Chapters The Maud-churian Candidate
Part 1: Background of a Mindwasher
It is wise not to judge a book by its cover.
Another visit by Ponyville’s seemingly least exciting guest had concluded. “See ya Pinkie and Pinkie’s friends. Remember the rocks.” Maud Pie said like a stone as she departed at the train station. Thus her “second” trip to Ponyville was complete.
“Oh don’t you just love Maud? I must have done something right to have a sister like her!” Pinkie said ecstatically to her friends as the train pulled out.
“At the very least I can’t deny the way she crushes dangerous falling boulders is awesome.” Rainbow Dash remarked.
“Well, I’m just glad to let Maud be herself even if she is a little… reserved.” Twilight added.
Truly it’s an enigma to an outside viewer how Maud and Pinkie Pie could be sisters yet be so radically different. Pinkie is a bouncing embodiment of hyperactive happy craziness that never stops moving.
Maud appeared to be a humble rock farmer of limited emotion and unexciting demeanor to everypony. Everything she did seemed to be as if in slow motion unless it was an emergency. Even her poetry showed little sign of liveliness. She really appears to be the closest thing to a living rock. In fact, a typical rock may have even noted her lack of enthusiasm.
~~~~~~~~
That is exactly how she wanted to be perceived. Little did her sister and friends know she led a double life. If she could help it they would never know either.
Part of this double life is directly related to the control and if necessary rehabilitation of rouge elements in Equestrian society. It would seem ironic and perhaps troubling then that one of the potential rouge elements was Pinkie Pie herself. The reasons for her visits to see Pinkie are in fact to evaluate and determine whether further adjustment actions are necessary.
Maud returned to the rock farm house and began writing her report in the office room. It was serious business that didn’t open with “Dear Princess Celestia” for sure. She penned lots of technical jargon that only a hoof-full of ponies would grasp. This biannual follow up with Pinkie was a success as usual.
Counseling agent Maud Pie worked for the Equestrian Security Bureau as a mind washer. She hated to use the powers of the ESB on her own sister and friends, but duty to country calls and you must answer. The ESB answered directly to Celestia. Luna, Cadence, and Twilight Sparkle could only access partially censored documents from this division. It’s that secretive. Twilight doesn’t suspect a thing yet.
Maud’s double life work was a great unknown to anypony without one of the highest levels of clearance. One of her noteworthy cases involved personality adjustment for a Mr. Steven Magnet. His crying over losing a portion of his mustache was causing destructive flooding around Equestria. Celestia dispatched Maud to use hypnosis and convince him that his mustache was intact whether or not it actually was. The operation was a success and the flooding was halted.
In another case she had to convince a stallion who was obsessed with jelly that such behavior was not sociable. In a move to convince him that he won a lifetime supply of jelly, she actually covertly hypnotized him into believing that he was allergic to the very substance of his fetish.
~~~~~~~~
Back in her farm house office Maud concluded her writing and began to review her comprehensive notes of the case from the beginning. The wild and happy Pinkie Pie is the therapeutically altered and controlled version of the pony few know as Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Pinkamena had tendencies at a young age that involved generally subtle aggression against rocks. Sometimes this aggression was less subtle and put rock harvests in jeopardy. One time her entourage of imaginary helper rocks wasn’t working quickly enough. They were given summary executions.
Another instance had Pinkamena overturn a cart full of rocks after complaining their loud music was distracting her from work. Clearly her delusions and aggression against rocks was becoming a cause for concern.
There was finally a day it just happened that Pinkamena’s anti-social behavior was unexpectedly remedied by the sight of a rainbow that accompanied a loud boom.
This was a very useful development to observe. Some ponies can be altered by certain audio or visual stimuli. In Pinkamena’s case it requires the visual aid of rainbows to keep her pacified. Perhaps it is of great help the coincidence of Rainbow Dash being one of her closest friends. The sight of her rainbow colored mane and tail help maintain Pinkie's state of pacification.
The relocation to Ponyville was thus very much appropriate for Pinkie Pie to maintain her socially acceptable persona. Thanks to the presence of a mare with a rainbow colored mane, she didn’t need a weekly rainbow in the sky to keep her from becoming the rock threatening sociopath she once was. Still there was somehow an instance of relapse by Pinkie that brought about an unhealthy cupcake obsession, but Maud stealthily used rainbow visual aids and hypnosis to psychologically stabilize Pinkamena during an emergency visit. Pinkie had no memory of Maud even being there.
