Lyra & Sasquatch

Soon after a period of unconsciousness, the hairy monster found himself lying on a small bed. His long legs were hanging over the edge, and the blanket could barely cover his entire body. The walls were coated in a mixture of light-blue with cyan green, which somehow gave him a worse headache than before. The monster looked out the window to see that it was still daylight. On the left side of the monster, he heard a ticking sound that was bothering him. He grabbed what was making the annoying sound, a weird circle with strange markings that formed a circle on the inside. He put the cold metal circle on the side of his face, then he played with it with his fingers.

The metal circle ranged and chimed loudly. The monster felt the vibrations on his hairy palms, and hastily tried to remove it from his hands. He threw the circle on the bed, but the ringing would not cease. He growled and roared, and covered his ears with his large hands.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Lyra said. She came in the room with a tray of teacups and a teapot. “I hope you like herbal tea,” she chimed.

The beast could no longer bare the constant ringing of the evil circle, so he grabbed the object and threw it into the wooden floor. The circle was shattered into tiny pieces of cogs and bolts. “Oh no!” Lyra gasped, “You broke Bon-Bon’s clock!” The monster performed his celebratory pounding of his chest. Lyra placed the tea set on a dresser and magically summoned a broom and dustpan. “You shouldn’t have done that,” she chastised, “you don’t break things that don’t belong to you.” The monster growled frustratingly in response.

“I’m going to have to teach you some manners,” Lyra said as she dumped the pieces of the clock into the waste bin. “But first, let’s have some tea. You had a long morning, and I want to make it up to you.” She used her magic to pour tea into a small teacup, and levitated it to the monster. The beast stared at the white glass cup that was floated in front of him. “Go on, take it,” said Lyra, “it won’t bite.” It took him a few tries before he actually held the teacup in his hand. When he looked inside the cup, all he saw was a steaming tan liquid with an odd smell. “That’s tea,” said Lyra. “You drink it like this -” she placed the cup on her mouth and took a small sip. “Now you try.” The monster slowly brought the white cup into his mouth, and like the unicorn who captured him, he took a drank of the contents inside.

He immediately spat out the tea and waved his hand over his tongue, while making a series of painful grunts. “Too hot?” Lyra asked. He jumped out of the bed and ran out of the room, searching desperately for anything that would cool his tongue. It was not long until he found the bathroom. He ran toward the sink, but had no idea of how the darn thing worked. So he went to the toilet and drank out of it. “Monster?” Lyra called out from the hall. “There you are. You were suppose to take small sips, not drink the whole thing.” The monster grunted and made frantic hand gestures around his mouth, then pointed to the toilet. “You drank from the toilet? Monster, you’re not a dog. Well, you are big and hairy like one.” The hairy beast growled and snarled at the little unicorn’s remark. Lyra back out of the bathroom, but she quickly gained her composure. “Okay monster, enough fooling around. Come on, we got more stuff to do.” She grabbed his hand and led him out of the bathroom. “I don’t know what your name is, so I’m going to call you… hmmm, you have large feet. I’m going to call you Sasquatch.”

Lyra held her forearm to her face and looked at her watch. It read 12:45 p.m. - just enough time for her to find clothes and other things for the monster before Bon-Bon came home. “Sasquatch, in a few minutes I’m going to town to find stuff for you,” Lyra told the giant. “I’m going to show you a few things around the house, but when I’m gone I want you to be on your best behavior. Do you understand? Sasquatch?”

He was gone. She heard low grunts coming from one of the rooms on the top floor. When she entered the room he was in, she found articles of clothing scattered all around the floor. Sasquatch was inside the closet, throwing them across the floor. The monster emerged from the closed with a pair of undergarments in his hands, which he then placed over his head. “Hey!” Lyra yelled. She levitated the underwear from him and slapped his hand. “That’s not for you!” He snarled at the mint-green unicorn. Lyra put on a stern expression and said, “Seriously Sasquatch, you have to behave while I’m gone.”

Sasquatch and Lyra traveled downstairs and into the kitchen. While he was unconscious earlier, she glued the broken glass plates together as well as the table. Hopefully Bon-Bon won’t notice, Lyra thought to herself. “Okay, listen up. There’s food in the fridge,” she said as she pointed to the refrigerator. “There’s leftover mac and cheese and creamed spinach. You just need to heat it up using the microwave, which is this thing -” She pointed to a square which had the same strange markings as the clock he destroyed. “You just press the numbers and it lights up and the heats them.” She then led him out of the kitchen and into the living room. As they were walking, Lyra saw the rollerskate he slipped on not too long ago. She picked it up with her magic and threw it in the closet next to her. Lyra and the monster stood between a couch and a small television set. “And if you get bored, there’s a TV you can watch,” she said pointed to the medium sized black box. Sasquatch leaned close and knocked on the glass a few times.

