The Art of Falling

Rainbow Dash heard something clatter on the floor and opened her eyes. Her room was blurry and dark. She moved to rub her eyes, but a sharp pain in her hoof jolted her awake. She groaned as she remembered the relay and the hospital. She didn’t remember falling asleep, though. She saw Applejack beside her bed, leaning down and picking a tray off the floor.

“Oops, sorry,” Applejack said when she stood up. “I didn’t mean to wake ya.”

Dash mumbled something so incomprehensible, even she wasn’t sure what it had been supposed to be. Her mouth tasted dry and moldy, like that bread she had found underneath her couch the week before.

Applejack switched on the lamp. “I was just gettin’ your supper ready.”

Rainbow Dash turned away from the harsh lamplight and groaned again.

“You won’t be moanin’ once you see what I brought you.” Applejack set something Rainbow Dash couldn’t see on the tray. “On second thought, though, maybe you might,” Applejack added with a chuckle.

In the light, Rainbow Dash noticed that her wings were folded against her sides. Their bandages had stopped her from closing them before. She carefully extended her wings and inspected them. Nearly all the bandages had been removed and, aside from being in desperate need of a good preening, they looked healthy. Dash experimentally folded and unfolded them. They felt achy and stiff, but she could move them easily enough.

“Doctor said he fixed up your wings,” Applejack said, ever the glorious proclaimer of the obvious. “Just need some exercise.”

Rainbow Dash grinned and flared her wings to full span. After some test flaps, she was a pegasus again. She didn’t need her hooves, only her wings. She could do anything as long as she had her wings.

But then her smile fell and her wings sagged. She thought about what Fluttershy had said, and Twilight, and Rarity, and Pinkie. And what Applejack would say next.

Applejack set a tray with a bowl of applesauce and a cup of water on her chest. “Try not to spill this.”

“Thanks,” Dash murmured. She didn’t see anything on the tray worth moaning over. Applejack probably thought anything apple-related was worth moaning over, though. This looked the same as her previous night’s dinner. Nothing special. And Dash didn’t look forward to having to be spoon fe—her eyes widened “Wait!” she cried. “You’re not gonna—”

Applejack dropped a straw in the applesauce, then another in the cup.

Rainbow Dash had never imagined a straw could seem such a marvelous blessing. She could have married that straw. And then had little straw children whom she would love and raise to be the best little sucking straws they could be.

“Thought you might appreciate that,” Applejack said. “I brought somethin’ more for ya, too.”

“Yeah?” Rainbow Dash hoped it would be more straws. She would have gladly moaned all night if it meant getting a bucket full of straws.

Applejack grinned and dropped a mug full of something frothing and golden and smelling heavenly sweet on the tray.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head. If there was one thing more worth moaning for than straws, it was apple cider. She teared up a little as she stared down into that mug. She felt as if she were staring into the soul of Love and Beauty herself. It was an emotional moment. “Applejack! Oh my gosh, thank you so much!” she finally squeaked out.

Applejack laughed. “I thought you’d appreciate that, too.”

“Hey, you told me you were out of cider,” Dash said, throwing a half-hearted glare somewhere in Applejack’s direction. Or maybe not in Applejack’s direction at all. She couldn’t tell, because she went straight back to sniffing her cider. Smelling it was the best part. After drinking it, anyway.

“We keep some private stock every season,” Applejack explained. “For special family occasions.”

Rainbow Dash tore her attention away from the cider to look at Applejack. “Thanks. This is really awesome.”

“It’s nothin’. Fluttershy said you’ve been feelin’ pretty down lately, and I thought this’d help.”

“Yeah…”

Rainbow Dash thought about Fluttershy and what she had said again, and then about her newly healed wings, and then about the cider.

Applejack didn’t seem angry with her. She actually seemed sort of happy. She had even brought Dash some of her reserve cider. Applejack wouldn’t have done that if she was mad at her. Applejack knew about getting hurt. Farming could be dangerous work. Maybe she understood better than the others. Maybe she knew that Rainbow Dash had to crash to be a Wonderbolt.

“Ya gonna eat?” Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash blinked down at her applesauce and cider. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.” She clenched the cider straw in her teeth, then sipped. The cider spilled onto her tongue like a victorious king marching triumphantly back into his castle, clad in golden armor and carrying the extraordinary riches of plundered kingdoms over his shoulder while troubadours sang songs of his heroic conquests and all the mares swooned in his glorious wake.

This was the good cider. This was the stuff the Apple family kept hidden away for themselves. Applejack wouldn’t have given her something this amazing if she had been angry with her. No, Applejack must have understood.

