The Art of Falling

The doctor grinned at Rainbow Dash over his clipboard, and Rainbow Dash scowled at the wall. Her legs still felt numb and tingly, the doctor was still an idiot, her friends were still being jerks, and her chest still ached every time she thought about them. Rainbow Dash made sure to keep scowling so she wouldn’t have to think.

“I don’t mean to toot my own horn,” the doctor said, tapping the clipboard against his horn. “But I did good.”

“Cool,” Dash said.

“Thank you.” The doctor nodded graciously. “Your hooves are responding to treatments much faster than I expected.”

“So I can leave, then?”

The doctor laughed. “No, we’ll leave you in those slings for now. You still have a ways to go. But feel free to wiggle around some, if you’re feeling bored.”

Rainbow Dash tried wiggling, but her legs were asleep, and horrific tingling ran up and down them with every little movement. She scowled at the wall some more. Stupid doctor and his stupid wiggles. He probably did that on purpose.

“You could even wrestle with some of your friends if you wanted, so long as you stay in the slings and don’t move around too much,” the doctor continued. “That’s something the young mares still do these days, right? Wrestle with each other?”

“I don’t think so.”

The doctor shrugged. “Probably for the best. Stuck in those slings, you’d lose anyway.”

Rainbow could have explained to him that she had never lost at anything, especially not to her friends, but it would have been a waste of breath. And she didn’t want to talk about her friends, anyway. All she wanted was to scowl at the wall. So that’s just what she did.

Like everything else she did, she did it awesomely. That wall had probably never before been on the receiving end of such an imposing facial expression. Rainbow Dash was so busy perfecting her scowl, she didn’t think about her friends at all. Not even once. She definitely never ever imagined talking or joking or laughing with them, either.

“Well, I have other patients I need to tend to. I’ll tell the nurse to check up on you later.” He nodded and stepped out the door. “Let me know how the wrestling match goes.”

“Yeah.”

Rainbow Dash wouldn’t wrestle with her friends. Or do anything else with them.  It would have been pretty fun to punt Applejack into a wall, though.

She scowled harder. She needed to stop thinking about them with that word. Friends. They weren’t her friends anymore. Couldn’t be anymore. And she had to stay angry and scowling, too. Rainbow didn’t care. She stared at her bandaged hooves. She tried to wiggle them again, but they were still too numb. But numb was good, she decided. She tried to make herself numb all over, just as numb as her hooves. Nothing could ever hurt if she made herself numb enough.

She noticed that her wings still looked awful, and she set about preening them.

They were not-friends, Dash thought as she mouthed feathers back into place. She accidentally glanced at her bandaged hooves, and it didn’t hurt at all, because she was numb now. Numb enough that it wouldn’t, couldn’t hurt. Her eyes felt wet for some stupid reason.

The door opened. Applejack and Rarity stepped inside, then Fluttershy followed hesitantly behind.

Rainbow Dash scowled at them over a half-preened wing in her mouth.

“Good morning, Rainbow,” Rarity said with a wide smile.

“What do you want?” Dash demanded, still preening.

“We came to check up on ya,” Applejack said with a chuckle. “And, well, I figured I ought'a apologize for what I did last night. I got angry, and there was no call for that. Said a lot of things that weren't true, too. I only wanted to help, and I just made a mess of it instead.”

"Okay," Dash said.

"Uh, that square, then?" Applejack asked.

"Sure," Dash muttered.

Applejack glanced at Fluttershy, then at Rarity.

Rarity approached the bed, then stopped short, looking at Dash’s eyes. “Dear,” Rarity said quietly, “have you been crying?”

“No,” Dash said quickly and wiped at her eyes with one of her wings. “It’s just allergies. You guys keep leaving the window open.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t bother to look, but she knew the window was closed.

“Oh,” Rarity said. She frowned, then abruptly brightened. “Oh my! Your wings are healed!” She trotted up to the side of the bed and smiled widely. “They look beautiful.”

Rainbow Dash scowled some more and went back to preening her wing. “No they don’t,” she said around a mouthful of feathers. “I’m not done preening them yet.”

“Oh,” Rarity said again. “Well I still think they look very nice.”

Rainbow Dash grunted, not looking up.

A long silence followed. Rarity and Applejack exchanged looks, then small, quick gestures. Fluttershy stood quietly behind Applejack, not looking or gesturing at anything. Rainbow Dash preened her wing.

When they finished, Applejack cleared her throat.

Rarity said, “Have you had any breakfast, Rainbow?”

“I’m not hungry,” Dash mumbled.

More silence. Applejack and Rarity stood and watched Rainbow Dash preen, then looked at each other, then at Rainbow again. Rainbow wished they would leave, and a little bit that they would stay, and mostly that they would leave. But no one did anything for a long while.

