitting on the blue mare’s left. “Could you tell us your name and a bit about yourself?”

The lavender mare stood up, gulping as she did so. “M-my…” She cleared her throat. “My name is Salty Shores, and I am a student of the classical faculty.” She continued, a little more confidently, “My aim is to master my vocals and to become an opera singer.”

“With the name like this,” the blue mare whispered loudly, “I doubt she will ever become popular.”

“What about you, young lady?” Professor Dan addressed the blue pony, either pretending he hadn’t heard the remark or really having not heard it.

“My name is Beauty Brass,” the mare said proudly, standing up. “And I’m from the Brass family, of which you all might have heard.”

Octavia gasped. She is from one of the wealthiest and most influential families in the world of classical music… The young cellist sighed. And she seems pretty stuck-up. Another thought crossed her mind. I wonder if Vinyl sees me this way…

Lyra muttered, “Bad apple,” and looked away.

“Sorry, have never heard of the Brasses,” Professor Dan confessed with a smile. “I’m more of a lawyer type, and I listen mostly to jazz.”

“Anyway,” Beauty continued, a little hurt, “I am a multi instrumentalist and I am pursuing the piano, the violin, and vocals. All as part of my special individual schedule.” With that, she sat down with dignity.

“I see,” Professor Dan remarked, walking towards the window and looking out. “Back in law school they used to say that those who try to be proficient at everything end up being proficient at nothing.” Then he smiled broadly. “But, of course, I am sure that is not the case in music.”

“Oooooh~” Lyra cooed, turning left with a smile of her own. “Do you need some water, Miss Brass? That burn was pretty bad.”

“My name is Octavia Philarmonica.” Octavia stood up before a war could break out. “I study the cello and I hope I will make some great friends here. I like studying and reading books. I also like the music of Fabius Horseshopin.”

“Oh, Maestro Horseshopin?” Professor Dan grinned. “Yes, he is a talented composer. His son used to be a student of mine.”

“I know.” Octavia smiled back. “I know his son too. We’re friends.”

This remark evoked a collective gasp of awe from the majority of the group. Octavia sat down with a thin blush on her cheeks. Beauty whispered something to herself, but Octavia couldn’t hear.

Lyra stood up. “I’m Lyra Heartstrings, I play the lyre, and I know everything.” She sat down just as quickly, smiling at the visibly surprised professor, who took a step away from the window and took a closer look at the mint mare.

“How do you mean?” he enquired. “Please elaborate.”

“What’s there to elaborate on?” Lyra shrugged. “I’m just an omniscient entity.” Most ponies in the group laughed.

Professor Dan laughed too. “Well, you sure do know how to break the ice.” He pondered. “What is the most recent change in patent law, enacted by the latest Patents and Designs Act?” The stallion smiled broadly, knowing that he had caught the boasty mare unawares.

Lyra waited a second, her eyes closed. Then, she opened them. “In the past, we used to have a first-to-invent system, which granted the patent to the pony who first created the invention. Now we have a first-to-file system, which grants the patent to the pony who first filed for the patent with the Trademark and Patent Office.”

The group fell silent. Professor Dan’s smile faded a little and he looked at Lyra with surprise and admiration. “Well. Interesting. Usually this is an exam question… Well, Miss Heartstrings is right. The only thing is-”

“The only thing is,” Lyra continued, “it is the first to reveal the invention to the public, not the first to file. But since there is no first-to-reveal system, we still consider it a form of first-to-file.” She smiled at how Professor Dan’s jaw fell slightly agape. “Do you want me to talk on public disclosure and prior art?”

“No. No.” Professor Dan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then opened it again. Like a fish, Octavia mused, herself shocked and freaked out by Lyra’s behaviour. “What’s three hundred and fifty-seven multiplied by one thousand seven hundred and twelve?” Professor Dan asked suddenly.

Lyra huffed. “I’m a know-it-all, not a calculator.” She closed her eyes. “That would be six-one-one-one-eight-four. Sorry,” she chuckled. “My brain’s loading numbers that way.”

