oh god how did this get here, i am not good with computer

This is a story about anal beads.

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle was reading a motherfucking book about magic or some shit. All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie broke the fourth wall with a convenient plot device.

“YO TWILIGHT I GOT THIS BOOK, YO!” the pink earth pony cried orgasmically.

“OH SHIT, THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, PINKS?!” the purple unicorn mare shrieked in response. Twilight levitated the book over to herself through the use of pure motherfucking magic.

“YO TWILIGHT, IT’S A BOOK ABOUT FUCKING SEX TOYS OR SOME SHIT, I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW I GOT HERE, SO I’M GONNA PEACE.” With that, the pink pony evaporated into thin air.

Twilight Sparkle read the book in a nanosecond, because she’s a motherfucking pony that fucking reads books all the time and is probably really good at reading books in nanoseconds or some shit like that.

“OH SHIT!” she shouted. “EY YO SPIKE, I GOTTA GO OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE, DON’T FUCKING SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE OR ANYTHING WHILE I’M OUT, YOU DUMB LITTLE DRAGON CUNT, AYE?”

“YEAH YEAH, BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS YOU SNIVELING CUMGUZZLER,” the baby dragon shouted in response.
With a shimmer of lavender light and a loud motherfucking pop, Spylight Twarkle fucking teleported herself to the sex shop.

“EY YO!” she greeted the shopkeep. “I HEARD YOU GOT SOME ANAL BEADS OR SOME SHIT?”

“YEAH, DUDE, WE TOTALLY GOT FUCKIN ANAL BEADS, YO,” the shopkeep replied. “WHAT KIND OF MOTHERFUCKIN ANAL BEADS WAS YOU LOOKIN FER, ANYWAYS?”

“FUCKED IF I KNOW, BRO, I JUST FUCKING GOT HERE, DIG? CHILL, DUDE! DUDE. DUDE, BRO.”

“AIGHT, AIGHT, TAKE A FUCKIN LOOK AROUND OR SOME SHIT, I’LL BE HERE AT THE COUNTER JACKING OFF OR SOMETHING,” the shopkeeper said.

Towlot Sporkle walked around the fucking store for like five minutes and probably sucked at least two dozen dicks before she found just what she was looking for - a box of motherfucking vibrating anal beads in the shape of Princess Celestia’s head. She gleefully encompassed the box in her unicorn magic and trotted excitedly back towards the front of the store.

“DUDE, YO! YO, DUDE, I THINK I FOUND JUST WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR!” Twilight bellowed.

“OH YEAH DUDE, THOSE ARE REALLY FUCKIN POPULAR OR SOME SHIT, JUST BE CAREFUL YOU DON’T LIKE PUNCTURE THE WALLS OF YOUR ANUS BECAUSE I’M PRETTY FUCKED IF I GET SUED AGAIN, DIG?”

“YEAH, BRO, I CAN DIG IT. HOW MUCH ARE THESE FUCKING CELESTIA ANAL BEADS, BRO?”

“BRO DUDE, THEY’RE LIKE FORTY BITS OR SOME SHIT, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” Litwlight Karpskle vomited money on the countertop and left.

~a short time later~

Twilight Sparkle, the purple unicorn, fucking phase-shifted back into existence in the motherfucking library.

“YO SPIKE, I’M GONNA GO DO SOME SHIT IN MY ROOM FOR A SEC, DON’T FUCKING COME UP HERE OR I’LL CUT OFF YOUR TAIL AND MOUTH-FUCK YOU TO DEATH WITH IT, Y’HEAR?”

“YEAH I’M PRETTY SURE I FUCKING GOT THE POINT,” Spike answered.

Sparkle Twilight walked up the stairs to her room and shut the motherfucking door with a MAGNIFICENT BACK KICK.
She then proceeded to shut the blinds, light exactly - FUCKING EXACTLY - seventeen scented candles, and put on some fucking soulful music to set the mood or some shit.

“NOW LET’S FUCKING SEE,” she shouted at the box of anal beads, “I’M SUPPOSED TO PUT THE WHOLE THING INSIDE MY ASSHOLE AND YANK THEM OUT WITH NO LUBE, RIGHT? YEAH THAT SOUNDS ABOUT FUCKING RIGHT TO ME, LET’S DO THIS SHIT.”

And then she died five minutes later from massive blood loss.

THE FUCKING END
(it was an emotional rollercoaster)