Rainbow Dash smiled and slurped some at the applesauce. She had always liked Applejack. Applejack was smarter than most ponies gave her credit for, and she was pretty good at hoofball, too. Dash decided she should start spending more time with Applejack. Applejack could be a lot of fun when she wasn’t working. She could invite Applejack to her practices more often, and Applejack could support in a way her other friends never could.

Yeah, she thought as she swallowed down a mouthful of applesauce, Applejack was pretty all right.

“So,” Applejack said casually, sitting on her haunches by the bed, “Fluttershy told me you and her used to be marefriends.”

Rainbow Dash choked on her applesauce. “Uh, n-no,” she sputtered between coughs. “We only went on, like, one date, and it wasn’t even a real date. And that was forever ago. And we never did anything. And we weren’t marefriends.”

“Fluttershy told me it was when you went to school together,” Applejack said.

“Flight school, yeah.” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and sipped at her cider. “Why?”

Applejack shrugged. “I’m just curious is all. You remember anything ‘bout it?”

Rainbow Dash stared obstinately down at her cider. “Why don’t you ask Fluttershy?”

“I did. I’m just wonderin’ what you’ve got to say about it.”

“It’s not like I’m gonna steal your marefriend or anything,” Dash said, glancing sideways at her. “That was forever ago, and it wasn’t even a real date. And we weren’t marefriends.”

Applejack laughed. “I know you’re not gonna steal her away from me. Not that you ever could. I was only askin’. You don’t have to talk about it if it bothers ya.”

“It wasn’t even a real date,” Dash said, taking another long drink. She remembered sitting on a picnic blanket with Fluttershy, in the park near halfway between both their Cloudsdale homes. Fluttershy was tall and gangly. Rainbow Dash was so short that even while Fluttershy was sitting, Dash had to stand to look her in the eyes. They spent the afternoon blushing and looking at everything in the park but each other and talking about stupid lame things like the weather and their homework.

“It wasn’t even a real date,” Dash said again. “I didn’t ask her out, or anything, I just wanted to try it out because everypony else in our class was going on dates, and Fluttershy felt left out. We were just gonna see what happened.”

“And what happened?”

Dash wrinkled her nose. “Nothing happened. We were friends. We didn’t need to be marefriends. We didn’t need to be anything except friends.”

“And,” Applejack said slowly, “you two never kissed?”

“When did you get so possessive?” Dash asked, squinting over at her. “Did you go ask every other one of her marefriends about everything they ever did together?”

“When did you get so antsy?” Applejack asked, laughing again. “I’m only curious. I’ve never heard you talk about it before, and you’re the only other pony she ever went on any dates with ‘sides me.”

Right. Fluttershy had told Rainbow Dash that. It was partly why it took Fluttershy so long to ask Applejack out.

Rainbow Dash had kissed Fluttershy five times. Or, at least, on five different occasions. For practice, for fun, after drinking, on a dare, and for practice again. Because they were friends. Rainbow Dash had never kissed anyone else, anyway. It didn’t mean anything, and Dash didn’t see how it was any of Applejack’s business.

She sipped at her cider. The mug was almost empty.

“I wanted to thank you,” Applejack said, finally taking the hint that Dash wasn’t saying anything else.

“For what?” Dash asked, sipping at her cider again.

“Fluttershy mentioned that she never would’ve told me how she felt if you hadn’t encouraged her to first. That was real nice of ya, and I’m glad you did.” Applejack rested a hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder and smiled. It seemed like ponies had been touching her shoulder a lot recently. Maybe she just had nice, touchable shoulders. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Dash took one final drink of her cider, and her straw made that squealing sound straws always make when they want to announce to the whole world that someone’s cup is empty. “Fluttershy’s been talking to me about you for years. About how strong, and nice, and smart, and gentle you were.” Dash rolled her eyes. Applejack was about as gentle as sandpaper on an open wound. Or sandpaper on anything, really. “I thought she was never going to work up the nerve to actually do something about it.”

Applejack was quiet for a while. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and looked out the window.

Rainbow Dash took the opportunity to eat some more applesauce. She hoped Applejack had brought more cider.

Applejack turned to her suddenly. “Is that why you turned me down? Because of Fluttershy?”

Rainbow Dash choked on her applesauce again. Applejack had the worst sense of timing for asking abrupt, personal questions. Dash nodded and cleared her throat. “Yeah, I knew Fluttershy was into you. She wouldn’t have said anything, Fluttershy never says anything, but it would’ve killed her.”

“What was that? A year ago?” Applejack smiled, but only a little. “I thought about that a lot afterwards. I couldn’t ever figure out why you said no. Bugged the hay out of me for a while. I thought we would have been really good together. Everypony said so. I still sort of think about it sometimes.”