The professor mumbled and took a calculator. In a moment, he sat down on the chair. “All the ponies in this university are crazy,” he mumbled to himself. In a moment, he straightened himself. “All right! What are black holes?”

Lyra closed her eyes. “Portals to other dimensions.”

“But we don’t even know that yet!” Professor Dan was clearly on the verge of breaking down.

Lyra shrugged. “Well, I do.”

“The only thing she doesn’t know,” Bon-Bon whispered to Octavia, “is how to make me come in the first ten minutes.”

“Come where?” Octavia blinked in lack of understanding. “In the first ten minutes of what?”

But Bon-Bon had already risen from her place to introduce herself. “My name is Bon-Bon, and I-”

Octavia took a breath and leaned back. Something told her this wasn’t going to be like school. Not in the slightest.

***

“And then she told us the essence of black holes!” Octavia exclaimed to Vinyl, walking with the mare out of the university building. “Right after calculating an insane number!”

“Yeah.” Vinyl nodded, following her friend outside. “She knows everything. Remember when I told you about those ostriches?”

Octavia groaned and fought the urge to facehoof. Instead, she focused on what she had been planning to do. For some reason, inviting a friend over looked like a simple task, but each time she thought about inviting Vinyl for a cup of tea, she felt a weird feeling in her stomach telling her that it was not a very good idea. At least, she was thankful that Lyra and Bon-Bon had left together, “lest they kill that bloody bitch Bea.” “Vinyl,” she said finally, “would you like to drop by my place? I have tea and biscuits.” Octavia blushed, for some unknown reason. “They are delicious.”

Vinyl looked at her friend suspiciously. “Do you need to ‘get your computer fixed’?”

“What.” Octavia blinked. “What does that even mean?”

“I dunno.” Vinyl shrugged her shoulders, her saddlebag lowering a little - a gesture that Octavia found slightly alluring. What the hay, brain. Seriously, what the hay are you thinking. “I saw it on a TV show.”

“What…” Octavia almost stopped upon crossing the lawn. “What’s a TV show?”

Before Vinyl could answer - and it seemed she herself wasn’t sure what she was talking about - Octavia heard a silky voice coming from the side: “Oh, if this isn’t Octavia Philarmonica.”

Octavia turned towards the source of the voice and saw the now-familiar blue mare. “Beauty Brass,” the cellist replied cautiously, trying not to let any emotion into her voice.

“Hello, Octavia,” Beauty said plainly. “Nice to have met you today. And what is this weird-maned calamity of a mare walking by your side?”

“Thanks!” Vinyl smiled a foal’s smile. “You look pretty good too.”

“Vinyl!” Octavia hissed, stepping closer to the white mare. “That’s not a compliment. She’s basically saying you look ridiculous.”

“Why would you say that?” Vinyl asked in a hurt voice. “That’s not very nice.”

“Because,” Beauty said, advancing on the two mares, “your mane looks awful.”

“I usually have it in a ponytail, but-” Vinyl began, but was swiftly interrupted.

“And because you don’t look sophisticated enough to qualify to even talk to me,” Beauty finished.

Vinyl blinked, trying to process the insult. “Don’t listen to her. Let’s get going,” Octavia urged, placing her hoof on Vinyl’s shoulder. “You don’t want to mess with a Brass.” Celestia knows what they can do…

“That’s right, Octavia,” Beauty said approvingly. “You never mess with a Brass. I’ve heard of the Philarmonico family. You had some pretty talented ancestors.” She tossed that awful smile of hers towards the young cellist. “I’m sure you will realise that these underlings are no match for you. I will be waiting for you then.”

“If Vinyl is not sophisticated enough for you,” Octavia rapped out, “then neither am I. Let’s go, Vinyl.” She grabbed the white mare by the shoulders, and the two of them made way in the direction of Octavia’s house.

***

“You have a butler.”

