Twilight's Conundrum (and other tales)

Interlude: Obligatory Scootabuse

“EY YO SCOOTS, IMMA HIT YOU WIT DIS MUTHAFUCKIN’ BRICK, YO!” the cyan pegasus mare screeched, flying a few feet off the ground. Cradled in her left forehoof was a hefty looking brick.
“AW SHIT RAINBOW DAYASH, DON’T BE TRIPPIN’, YO!” the orange pegasus filly shrieked in response, whilst performing a SUPER AWESOME ULTRA MEGA 720 TRIPLE SOW COW MOTHERFUCKING BACKFLIP with her MOTHERFUCKING SCOOTER.

“EY YO, NAW, SERIOUSLY, IMMA HIT YOU WIT DIS FUCKIN BRICK, YO!” Rainbow Dash sang in a hauntingly beautiful opera voice, cause she’s fuckin boss and don’t you fucking question what the Big RD can and can not do in dis story, bra. NAH, BRA. DON’T DO IT, BRA.

“AW SHIT, MAYNE, WE GOTTA BAIL!” Scootaloo yelled at her friends, Swaggy Belle and Swagplebloom.

“FUCKIN FUCK, MARE, I THINK DAT RD’S ACTUALLY PROBABLY GONNA SMACK YO ASS UPSIDE DA HEAD WIT DAT MUTHAFUCKIN’ BRICK, YO!” Swagplebloom shouted, while balancing a plate of oatmeal on her forehead and playing chess with the elderly FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER.

“AIGHT, AIGHT, LET’S FUKKIN PEACE!” Swaggy Belle roared, already behind the wheel of her SUPA BOMB-ASS GHETTO 1979 CADILLAC CUTLASS, YO. G.

...g.

“AY YO, DEYSE BE GETTIN’ AWAY!” Rainbow Dash berated herself. “I GOTS TA TURN MY SWAG ON!”

Then there was a car chase scene with appropriate cinematics, three ponies died from multiple gunshot wounds, and Celestia probably didn’t do shit about it.

DA FUKKEN END, YO