“It didn’t matter.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. Too bad. Applejack could be pretty cool sometimes, and a lot of fun, too. She still remembered it. Rainbow Dash had almost said yes. But Fluttershy had called Applejack first. “Fluttershy would have freaked out. Or maybe gone out into the wilderness and had tea parties with that bear every day for the rest of her life. She’s liked you since forever.”

“We could’ve just had some fun,” Applejack said, the barest hint of a smirk playing at the edges of her mouth. “I don’t think Fluttershy wouldn’t minded that.”

“I don’t know,” Dash said. “She can get really sensitive, and I knew she liked you.”

“Well, thank you.” Applejack touched her shoulder again. Rainbow Dash figured she really must have just had some nice shoulders. She would have to try touching them some once her hooves were healed. “You’re a good friend to her, at least when you’re not actin’ like such a blockhead.”

“Uh, thanks.”

Applejack’s hoof dropped away. She looked at Rainbow Dash like she expected her to do something, but Dash didn’t know what, so she ate some more applesauce.

Applejack was right. When Rainbow thought about it, she decided she was a good friend. Crashing didn’t make her a bad friend, and Applejack knew that. Rainbow Dash had helped Fluttershy learn how to kiss and Dash had put off having fun with Applejack for her. Dash wasn’t a bad friend. It wasn’t her fault working towards her dream hurt her other friends. It wasn’t her fault they were so sensitive. Applejack probably knew that, too.

“Ya got anything you want to ask me?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t think so.” Dash shrugged. “Why?”

“Fluttershy told me you’re askin’ everypony if they’re mad at ya,” Applejack said. “Aren’t you gonna ask me?”

Rainbow Dash looked up. “You’re not, right? You’re not even disappointed. You brought the cider.”

“Why don’t you ask me?”

Rainbow Dash watched her closely. Applejack didn’t look angry. Actually, she didn’t look much of anything, not happy, sad, or angry. At that moment, her face was about as easy to read as a tree stump’s. And tree stumps didn’t have faces.

“You’re not, right?” Dash asked.

“Ask me,” Applejack said simply.

Rainbow Dash slurped noisily at her applesauce. She was almost out. “Are you mad at me?”

“Yes.”

The applesauce soured in Rainbow Dash’s mouth. “No you’re not. You brought me the cider.”

“I think I’d know better than you whether or not I’m mad,” Applejack replied.

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash suddenly felt very sick. She burped and the cider came back up into her mouth, tainted and burning. She swallowed it back down.

“I’ve held my tongue for a long, long time, because I thought it wasn’t none of my business. If you wanted to slam your head into the ground, I figured that was your choice. But, now, Fluttershy is my business,” Applejack said. Now she did begin to look angry, Rainbow Dash noticed. The way she always looked when Dash did something she didn’t like. “And when Fluttershy is gettin’ hurt, that’s really my business.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. None of her friends understood, then. Not even Applejack. Dash pushed the rest of the applesauce away from her. She didn’t feel like eating anymore.

“Do you got any idea how worried Fluttershy gets every time you do this?” Applejack asked. “She hasn’t slept any. She gets up out of bed every two minutes, shakin’ and snifflin’ like she’s havin’ nightmares, then she trots in circles in front of the bed all night. It’s the same way every time you do this. You know why she does that? You know what happens in those nightmares that’s keepin’ her awake?”

“I get it, Applejack,” Dash grumbled. “Everypony already told me. I’m a stupid idiot jerk who hurts all her friends all the time and doesn’t even care and then does it again, okay? I get it.”

“You don’t get it at all,” Applejack said, her face twisting into something half-scowl and half-glower. “No pony’s ever been willin’ to say it straight to your face, but we all know it, and we all think it. It’s what makes that poor girl afraid to sleep, ‘cause she can’t stop thinkin’ about it. So I’ve gotta be the one to say it to ya, or you’re never gonna stop.” Applejack stood up and stepped closer to the bed. She looked down at Rainbow Dash, towered over her. “You’re gonna kill yourself, and everypony knows it.”

“N-no I’m not,” Dash said quietly.

“Yes you are. How many times do you think you can knock your skull against a rock before your head breaks open?”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “I think I’ve done pretty good so far.”

