Lyra & Sasquatch

Bon-Bon and Sasquatch were engaged in a contest to determined which one of them could scream the loudest. If there were judges available, they would probably give Bon-Bon a 8.5 and Sasquatch a 10.0, maybe even higher.

To afraid to continue the match any longer, Bon-Bon ran out of the room and shut the door behind her. She panted in rapid motion, her heart felt as though it was about to burst from her chest. She could hear Sasquatch run amok in their room, possibly breaking things and yelling. “Lyra, help me!” she yelled.

“Bon-Bon!” Lyra called out as she approached her roommate. “Calm down, Bon-Bon, just take deep breaths.”

“How can I calm down?!” she yelled. “There’s a big hairy monster in our room! How did he get here?!”

“I was meaning to tell you something…”

“That you brought another strange animal into my house?!” she asked angrily.

“No, that’s my… cousin, from Hoofington Valley. He’s visiting for a while,” she said with a weak smile.

“You expect me to believe that… that thing is a family member of your’s?!”

“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you about it later, but right now I need you to help me to calm him down. He doesn’t like yelling, screaming, or loud noises. If one pony screams then he screams. It’s a problem he had since third grade.” Bon-Bon raised her forearms and aimed them at Lyra’s neck. She stopped when she the loud yelling of Sasquatch and the clattering increased. Lyra could see a huge vein throb on Bon-Bon’s forehead. She gained her composure and the two ponies slowly opened the door to find Sasquatch running around and throwing random objects across the room. Bon-Bon’s right eye twitched as she gritted her teeth.

“Hey big guy, calm down,” Lyra said, putting both of her hooves on the monster. Sasquatch refused to obey her order, and carried on his destruction of the bedroom. “Lyra, if you don’t calm that thing down, so help me I’ll--” Lyra ran out of the room, leaving poor Bon-Bon alone with Sasquatch. “Lyra come back here! Don’t leave me here with him!” A minute later, the unicorn came back levitating a whistle. She inhaled a large amount of oxygen and blew on the it. Bon-Bon could not hear anything, but it was affecting the monster. Sasquatch covered his ears and trembled on the floor in pain. Then she levitated a chocolate cookie, which floated in front of his face.

“You want this?” Lyra asked. Sasquatch stopped scream and let his pupils follow the floating cookie. “Lyra, what are you doing?” Bon-Bon asked. She gave no response, keeping her focus on controlling Sasquatch. “Will you behave for me,” Lyra asked him. Sasquatch tried to reach for the cookie until Lyra used a fly swatter to slap his hand. He growled in pain, but she would not have any of it. “Behave! Then you can have cookie!” Sasquatch growled once more, but Lyra held the fly swatter over his face. He stopped growling and stood up straight. “Good boy, here’s the cookie.” Sasquatch grabbed the cookie from Lyra and ate it, and was almost well. “Sasquatch, this is my friend, Bon-Bon. Bon-Bon, this is Cousin Sasquatch.”

“... I see.”

Bon-Bon was going to say something else, but she furrowed her brow. She raised her nose and sniffed the air with a disgusted look on her face. To her horror, she found a brown steaming pile sitting in the corner.

“Wha… is… why is… ?”

“Yeah, while you and Sasquatch were screaming at each other, he literally had the crap scared out of him,” Lyra explained. “It’s another problem he had since third grade.” Bon-Bon’s cream-colored coat turned a sickly green. She dashed out of the room and straight into the bathroom.

“Don’t worry, he says he sorry!”

Apple Bloom was playing with Wynonna the Dog on the bright green grass on the Apple farm while her brother and sister were hard at work. They played a multitude of games that involved the throwing of some kind of object, from a frisbee to a baseball to just a plain stick.

“Come on now, Wynonna,” Apple Bloom playfully said. “Grab the stick! Grab it, grab it!” Wynonna ecstatically leaped circles around the yellow filly. She finally gained her prize when her mouth made contact with the stick. “Good girl!” Apple Bloom said. Wynonna laid on her back and Bloom scratched her furry belly. The dog stood up and gave Apple Bloom the stick back, prompted her to throw it across the field. “Get it for me, Wynonna!” she said. The canine ran toward where the stick was thrown, and disappeared.

“Wynonna? Are ya there?” Apple Bloom asked. Wynonna sure was taking a long time finding the stick. Apple Bloom ran through the the tall grassy field to search for her dog. When she found her, Wynonna was standing perfectly still, staring at the sky. “Wynonna? What’s wrong girl?”

Without a single bark, Wynonna ran from Apple Bloom, going to whatever it was that demanded her attention.