Finally, Fluttershy stepped around Applejack and carefully approached the bed. She rested a hoof on the blankets.

Rainbow Dash looked up sharply.

She saw something in Fluttershy’s eyes. Dash had seen that same something in that same place before. Once, she and Fluttershy had found an injured little animal while on a walk together, a squirrel or a gerbil or something. It was hurt and scared, and hid itself in a burrow. Fluttershy, with a gentle voice and that something in her eyes, coaxed it out, brought it home to her cottage, and helped it heal. Rainbow Dash thought it would be sort of nice to be a squirrel or a gerbil or something.

“Rainbow Dash, what’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked, that something still in her eyes.

“Nothing,” Dash lied, and they all knew she lied. They all knew exactly what was wrong. “I’m fine.”

Fluttershy hesitated, then reached out a hoof to her.

“I said I’m fine!” Rainbow Dash batted Fluttershy’s hoof away with her wing. “Stop trying to touch my shoulders. You can’t just touch them whenever you want, you know.”

Fluttershy squeaked and drew back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Dash looked away, swallowing the urge to say sorry. Sorrys would only drag it out longer, like a novice’s first flight routine that everyone in the audience knew was terrible, but kept clapping for anyway to be polite. Fleetfoot had written about it in her book. The audience would clap, and so the novice would keep on performing terribly, and the audience would keep on suffering through it. Quick and clean was best.

Dash noticed Applejack and Rarity exchange a long look. Rarity shook her head, and Applejack nodded, and Rarity sighed.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity began slowly, “there is something we wanted to speak with you about.”

Rainbow Dash silently preened her wing, and Fluttershy cringed.

“It’s about what Applejack said to you last night,” Rarity continued, stepping closer to the bed.

“Leave me alone!” Rainbow Dash shouted. She flared her wings, and Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy all stumbled backwards away from her. Dash felt a little surprised at the outburst herself, but, like with any other fall, there was nowhere to go but down. “Are you guys going to come here and yell at me every day, all day, every single day? I just broke my damn hooves! Can I have one morning just to relax and finish preening my wings before somepony comes to tell me what a jerk I am?”

“Dear,” Rarity began, “that isn’t—”

“I know!” Dash cried. “I already know, okay? How many ponies do you think have to tell me what a stupid jerk I am before I figure it out? I know. Stop telling me. I’m a stupid jerk who hurts all of her friends and doesn’t care about anypony but herself and sucks at flying!”

Applejack stepped forward. “Nopony ever said—”

Rainbow Dash glared at Applejack. She did. She did. It was a glare, not a look of pitiful, hurting anger, and she didn’t let out a pathetic whimper, and her eyes didn’t burn or become moist, and her vision didn’t blur. She glared at Applejack, while Applejack frowned sadly back. Dash felt numb all over, and didn’t hurt at all. Not one little bit.

“I get it, Applejack. I really get,” Dash said, breathing slowly, breathing steadily, blinking quickly. Quick and clean, she told herself. Quick and clean. “I’m not as thick as you think I am. I’m going to get myself killed, and I’m a jerk, and I’m selfish. I get it. I totally get it. So just back off, already.”

“You need to calm down,” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash could have cried. She didn’t, obviously. But… “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because we’re your friends,” Rarity replied, reaching a hoof out to her.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Dash shot back at her.

Rarity gasped, only a quiet little gasp, a pitiful imitation of the grand, theatrical gasps she so often employed. Her hoof dropped. “Rainbow, whatever do you mean?”

“I’m going to be a Wonderbolt,” Rainbow Dash declared. The same declaration she had made on a thousand other occasions, but now without any of her usual excitement or fervor. This time, it was only a simple, quiet statement of fact. “I am. I have to be a Wonderbolt. I can’t be anything else. I can’t be a weather pony. I have to be a Wonderbolt. That’s what you said, right, Rarity?”

“Well, yes it is—”

“This is what happens to ponies who want to be Wonderbolts,” Dash said, gesturing to her bandages with her wings. “This is what happens to ponies who fly, and who do the kind of tricks I do. We fall. This is going to happen to me. It’ll hurt, and it’ll suck, but I’m still going to be a Wonderbolt, and I’m not going to let anypony stop me.”

“When did anypony say ya couldn’t be a Wonderbolt?” Applejack asked.

“You all did!” Dash cried. “All of you did. Seriously, every single one of you. When you yelled at me just for messing up, and when you got angry at me just for trying. All I’m doing is trying to be a Wonderbolt. I’m not going out of my way to hurt anypony. It just happens, because that’s what happens to Wonderbolts. I’m going to be a Wonderbolt, and this is how I’m going to get there!”