Those were the first words Vinyl uttered upon being greeted by Jeffrey at the doorstep. “Good afternoon, Miss,” he greeted Octavia, no emotion touching his face. “Good afternoon, Miss-”

“Vinyl,” Octavia quickly supplied, closing the door behind her. “Vinyl Scratch. She’s my friend from university.” Actually saying those words was weird. She hadn’t had friends since early foalhood, and, to be frank, she had only had Spitfire, a pegasus who had moved on to Celestia-knows-where with her family. So, saying that she had a friend over was very strange.

“Can I touch him?” Vinyl took a step towards the butler, who, still unperturbed, took a step back from her. “I’ve never seen a butler before,” she explained. “How many times a day do you feed him? Why is he grey: shouldn’t he be black?”

“Vinyl!” Octavia blushed thickly, grabbing her friend and drawing her away from Jeffrey. “He is just a pony! And why would he be black?” She nudged Vinyl in the direction of the kitchen. “Sorry, Jeffrey,” she addressed the butler, who didn’t seem like he could ever be disturbed by anything.

“I dunno. It just seemed like the right thing to say.” Vinyl opened her mouth to say something else, but a familiar lavender mare walked out of the kitchen. “Hello, Octavia. Hello, Vinyl.”

“Hi, Miss Philarmonica!” Vinyl greeted Octavia’s mother cheerfully. “Nice seeing you again. Cool mane.” Octavia felt an urge to be somewhere else, preferably right now. “Nice seeing your butler, too. Last time I was here, seeing Tavi home after-” Octavia kicked the white mare with a hindleg. “Ahem, anyway, last time I was here, Jeffrey wasn’t here.” She smiled at the butler. “He’s pretty cool, even though he looks pretty snooty.”

By Celestia, Vinyl, Octavia groaned mentally, would it kill you to have some semblance of tact? “Let’s go have some tea,” she urged, trotting into the kitchen ahead of her mother and her friend. On the table there were two cups, and two dirty cups in the sink. Which was very surprising, considering Jeffrey always did the dishes immediately upon their having been stained.

“Frederic was here just now,” Eleanore explained the cups. “He’s doing well and is glad you’re doing well too.”

“Frederic?” Vinyl asked, sitting down at the table and taking one of the clean cups. “The guy you have a crush on?”

“I don’t!” Octavia protested loudly with a thick blush. “He’s like an older brother to me,” she explained.

“Well,” Vinyl shrugged. “If you incest…”

Eleanore poured tea in the cups with a smile. “I hope you two have a nice chat. Jeffrey and I will be going to get the groceries.”

“What?” Octavia felt mortified. They are leaving me alone with Vinyl? For some reason, that thought filled her with dread. She had never been alone at home with another pony that was not her mother or Jeffrey or Frederic - who, again, was more of a brother than a friend.

“Miss Philarmonica, I wanted to ask,” Vinyl chimed in. “Did you really pack condoms in Tavi’s bag?

Octavia was glad she wasn’t drinking tea. Because she would have certainly spat it out. “Vinyl!” she exclaimed.

“I did, dear,” Eleanore said simply. “I just want my filly to be safe in all situations. Don’t you think that’s what mothers should do?”

“I…” Vinyl looked away, staring at the wall for a while, confusing both the daughter and the mother. “Yes, I guess so.” She began sipping her tea in a weird, lugubrious manner.

“Have fun, you two~” Eleanore cooed and trotted out of the kitchen. In a while, there was the sound of the door closing.

“I have no idea why they would leave us alone,” Octavia confessed, finally taking a sip of her tea.

“I think,” Vinyl said, drinking her tea in small sips, “that they wanted to give us some privacy.”

“Why would we need privacy?” Octavia felt suspicions crawling into her head, suspicions of a nature she didn’t particularly feel comfortable thinking about.

“Well…” Vinyl leant in a little. “Maybe we want to talk about sex.” She wiggled her brow. Octavia blushed hotly.

“W-why would we talk about sex?” She looked around, but there was no refuge to be found. Only Vinyl’s marvellous seductive eyes… Brain, what the hell are you thinking right now.

