Lyra & Sasquatch

Sasquatch’s snores were loud enough to awake the smallest colts in Ponyville. It was suddenly his afternoon nap and he slept on the middle of the street for everypony to see, but nopony dared to come close to the sleeping beast. Lyra, Twilight and Spike stood guard over him while the locals looked on.

“When is he going to wake up?” Spike asked. “I feel weird standing over here.”

“He’ll be awake soon. Don’t worry,” said Lyra. A crowd formed around them but they kept their distance. Some looked on in confusion while others watched in fear and disgust. Despite the murmurs, Lyra knew what they were talking about. Questions of whether Sasquatch has died even came up.

“Why is everypony staring at us?” asked Spike.

“Because there is a giant hairy monster sleeping in the middle of the street,” Lyra said. Grunting noises startled her and she found that Sasquatch was about to wake from his afternoon slumber. As he picked himself off of the ground, the crowd dispersed quickly like frightened deer. Sasquatch yawned and scratched his thighs and head. “You had a nice rest buddy?” Lyra asked.

“Maybe we should continue with finding a friendship lesson for Mr. Sasquatch,” Twilight said. “I was thinking Sweet Apple Acres might have one waiting for him.”

“Whoa, wait, Applejack’s place?” Lyra asked. “I don’t know.”

“Why not? It would be perfect.”

“Applejack thought Sasquatch tried to eat her dog,” Lyra said. “Which clearly did not happened.”

“Don’t worry Lyra, I’m pretty sure she has forgotten about by now. Applejack is not the type of pony that holds grudges.”

“I don’t know, I think I’m with Lyra on this,” Spike said. “Couldn’t we try somepony easier, like Fluttershy? Or perhaps Pinkie?”

“We’re going to Sweet Apple Acres and that’s final,” Twilight said. Lyra and Spike gave each other unsure looks while Sasquatch was still confused to what was happening. Without any further arguments, everypony followed Twilight to Sweet Apple Acres.

The eldest of the Apple siblings, Applejack and Macintosh, were seated at opposite ends of the kitchen table. Applejack held her head with her forehooves, deep in thought. Mac held a newspaper along with a pencil, trying to complete a crossword puzzle.

“Big Mac, is it normal that I find myself wearing stallion clothes and going to bars at night to pick up fillies?” Applejack asked.

“... Who the heck starts a conversation like that?!”

Before things became awkward, they both heard three knocks on the front door. Applejack decided that she would open it, already feeling that she embarrassed herself in front of her brother. A friendly, but ugly sight greeted her - Lyra, Twilight, Spike… and the monster from last night.

“What in tarnation?!” Without a moment to react, Sasquatch was suddenly tackled to the ground by the orange farmpony. She grabbed her lasso that was hidden under her stetson and she tied Sasquatch’s arms and legs together.

“Applejack, wait!” Lyra yelled.

“Don’t worry y’all! I got that dang monster on his feet! Now somepony call animal control!”

“Applejack, stop! He’s with us,” Lyra said.

“Pardon?”

“You probably missed the memo, but Princess Celestia wants us to teach him about friendship.” Applejack looked down at Sasquatch, who was squirming and growling at her. Then she looked to Lyra and Twilight. Spike was hiding under the porch steps.

“You mean this monster here is going to be living with us?”

“Yep, that was the deal.”

Applejack did not want to do it. If it was up to her, she would have kept him tied up and sold him to the farthest mine field in Equestria, but as mentioned, it was an order from the Royal Sisters. With a defeated sigh she untied the rope, releasing Sasquatch’s arms and legs. Sasquatch jumped to his feet and growled at her, but Lyra ran to him before he could do any harm.

“Relax, buddy,” she said. “She didn’t mean it. Her name is Applejack. She’s our friend.”

“Twilight, did anypony die?” Spike asked, still hiding under the porch steps.

“Everything’s okay Spike, you can stop hiding now.” Spike climbed from under the steps and joined the others. Twilight thought it was a good idea to continue the discussion inside.

“So… what is he?” Applejack asked. Everypony sat around the table watching Sasquatch devour a whole basket of fresh apples. It fascinated, as well as disgusted most of them.

“I’m not sure,” said Lyra. “I think he’s kind of like a mix between a gorilla and a bear.”

“A gorilla? There ain’t no gorillas around these here parts.”

“I don’t know what he is either,” Twilight added. “I’ve never seen anything like him before.”

“I think he’s a new evolutionary species,” Spike said. He shifted uncomfortably when all eyes were on him. “Not that I care or anything.”

“So what are y’all doing with him?” Macintosh asked.

“Well, we’re trying to teach him the values of friendship,” Lyra answered. “The only problem is that nopony wants to be friends with Sasquatch… at all.”

“I can’t say I blame them, after what he done the other day,” Applejack said. “Scaring everypony, almost destroying the town, and trying to eat my dog.”

Lyra groaned under her breath, knowing she had to speak up for her new friend. “Applejack, the whole thing with Fiona Apple…”

“Her name’s Wynonna Apple!”

“Whatever. The whole thing with Wynonna wasn’t Sasquatch’s fault. It was my fault - yesterday, Fluttershy gave me this special whistle that I can use on him, I didn’t know why Wynonna was following me around. It wasn’t until I woke up in the middle of the night and realized it was a dog whistle.”

“So that’s why she ran off,” Applejack said.

“Exactly. I don’t think Sasquatch eats dogs.”

“Not that we know of,” Spike said.

“Not helping.”

