explicitly stupid adventures of orange OC in the kingdom of darkness

Everypony was gathered at the town hall and I was completely ignoring what they were saying. Rainbow Dash had joined the meeting a few minutes ago and was standing to my right.

"You want something?" she asked, as she noticed that I was staring at her creepily.

"It's fine, carry on." I said, turning my attention back to the meeting.

She edged away a few steps. I silently wondered to myself if I legitimately liked her or just thought she was hot. No, I probably did like her. Out of her reasonably attractive friends, Pinkie Pie was probably the only one I could see myself with. Twilight wouldn't be bad, either, but she liked books a little too much, I might end up reading something if I go down that road. In fact, all of the princesses were pretty nice. Cadence already had Shining Armor, but Luna and Celestia... Celestia was really hot. They were both too old for me, though.

I drifted back to reality and realized that Dash probably thought I was a creep at this point. I looked at her again and let a string of drool slide out of my mouth for added effect. She trotted away to her friends, who had arrived to the meeting just then. I giggled like a little girl inside the whole time, but not enough for it to spill over into my facial expression.

No, with Rainbow Dash around I wasn't thinking clearly. I had to bide my time until the future. In the future I would do something so amazing that all the mares would want me. I consulted my gut feeling to tell me what that something would be.

"Walk more in the forest." it said.

It always said that. I already knew the Everfree up and down at this point. I'm sure Zecora knew the place better, but I could certainly find my way around. Maybe it was time to look for a bigger forest. In fact, I'd barely done anything with my life besides walking in the forest. Even my cutie mark wasn't helping. It was a single yellow horse shoe, tilted to the side a little, square in the middle of my rump. What did that even mean? Was I supposed to leave foot prints everywhere? Was I lucky? I certainly didn't have any smithing inclinations. I think it was a week before anyone even noticed I got my mark, which made it hard to pin point what caused it exactly.

I tried to pay attention to the meeting, but my attention immediately drifted off in the direction of Rainbow Dash's friends. I made a quick mental note of how hot they were. Yep, I'd probably hit any one of them. I think I really did have some feelings for Rainbow after all, why else would she seem so special among a group of reasonably hot ponies? Maybe there was some spell that made Rainbow Dash attractive to young geeky colts, maybe I wasn't special. No, I was pretty sure I was. Sure, she'd do better with an athletic type, but I wasn't going to compromise my libido with mere logical improbabilities. I could be pretty athletic myself, walking in the woods all day isn't that easy, you know. My only concern was that she might have been slightly taller than me. Oh, and also I didn't have any wings.

That wouldn't be a problem for long, though. Occasionaly ponies went from one type to another throughout their life time, it was some sort of thing that the magic of friendship did to preserve the balance between the three pony races, or something. Parents were often informed about such a connection at birth, and my father was told that I had a particularly strong one. He immediately sent me off to magic school to get me an early start on life, assuming I'd be a unicorn like he wanted, but I was quite sure I was going to turn into a pegasus. As soon as he died I made sure to get the magic books as far away from me as possible and was left living in my mother's attic like a typical loser. I had to admit I'd pretty much wasted the initial part of my life trying to learn magic, but there was more there than met the eye. I just had to make sure I didn't get into any relationships before I could score a legitimately impressive female.

I slipped out of the meeting through the back of the crowd and trotted off over the bridge. All that thinking reminded me that I hadn't taken my walk in several days and I had plenty of walking energy stored up.