“Here, let me show you.” Lyra levitated the TV remote and press the big red button on the top. The monster jumped right out of his fury skin when he saw two smaller ponies on the box. He screamed loudly at the ponies who were smiling at him for some reason. He grabbed for the nearest blunt object he could find and prepared to kill the ponies trapped inside the magic box. However, Lyra quickly turned it off, and monster was once again amazed by their disappearance. “I can see you’re not a TV pony,” she joked. She took a look at her watch, and it read 12:55 p.m. Bon-Bon would not be home by 3:30, which gave her enough time to think of way to hide him.

“Okay Sasquatch, I’ll be gone for a little while, so I want you to stay here,” Lyra commanded. “Don’t open the door for anypony, okay? Not until I get back.” She grabbed her purse, giving one last look at the confused creature. “Behave.” Lyra took her steps out of the house, leaving the hairy giant alone this strange new world.

While Lyra was walking, she took the time to think about how she was going to explain to Bon-Bon about their unexpected houseguest. I could tell her he’s a cousin with from out of town and has an extreme hair growth disorder, she thought to herself. “And if she asks how he is standing on two feet, I could just say he… entered the next stage in evolution?” she asked herself. “No no, I can’t say that, that wouldn’t make any sense.”

The thrift shop was in view. She’ll have time to think about this later, right now it was time to buy a disguise for Sasquatch. Inside the shop there were rows and rows of old and used shirts, pants, hats, everything Lyra needed. She bought a nice looking member’s only jacket, a cool looking fedora, a multicolored scarf, a bow tie, a propeller hat, an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt - and it was all for fifteen bits!

With her thrift shop adventure out of the way, Lyra thought it was a good time to stop by the Ponyville Library. There might be some useful books about all this, she thought to herself. The unicorn let herself, and was greeted by a certain purple unicorn.

“Hello Lyra,” said Twilight.

“What’s up Twilight,” said Lyra.

“Just the ceiling. And my telescope.”

“Very funny,” Lyra said. “This morning I found a… stray dog while taking a walk and I wanted to adopt him. Do you have any books on how to take care of dogs?”

“A stray dog?”

“Yeah, a stray dog. When I found him he was so… helpless and confused. I thought I’d be doing a good thing if I gave him a place to live,” she said. “Who knows how long that dog might have spent in the forest all on his lonesome.”

“Are you sure Bon-Bon is okay with you bringing animals in the house?” Twilight asked. “Remember what happened last time you brought home a strange animal without her permission? You ended up stealing precious jewels from Canterlot.”

“Hey! How was I supposed to know that cat belonged to an evil mastermind? Anyway, is there a good book on dog care?”

“There was, but the last one was checked out a couple of days ago, and the estimate wait is two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Lyra asked incredulously. “But I can’t wait that long!”

“I’m very sorry, Lyra, but that’s the only thing you can do now. How about watching the Animal Channel and watch shows about dogs - or better yet, talk to Fluttershy, she knows a lot about caring for canines.”

“Fluttershy, of course! Thanks Twi, and I have to go now.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, and Lyra, what’s with the bag of used clothes?”

“These? I’m just trying out different styles, you know, for fun.”

“Does this have anything to do with… ?”

“Believe me, I am over that,” Lyra said seriously. “I’m interested in aliens now.”

“Aliens?! But they’re… how can you... at least you got over your obsession.”

“Yep.”

“Well, good-bye Lyra.”

The trip to Twilight’s home didn’t go as plan, but at least she knew what to do now. When she looked at her watch it read 1:35. She figured she could at least drop by Fluttershy’s home and have a conversation about taking care of dogs, even if there was never an actual dog in the equation.

Sasquatch was still not sure of how the magic box worked. He looked all the sides, the glass screen, and examined the little colored snakes that connected to the back of it. All day he tried to see the little ponies who were trapped inside the box, so he could fight them and chase them away. He banged the magic box with his fists, but the ponies refuse to come out. He also yelled and growled at it a few times, but there was still no response. Angered by their insolence, he threw the short magic stick at the black box. The ponies reappeared once more, which the hair-covered beast jump on the couch in fright.

“We now return to Honey Fru-Fru, on the Learning Network!” the disembodied voice told him. The monster’s scream bellowed throughout the house at the most horrific sight. The magic box showed him an ugly little filly, her face covered in a horrendous amount of makeup that was offensive to the eyes.

“I’m Honey Fru-Fru, and I’m gonna be a beauty queen!” the filly proclaimed. “I eat ‘sketti and butter e’ryday, and I don’t give two flanks about it, marefriend!”

The beast let out an agonizing roar and picked up the talking box. With brute force he tossed the box through a glass window. He celebrated his victory by pounding his chest and throwing his arms in the air, yelling at the heavens above. In the midst of his victory screech, there was a knock at the door. “Hello? Lyra, are you okay?” the voice behind the door asked. “I saw the TV being thrown out the window. Did you lose the lottery again?” Sasquatch marched toward the door and swung it open. He greeted the pony in front of him with loud menacing grunts. “Yipe!” the pony yelled. Like a bolt of lightning, the frightened pony dashed away from the house. The satisfied savage returned to his animalistic activities.