“Shut up!” Applejack spat, and Rainbow Dash cringed at the force of her voice. “Just shut your mouth. Don’t give me one more of your cocky, smartaleck remarks. I’m trying to make you see somethin’ important. Fluttershy doesn’t sleep because she knows it’s gonna happen. You’re gonna keep pullin’ stupid, foolhardy stunts like the one you did at that relay, but you’re not gonna keep gettin’ this lucky. You’re gonna do somethin’ you shouldn’t, then you’re gonna hit your head on a rock, and you’re gonna be dead, and you’re gonna make all of us watch. That’s the worst part of it for her, for all of us. We all know it’s gonna happen, but there’s nothin’ any of us can do about it. You just keep on doin’ this, and we just keep on watchin’.”

Rainbow Dash tried to shrink away from her, but she didn’t have anywhere to go. Her wings twitched. The window was open. She wished she could fly away.

“You’d think you’d stop on your own. You’ve gotta know how awful this is for ya. You can’t enjoy getting hurt like this. You don’t want to kill yourself, do ya?” Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash quietly shook her head.

“I wonder sometimes.” Applejack snorted. “But you don’t care enough for yourself to stop. I know you care about Fluttershy, though. Maybe you don’t care about you, or me, or any of the rest of us, but I know you care about her. So I’m tellin’ you, for Fluttershy’s sake, to stop doin’ this. Stop hurtin’ yourself like this.”

Rainbow Dash’s chest ached. She actually hurt at the suggestion that she didn’t care about her friends. And something burning and mad spilled into her throat that she wanted to spew in Applejack’s face for saying she didn’t. “I can’t,” Dash said. “It’s not like this is a choice. I can’t do anything else. Rarity even said so.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Applejack growled through gritted teeth. “Don’t you dare try to blame this on somepony else like you do every other time. This is you. You’re doin’ this. Just for once, take responsibility for yourself and what you’ve done.”

Rainbow Dash stared wide-eyed at her. “What are you talking about? I’m not blaming anypony. I never said it was anypony else’s fault. I’m just saying I don’t have a choice.”

“The only pony who’s ever told you what to do is you,” Applejack retorted. “You’ve never listened to anypony else. You’re the only one who decides what you do. It’s only your choice.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Rainbow Dash asked, her nostrils and wings flaring. “What else can I do?”

“You can stop!” Applejack cried, as if that was the simplest thing in the world. As if that was an option at all. As if Rainbow Dash could just give up on her dream easy and lickety-split and be home in time for supper. “I’m not askin’ you to shuck the whole corn harvest, I’m asking you to be safe. I’m asking you to stop gettin’ yourself hurt.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “So what? Just give up on ever being a Wonderbolt? Stop flying? Just sit around on my flanks forever in Ponyville and take care of butterflies or something?”

“What?” Applejack gaped at her. “No pony ever said you had stop tryin’ to be a Wonderbolt. Why would you?”

“Because that’s exactly what it means! That’s why I fly. That’s why I do everything. If I wanted to stop crashing, I’d have to stop wanting to be a Wonderbolt. I’d have to stop flying. You can’t fly and never crash!”

“Do you really think you have to break your neck to become a Wonderbolt?” Applejack asked, squinting down at her. “Even you can’t be that thick.”

“It’s not thick!” Rainbow Dash retorted. “You don’t know anything about being a Wonderbolt. You don’t have any idea what it takes, or what I have to do, Applejack. These aren’t apples. Fleetfoot wrote an entire book about it, and she’d know better than you would.”

“I’m trying to help you,” Applejack said, sounding almost pleading. “If you keep on hurtin’ yourself like this, keep puttin’ yourself in the hospital, keep goin’ out of your way to put yourself in the hospital, you’re gonna break your neck, or lose your friends. I’m just tryin’ to help you.”

“You’re doing a pretty crummy job of it,” Dash muttered. “Because you don’t know anything about it. The next time I want to bake an apple pie, I’ll ask you. But if I want to become a Wonderbolt, this is how I’m gonna do it, because this is the only way.”

Applejack glowered down at her, her face twisting between scowls and glowers so quickly that Dash worried she might sprain something. “You’re the thickheadedest, densest, most aggravatin’ pony I ever met.”

“Well, you’re a jerk,” Rainbow Dash replied.

Applejack opened her mouth as if to retort, then shoved a hoof in her own mouth, and glared at Dash instead. Then, she turned away and took a long, deep breath.

Dash glared back. “If you—”

Applejack spun on her in an instant. “You listen to me real close,” she said, leaning down so far that Dash could feel Applejack’s breath on her face. “If you want to keep doin’ this to yourself, then fine. If you want to keep actin’ thickheaded till you finally crack your head open, then that’s fine, too. I can’t do anythin’ to stop ya. But I’m not gonna sit by and watch anymore. You hear me? I’m done with this. I can’t care about you. None of us can. We can’t care about you, because it’s gonna hurt too much. I will not care about you anymore. When it happens, I won’t care then, either. Because I just can’t. Neither will anypony else. And one last thing.” She leaned down further, so her muzzle was pressed to Rainbow Dash’s. “I won’t let you hurt Fluttershy again. If that means me grabbing her by the tail and draggin’ her away from each and every one of your practices, from your shows, from this hospital, that’s what I’m gonna do. It just ain’t fair for you to keep doin’ this to her. You think about that.”

