Stay calm and Smileby Disorderly chaosChaptersWell you done Goofed....MUFFINS!!!!!! Oh and Dinky*INSERT NAMES HERE*THE PAST THE PRESENT THE *GASP* FUTURE!My Date with destiny... mostly with a changeling though.Well you done Goofed....“What the fuck.” Those were the first words out of my mouth once I got out of the creepy fucked up woods. Well you might think my first words would be “YES, I’m out of there!” or “Finally”. No mine is a perfectly normal response once you see tiny fucking colorful ponies walking around like they fucking own the place and some of them must have been fucking there sisters or brothers and shit because some of them had fucking bumps on their heads big enough to through a doughnut on and make it fit and to top it off there are two giant fucking ones sitting on a podium like they were god or something. Then I notice all the little ponies were staring at them like they were god. “And not one notices the six foot guy just standing here, typical.” I said out loud still not being seen “HELLO MY LITTLE PONIES I THANK YOU FO…” And like that my brain went on every known drug on earth with a hint of an alien probing me. “Did that horse just talk?” I said it like it was an everyday thing I say. Ok, you might think well hell he’s taking this well, and since you know me so much skip the next couple of lines because you know me so damn well. BRAIN “Captain the power source is depleting and were losing power faster than a child on a sugar rush” screamed the Corporal. “Do a manual reboot” said the Captain calmly. “But sir..” “Do it now Corporal” “Yes sir” OUTSIDE “OW!!!” BRAIN “We seem to be cooling down. Power seems to be returning as well sir.” said the Corporal with a long sigh. “There my job is done time to go get some beer and woman” said the Captain with a smirk on his face and a devious look in his eyes. “Oh no “said the Corporal has he facebalmed. OUTSIDE I was still rubbing my face were my arm seemed to work on its own and slap me right across my face. “Da fuck was that about.” “…R PUTTING UP WITH DISCORDS EVIL SCHEMES AND PRANKS I WOULD ALSO LIKE THE ELEMENTS FOR SAVING THE DAY ONCE AGAIN.” Said the Big White talking Horse thing. “What the fuck is a discord?” I said curios because the name sounded kind of awesome “AAAAAAHHHHHHH MONSTER!!!!” I Look down and see a pink pony with yellow hair with a strip of blue going down it with huge flat eyes. I was thinking that is one colorful ass pony when all of the sudden I felt a pulling sensation around my waist and look down and see a golden aura around my waist. I look up and see that same golden aura was also around the giant horse thing horn. “Quickly girls I don’t know how but he is taking my powers at an alarming rate” said the large white horse. “YES PRINCESS CELESTIA” said a group of colorful ponies that were standing around Celestia. “So the white horse thing is called Celestia and how the hell did I miss not seeing that group that were standing right fucking next to the white horse” I thought to myself. I was about to ask what Celestia was doing when the group of ponies that were surrounding Celestia suddenly did a Undertaker with their eyes and started floating up while a rainbow started to flow around them like a snake. “Da fuck.” Was all I was able to say before the rainbow shot and ran right in to me . All I felt was peace when the rainbow hit me then a feeling that was almost like getting a massage from a goddess with magic hands, and through all of this it felt like my body was having all the aches and pains from the thousands of years I have been alive wash away from me. Then it suddenly stopped as soon as it came. I stood there looking at the six ponies and Celestia with a smile on my face that would have made anyone scream from fear. The group of ponies that shot the rainbow at me fell slowly back down from the sky with smug looks on their faces. When there pupils came back from where ever they went each one drops there jaw and I swear to god each one eyes became the size of dinner plates. I looked over at Celestia and she had the same look on her as well. I crack my neck to the side and took a back at the same group and all around me. Everpony looked at me with same look at the group in front of me. “Wait I have a brilliant idea.” I thought with a smirk. I reached in to my pocket and pulled out my iPod and switched it to a song and cracked that shit up. I then started to slowly walk toward Celestia and the six other ponies with a demon of a smile. Once I stood in front of them there mouths still agape I looked down and said with a kind smile "well you done goofed the fuck up". I then stood at my true height turned around and walked away. I planned to keep walking till I was out of this crazy town, but not ten steps I heard the most beautiful words. "Would you like a muffin?" I stopped in my tracks and looked to my left and saw the most beautiful thing in the world. A Muffin "Excuse me sir would you like a muffin?" I looked and saw a gray body blond hair pony holding the food of the gods and all I could do was stare at her. she must have started to get nervous because she started backing away. I raised my hand and said "wait can I have that muffin?". Her face lit up like a light bulb when I said I wanted that muffin. well I mean come on muffins are humans greatest idea in the world. "OK" she handed me the muffin and I threw it in the air and opened my mouth and swallowed the thing hole. Licking my lips I looked at her and gave her my warmest smile and said "do you have anymore?". She gave me one of her own warm smiles and replied with "Yes at my home want to come?". "Sure" I replied quickly We started to walk away together and then i thought of something. I turned around and looked over at the other ponies standing there with their mouths opened more than physically possible and their eyes creepily to wide. I then tilted my head smiled my insane smile and said "Don't fuck up again". I turned around and started walking toward the blond pony, but I stopped turned my head and said" My name is Lex Millennium and I like muffins. I then turned started walking away from the creepy ponies and to the Muffins. Author's Note OMG!!!! FIRST STORY EVER please leave all hate, love, death,love, and rape comments below thanks. MUFFINS!!!!!! Oh and Dinky"MUFFINS MUFFINS MUFFINS" I said quietly out loud like a crazy manic hell bent on getting his hands on muffins anyway possible. "Where here." said the gray pony. I looked to see a house that was in need of some help. There were small holes along the walls with broken and boarded up windows. "This looks so much like the Orphanage." I said quietly to myself with sadness. "Excuse me mister?" I looked down to see the gray pony looking at me. "Yes pony?" "Oh right you don’t know my name, well my name is Ditzy Doo and I was wondering if you like muffins, do you also like children as well?" she said looking at me with a stern look that would have made seals cringe and look away. All I did was look at her and smile one of my kind smiles and replied with "Only children will ever beat my love of muffins in my book Ms.Doo." She looks at me with a smile on her face that could have melted a three inch steel door for how cute it was. I mean if you weaponize her you would have cute nuclear explosions everywhere. "Thank goodness, but please call me Derpy my friend’s do." she said while still holding on to that smile. "Alright Ms.Do... I mean Derpy” I said chuckling to myself. "Well come on in I think Dinky should be just about done with the new batch of muffins" "MUFFINS!" I yelled out loud getting the attention of a couple neighbors who once seeing me ran in there house and locked their doors. I took no notice of this though because of the thought of having a warm delicious Muffin in my mouth. I walked inside calmly with a smile on my face and looked around. The inside fared no better than the outside with holes in the walls and burn makes on the ceiling, I was going to ask about that but I looked over and Derpy and found that she was smiling at something ahead of us. I looked and saw something that would have given mortal men over cute heart attacks. I witnessed a tiny pony which I assumed was a child from the height and the questions Derpy asked me before. The tiny pony was carrying a tiny assortment of muffins on here back and had a care free smile on her face. The smile she gave made Derpy’s smile look like a flash grenade, this little pony could get anything she wanted if she smiled like that to someone. "MOMMY!" "Mommy?" I thought to myself, but before I could figure out what she meant the little pony that yelled ran and collided with Derpy. "Hey there Dinky, have you said hello to my new friend Mr. Millennium." said Derpy after she got up from the collision. "Who?" said Dinky? "That would be me little one." I said She looks around and finally sees me and puts a frown on her face before it turns in to a smile after she has a good look at me. "Do you like Muffins?" And like that a friendship was born. 2 HOURS LATER "Thanks for having me over Ms. Doo and Ms. Dinky." I said while opening their door to leave. "Don't leave Lex." said Dinky while making an attempt at puppy eyes with a quivering lip. "Ah, little