“Thanks, Fluttershy,” said Lyra. She waved the pegasus good-bye and exited her home with a list of things she needed to do to take care of a dog, or in this case, Sasquatch. According to her watch it was now 2:35 p.m. She would have left earlier if Fluttershy had not insisted that have tea together. At least she had enough time to make it back home before Bon-Bon returned from work. Suddenly, she paused during her trot home. Lyra looked at the pile of clothes she carried on her saddlebag, and the list of dog caring necessities on her hoof.

“Wait a minute,” Lyra said to herself. “I’m trying to dress him up like an ordinary pony, even though he stands on two legs, but I’m also treating him like a pet dog…” She tried to add this factors together, but the resulting equation did not match up. “I think I need to have a chat with my inner filly.” Lyra closed her eyes for ten seconds. When she open them, a smaller version of herself appeared in front of her. “Little Lyra,” Big Lyra said, “I need some advice.”

“What is it,” Little Lyra asked.

“A few weeks ago, I found a big hairy monster in the forest and I visited whenever I went for a walk. This morning I set a trap for it, knocked it out by accident, even though it wasn’t directly my fault, and now he living in my - uh, I mean Bon-Bon’s house. I purchased these clothes from the thrift shop to dress him up, but I also went to Fluttershy for dog caring advice, and to be honest these two things I’ve done don’t add up. What am I doing wrong?”

“... I don’t know,” Little Lyra answered. “I guess holding him against his will is wrong.”

“Should I let him go?”

“No.”

“So I should keep him trapped in our house and strip him of his dignity, despite the fact that I acknowledge that it’s wrong?”

“... Yes.”

“Okay. Thank you, filly version of me that lives in my head.” Little Lyra returned to the part of Lyra’s mind that projected images she wanted to see. “She’s right, foal-napping somepony is A-OK, as long as I acknowledge that it’s wrong.”

Lyra wasn’t even a few inches from the front door, and she could already tell that something was wrong. She gasped in horror when she saw the broken TV sitting on the emerald lawn. “Oh no,” she whispered. Lyra ran frantically to the front door, and entered her house to see the living room destroyed. She was in a state of shock, her mouth hung opened. Lyra heard clashing sounds coming from kitchen, followed by an angry snarl. When she ran to see what it was, she found Sasquatch with his hand stuck in a cookie jar. On top of that, the sink was overflowing with water, broken eggshells and dinner plates were scattered across the floor and the table was once again turned over itself. “Sasquatch!” Lyra yelled, “what are you doing?!” He roared at Lyra when he could not free his hand from the cookie jar. He dashed toward a counter top and smashed the jar into pieces, freeing his hand and releasing the chocolate chip cookies. “Stop that!” Lyra yelled again. “Look what you did! Bon-Bon is going to home soon! I ask you to behave yourself, and you managed to destroy the TV and obliterate the kitchen! What am I going to tell her now?!”

“Rrrrarrrghh!” was all he could say. He marched out of the kitchen for another misadventure. He yelled in pain when Lyra threw a baseball at the back of his head. “Oh no, you’re not going anywhere!” she told him. “First, you are going to put these on!” She tossed the thrift shop clothes at the his. “Afterward, you are going to help me clean this mess up!” The monster answered back in the form of a teethful growl. Lyra threw another baseball that struck him in the face. “Go on, put on those clothes! I said now!”

Another long day of work was over for Bon-Bon. The cream-colored pony wanted nothing more than to relax in her own home. “What a day,” she said to herself. “I hope Lyra hadn’t gone out and done anything stupid. She should really consider finding a job.”

She thought about what the two were going to have for dinner, maybe some that leftover macaroni and cheese and creamed spinach. Bon-Bon might still have those fresh potatoes to make stew. She’ll probably have a chance to teach Lyra how to cook. Bon-Bon hummed a happy tune to herself when she only a few inches away from the front door. Upon inspection, she came upon a terrible sight - the front glass window was shattered. “Oh no!” she whispered. Bon-Bon sprinted inside the house and saw that the TV was missing.

“Lyra!” she yelled. “Lyra, where are you?! What happened to the window and the TV?!” she asked frantically.

“Bon-Bon?” somepony called from upstairs. Lyra ran downstairs and greeted Bon-Bon with a carefree smile, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Welcome home. How was work?”

“What happened?!”

“Oh, that?” Lyra said, looking at the empty spot where the TV was and the broken window. “... I lost the lottery. Again. Sorry.”

“Honestly Lyra, is winning the lottery that important to you?!”

“Not always. I have tons of things that are important to me. Like oxygen… and the earth… and Groundhog Day.”

“Remind me to call a repairpony tomorrow,” Bon-Bon sighed. “I’m going upstairs to recuperate myself.”

Bon-Bon carried herself up the steps, while Lyra remained still in the living room. She waited for something to happen in a few seconds, if not minutes. Lyra had this scenario play out in her head throughout the day, and she already had an idea of what she going to say. She observe the second hand on her hoofwatch tick away the time. She could hear Bon-Bon opening up the door to their bedroom. “3… 2… 1.”

“LYRA, THERE’S A MONSTER IN THE HOUSE!”