“Wynonna?! Where are ya going?! Wynonna!”

It took a long time for Lyra to reconnect the TV, but she managed to repair the damaged Sasquatch created. “There, good as new,” she said. She retreated to the couch and held the remote with her magic. She pressed the big red button, but the television failed to turn on.  “Ah, my favorite show,” she said with content. She laid back, relax and enjoyed watching nothing.

Bon-Bon came stomping down the stairs and glared straight into Lyra’s eyes. The vein was still throbbing on her forehead, not to mention her left eye had not stopped twitching for quite sometime. Lyra tried to smile, but the gravitational force of Bon-Bon extreme frown weighed her down. “Care to explain?” Bon-Bon asked interrogatively.

“Okay. Um… Sasquatch, as I told you earlier is my cousin from Hoofington Valley,” Lyra said. “He’s big and hairy because… his father was a bear, and his mother was a… pony,” she explained through her nervous smile. The glaring face of Bon-Bon made Lyra shift in her seat. “... He’s only visiting for a little while, then he is going back to Hoofington Valley to do… stuff with his parents.”

Bon-Bon gave no response, not even a nod of acknowledgement. The bitterness in her frown grew deeper and deeper.

“... Nothing?”

“You really expect me to believe that creature that is under my roof is some kind of relative of your’s?” Bon-Bon asked angrily. “Do you really expect me to believe that thing has some kind of genetic birth defect due to some idiotic interspecies coupling?! How stupid do you think I am?!” Bon-Bon’s face was touching Lyra’s. The unicorn could feel the scorching fury of her roommate emanating from her, so she shrunk down into size. “Now listen here, Lyra! You are going to tell me the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, or I swear by the Gods of Hasbro I’m going to kick you and that thing out of here!”

Lyra bowed her head and sighed. She sat up from the couch and stood in front of her furious roommate. “Sasquatch, come in here,” she called out. “Sasquatch? Sasquatch?!” she called out again when he did not arrive.

“Oh great, what is it now?!” Bon-Bon asked.

“Don’t worry, he’s probably here somewhere, maybe hiding from you,” Lyra suggested. She said the last part quietly so Bon-Bon could not hear her. First, Lyra searched for him in the kitchen, maybe trying to find something to eat, but he was not there. Then she ran upstairs to check if he was in any of the rooms. “Lyra, what the heck is going on?!” Bon-Bon asked. “Bon-Bon, please, I’m trying to find him right now,” Lyra responded.

“It’s a small house, Lyra! It can’t be that hard to find him!”

Lyra dashed through all the rooms on the top floor. She could not find the big guy anywhere. She felt herself shaking internally, and her hooves were beginning to sweat. Then she remembered she let him out in the backyard. Feeling relieved, she ran downstairs to the back door. “Sasquatch? Are you here?” she called. The gleaming smile on her face went downward on what had transpired in the backyard. There was a huge Sasquatch-shape whole on the fence.

“Oh boy… “

Sasquatch had never been in a place like this. Everyone here was a horse just the one that captured him. There were many of them in different sizes and colors. Some could fly, others were strong, and some were magical. He wanted to explore this strange new world he was forced in.

His first stop was in a record store. He knocked the glass door down and invited himself in. The store patrons gasped and screamed at the hairy beast that emerged in front of them. As they screamed, he also screamed and shoved the CD shelves on the ground.

“Hey dude, you can’t be in here!” the cashier warned. “This store is for paying customers only!”

Sasquatch would not have any of that. He marched toward the counter and snatched the pony by the collar of his shirt. He threw him across the store and screeched in victory. “That’s it’s dude, I’m calling cops, bro!” the cashier said when he got up. Sasquatch, who now bored of the music store, marched out elsewhere.

When he was outside, ponies everywhere were running for their lives. The running and the screaming gave Sasquatch a headache, so he had no choice but to run and scream as well. “Rrrarrgh!” he yelled.

“Run for your lives!” A mare screamed, “A giant monster is on the loose!” She snatched her children and flee from the town. Sasquatch, hearing the news that their was a monster, did a double take to make sure the monster was not anywhere near him. “Arrrghrr!” he yelled again.

Sasquatch approached a cookie cart that parked itself just outside the shopping center. He banged his fists on the counter, demanding that he have a cookie this instant. “Ugh ugh, oo, awooahaoo!” he grunted. The small pony abandoned his post, leaving Sasquatch to gather as many cookies as he can. He shoved them all in his mouth, and he ran to another destination.