filly I must leave and see the world with my own eyes and hands." I said with a smile while waving my hands in her face making her stare at them and become a bit cross eye like her mother. "Well if you need a place to stay our home is always welcome to you." said Derpy while looking at me. "Oh almost forgot." said Derpy while walking back to the kitchen and walked back with a basket on her back and handed it to me with here hooves. "How is she doing that without hands" I thought to myself while I grabbed the basket from her. There was a Blue blanket covering whatever was inside the basket so I did what any other human would have done. I lifted the blanket and found a dozen blueberry muffins. "Blueberry Muffins.." I said quietly "Yes, That's was Dinky's newest batch today so she thought you would love them since how much you love muffins." Derpy said while looking over at her daughter with a smile. Dinky started rubbing her hooves together looking at the floor, which I thought looked the same thing as a little girl rubbing her hands together from nervousness. "I-I thought you might like them on your journey." she said while attempting to look down further then needed. "Well that was nice of her. Wait is she blushing?" I thought in my head and Indeed there was a blush on her face and growing from the longer I did not answer her. So I got on one knee and put my hand on here mane and shook it up a bit. "Thank you Dinky Blueberry is my favorite." I said while giving her my kindest smile. she looked up and saw my face and responded with "THANKYOU" and ran off like a bullet. Hell I think she would have beaten a bullet in a race. I looked over at Derpy with a confused look on my face and saw that she was blushing to. "Well I think you know the way out" she said quickly before she too ran off to her room and shutting her door with a loud bang. "Well that was weird." I stated before grabbing my muffins. I then walked to the front door opening it and walking outside. I looked around and greeted by over two dozen white ponies. I took them no need and started walking away thinking they probably just want some of the delicious muffins Derpy and Dinky make. "HALT MONSTER" I kept walking thinking they meant someone else, when all of the sudden I felt something sharp go through my chest. I look down and see that there is a fucking spear going through my left lung, with blood pouring immensely out of it. "Wait does this make me holy or Swiss cheese" I said laughing while coughing out blood, yet being loud enough to be heard by the white ponies. I look around and see that each and every single one has a look of horror and disgust. I look back and see the same group of seven ponies from before and the big ones face made me want to bust a gut laughing. Celestia face was one of pure horror and looking like she just smelled a shit burrito after seeing someone eat it. I look over the other six and see that they had the same expression except for two. One who had fainted and the other one was smiling like she was at an amazing party. I immediately liked her. I set the basket on the ground and turned toward the ponies and pulled out my iPod from my pocket turned to the song of itself. "YOU DONE FUCKED THE HELL UP PONIES" I screamed before the music started. It's not easy having yourself a good time Greasing up those bets and betters I grabbed the spear and started pulling it out through the rest of the front of my chest while looking at the crowd of ponies with a smile. I slowly pulled it out and with a sickening noise it popped out. I heard a pony puke as I dropped the bloody spike on the ground and turned toward them with my maniac smile. Watching out they don't four-letter Fuck and kiss you both at the same time I Teleported right next to Celestia and grabbed her head and planted a kiss on the end of her snout on her lips, which she opens her eyes in surprise and I watched her wings poof up like a rocket. Smells like something I've forgotten Curled up died and now it's rotten I let go of her snout with a quick movement and thrust it to the side like I slapped it, then I turned around and started walking away. I'm not a gangster tonight Don't want to be a bad guy I'm just a loner, baby And now you've gotten in my way I turned around and looked at the group of ponies, and Celestia who still had her wings up with a look of surprise still. I can't decide Whether you should live or die Oh, you'll prob'ly go to heaven Please don't hang your head and cry No wonder why My heart feels dead inside It's cold and hard and petrified Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride I pulled out a sword that was on one of the white ponies in a sheath and stabbed my chest creating a hole in it. I dropped the sword and put my hand in the hole and pulled my still beating heart. I looked over at the other ponies and crushed my heart with a sickening smile on my face. Six white ponies past out right there and twelve others puked out there stomachs. Celestia turned green which showed greatly due to just having a white coat. It's a bitch convincing people to like you If I stop now call me a quitter I moved the life energy to recreate a new heart and to get rid of the wounds and blood. I also changed my clothes cloths to my favorite suit and looked the terrified ponies. (SONG STOPS) THE SUIT: "Well then what are all your names?" I said giving them a warm smile. Author's Note OK OK OK This is the second chapter and I would like to say... I'm not changing the song. I like the song so screw you..... I'm sorry. =C Also can I have a editor please. OK then send your love,hate,death,love, and rape comments below thanks *INSERT NAMES HERE**INSERT NAMES HERE* I stood there for about five minutes before one of them before one of them was sane enough to respond to me much less talk to me. The first one to respond was a cyan flying bird pony with rainbow hair.” I like the hair" I thought to myself while maintain the smile. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MONSTER!" she screamed at me while pointing her hoof at me, which I guess, was the same as pointing a finger at someone... "What are you talking about?" I asked with confusion not knowing what in the bloody hell she was talking about. "I ASKED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MON-" she yelled before I teleported right in front of her and went down to my knee and grabbed her muzzle with my hand and closed her mouth shut. "And I said what are you talking about?" I said getting right up in to her face. "LET GO OF HER!" screamed one of the ponies to my right before I was knocked ten feet in the air landing on my back. "What was that?" I thought to myself as I got back up and dusted the dirt off my suit. "STAY AWAY FROM US MONSTER" screamed one of the ponies and I look to see that it was that it was one of those incest ponies with a pump on their heads and this one was the color purple with a darker purple for hair with a pink highlight on the side. I looked over the rest of the ponies and each one had the same look of anger and fear on their faces, all except the pink one that was smiling at me earlier. She was still giving me that big smile of hers and I thought of something that might just be funny, but before I could try it out she was on me like a starving tiger on a Saturday night barbecue buffet. Then all I saw was pink and the outline of the smiling pony I liked so much standing on my head. "OhmygoodnesshelloLexmynameisPinkiePieandIwaswonderingifyoulikepartiesandifyoulikecupcakestoo?" Luckily I caught all that and responded with "Of course I like parties and cupcakes who doesn't, but I like muffins much more then cupcakes." Her hair seemed to deflate once I said this and out of nowhere I hear a loud crack like a pipe just broke, then all of the sudden she gets her hair to be poofy again and she says "Well ok then, I like muffins too, but I still like cupcakes better. "GASP. I almost forgot you have to come to the WELCOME TO PONYVILLE surprise party tonight and have cake." she said out loud while holding her hooves to her face. "PINKIE GET AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!" yelled the group of ponies "But why? He's not a bad guy." she responded to her friends "WHAT?" they all said in together "I said he's not a bad a guy I DON'T get any bad vibes from him and he likes cupcakes. I mean what monster likes cupcakes.” she said like it was a fact of nature itself. "Pinkie look at him he is as tall as Celestia herself and he has those sharp teeth and did I mention THAT HE STABBED HIS CHEST, THEN TORE OUT HIS OWN HEART AND CRUSHED IT WITH A BUCKING SMILE!" screamed the purple pony. "Well he just did that for the LOLZ" she responds back with an innocent smile "Exactly" I responded for my case "Pinkie what is a... AH never mind Pinkie" the purple pony sigh and looked down. "SOOOO I’ll ask a second time what's your names, well other than Pinkie Pie." I said while directing my finger to the pink one. The celestia walked up to me and said "I am Princess Celestia and co-ruler of the nation Equestia and might I ask who you are?" she said while looking at me with a look that made me think of a mother questioning her daughters boyfriend. "Well I already told you