The young Maud Pie took great note of how Pinkie was changed by the visual stimulus of a rainbow. It was the study of and desires to correct the behavior of Pinkie that led Maud to becoming an agent. Once she was old enough to do more than rock farm, she began psychology courses at Ponyville Community College. If it was possible to transform the rock endangering Pinkamena into the happy Pinkie, she felt that troubled minds throughout Equestria could be molded into upstanding citizens. In just two years Maud went from being an intern to a full agent. And interestingly enough her own sister became one of her principal cases.
With that Maud wasn’t just an agent; she was the most respected R&D implementer in the field. It was indeed Maud’s personal observation of a visual stimulus having the power to alter the mental state of a pony that made her such a valuable asset to the ESB. This observation and subsequent study gave the organization immense insight into a new tool of behavioral modification.
Returning to her report, Maud looked at the conclusive summary she had written and read it over.
“The success of turning my sister from the anti-social Pinkamena into the jubilant Pinkie seems to validate our hypothesis once again. As this upbeat Pinkie Pie she infects others with her joy. Not only can we improve the attitude and behavior of an individual pony, it seems feasible that we can end dissent and potential insurrection against the state through these possibly contagious behavioral adjustments. These techniques seem worthy of broader application to the general Equestrian public .”
She would reevaluate Pinkie Pie in another six months under the guise of a friendly visit. In the meantime her postal documents may have contained among them something pertaining to another assignment. Unsurprisingly there was a particular parcel Maud knew to be classified but no civilian pony would recognize as such. Maud picked up the letter and opened it. As expected the message within relayed a new case from the ESB for her to work with.
“The subject is a mail delivery pegasus mare with coordination and socialization issues. Her unwitting destruction of public property must be cordoned off via personality adjustment. Establish communiqué by offering her one of her favorite food items: a muffin. She lives at the following address …”
Author's Note
Another EqD WTG submission. It can be a series if viewers find it worthy. The prompt I used for this week:
"While it was nice to meet Pinkie and her friends, Maud Pie must now return to her regular life. She never did let Pinkie know about her other side..."
The Maud-churian Candidate
Part 2: Dissonance in Deprogramming Derpy
The pegasus mare mentioned in Maud’s last assignment notice was none other than Derpy Hooves. Many Ponyville residents found her socially challenged antics cute and humorous. The Royal Equestrian Postal Service and Ponyville town council didn’t. And the ESB certainly didn’t either.
Mindwasher agent Maud Pie went to Derpy’s place of residence with the sparse tools of the trade wearing the light disguise of a sales rep pony.
Derpy Hooves’ humble abode looked similar to any other in Ponyville. The main difference was the noticeable damage to the building and its surroundings. The mailbox was dented, the front door had a hole in it, and one of the windows was noticeably cracked just to name a few issues.
“Hmm, this pony is indeed a danger to her own property. The bureau may have been right about this case .” Maud thought.
As Maud approached the open front gate, a small filly appeared and raced to the front door and opened it.
“Mom school’s out!” she said.
“Oh hiya Tippy. There are some cookies on the kitchen counter!” The voice of Derpy Hooves echoed downstairs lightly.
“Yet I don’t remember reading anything about a daughter in the assignment profile .” Maud added in continuation of her earlier thought.
Maud approached the door and hoof knocked.
Derpy Hooves answered the door.
“Hi, help ya?” She said.
“Miss Hooves? I’m Zesty Scone from the Ponyville Baking Society and thought we might interest you in one of our muffin recipes. They’ve sent some of us out to give samples.” Maud fabricated.
“Oh, of course I love muffins. Come inside.” Derpy replied, noticeably friendly to the bait.
Inside Maud took notice of the unstable appearance of furniture and knickknacks. It did (predictably) seem that things get knocked over routinely in the household. Maud internally shook her head and thought of what a liability to public property this pony could be.
The two had a seat at the dining table after Derpy put some tea on to boil. Twice that is, she spilled the first pot.
“Miss Hooves, you are a muffin enthusiast I take it? Excellent.” Maud began.
“Yeah. Mr and Mrs Cake and Pinkie make some great muffins. I love the lemon surprise. You should try it.” Derpy answered.
Maud began her preliminary mindwashing agenda with a lead on question.
“So Miss Hooves, you work delivering parcels? Have you ever wished to be a bit more efficient at what you do?” Maud asked strategically.