With a final snort, Applejack turned and stomped out of the room, too quickly for Rainbow Dash to think of anything to say. The door slammed shut behind her.

Rainbow Dash stared at the closed door for a long time. So this was it then. Her friends couldn’t understand, not even if she tried to explain it to them. More than that. They didn’t just not understand. They would fight with her. They would yell at her. And Rainbow Dash would yell back, because she couldn’t help yelling back. She always yelled back. They didn’t understand. They refused to understand. Rainbow Dash didn’t do any of this by choice. It was just like Rarity had said. There was nothing else in this world for her except the Wonderbolts. She couldn’t be or do anything else. But her friends wouldn’t listen. They thought she was just being stubborn.

No, it was even worse than that. They thought Rainbow Dash didn’t care about them, and that thought was like a knife wrenched in her gut, like her wings being twisted off, like her tongue getting ripped out. Rainbow Dash loved her friends. More than anything. But somehow (how, she couldn’t fathom) they didn’t know that. No, it was even worse than that, too.

Applejack didn’t care about her anymore. That’s just what she said. The others wouldn’t either, soon. They would stop going to her practices and stop visiting her in the hospital. Rainbow Dash tried to imagine a practice without a single one of her friends to watch. It was unimaginable. She literally couldn’t do it. Because they thought she was crashing to spite them. In spite of them. They just wouldn’t understand. To fly and not to crash was a contradiction in terms. It was a paradox. So her friends didn’t care anymore.

Maybe that was the problem. None of this would have ever happened if Rainbow Dash didn’t care about them. If she didn’t love them. Maybe she should just stop. If they could, she could, too. A pony didn’t reach the top by making friends. Rainbow Dash had read that once. Not in the book Fleetfoot wrote, but somewhere else. It still made sense. Caring about her friends would keep her down. It would keep her grounded. She would never become a Wonderbolt.

At first, the thought was so repulsive, she shoved it away. But she and she thought, and she thought, and she thought, and her anger simmered and smoldered and she thought some more.

The longer she thought, the more that particular thought crept into her head.

Her friends didn’t care about her. Why should she care about them? What had she ever done to them to deserve being condemned and spurned like this? She only ever wanted to follow her dream. What kind of friends would give up on her for something like that? She could give up on them, too. She could give up on them before they even gave up on her. She was Rainbow Dash, after all. She was faster than anybody.

She looked down at the tray. Applejack had left it. Stupid Applejack. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, dumb Applejack. What did Applejack know? She was just as not-smart as everyone thought she was and she wasn’t good at hoofball at all. If she didn’t care about Rainbow Dash, over something as small as an accident, Rainbow Dash didn’t care about her either. She didn’t even like her.

Rainbow Dash flipped the tray off her chest, and it went spinning down to the floor, and the bowl and the cup cracked, and the water spilled every way, and the mug went bouncing under the bed.

Rainbow Dash looked at the mess and breathed heavily. Her vision went dizzy. The room started to spin. She didn’t care about them. She didn’t like any of them. She didn’t like how Pinkie Pie went pranking with her, and she didn’t like how Twilight sent her copies of new Daring Do books as soon as they arrived at the library, and she didn’t like how Rarity made new sexy-looking dresses just for her, and she didn’t like how Applejack played horseshoes with her, and she didn’t like how Fluttershy came to each and every single one of her practices. Dash’s eyes went blurry and moist. She didn’t like any of them.

She was going to be a Wonderbolt, and no one would stop her. No one had ever stopped her from doing anything. She was too fast, too strong, too tough. If she had to get rid of them to do that, she would. It was better anyway. If she hurt them by being a Wonderbolt, she should just get rid of them, for their own sakes. She would, too. If they didn’t care, then she didn’t care. She didn’t care at all. She didn’t, didn’t care. She didn’t even care that they didn’t care. Rainbow Dash sniffled. She would just get rid of them. And that was how it was, and that was what she would do.

It took a long time for a nurse to come to in and clean up the mess. Rainbow Dash pretended to be asleep, and the nurse turned off the light and walked out. Rainbow Dash pretended for a long while afterwards. She didn’t know who she was trying to fool, but she fell asleep eventually anyway.