but it you want to get formal My name is "Lex Millennium" or "Millennium" or "One Thousand" or "The Unkillable" or "Necromancer" or "Nightmare" or my favorite "The god of a thousand moons who has destroyed countless souls and has death himself as his lapdog" or finally "The Crazy Guy" " I said with a smile thinking back on how I got my favorite nickname "I think it was form a cult that liked me." I thought to myself. Celestia looked me down with a stare that if it could kill, than I would be turned in to dust then frozen. “What do you plan on doing here Mr. Millennium if I may ask?” she said while maintain that stare “Why the hell should I tell you?” I stated with a smug look She reeled back not expecting this answer and before she could respond I spoke again. “Let me think you think you’re a god or the people around you think of as gods and over time you have accepted that, but let me tell you this you’re not a god or anything like it. Won’t to know why!? I yelled that last part out loud. Before she could answer I yelled “BECAUSE I AM!!!” She took a step back not expecting me to yell and before she could even fully respond me yelling at her I blew up my skull. Brain matter and skull fragments went everywhere they went in to people hair and on to the on their faces and bodies. The rest of the six ponies past out and the white ponies puked everywhere then passed out. Celestia just stood there with a look of pure horror plastered on her face then puked on the ground next to her. She might have eaten grass before do to the color “Gods can’t die there just forgotten Celestia just forgotten…” A white light formed around my body healing my head while I slowly got back on my feet. Once I stood on my two feet in front of Celestia half my face was still being reformed by my magic. So it looked creepy as hell with brain matter still falling out along with my eye glowing a bright blood red. “and I can’t be forgotten.” I said while letting my tongue roll out of the half of my head that was still gone I look at Celestia staring at me with a bloody face and eyes of pure fear before she too past out. “Awesome” I thought as looked down at Celestia I look around and saw the where all the brain matter was and see all the ponies past out and thought to myself “I want a fucking muffin”. I went to the basket seeing it did not have any brain on it and picked it up and grabbed a muffin out and did a pack man style eating routine. “I wonder if Derpy has any butter.” I said out loud to know one imperticular. I started walking toward Derpy’s house and stopped. I looked back and saw the blood and puke and thought “Might as well clean up.” I said while waving my hands in front of me and willing the puke and puke away. Seconds later we had a clean street with past out clean ponies on it. ”There much cuter when there asleep” I turned around and started walking away from them toward Derpy’s house and the butter. 2 HOURS LATER “WHERE THE HELL IS HER HOUSE!” I have been looking for Derpy’s house two hours and I can’t fucking find it. “I swear to god if I find it on the same street as those knocked out ponies.” I said while grinding my teeth to dust only for them to reform. I turned around a corner only to walk in front of a dozen white ponies holding spears and in armor. Then one of them stepped in front of the others holding a spear and yelled “Halt in the name of Celestia!” I stood standing just looking at them without moving. The pony yelled “You are under arrest for assaulting royalty, escaping, and being in a populated area.” I stood there standing looking at them, then all of the sudden I started laughing. I just stood there laughing at them because it was the funniest thing I have ever heard, because I did not care. SHINK CRACK SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH I stopped laughing and looked down and saw my basket was broken and that the three muffins I was holding for the butter was sitting in a mud puddle. I stared down at the muffins with a blank look on my face, and then I heard the same white pony say “That was a warning shot monster, so don’t try to fight back.” I looked at him with the same blank look, while he had a smug look on his face. I continued to stare at him and then something odd happened. My left eye twitch *FLASH BACK* “Mr. Millennium what would you do if someone took your muffins or destroyed them” said Dinky while whisking the batter in the bowl. I looked at her and gave her a blank look and said “You don’t want to know.” *END FLASH BACK* I continued to look at the smug pony and I said the first thing that came to my head. “What’s your name?” He seemed confused by the question, but recovered quickly and while still holding that smug grin said “Shining Armor why?” I took out my iPod and switched to the song that I only used once before then set it to start in fifteen seconds. “Just wanted to know what to put on your grave stone” I gave while frowning and you might think "OH NO HE’S FROWNING WHAT COULD BE SO WRONG" and I would reply with….EVERYTHING! His stump on his head started glowing a pinkish color and he said with the same smug look “I said give up; you can’t honestly think you can win where the best the princess has to offer. Just give up.” It was then the music started. They seemed surprised by the music and started looking around to see where the music was coming from. I raised my arms in the air and forced open a portal to drop two fully loaded Smith-and-Wesson 500 magnums into my hands. I then pointed both guns at him and gave the most deadly, sinister and hatred smile I could do and it seemed to work because the bastard took a couple steps back and gulped. I then lifted my arms up and pointed at the other eleven white ponies and shot at them hitting each one in the chest. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* Each one had a red fluid pouring out of there chest with a look of agony on there still faces. I looked back at Shining Armor covering his ears with his hooves only to open them and see the massacre behind him. I saw the look of sadness and shock on him looking at his friends dead on the cold ground like there where nothing much more than bags of flour. He then slowly looked at me with fear and anger in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but before he could speak I pointed the magnum in my right hand and fired. *BANG* His hooves went back to his ears from the sudden loud noise and looked at himself to make sure he was all still there then he looked at me with pure fear in his face and I could swear the ground around him turned wet with piss. At that point I put the guns in my coat pockets and walked away from the pissed ridden pony. I stopped and turned my head and said “Their not dead it’s just a hollow blood bullet with a knock out explosion.” I then continued to walk forward not caring about the tears coming down his face and going to his friends to shack them awake. I yelled out loud "DON'T FUCK WITH MY MUFFINS!" Author's Note HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am going a little insane here.. haha I like the song and if you don't like it then you can go fuck yourself. Ok then leave your love,hate,death,love and rape comments below and also leave ideas below as well for the next chapter. THE PAST THE PRESENT THE *GASP* FUTURE!THE PAST THE PRESENT THE *GASP* FUTURE! I arrived in front of Derpy’s house and before I could even knock on the fucking door I was blasted by some form of energy shot in to my side and I was thrown across the street at a fast rate, which for landing was going through a fountains seat area. You know the area around the fountain that people sit on. “THAT’S FOR ATTACKING MY SISTER YOU EVIL UNHOLY MONSTER!!!” screamed someone while my head was under water. “It must be really loud if I can hear it clearly underwater.” I thought to myself with a smile. I stood up out of the water and looked around for the yelling figure and saw that it was the other tall pony like Celestia, but this one was a dark blue with stars for hair. “Nice hair” I said out loud to the pony. She looked at me like I grew two heads and had pink emo hair on one. “FOOLISH FOOL DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT WE WOULD FORGIVE YOU FOR A BIT OF FLATTERY TO OUT HAIR!!!! JUST FOR THAT I SHALL GIVE YOU A BEATING THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN!!!!!” She screamed breaking the sound barrier with her voice alone. “Whatever I was just being kind and not trying to hurt your feeling, there’s no reason to spit in my face about it. Why do I have any reason to hate you?” I said nonchalantly “HA! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU WILL WE WILL BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY YOU ARE KIND OR THAT YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS!” “Well yes, but…” I was about to explain why when she stated something that with take Lucifer and God to hold my anger in check only to fail. “AS IF WE PRINCESS LUNA OF THE MOON WOULD BELIEVE SUCH A MONSTER AS YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HOLD ANY COMPASSION OR LOVE IS ASKING US IF WE BELIEVE IF ROCKS BREATH. WE BET THAT THE ONES THAT THY LOVE OR GIVE KINDNESS TO DIE LATTER IN A HORRIBLE DEATH DON’T THEY!” I stood there looking at her with my smile, which was slowly growing smaller by the second. FLASHBACK “Jessica, don’t leave me my little muffin, your daddy’s big girl you can’t die before daddy. Come on now when you get better we’ll both go out and get your favorite muffin.” I said with a smile with a waterfall of tears going down my eyes holding my dying baby girl that had holes in her chest. “Daddy why didn't you come helps us? Why daddy? You said if we ever need you would come hel-COUGH COUGH” Jessica said coughing up blood on me while looking at me while the spark in her eyes vanished. “Jessica…Jessica… JESSICA!” I screamed shaking Jessica hoping she was just sleeping. But no she was not sleeping, nor was my other children. They were all died. They had all been kidnapped and raped in an old factory only to be brutally beaten and stabbed to death. I had only just made it to find Jessica holding on to dear life crying my name softly. I stood there holding Jessica hot tears coming down my face with me still holding on to the smile. I raised my head and screamed to the sky with all the sorrow in my heart and kept screaming until my throat started to bleed. I set Jessica on the ground and put my hands to my face. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, please don’t leave me.” END FLASHBACK I stood there with a shrinking smile until it was gone leaving behind only a blank expression. Luna noticed then and immediately grew nervous from and was probably regretted the last sentence she said to me. I stood there looking at here with a blank expression and my eye stated to twitch. It only twitched to a small degree then slowly built up to my hole face cringing. Luna looked curious at me with my face cringing when all of the sudden I ceased cringing and asked here a question that brought fear and regret to her face. “Did you just insult the ones I love?” I asked her with my blank expression with an even less expressionless voice. “No I didn’t mean…” she started to explain, But I teleported in front and looked right in her face. She seemed surprised how fast I could teleport and that surprise quickly turned to fear when I spoke again. “You may insult me or my muffins or anything else I have, but you speak of my family and I will cut out your tongue and shove it up your ass only to make to crawl up you intestines and stomach and throat only for it to fall out to repeat the process all over again.” I stated with enough venom to kill a elephant. She seemed honestly scared of me, but only to find her courage again and say “Y-you h-have not right to speak to me like that I-I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DEAD FAMILY SO WHY DON’T…..” she continued to speak growing in volume, but I was not listening. I was angry and growing angrier. She dared to insult my family not once but twice, which was enough to break my bonds of self-control and calmness. She continued yelling so I did what I always do before I fight. “I am going to kick your ass.” I stated as I walked toward her. “Fool you think a mere monster like you could hope to defeat a princess?” she said with a smug smile. “Nope not at all.” I stated with a frown. “Well how do you plan on beating me?” She said while raising her eyebrow with a questioning expression “I didn't. I said I was going to kick you’re….” I said before teleporting behind her and lifting my leg back “ASS!” I yelled before kicking her in the ass sending her through the air and landing on the ground. “OUCH!” she screamed after hitting the ground with a thud. She turned back around giving me your dead glare and having her horn glow a dark blue color. I Thought I was fully prepared for anything she sent at me. That is until I felt a noose go around my neck, literally. “The fuck” I said before a very sharp tug was given on the other end of that rope. “SHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!” I screamed while my whole body was violently pulled to the ground. “DON’T MESS WITH THE PRINCESS YA HEAR!” I look and see the six ponies from before and Celestia running toward Luna, while an orange pony was holding the other end of the rope in her mouth. I turned toward Luna and painted toward the group “Your friends” She answers with a simple nod and gives an arrogant smile to me. I stood up and took the rope of around my neck and Luna teleported over to her friends and proceed to talk to Celestia and the others. I was able to only hear some of the conversation, but it sounded like she saying she was alright and shit I really didn’t care so I proceeded to go over to Derpy’s door and knock on it. I waited for about ten seconds and the door opened to reveal a small unicorn filly. “Hey there Dinky” She looked up with confusion, but quickly turned to a smile when she saw my face. “LEX” She jumped in the air higher than I expected and landed in my arms. She nuzzled my chin and asked “Did you bring me anything? Huh. Huh.” I looked at her with a smile being reminded of the children in the orphanage and said “Well once we go inside I will give it to you is that fair?” “YES” she hollered before jumping out of my arms and ran inside. I chuckled and turned around stared at the stunned ponies. Each one was giving their own expression of dumbstruck and confusion. Celestia and Luna were both were staring at him like he had turned the colors of the cyan ones hair and was juggling monkeys. They stared at me for a couple of minutes before I spoke in a calm and collective voice. “Well until you can be calm and tolerant and not try to kill me, then I hear by ban you from this house and any future attempt at getting in. If you would like to talk to me in a formal setting you will calmly walk to this door and tap or knock on said door and state your name and business, then if I feel like talking you will be allowed inside.” I simple stated I then proceed to walk inside the house through the open door and slam it shut with a loud bang causing the ponies to wake up from there utter shock. I stood in front of the door with the door closed to my back and thought to myself “Where the muffins at?” 4 HOURS LATER It was seven o’clock and it was time for dinky to go to bed. I had her in my arms while I was walking to her room down the hall. She lay curled in my arms fast asleep after both of us having are fill of muffins, while eating muffins we started an eating contest. Needless to say I won, but just barely. “The filly sure has a stomach.” I thought to myself with a smile. I opened her door and looked inside and it was like a typhoon collided with a tornado. There were toys all around the ground and the top of her bed looked like someone piled all the remaining toys and just made a big war hill. I walked over to her bed stepping over any of the toys on the ground. I stood over her bed and knocked the toys to the ground and placed her under her covers. I proceed to walk away went I heard a faint whisper come from Dinky. “Daddy” I knelt down in front of her and placed my hand of her mane lightly pet it. Dinky smiles at this in her sleep “Lex there is ponies waiting at the door for you.” I look around and see Derpy there by the door with a smile on her face that would have lit up a galaxy. I give her a nod and walk out of the room. I went down the hall toward the door walking by pictures of Derpy and Dinky along with a pony with an Hour glass cutie mark but his face was ripped off on all the pictures. I took no mind to this and kept walking to the door. I stood in front of the door and looked through the peep hole and saw the seven ponies from before along with Luna and Shining Armor. “Who is it?” I said with a comical voice that sounded like a male trying to sound like a little girl, but failing miserably. I was still looking through the peep hole when they gave me there answer. “Princess Celestia and Luna along with captain Shining Armor and the elements of friendship.” Celestia stated with note real tone in her voice. “Ok here or the ground rules; one I say who comes in.” They started to protest but I quickly shut them up by stating the rest of the rules. “Two, no fighting once you get in here. Three, we will can give you answers I want you to know and hold back on I don’t want you to know. Four, you will be polite when inside. Five, break these rules and I will fill your stomach with lava will force feeding you acid and six be quiet there is a filly sleeping right know and if you think rule five was bad, then you find a new meaning of pain if she wakes up.” I waited for that to sit in before finishing with “Now then do you agree to the rules or no?” I said nothing for a couple seconds all looking at each other with worrying glances before Celestia said “Yes we agree with the terms.” “Excellent well I will be stating who or who not comes it right now.” with a happy tone glad they agreed to the rules. I looked them over one more time before giving my answer to them. “Ok then, Pinkie pie, Celestia, Luna, and Shining armor and just to be fair you can pick the last one to come inside. Also when you have made your decision the rest that was not chosen must leave. Knock on the door again when you have done that.” I looked away not wanting to see who they picked and after some time