“In what way?” Derpy asked.
“Well consider this muffin. Look at it. Wouldn’t you hate to see it fall on the floor and get dirty? A cautious and mentally competent pony generally doesn’t drop a muffin this good. If it was a rock you wouldn’t want to drop it on your hoof either.” Maud said as if preaching propaganda.
Just then Tippy ran into the dining area.
“Hey can I have a taste of that muffin?” she asked.
“Oh yes. It’s good.” Derpy said and gave her a small taste.
“You are the best mom.” Tippy said happily.
Maud took mental note of this endearing exchange.
“Her daughter loves her. I didn’t even know she had a daughter before this and now I’m supposed to change her. Can I do this ?” Maud thought to herself with a conflict of conscience.
“Well then Miss Hooves, I just realized I actually do have another demonstration today. Perhaps I can return tomorrow and go over an amazing recipe?” Maud asked.
“Ok, that’ll work.” Derpy answered.
Maud left without even getting into a serious mental manipulation effort. The presence of the young Tippy Doo had made her question the morality of her job for perhaps the first time. Would it be right to try and change Derpy Hooves for the supposed good of society when she is already very good to the pony who matters most to her and vice versa?
When Maud made it to her room at a Ponyville hotel she began writing notes as usual.
“My preliminary effort to mindwash Derpy Hooves was a failure. The presence of a daughter in the household was not accounted for prior to the attempt and my discovery of her rendered the said attempt inopportune. Another meeting with target pony is scheduled for tomorrow .”
Maud thought about it well into night. She had mixed success sleeping with thoughts of carrying out her assignment. Maybe it was good that a problematic citizen was being rehabilitated. Yet it couldn’t be moral or fair to alter the loving persona of child’s mother. It isn’t like merely rearranging rocks on the ground.
The following day Maud returned to Derpy’s place. She simply went over a muffin recipe she got from Pinkie Pie and didn’t initiate mindwashing techniques. For the first time the efficient and valued agent of the Equestrian Security Bureau purposely avoided assignment work.
“I’m glad to see you have such a dynamic yet healthy relationship with your dear daughter Miss Hooves.” Maud remarked in a lightly deadpan way.
“I love my mommy! I wouldn't want her any other way!” Tippy squeaked after overhearing the statement.
“Well, it is a crazy world and we are lucky to have each other I guess.” Derpy responded.
In a rare occurrence, Maud Pie smiled.
Soon enough Maud departed again. That evening she began another written report. It was amazingly dissenting against her very own line of work.
“I’ve never had second thoughts about what I do before as with this case. The epiphany I’m having is incredible. As much as I believe in public safety and the welfare of society I never thought that changing a person against his or her will could negatively affect familial relations like this. When I worked on my own sister Pinkie Pie I felt only love for someone I believed had a problem. It was different. With Miss Derpy Hooves the only immediate family she has is her daughter. Her daughter does not believe there is anything wrong with her mom and loves her dearly. I don’t know how I can bring myself to complete this assignment. I need some feedback and possibly guidance .”
Maud took her sealed notes to the Ponyville courier service and had them sent certified to the ESB headquarters. She expected that the administrative team leaders wouldn’t react with enthusiasm to this change of heart. She hoped for the best. As a pony of strong personal convictions, she wouldn’t easily be troubled by the consequences of stating a firm thought in her deadpan style. Her superiors on the other hoof would be troubled by a firm thought like this. They’d probably share that trouble with Maud.
The Maud-churian Candidate
Part 3: Only One Way Out of the Bureau
It was unprecedented that Maud would reject an assignment. It was unprecedented for that matter that anypony would decline duty to the ESB. That could indeed mean an end to that pony agent's relationship with the Bureau.
Maud pondered what could be the ultimate crux of this as she twirled some small rocks around on a table in her hotel room. It had become clear. All the time she had served with the Bureau was about crushing the free will of ponies a handful of bureaucrats considered "problematic" to society. Someponies else deciding who needs to be changed. It only now occurred to Maud how arrogant this line of logic was.
"Who watches the watchers? What if they are the biggest problem with this society?" Maud thought.
The conscience issue struck Maud. She had been willing to rehabilitate her own sister Pinkie yet the thought of figuratively taking a mom away from her daughter was just too much. Maud was a pony of strong convictions when she had them and there was no condoning what the Bureau wanted her to do now. She looked at her badge quizzically.