A colt with a propeller hat was eating an ice cream cone when he and Sasquatch crossed paths. They stood still, completely at awe at each other’s appearance. After a pause of bewilderment, Sasquatch snatched the ice cream from the colt’s hooves, and ate it in one gulp, which resulted in a painful brain freeze. “Mama, he stoled my ice cream!” the colt yelled. His mother immediately grabbed him and ran away in fright, leaving Sasquatch on his knees, screaming, trying to unfreeze his brain.

A pink mare was merrily skipping to her heart’s delight, completely oblivious to the chaos that is happening around her. She watched the ponies run the opposite direction she was skipping. “Wow, is there a marathon going on,” she asked herself. She ceased her blissful skipping when she found what was causing all of the reckus. A giant hairy monster was on his knees, his hands on his head, screaming. “Wow! What is that thing?” The monster got on his feet, and ran around in circles. Then he punched a stallion so hard that the stallion in question went flying straight onto a church bell. “Whoa! He’s strong!” The monster shook his fist at the sky, and climbed on top of a building and stood on the roof. He jumped off the roof and landed face first on the ground, then got up and repeated the process ten more times. “Awww, the poor thing wants to fly,” the pink mare said.

She wanted to get close to it, and probably take him to someplace fun. Before she make her move on the monster, he ran to another direction, possibly to spread more terror. “Aw shot! I gotta find that monster! He was so… so… hairy!” She pulled out a flying machine from her backpack and hopped on, peddling so fast that the propellers were in motion, and the machine hovered upward. “Let’s do this!” she said to herself.

“HE’S WHAT?!” Bon-Bon asked.

“He’s gone. Sorry.”

“How can you lose a giant hairball like that! What is wrong with you, Lyra?!”

“I left him in the backyard earlier. I guess he got bored and went for walk,” she said. “Don’t worry, Bon-Bon, I’m sure he’s not causing any trouble.”

“Well go find him, and bring him back here!” Bon-Bon demanded.

“What’s the magic word?”

“Now!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go find him.” Lyra took hold of her saddlebag and exited the house, leaving a fuming, red-hot Bon-Bon behind. Once she was outside, a dog was sitting obediently in front of her. “Oh, aren’t you Applejack’s dog? What was it - Cher, Prince… eh… Wynonna, that’s it.” The dog barked and its tail wagged when it heard its name. “Sorry Wynonna, I can’t play with you right now. I have to go find somepony. Why don’t go back to Applejack? I’m pretty sure she’s looking for you.”

Lyra patted Wynonna on her head and went off to find Sasquatch. She thought about where he might be and how to catch him. While she was thinking, Wynonna came up to her side. “Wynonna, I can’t play with you, I’m very busy,” Lyra said.

“Arf!” said Wynonna.

“You want to help me?”

“Arf!”

“What am I looking for?”

“Arf!”

“I’m looking for a big hairy monster I found this morning.”

“Arf!”

“You can smell him? Okay, let’s go!”

Wynonna lowered her head and sniffed the ground, with Lyra on tow.

“How could ya lose Wynonna, Apple Bloom?” Applejack asked in shock.

“I don’t know what happened! We were playing along just fine, then she started acting strange. Then she just up and left.”

“If that’s the case, we’re marching straight into town this instant,” Applejack said. She put her trademark stetson on her blonde head and hung her lasso on her waist. Applejack and her little sister left the house, down the path the led out of the farm, not before she approached Big Mac, who was doing some heavy lifting. “Don’t wait up, Big Mac. Tell Granny we’re going to find Wynonna.”

“Eeyup,” Mac said. He watched his two sisters run out of sight into town. Mac put his hoof, in a moment of deep thought. “I think I have to talk with my inner colt,” he said. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and a significantly younger version of himself stood in front of him. “Little Mac,” Big Mac said. “I have a situation.”

“What is it?” Little Mac asked.

“This morning I found Lyra acting strange and trying to drag a heavy box back home. I offered to help, but she was acting mighty strange. On top of that, our dog is gone. I think it has something to do with her. What do you make of all this?”

“It’s really simple Big Mac. You see, the conscious mind acts in a way to block the external inconsistencies of the process of which we make do on our collective thought as a meaning to our struggle of the inexplicability of the conscious mind that binds everything in the universal construct of ourselves, therefore before putting all things aside for our minds to culminate in a systematic downward spiral of all things, we exclude ourselves from the bindings that leave us in a state of enlightenment.”

“... In other words, I shouldn’t do a darn thing about it?”

“Exactly.”

“... Thank you?” The young version of Macintosh returned to Big Macintosh’s mind. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his duties.