and hearing muffled voices I finally heard the door being knocked. I opened the door quickly and looked to see who the new pony. To my dismay it was the purple with the striped pink and purple emo hair. “Dang it” I said while looking down at the ground in a defeated stance. “What do you mean by that?” she says with an eyebrow raised “Nothing, well come right in then.” I said while backing up and creating a hole where they can walk through while giving a slight bow. “Living room is on the right, can’t miss it.” They all looked at me confused until Pinkie said thank you quietly while bouncing without making any noise. The rest began to follow trying not to make any noise at all either, but not giving me eye contact or saying thank you. “Rude much assholes” I thought while looking at each one as they walked past. Once they were all inside I shut the door and also walked over to the living room summing a tea pot with seven cups. As they all entered inside the living room and sat down I created a table and sat the pot of tea down and laid the cups in front of the respected owners of them. I then asked them “well while we wait for the muffins I thought you all might like some tea.” They all were looking around the room except Luna and Celestia who Luna was giving me a look of hatred, while Celestia was looking at me with curiosity. “Well I am sure you all have questions so let’s go like this… The pink one first then she decides who goes next then that person asks a question and picks someone new as well. You may even choose me as well.” I said thinking it was a pretty good idea “Well ok if I am going first my question is why do you like muffins more than Cupcakes? I MEAN CUPCAKES ARE SO MUCH MORE SWEATER And muffins are bland unless you put something with them like blueberries or bananas.” Pinkie pie said all on one breath. I put my thumb and pointer finger on my chin and thought of an answer for that for a minute, before coming up with one. “For my daughter Jessica.” I simple stated and Pinkie pie simple contempt by that answer, but the others where sum what confused by it. “Well who is next pinkie pie?” I said to her giving her a smile She smiled back at me and said “How about Twilight?” I looked over and saw the Purple one was surprised by this and said “Thank you Pinkie.” She looked at me and I could see her brain moving at a hundred miles per minute till she finally came up with ha question. “What are you?” I said back a rehearsed line that I grew accustomed to saying “I am known closest to a human, but not the quiet the same. I have the look of them, but my powers tend to come from something else.” She did not seem happy with that answer but before she could say anything I interrupted her and a said “Who is next” She looked around until her eyes came upon Celestia and with a slight nod in her direction she spoke up and said “Princess Celestia”. I looked over the White horse while she was looking at me with a look of curiosity as much as what Twilight. We sat there looking at each other when she finally spoke up. “What is your purpose here in Equestia?” “Nothing” She seemed unconvinced of the answer but I quickly put my hand in front of me before she could say anything and said “Next”. She seemed angry by the my sudden outburst but with a sigh she looked over at her sister who was still trying to drive daggers in to my brain with her eyes and at Shining Armor who was doing his best not to look at me. “Shining Armor” Shinning turned a whiter than he was moments before which is hard when he looks more bleached than bones. He looked at me thinking of over different questions in his mind when he eyes opened wider and said “Why didn’t you kill my men?” I looked at him with a devious smile and said “Why should they die when it was your own fault for pissing me off?” He looked down with a blush on his face while everyone else looked at him wondering what I meant. “Well who is next shiny?” I said with a snicker He gave me a look and quickly replied with “Luna” I looked over at Luna and she was just getting over her confusion over my answer to Shining. She looked at me with anger and curiosity which was much better than her driving imaginary nails through my head with her hooves with her eyes. “What happened to your family?” I sat there unmoving not saying a word or breathing. I looked at Luna straight in the face with a look that would have frozen a war in mid battle or even turned Medusa to stone. It did not help with my anger my eyes lit aflame. Everpony cringed at the site not see my full gaze that I was giving Luna. No one noticed that Pinkie was hiding behind her chair with her hair flat holding her hooves to her face crying. Luna was sitting there staring at me with fear and terror spreading across her face from seeing me. DING! “Muffins done” I heard from the kitchen that was next to the living room and was only connected by a door way. The flames in my eyes stopped and a smile spread across my face. I got up from my seat and calmly walked over to the kitchen to grab a plate of muffins for the guests. LUNA POV “The eyes.” I said aloud catching the attention of Celestia. “Sister what is the matter? Did Lex do something to you?” Celestia said with concern and anger in her voice. “No Celestia it was just his eyes.” “His eyes?” Celestia said with confusion in her voice “Yes sister his eyes, they were so filled with anger and hatred but the anger was not toward me at all. It was confusing and terrifying all at the same time.” Celestia raised her eyebrow at my statement but before she could get a question out there I resumed speaking but with a sadden tone. “He eyes showed so much anger but so much more sorrow. His eyes show age beyond even ours sister. It’s as though he has seen countless innocent lives lost and was forced to kill thousands of enemies in battle.” “Forced?” said Celestia with concern “No he did it on his free will but in his heart he did not want to do it but there was no choice.” I explained. Celestia gave a frown and lowered her head a bit, while looking at the floor in thought. Celestia raised her head and was just about to ask another question when Lex walked in carrying a foot tall platter of muffins. Author's Note OK i will have to thank Deathstar47 for the help he gave me and i would recommend reading his stories as well. I have not been updating in a while due to the fact that school sucks a lot with tests and shit. Also if anyone has any ideas or problems with the chapters that are already out or the ones coming out send me a comment or go through mail. WELL I best be hitting the old dusty road Leave your Love,Hate,Death, Hate, and Rape comments below by My Date with destiny... mostly with a changeling though.“Well, I have blueberry muffins and banana nut muffins which one would you like?” I said to the group of ponies. They didn't say anything at all and I just set the muffins on the table. I sat back in my chair and gave the group one more look before I let spoke again. “Well, Luna, who’s next?” She looked at me and then proceeded to look around the room at all of the ponies present until her eyes finally came back to me. “How about you, Lex?” She said in a cool relaxing tone I put my finger on my chin while looking in the air and thought of my own question. I kept thinking of one until I thought of something that had been bothering me ever since I got her. “Ok I got one. Why are you two bigger the rest of the ponies? Are you freaks or something?” I said, while pointing a finger at Luna and Celestia. Shining and Twilight stiffened at comment and gave me a glare that would have lit ice on fire, but Celestia and Luna just sat there and smirked like they were just remembering an old joke. “No, Lex, we are not freaks. We are commonly known as Alicorns here in Equestia. We have more magic then the common pony and our body has to be slightly bigger to accommodate that.” Celestia stated “Yes, my sister is correct along the lines of what we are.” Luna followed up I looked at them both for a couple minutes with a blank expression. Needless to say due to past experiences with that look they both cringed slightly. Before they both spoke to ask what was wrong I smiled and said. “I pick Ms. Doo.” I said as I pointed at Derpy as she walked in from the kitchen balancing a muffin on her head. “Who” She said with a questioning look on her face. “You silly” I said back to her chuckling to myself “Oh, yes that’s me.” she said trying to hide a blush which I found fucking adorable. “Well, I do have one question for Ms. Luna.” She said still hiding the blush “Princess Luna” Shining openly stated to in which I informed him of that this is her house and we she can call us anything she wants by saying “Shut up”. He quickly looked down angry that someone would tell him to shut up like a child when he was a full grown stallion. “Well I always wondered if you take requests on when you do meteor showers.” Dinky said not taking notice of mine or Shining outburst. “Well we usually don’t, but sometimes only for special occasions or reasons. Why do you ask?” “Well my daughter’s birthday is coming up and she loves star gazing so I was wondering if you could have a meteor shower on her birthday.” Derpy said looking down trying to hide her uneasiness. “Well I believe we can. What day is it?” “It’s coming up next month on the eighteenth.” Derpy said still looking at the ground but with a small smirk on her face. Luna put her hoof to her chin and looked up in thought, then stated with a frown “We are sorry but we are unable to do the meteor shower that night. We must attend a summit in the Griffin Kingdom and it takes us a lot of energy to do such a feat as a meteor shower.” Derpy lost her smile and looked even further into the ground. I did not think that was even possible but here she was doing it and it was wrenching my heart to see it, so I did what any gentleman would do in that situation. “I will create the meteor shower for her.” I openly stated. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy or insane for a couple minutes until Luna spoke. “How art thou going to do that?” she said in an old English accent “Well I would say science but you don’t have a lot of that here so the typical answer would be…MAGIC!” I yelled out the last part while pointing my index finger in the air like an idiot. They all gave me a dead pan look and Shining said while rolling his eyes “Oh, that will totally happen.” I looked at him with a smile then forced a twitch in my eye. He noticed this and his eyes grew wide and he started to shake. The others noticed shining shaking but before anyone could ask what was wrong I pulled out my gun and said one word. “Run” He leaped out of that chair so damn fast that it left a dust trail of him there while he was running out the door. The others were just about to ask what was happening with shining and why I told him to run, yet I was on my feet and running out the door as well. Somehow I quietly shut the door while I was running out and only I and Shining was outside. He stopped and turned around to see if I was just bluffing and was just inside, but as soon as his eyes found me they grew to the size of dinner plates. They only grew bigger when I pulled out my IPod and turned on a song. [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBV0bQeu8_M ] Skip to: 30 I pulled up my hood so my face was hidden and changed my eyes to glow and my smile to be a bit bony. (Look at the picture the song and you will see what I mean =D.) I can feel the animal inside My resolve is weakening Pounding on the doors of my mind It's nearly overpowering I pulled out both my guns and looked down at him with the smile. I cannot begin to describe The hunger that I feel again Run if you intend to survive For the beast is coming to life I swear to god this time when he ran I saw a dust figure of him where he used to be. I looked behind me to where the front window was to see Twilight, Luna, and Celestia all looking at me with their mouths agape, while Derpy just waved at me with a smile. Taking more than a glimmer of this tainted moonlight Death approaches on this night I waved back to Derpy which in turn freaked Twilight and Luna out making them run behind Derpy while Luna just mouthed out words I could not understand but I could translate them and they made me want to smile even more. “Don’t even think about it.” I stared at her For the animal's soul is mine We will be completed right before your eyes I have no control this time I looked over at shining And now we both shall dine in Hell tonight And then I ran like a bat out of hell. 4 hours later Damn Shining has more stamina then I thought he has been running for about four hours now and only now starting to slow down. My hood had moved off my head long ago and my eyes stopped glowing. Well for me after about thirty minutes I summoned my demon Harley and started following him with a new music list and every time a new one comes on he runs faster. “GETTING TIRED THERE SHINING!” I yelled over the noise of the Harley “STOP BUCKING FOLLOWING ME!” “IT’S FUCK NOT BUCK!” “WELL THEN FUCK YOU!” I smiled while revving the engine pulling a wheelie making him run faster. He ran around a corner in to an open market street with people and I did the most reasonable thing I could think of. I laughed I drove around the corner and saw to my delight many other ponies where standing there looking at me with wide eyes. I smiled at them giving them a queen’s wave as I drove past them following shining on his run through hell. “STOP CHASING ME!” “WHY WOULD I DO THAT?! “BECAUSE I AM TIRED!” “HOW ABOUT NO?!?!” I kept chasing him down the street till I heard a scream. Shining and I stopped and looked around. We heard another scream that was much closer. *CRASH* An explosion to our right created a hole in the side of a building that had a bed and quill sign above it. I saw something walk out of the hole and I thought that it was the most weirdest hottest thing ever. “GO MY CHANGELINGS FEAST ON THE LOVE OF THE PONIES AROUND HERE!” “CHRYSALIS!” Yelled shining Chrysalis turned around and saw shining and a big smile that showed off her fangs. “Shining, it’s so good to see you again, how’s Cadance?” Chrysalis said with a smug smile. “Don’t you dare say her name bug.” Shining said with as much venom as he could. Chrysalis laughed with her hoof to her face and looked over at me. “Well, hello who are you?” MY BRAIN AT THAT MOMENT Goddamn it there looking at me! what do I do what I do what do I do. OK, she is girl and she cute and maybe single. I’ll ask. OUTSIDE “Are you single?” Shining and chrysalis both looked at me like I had asked a rock to marry me. I looked at both shining and chrysalis with my eyebrow up. What?” Chrysalis was the first to recover and said “Well this is new. You’re the first thing ever to try to hook up with me in my real form. Even my own Changelings are afraid to ask.” “Well are you single or not?” I asked with more eagerness. “Lex, this bug almost destroyed this kingdom and you’re asking if its SINGLE?!” “My name is Chrysalis and I not at it I’m a she.” Chrysalis said in a nonchalant tone. “To answer your question Lex; Yes, I am single. Now why would you…” “Want to go on a date?” Shining jaw drop like a rock with rocket strapped to it pointing downward it almost touched the ground. Seriously it almost touched the ground it was like an inch away. He might want that checked out I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. Chrysalis did not have as much as a reaction as Shining but she still moved her reactions across. They both stood there staring at me for about fifteen minutes and during all that time all surround in Changelings and Ponies also just stood there slack jawed. After about fifteenth minutes I said something that might break the tension or hopefully not. “What?” Chrysalis was the first to recover again and she just started laughing. And laughing And laughing And laughing “Is that a yes or a no, either way I would like to know.” She stopped laughing and stared me down with a snarl on her face. “Don’t make fun of me swine.” She said with venom “I’m not. Now, will you please answer me?” I said with a straight face. She looked me straight in the eyes and slowly walked toward me with a neutral expression. Her hips swayed back and forth with a swag clearly showing off her as… BAD BRAIN BAD GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER. She stood right in front of me looking me down with the same expression and put a hoof to my chest. “Only if you can beat me and my changelings, along with kissing Celestia and Luna will I ever think about dating you.” She said with a little hatred hidden in her neutral tone. … … … “Deal” She reeled back not expecting that I would agree and shining jaw hit the ground. Gross “So beat you and beat your changeling along with kissing Celestia and Luna is that it?” I said looking at her with smile. She stood there slack jawed looking at me with a look of pure confusion and revulsion. She recovered and stated “Yes that’s all, but how do you expect to do that?” I smiled at her and stated only two things “With a song and a couple illusions.” I snapped my fingers and a gold sphere grew around my hand. I snapped my fingers again and it started to grow. It continued to grow until it was larger than my body then kept expanding until it covered the town. “Now that’s down let’s start the song.” I said pulling out my iPod and flipped to a couple playlists until I found a song that worked and didn’t work with this situation. The music started and the sphere I sent out pulsed an unearthly glow. I moved my hands to my head forcing it to change. Green and blue flames swarmed around my skull rapidly melting it. I looked up opening my mouth and the two flames coiled around each other and went in to the sky only to come back and slide inside my mouth. The flames melted my eyes, skin, hair, and muscle around my skull leaving only a bleach white skull that rested in my shoulders. I looked over at the first changeling while creating tiny blue and green flames in my eye sockets. I also moved the flames to my left and right hand. The right held the Green flame and the left held the blue. Some of the changelings grew some balls because ten of them came from all directions and tried to attack me. I am putting a lot of emphases on tried here. They surrounded me and lowered their heads aiming their horns at me and proceed to fire green shots of magic