“Come on…” Vinyl winked. “That’s what friends talk about when they’re alone.” She sipped on her tea. “Tell me, would you bang Colt Eastwood?”

“What?” Octavia thought she couldn’t blush any thicker. Turned out, she could. “I- I don’t know. No! Probably not.”

“What about James Colt?” Vinyl suggested, leaning back - a gesture appreciated by the grey mare. “Wouldn’t you want to take his big-”

“No!” Octavia shrieked, flushing crimson. That’s bad for my blood pressure. “No, I wouldn’t!” Why the hell is she asking me all this?!

“As I have thought.” Vinyl gulped down the rest of the tea calmly. “You’re a filly-fooler. Congrats on your newly-discovered sexuality.” She looked around. “Hey, you think you have any bagels?”

“I am not a filly-fooler!” Octavia took a deep breath and composed herself. This was Vinyl, after all. She just had to get used to her friend’s quirks. The grey pony stood up and moved towards the fridge. “We have some fresh strawberries. Would you like some?”

“Of course.” Vinyl nodded. “See? You are a filly-fooler. You chose filly-fooler food.”

“Strawberries aren’t filly-fooling food!” Octavia put the bowl onto the table and closed the fridge. “Besides, you said you wanted those yourself. That makes you a filly-fooler too, judging by your logic.”

Vinyl winked and leaned in again. Octavia felt very hot and uncomfortable. “Never said I wasn’t.” Okay. Octavia shifted away. This sure is awkward. “Say…” Vinyl continued. “Would you bang Lyra?” She immediately raised her hooves in the air. “Just curious. Since you’re now a filly-fooler and all.”

“I-I!” Octavia searched for words vainly. “She has a marefriend,” she said weakly. Not that I… “I mean, no. No, I wouldn’t. I…”

“But don’t you find her hot?” Vinyl continued the uneasy line of questioning.

“I think she’s rather beautiful, yes,” Octavia admitted finally. “But I am not sexually attracted to her.” I think.

“Oh.” Vinyl felt silent and took a strawberry. For some reason, Octavia felt very warm and strange all over the place upon seeing Vinyl put her lips around the strawberry. “Would you bang me?” Vinyl asked suddenly. “Just curious.”

Now, Octavia did do a spit-take on her tea. Thankfully, it wasn’t in Vinyl’s direction. “What?” She took a breath. “How can you even ask that?” But her mind had already drifted towards imagining her and Vinyl in bed, doing… adult things. Octavia shook her head. “I mean… You are my friend…” So? a little Octavia in her head asked. Does that prevent you two from-

Vinyl laughed, slapping her knee. “Ha. Should have seen the look on your face.” She smiled at the blushing pony. “Relax, Tavs, I’m just messing with you.”

Octavia laughed a thin, artificial laugh, while her traitorous brain supplied vague images of Vinyl messing with her in other ways. Considering that she had no idea how sex actually worked, those images were not erotic - but still very arousing by the mere idea of it being Vinyl with her. Brain. Please.

Vinyl rose from her place and went to get the kettle. “Want a refill?” she asked cheerfully.

“Sure.” Octavia nodded, trying to calm herself. “That would be lovely.”

***

I do not like Vinyl. I do not like Vinyl. I do not, do not, do NOT like Vinyl. We are just friends. I do not want her. I do not like her. I am not even a filly-fooler. I think.

If I keep repeating this inside my head, I’m sure the silly notion will pass. It’s just that… We drank tea. We talked. And I felt really warm. I thought it was just the warmth of friendship, but I was… hot. You get what I mean, Diary. This was a hot warmth, not the warm warmth like when I hug Mom.

We talked, and, despite our differences, I couldn’t stop staring into her eyes. I felt so great, so easy, so free, when I was talking to her. I laughed at her jokes because they were really funny. I thought about how deep she could be sometimes. When it was time for her to leave, I didn’t want to let her go. But I did.

But I do not like her. We are just friends. I do not want her. I am not even a filly-fooler.

I think.

-   Octavia Philarmonica, September 10th