Bliss in Darkness

The Great and Powerful Hangover

"Oh my fucking god.... Where are my pants?" Was the first thought that came to my mind as I noticed the crushing headache and sickness of a hangover. A feeling I knew all too well from when I was on the run with Connor. Much to his protest, I spent a lot of time drinking trying to get over the sick and twisted things they had done to me in the lab. Little did these ponies know, I had much practice in the art of holding liquor. Barely age twenty and I could already out-drink half the population of Equestria. I would have felt more triumphant if I had managed to keep my pants on.

I looked around the room, my eyes unfocused and blurry due to the brightness of the room amplified by the already intense headache I was experiencing. I found myself in a courtyard somewhere outside the castle. I didn't know it at the time, but I had become the one night drunken resident of Canterlot Memorial Park. Around me were statues of all kinds of creatures, hero and enemy alike. A nation that never forgot its enemies was a strong one. I respected that. I looked up at the statue that I called my bed last night. It was some kind of... Dragon? It looked like a sick scientific experiment gone wrong, much like myself in fact. Only instead of studying a simple case of Vampirism, they must have been trying to create what I could only describe as a cluster-fuck. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I thought I saw the statue wink at me. That was too much, I needed a drink. Preferable a non-alcoholic one. Perhaps some of Canterlot's finest orange juice was in order.

I attempted to rise from my resting place in true Vampire fashion, arms crossed over my chest "Bleh bleh I vant to schuck your bloodt" Style, but something was holding me in place. I looked down and to my surprise I found a small gathering of ponies laying on me. It would have been cute as hell, if not for the fact they were all passed out from alcohol consumption. Scratch that, it was more than cute. There were four ponies sleeping in a pile on top of me, three of which I recognized immediately. Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. The fourth was closest to me, straddling me a in a sleeping four legged embrace. I lifted the other ponies off of me with care, and found a sleeping Princess Luna. My heart exploded, and then skipped a few beats as I realized the potential location my pants-less privacy.

"Did I... oh shit..." I half mumbled as I contemplated the consequences of royal rape. I was terrified, but I had more pressing matters to attend to, such as finding additional clothing. I lifted Luna's sleeping body, which was far lighter and more delicate than you would think, and set her beside me. I had much to do.

***

"How many do you think I can handle? That is the true question..." I replied with a smirk.

"Ah would say a lot less than me pardner!" Applejack retorted. "Ah made this here whiskey, I should know!"

"Well lets settle this, here and now!" I said as I started pouring shots. I poured ten for me, and ten for the orange farm pony.

I started slow, but ended strong. I finished all ten of mine as Applejack fell over and vomited. Sweet, sweet victory.

Equestrian alcohol was obviously a lot weaker than I was used to on earth. If this was Equestria's strongest, its weakest was probably nothing more than stale apple juice. I beat every single element of harmony, with the exception of Fluttershy who did not indulge in such things. The only one who posed a threat was Rainbow Dash, who constantly claimed she was at least twenty percent better, or faster, or stronger than everypony around. As a result, she became at least twenty percent more wasted and therefore forty percent more fun.

I gathered all my new friends together in a group hug. There was something I had to tell them, something important. In my drunken stupor, I forgot all about it. I asked Twilight about it, but she had consumed so many shots it was useless. We shared countless laughs over the rest of the night and many stories were shared of our past. My new friends told me of their adventures when they first fought Nightmare Moon, and of a strange creature called Discord. I told them stories of Earth.

"So ... your world doesn't have any magic?" Twilight Sparkle slurred at me.

"Nope. But we do have technology!" I said, putting cheesy emphasis on the last word.

"Whatsh technologsy..." Mumbled the very shitfaced Rainbow Dash. I then explained the modern marvels of my world. I explained the television, video games, electronic music, and machine transportation. They discovered everything I knew about my world that night, and I discovered that I knew far too much about electricity. I remembered thinking how funny it was that I actually took all the time to explain this, when the ponies who listened were far too drunk to remember. It was like I just wrote a report on the entire complexity of Earth, and then doused it in liquor and set it on fire.

After sharing our different cultures, we took the party to a more private area. My room. I discovered that Luna had been with us for some time, but I had somehow not noticed her presence. Perhaps I was simply too drunk. The eight of us sat around my room, playing some form of truth or dare that involved drinking lemon juice for uncounted hours.

Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack passed out in my bed and I didn't have the heart to wake them. I simply joined the others as they walked out the door.

***

I continued to hazily remember my night as I wrapped my lower body in my cloak and stumbled around the castle grounds. Judging by the sun, it was late afternoon. I wondered briefly what would happen if Celestia had a hangover and didn't raise the sun one morning. Would Equestria freeze? The potential questions swam in my head, but I dismissed all of them. I did not have the time or desire to add to my misery with questions.

Finally, I made it back to the castle. Expecting a war zone, I instead found it completely immaculate. The servants and castle workers were very professional and it seemed even a party of that magnitude could not overcome their duties. I wish I shared that kind of dedication. It was then I noticed a familiar pair of pants on the outside of the great castle door.