at me. I let the flames absorb the magic and grow longer. The firing stopped and I unleashed a hell on them. I used the flames and rapped the flames around the necks of the changelings and severed their heads from their bodies not even leaving a drop of blood due to the flames burning the flesh. I looked around and saw that most of the changelings were backing up with looks of dread on their face. I looked over at Chrysalis and Shining and saw that Chrysalis had a look of complete shock and disgust while Shining also had a look of shock but also one of happiness. He and I need to talk in the future later about him and his likes and dislikes. One of the changelings shot a beam of magic at my chest knocking me to the ground. The rest saw the opportunity and also shot green beams of light at me while I was still on the ground. Dust kicked up and surrounded me while the beams of light shot at me. After about a full minute of beams hitting me they stopped. The dust was slowly settling but before he could fully I sent both my flames out and massacred the Changelings. The flames decapitate heads and or severed body part from their bodies leaving many still alive screaming. The ones still alive which were about twelve out of the fifty that Chrysalis brought where crying out in pain with severed legs or horns. I used the flames to pick them up making sure not to burn them and moved them toward me. I floated them to me and once there where in front of me; letting me have a good look at them. Each one was female as far as I could tell and each one was crying. I looked each one in the face getting up close and each one cringed at the look. After looking each one in the face I raised my hand and brought in down in a slow movement. As I was doing this the flames that were holding them reached down and started cutting them in half like butter knife through cold butter. There screams brought to new heights and I also learned that each one was in fact a mare or a very girly stallion. “STOP!” I looked over and saw Chrysalis looking at me with an expression of hatred and fear. Before I could say anything she shot a huge beam of green magic at me which at the last second I deflected into hitting all the changelings that I caught in half. She stood there with a look of pure horror knowing that she just disintegrated twelve of her Changelings. I teleported around her and knocked her out with my elbow before she could do anything else. She slumped to the ground and I recreated my face, which is a painful process in which where the nerves are a bitch to recreate. Only after my head was back to normal I picked her up. I looked over at where Shining was and saw that he had passed out with puke coming down his side. “Pussy,” I said with a sneer while whipping my hair in the air because I just don't car. Which in fact is very hard to do with out long hair. I walked away and realization came to me. I turned around while holding Chrysalis snapped my fingers and the gold sphere shrinked down to my hand to disappear. I looked around and saw the carnage was gone only leaving behind Changelings that where knocked out and would have nightmarish dreams in the future. I turned back around and went to finish my two last tasks to have a date with Chrysalis Defeat Changelings Check Beat Chrysalis Check 3.Kiss Luna Not complete Kiss Celestia Note complete Author's Note i would like to thank again Deathstar for all the help he has given to this story and like to openly state that there can be no more rape comments. You guys are really fucked up Now then i would like to say i am coming out with a short story in the future. Its a twist on the fucked up story of "Derpy's finest hour" which I would and would not recommend reading. anyway if there is any problems with the story feel free to comment below and please leave all the love and hate below. Goodby
Well you done Goofed....“What the fuck.” Those were the first words out of my mouth once I got out of the creepy fucked up woods. Well you might think my first words would be “YES, I’m out of there!” or “Finally”. No mine is a perfectly normal response once you see tiny fucking colorful ponies walking around like they fucking own the place and some of them must have been fucking there sisters or brothers and shit because some of them had fucking bumps on their heads big enough to through a doughnut on and make it fit and to top it off there are two giant fucking ones sitting on a podium like they were god or something. Then I notice all the little ponies were staring at them like they were god. “And not one notices the six foot guy just standing here, typical.” I said out loud still not being seen “HELLO MY LITTLE PONIES I THANK YOU FO…” And like that my brain went on every known drug on earth with a hint of an alien probing me. “Did that horse just talk?” I said it like it was an everyday thing I say. Ok, you might think well hell he’s taking this well, and since you know me so much skip the next couple of lines because you know me so damn well. BRAIN “Captain the power source is depleting and were losing power faster than a child on a sugar rush” screamed the Corporal. “Do a manual reboot” said the Captain calmly. “But sir..” “Do it now Corporal” “Yes sir” OUTSIDE “OW!!!” BRAIN “We seem to be cooling down. Power seems to be returning as well sir.” said the Corporal with a long sigh. “There my job is done time to go get some beer and woman” said the Captain with a smirk on his face and a devious look in his eyes. “Oh no “said the Corporal has he facebalmed. OUTSIDE I was still rubbing my face were my arm seemed to work on its own and slap me right across my face. “Da fuck was that about.” “…R PUTTING UP WITH DISCORDS EVIL SCHEMES AND PRANKS I WOULD ALSO LIKE THE ELEMENTS FOR SAVING THE DAY ONCE AGAIN.” Said the Big White talking Horse thing. “What the fuck is a discord?” I said curios because the name sounded kind of awesome “AAAAAAHHHHHHH MONSTER!!!!” I Look down and see a pink pony with yellow hair with a strip of blue going down it with huge flat eyes. I was thinking that is one colorful ass pony when all of the sudden I felt a pulling sensation around my waist and look down and see a golden aura around my waist. I look up and see that same golden aura was also around the giant horse thing horn. “Quickly girls I don’t know how but he is taking my powers at an alarming rate” said the large white horse. “YES PRINCESS CELESTIA” said a group of colorful ponies that were standing around Celestia. “So the white horse thing is called Celestia and how the hell did I miss not seeing that group that were standing right fucking next to the white horse” I thought to myself. I was about to ask what Celestia was doing when the group of ponies that were surrounding Celestia suddenly did a Undertaker with their eyes and started floating up while a rainbow started to flow around them like a snake. “Da fuck.” Was all I was able to say before the rainbow shot and ran right in to me . All I felt was peace when the rainbow hit me then a feeling that was almost like getting a massage from a goddess with magic hands, and through all of this it felt like my body was having all the aches and pains from the thousands of years I have been alive wash away from me. Then it suddenly stopped as soon as it came. I stood there looking at the six ponies and Celestia with a smile on my face that would have made anyone scream from fear. The group of ponies that shot the rainbow at me fell slowly back down from the sky with smug looks on their faces. When there pupils came back from where ever they went each one drops there jaw and I swear to god each one eyes became the size of dinner plates. I looked over at Celestia and she had the same look on her as well. I crack my neck to the side and took a back at the same group and all around me. Everpony looked at me with same look at the group in front of me. “Wait I have a brilliant idea.” I thought with a smirk. I reached in to my pocket and pulled out my iPod and switched it to a song and cracked that shit up. I then started to slowly walk toward Celestia and the six other ponies with a demon of a smile. Once I stood in front of them there mouths still agape I looked down and said with a kind smile "well you done goofed the fuck up". I then stood at my true height turned around and walked away. I planned to keep walking till I was out of this crazy town, but not ten steps I heard the most beautiful words. "Would you like a muffin?" I stopped in my tracks and looked to my left and saw the most beautiful thing in the world. A Muffin "Excuse me sir would you like a muffin?" I looked and saw a gray body blond hair pony holding the food of the gods and all I could do was stare at her. she must have started to get nervous because she started backing away. I raised my hand and said "wait can I have that muffin?". Her face lit up like a light bulb when I said I wanted that muffin. well I mean come on muffins are humans greatest idea in the world. "OK" she handed me the muffin and I threw it in the air and opened my mouth and swallowed the thing hole. Licking my lips I looked at her and gave her my warmest smile and said "do you have anymore?". She gave me one of her own warm smiles and replied with "Yes at my home want to come?". "Sure" I replied quickly We started to walk away together and then i thought of something. I turned around and looked over at the other ponies standing there with their mouths opened more than physically possible and their eyes creepily to wide. I then tilted my head smiled my insane smile and said "Don't fuck up again". I turned around and started walking toward the blond pony, but I stopped turned my head and said" My name is Lex Millennium and I like muffins. I then turned started walking away from the creepy ponies and to the Muffins. Author's Note OMG!!!! FIRST STORY EVER please leave all hate, love, death,love, and rape comments below thanks.