Dash’s looked over at Fluttershy, and Fluttershy shrunk back behind Applejack.

Applejack gave Fluttershy a quick nuzzle. “It’s all right,” she whispered to Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash felt so, so thankful for that. Fluttershy would have somepony to hold her up when Rainbow Dash was gone, somepony stronger than Rainbow Dash ever could have been. She could have cried. She really could have cried. It was crazy.

“We all want you to become a Wonderbolt,” Rarity said, drawing her attention. “Even as much as you do, I suspect. Very few things would make me as happy as finally seeing you wear one of those flightsuits. However, we want you to be safe just as much. We want you to live to become a Wonderbolt, not maim or cripple yourself on your way there.”

“The Wonderbolts aren’t safe!” Rainbow Dash half-growled, half-shouted back. “That’s what none of you get. Flying, stunt flying, isn’t safe. That’s the whole point! No pony would even watch if it was safe.”

Rarity shook her head. “It isn’t. That is why the Wonderbolts make every effort to eliminate possibilities for injury. They perform their shows in the safest manner they are able.”

Rainbow Dash laughed, an exhausted, mirthless laugh that made her feel sick. She couldn’t think of anything to do but laugh and feel sick about.

“What’s so funny?” Applejack asked.

“Do you really think the Wonderbolts never get hurt? That they never go to the hospital?”

“Of course they do, but only through accidents,” Rarity said.

“What? How is that any different than what happened to me?” Dash asked, her wings flaring behind her again.

“It isn’t the same at all,” Applejack said. “They try not to get hurt. They do everythin’ they can to keep from gettin’ hurt. You didn’t just get into an accident, you went out of your way to get into an accident. Fluttershy told me you hadn’t practiced that stunt at all before. But you tried it anyway, when you knew you didn’t need to, and when you knew you hadn’t practiced it enough yet, and when you knew you could get yourself hurt.”

“Whatever, Applejack,” Dash said. “You don’t care. Why are you even here?”

Fluttershy winced.

“I—what?” Applejack blinked. “‘Course I care. Why would you say somethin’ like that?”

“Last night.” Rainbow Dash sighed and folded her wings. She lowered her head. “You said you didn’t.”

“You know that isn’t—”

Dash’s head shot back up, burning and angry. “You said you didn’t care and you said no one else would soon, too! But I don’t care, either. It’s better that you don’t. I’m glad you don’t. If you caring means that you’re going to yell at me every time I mess up, and you’re going to hate me just for trying to become a Wonderbolt, then I don’t want you to care. I don’t want any of you to care, and I don’t care about any of you.”

“Rainbow Dash…” Rarity sat back on her haunches. “That isn’t what we mean at all.”

Fluttershy, looking as if a too-heavy bag of birdseed had been dropped on her back, slumped to the ground.

Rainbow Dash hated herself, and hated them, and hated everything. But she was too numb, she reminded herself, too numb to hate anything.

Applejack shook her head. “You don’t—”

“Stop!” Rainbow Dash said, feeling absolutely tired, like she had just spent a long shift on weather duty and didn’t want to do anything but take a nap. “Just stop. Go away and leave me alone, please. You said you were gonna give up on me. So just give up on me already and leave me alone.”

“Rainbow Dash…” Rarity whispered.

Rainbow Dash turned away.

Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but, miraculously, Fluttershy reached out and touched Applejack’s back.

“She asked us to go,” Fluttershy said quietly. “We should go.”

“But, Fluttershy, we can’t,” Applejack said.

Fluttershy blinked quickly, her eyes glistening. “She asked us to go.”

Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash, who stared obstinately at the foot of her bed, then at Rarity, who looked helplessly back. Applejack sighed and nodded to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy looked to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash didn’t look up.

Fluttershy silently turned away and walked out of the room. Applejack and Rarity soon followed.

Rarity stopped at the door and glanced back. “I'm sorry. I promise you that we didn't mean to upset you. Please think about what we said again, that’s all I ask. And I hope you'll be healed soon.” She left, and the door closed behind her.

Rainbow Dash cried. But just a little.

Think? All she had done for the past couple days was think. Thinking was what had gotten her into this. Well, not thinking during the relay, and then thinking too much afterwards. She had thought about this. She had heard everything her friends had said, thought it all through, made her decision. What more did Rarity want from her? Dash couldn’t have missed anything.

She thought back to what Rarity and and Applejack had just said to her moments before to make sure.

And then she kept on thinking. And she thought and thought and thought, about her friends, about what Rarity and Applejack had just said, and the Wonderbolts, and herself, and the stunt at the relay, and Fleetfoot’s book, and what Applejack had said the night before, and the hospital, and what all of her friend’s had said, and she tried to make herself numb, but she just kept feeling more and more.