"Great... I ditched my pants in the middle of the busiest street in Equestria..." I whispered to myself under my breath. What the hell had I been thinking? Upon contemplating the location of my pants, I experienced another flashback.

***

"I bet you can’t beat me in a racsh!" Rainbow Dash half yelled, half choked. She was far more drunk than I, and this was my chance to show the others that she wasn't all that cool. In my drunken thought I thought it may also be a good way to impress Luna.

"I accept your challenge. To where, and what do I get when I win?" I smirked.

"To the ssssstatue of Dishcord in Canterlot Memorial Park! If I win, you haves to kisss.... Princess Luna!" She slurred, obviously picking up on the fact that I had a thing for her. Luna blushed and turned away from the prying eyes of the four ponies she accompanied.

"And if I win, you have to call me King Charles for a week." I made my stupid drunken bet. I said something about decreasing drag resistance, and took off my pants. The liquor was really hitting me, and it made me feel smarter, while actually doing the opposite.

"Reaady... setGO!" Rainbow exclaimed as she took off towards the park. I chased after her, but she could fly. The race was over before it began and three bearers of the Elements continued ahead of me as I slumped to the ground.

"You know, we could just tell them we kissed and not actually do it..." I said to the furiously blushing princess Luna as she approached me.

"Well what fun would that be?" She said to my surprise as she pressed her drunken lips against mine. I cried out in joy through closed lips as we feel to the ground embracing each other. The moment ended as quickly as it began as Luna begun to speak.

"Is this wrong?" she said, her beautiful drunken eyes boring into my very soul.

"If it is, I don't care." I said, "but we are drunk. This isn't right. We should... catch up with the others."

I couldn't believe I had enough self control to say that, but in the long run it was good. I briefly imagined what would happen if Luna told Celestia I had raped her in a drunken fit of lust. I shuddered at the thought.

We caught up to the others, who were already asleep at the statue. I laid down at the base and Luna hugged me. I fell asleep looking at the stars and feeling the other three ponies creeping toward me, eager to share my warmth. I closed my eyes and let the liquor do its work putting me to deep sleep.

***

'My god.. did that really happen?' I thought, still proud of my decision to cut it off with Luna before I took things too far.

I opened the door to my room and to my dismay, I found several ponies in my bed. Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack were all still lumped in my bed. Cute. I sighed, half because of the cuteness and half because I was frustrated. I wanted to at least sleep in my own bed. No matter, I would simply have to share. I entered my bathroom, which was surprisingly clean. It looked as if the maids had been through.

Grateful for their service and making a mental note to thank them later, I buried my face in the sink and drank the sweet water down. That was the most refreshing drink I had ever had. Life's simple pleasures. The splash of freezing cold water on my face was more than heavenly, and I stumbled back into another flashback. This time, it was from before the party really started.

***

"Before you get too wrapped up in festivities, I must speak with you privately." Princess Celestia said, her previously happy tone disappearing.

"Can I not have one day without some kind of problem..." I mumbled under my breath.

"Speak again?"

"Nothing, lead the way Princess." I hissed. My night was about to become a little more stressful.

We escaped the revelry, many ponies gawking at us as we fled. It was no doubt a strange sight to see a creature such as me escorting the princess. My thoughts went internal, questioning Celestia's motives. I knew I would be allowed to stay in Equestria, so I wasn't too worried but still. It's that same feeling you get when the police are talking to you. You know you have done nothing wrong, but their authority still bears down on you.

She led me into her private chambers. I marveled at the door again, why it fascinated me I will never know. She sat on her bed, and I stood in the middle of the floor awkwardly. It was then I noticed that Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic was also present. Judging by their eyes, I knew that I was not in any trouble.

"The time has come for me to give you an assignment, Charles." Celestia spoke first.

"Celestia and I agree that we can not pass up an opportunity such as this." Twilight said after.

"I gather you want to study me?" I said, my nerves rising. I had grown accustomed to hating anybody who desired to study me.

"Yes and no. I want you to stay in Ponyville with Twilight Sparkle here and assist her in finding the source of a... disruption."

"What disruption?" I said now very intrigued, but also sad that I would be leaving Canterlot.

"While you were recovering from your run in with Nightmare Moon, strange creatures and other phenomenon started appearing from the Everfree forest. We believe that you were the first of these, and may need your expertise in solving the problem." Celestia explained. It made sense now. Somehow, Earth and Equestria were linked and I was the first through that link. But if there is a link than that could mean...

"Celestia, I accept your offer. I must warn you however... My world is very dangerous. The people that are after me will stop at nothing to bring about my return, or destruction. I don't know how to say it, but we need to resolve this as soon as possible. If the wrong beings find themselves here... I believe there may be a serious threat coming into your world." I said very fearfully. Imagining this world covered in special forces teams and other government operatives sent a chill through my spine. I needed to relax... I needed to get back to the party.

"Very well. We will send you all back to Ponyville tomorrow evening. Is there anything else you would like to share with us Charles?" Celestia said, the seriousness of her tone damping all the light in the room.

"Nothing other than don't trust any humans you meet besides me. I have a very bad feeling about all this, and I need to resolve it quickly."