Midnight eventually rolled around and Maud attempted to go to bed. That night Maud slept haphazardly and dreamt of a shadowed pony watching her. "Maud, Maud, Maud" was all he said.
Maud awoke to a knock on the hotel room door. She moved slowly to answer.
"This was to be delivered to this room without question. Doesn't say to who but it is stamped official royal business so who am I to doubt it?" the courier said and left a certified envelope on his way.
Maud knew what to generally expect and opened the envelope. She began reading the letter contained therein.
Agent Pie:
You requested feedback and guidance. The answer is that you should complete your assignments without question. There are procedures for correcting insubordination in every profession. With something as important and classified as the ESB there are of course higher measures of correction. You know too many high end state secrets for this attempted insubordination to be tolerated. This action borders on treason against the Royal Order. Consider yourself mandatorily discharged from the Bureau. It turns out that there's only one way out of the Bureau.
Best wishes in your remaining time, The Board
"Oh that's so ominous." Maud said aloud cynically.
Maud knew she had to really watch her steps now. Something in her heart told her to go back and tell the truth to Derpy Hooves and her daughter Tippy. She owed them and everyone targeted for the deprivation of free will the truth. Equestria deserved the knowledge of and abolition of the ESB itself.
"They won't win." Maud added with determination. She then threw her badge on the floor and stomped it into power with one strong leg motion.
As a pony as versed in the ways of the intelligence underworld Maud knew how to make her steps. A sniper could be anywhere. She donned a vest that resembled her usual drab (but was enchanted to be arrow proof) and left the hotel.
Life was now an entirely different game for Maud Pie. She had not only been separated from her established career but she had become a fugitive wanted silenced. And yet nopony in regular society would know it. All the common ponies knew was Maud Pie the emotionless rock farmer.
She proceeded to make her way to the house of Derpy Hooves and Tippy. All the while her mind was rife with thoughts of the entire situation. It was a wonder how Princess Celestia could allow such a great violation of pony rights like the ESB operation to go on. Did she know the finer details of what was happening? She'd have to answer for it one way or another when Maud exposed it, or so Maud was determined.
The entire way Maud was routinely looking over her shoulders. Any commoner pony who knew her would have taken the unusual speed of her movement with curiosity.
She reached the gate to the Hooves house. Tippy was outside playing with a ball. It reminded Maud of when she and Pinkie wear fillies having fun on the very rare occasions they could on the rock farm.
Tippy looked at Maud.
"Hey, you're the Baking Society whatchacallit pony! I'll tell mommy! I hope you brought some tasty goodies!" The fun and upbeat filly said as she darted inside.
Maud was lightly pleased that she would at least probably have a warm initial reception. Getting to the truth with Derpy Hooves would almost certainly be tougher.
It then crossed Maud in full force what could happen if she was seen by the watchers attempting to communicate with a task subject. Was this a good idea? Could everypony here be at risk? It was possible. Still, Maud felt it morally imperative to save this family from the clutches of the mindwash agenda.
Derpy arrived at the door.
"Hiya Miss Zesty! Come on in, I'll start some tea for us." Derpy said with mild cheer.
Maud was led inside and given a seat as Derpy went to the kitchen for the aforementioned tea. Maud quickly pulled out her note pad and began to hurriedly write.
This is the new itinerary. If I succeed in exposing this unjust program the Hooves family will be the first but certainly not the only ones delivered from the cruelty. My point now until my very end is to overturn the injustice I've helped strengthen in Equestria during my career in the ESB....
At which point the energetic Tippy walked up.
"Whatcha writing? A tasty new dessert recipe? A party list? Oh oh or a...." The cute filly began.
"Just some better thing I mean to do." Maud answered plainly and almost boringly.
Derpy returned to the dining area with a tray with tea cups balanced on her back with her wings. For such a supposedly clumsy mare she was well balanced and purposeful about handling the tea now.
In watching this it occurred to Maud even more now that Derpy had been marginalized wrongly as having a personality problem when in fact her vision and coordination issues were never her fault. If this was the case the ESB should have its name really taken through the mud she thought.
"Tea's ready Zesty!" Derpy said still using Maud's earlier pseudonym.
Maud took her cup and had a sip.
"Thank you Ms. Hooves. This may seem strange to you, but things of a very dynamic nature are going on. I wanna talk to you about a new recipe, a recipe of justice for you and your daughter and perhaps all Equestrians. And call me Maud." Maud began.