“Don’t worry Applejack, as long as Sasquatch is with Lyra and I, everything will be a-okay,” Twilight said. “You can trust us.”

“I still don’t know if I’m okay with him out and about in public,” said Applejack. “I know little foals will have a fright by just looking at him.”

“Not to worry Jackie,” Lyra said.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry, but besides the whole terrorizing the town last night, he’s a total teddy bear, right Sasquatch? Sasquatch?” The basket of apples was empty, as was the chair Sasquatch was sitting on. When they heard grunts coming from the living room everypony decided to see what was happening, only to find Sasquatch trying to operate the telephone. Sasquatch held the receiver on his head and accidently pressed the speed dial button. The phone rang until somepony from the other line answered.

“This is Braeburn at your service.”

“Rrragh.”

“Hello?”

“Rrrgghhh.”

“Hello?”

“Grrrrlll…”

“... Big Mac is that you?”

“GrrrRarrrgh.”

“You don’t sound too good. What’s wrong with ya?”

“Blarrgh!”

“You sound like you have a mighty sore throat. Well, drink plenty of vitamin C, get a good rest, and don’t talk too much. I’ll call ya back when ya feel all better. Tell Applejack and Apple Bloom I said hi!” Braeburn hung up, which sent Sasquatch on a frenzy. He yelled at the dial tone and pointed it out to the others watching him, wishing somepony would explain this sorcery to him.

“We’re trying to teach him social skills,” Lyra explained.

“Good luck with that,” said Mac.

Agent Nighthawk finally arrived in Ponyville. From the look of all of the construction, he indicated that a monster had indeed laid waste to the small town. He took out his small notepad and wrote down everything he had seen the moment he arrived.

“Destroyed homes and shops. Construction workers. Residents in fear.”

Nighthawk gave a self-imposed tour of Ponyville. It seemed like a nice, quiet place to live, much different from the city he was raised in. He continued to adore the scenery until he stepped on a large footprint on the ground. Intrigued, he took out his magnifying glass and inspected it. Nighthawk took a sample of the dust and placed it under the magnifying glass. Once he was finished, he pulled out his notepad again and wrote his analysis.

“Large footprint. Not hoof shaped. Giant gorilla?”

“Hi sir,” a boyish voiced said. Agent Nighthawk turned around and saw a small brown colt with a propellor hat.

“Oh. Hello kid.”

“I’m Button Mash, what’s your’s?”

“Nighthawk. Agent Nighthawk.”

“Cool! What are you doing?”

“That, I cannot reveal to civilians as young as you. I’m on a very important assignment given to me from very important ponies. Why don’t you go play ball or something?” Button Mash looked down to where Nighthawk was kneeling and saw a giant footprint.

“Are you here about the monster?”

“I’m here for… wait, you know about the monster attack?” asked Nighthawk.

“Yeah! He was big and hairy, and he stole my ice cream!” This was a new development for Nighthawk. Maybe this kid could be a bit of help after all.

“Where is the monster? Is he still here?”

“I haven’t seen him since yesterday, but Rainbow Dash hit it with lightning. It was so cool!”

“But he is still here, right?”

“Probably,” Button answered. Nighthawk put a hoof under his chin to contemplate things. It was against the rules to include minors in investigations, but this child has seen the monster with his own eyes. He looked at the footprint behind him one last time before he gave Button his answer.

“Listen kid, I’m not supposed to be doing this, but will you help me - in secret - find the monster?”

“You bet!”

“Great.” He took out a small briefcase from his suit jacket and opened it, only to release a similar suit in Button’s size. “Put these on. You’re going to wearing it for quite a while.”

“Wow! This is just like Ponies in Black!”

“That’s right son, just like Ponies in Black…”

It was time for Lyra, Twilight, Spike, and Sasquatch to leave the Apple farm. Sasquatch was carrying another basket of apples, as an offering of peace from Applejack.

“Look here, uh… Sasquatch. No hard feelings, alright? I’m sorry for accusing you for eating Wynonna and tackling you on the ground like that.” She extended her hoof to him, however Sasquatch backed away and hooted.

“No, Sasquatch, she wants you to shake her hoof,” Lyra said. “Like this.” Lyra took Applejack’s hoof and shook it slowly so Sasquatch could see. “Now you try.”

Sasquatch nervously raised his arms and grabbed the top of Applejack’s hoof. Just like Lyra, he shook it. Although Applejack was thrown to the ground in one thrust. Lyra laughed like a wild hyena.

“Okay, he almost got it,” she said.

“Ha ha, that was really funny,” Applejack said. “Just be glad the two of us are good now.” Applejack bid them farewell, and Team Sasquatch was off once again to places unknown.

“That was great,” Lyra said. “Did we learn our friendship lesson now?”

“Not yet. We still have to see Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Fluttershy,” said Twilight. “Once they are out of the way, then you and Sasquatch will finally have your friendship lesson.”

“What are we supposed to learn?” asked Lyra. “I thought we were showing Sasquatch social skills.”

“We are, but I also want all of us to learn that the power of friendship can overcome petty fears and differences.”

“That’s noble of you, but that’s going to take a long time,” Spike said. “Especially how the rest of Ponyville reacts towards monsters.”

“He’s right. How are we going to show Ponyville that Sasquatch is friendly if they don’t give him a chance?”

“In my experience, I--” Twilight was stuck on her words as she watched as Sasquatch was being humped from behind by a giant falcon. Sasquatch tried to force the monster off of him, but to no avail.

“Well… that happened,” Spike said.