MUFFINS!!!!!! Oh and Dinky"MUFFINS MUFFINS MUFFINS" I said quietly out loud like a crazy manic hell bent on getting his hands on muffins anyway possible. "Where here." said the gray pony. I looked to see a house that was in need of some help. There were small holes along the walls with broken and boarded up windows. "This looks so much like the Orphanage." I said quietly to myself with sadness. "Excuse me mister?" I looked down to see the gray pony looking at me. "Yes pony?" "Oh right you don’t know my name, well my name is Ditzy Doo and I was wondering if you like muffins, do you also like children as well?" she said looking at me with a stern look that would have made seals cringe and look away. All I did was look at her and smile one of my kind smiles and replied with "Only children will ever beat my love of muffins in my book Ms.Doo." She looks at me with a smile on her face that could have melted a three inch steel door for how cute it was. I mean if you weaponize her you would have cute nuclear explosions everywhere. "Thank goodness, but please call me Derpy my friend’s do." she said while still holding on to that smile. "Alright Ms.Do... I mean Derpy” I said chuckling to myself. "Well come on in I think Dinky should be just about done with the new batch of muffins" "MUFFINS!" I yelled out loud getting the attention of a couple neighbors who once seeing me ran in there house and locked their doors. I took no notice of this though because of the thought of having a warm delicious Muffin in my mouth. I walked inside calmly with a smile on my face and looked around. The inside fared no better than the outside with holes in the walls and burn makes on the ceiling, I was going to ask about that but I looked over and Derpy and found that she was smiling at something ahead of us. I looked and saw something that would have given mortal men over cute heart attacks. I witnessed a tiny pony which I assumed was a child from the height and the questions Derpy asked me before. The tiny pony was carrying a tiny assortment of muffins on here back and had a care free smile on her face. The smile she gave made Derpy’s smile look like a flash grenade, this little pony could get anything she wanted if she smiled like that to someone. "MOMMY!" "Mommy?" I thought to myself, but before I could figure out what she meant the little pony that yelled ran and collided with Derpy. "Hey there Dinky, have you said hello to my new friend Mr. Millennium." said Derpy after she got up from the collision. "Who?" said Dinky? "That would be me little one." I said She looks around and finally sees me and puts a frown on her face before it turns in to a smile after she has a good look at me. "Do you like Muffins?" And like that a friendship was born. 2 HOURS LATER "Thanks for having me over Ms. Doo and Ms. Dinky." I said while opening their door to leave. "Don't leave Lex." said Dinky while making an attempt at puppy eyes with a quivering lip. "Ah, little filly I must leave and see the world with my own eyes and hands." I said with a smile while waving my hands in her face making her stare at them and become a bit cross eye like her mother. "Well if you need a place to stay our home is always welcome to you." said Derpy while looking at me. "Oh almost forgot." said Derpy while walking back to the kitchen and walked back with a basket on her back and handed it to me with here hooves. "How is she doing that without hands" I thought to myself while I grabbed the basket from her. There was a Blue blanket covering whatever was inside the basket so I did what any other human would have done. I lifted the blanket and found a dozen blueberry muffins. "Blueberry Muffins.." I said quietly "Yes, That's was Dinky's newest batch today so she thought you would love them since how much you love muffins." Derpy said while looking over at her daughter with a smile. Dinky started rubbing her hooves together looking at the floor, which I thought looked the same thing as a little girl rubbing her hands together from nervousness. "I-I thought you might like them on your journey." she said while attempting to look down further then needed. "Well that was nice of her. Wait is she blushing?" I thought in my head and Indeed there was a blush on her face and growing from the longer I did not answer her. So I got on one knee and put my hand on here mane and shook it up a bit. "Thank you Dinky Blueberry is my favorite." I said while giving her my kindest smile. she looked up and saw my face and responded with "THANKYOU" and ran off like a bullet. Hell I think she would have beaten a bullet in a race. I looked over at Derpy with a confused look on my face and saw that she was blushing to. "Well I think you know the way out" she said quickly before she too ran off to her room and shutting her door with a loud bang. "Well that was weird." I stated before grabbing my muffins. I then walked to the front door opening it and walking outside. I looked around and greeted by over two dozen white ponies. I took them no need and started walking away thinking they probably just want some of the delicious muffins Derpy and Dinky make. "HALT MONSTER" I kept walking thinking they meant someone else, when all of the sudden I felt something sharp go through my chest. I look down and see that there is a fucking spear going through my left lung, with blood pouring immensely out of it. "Wait does this make me holy or Swiss cheese" I said laughing while coughing out blood, yet being loud enough to be heard by the white ponies. I look around and see that each and every single one has a look of horror and disgust. I look back and see the same group of seven ponies from before and the big ones face made me want to bust a gut laughing. Celestia face was one of pure horror and looking like she just smelled a shit burrito after seeing someone eat it. I look over the other six and see that they had the same expression except for two. One who had fainted and the other one was smiling like she was at an amazing party. I immediately liked her. I set the basket on the ground and turned toward the ponies and pulled out my iPod from my pocket turned to the song of itself. "YOU DONE FUCKED THE HELL UP PONIES" I screamed before the music started. It's not easy having yourself a good time Greasing up those bets and betters I grabbed the spear and started pulling it out through the rest of the front of my chest while looking at the crowd of ponies with a smile. I slowly pulled it out and with a sickening noise it popped out. I heard a pony puke as I dropped the bloody spike on the ground and turned toward them with my maniac smile. Watching out they don't four-letter Fuck and kiss you both at the same time I Teleported right next to Celestia and grabbed her head and planted a kiss on the end of her snout on her lips, which she opens her eyes in surprise and I watched her wings poof up like a rocket. Smells like something I've forgotten Curled up died and now it's rotten I let go of her snout with a quick movement and thrust it to the side like I slapped it, then I turned around and started walking away. I'm not a gangster tonight Don't want to be a bad guy I'm just a loner, baby And now you've gotten in my way I turned around and looked at the group of ponies, and Celestia who still had her wings up with a look of surprise still. I can't decide Whether you should live or die Oh, you'll prob'ly go to heaven Please don't hang your head and cry No wonder why My heart feels dead inside It's cold and hard and petrified Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride I pulled out a sword that was on one of the white ponies in a sheath and stabbed my chest creating a hole in it. I dropped the sword and put my hand in the hole and pulled my still beating heart. I looked over at the other ponies and crushed my heart with a sickening smile on my face. Six white ponies past out right there and twelve others puked out there stomachs. Celestia turned green which showed greatly due to just having a white coat. It's a bitch convincing people to like you If I stop now call me a quitter I moved the life energy to recreate a new heart and to get rid of the wounds and blood. I also changed my clothes cloths to my favorite suit and looked the terrified ponies. (SONG STOPS) THE SUIT: "Well then what are all your names?" I said giving them a warm smile. Author's Note OK OK OK This is the second chapter and I would like to say... I'm not changing the song. I like the song so screw you..... I'm sorry. =C Also can I have a editor please. OK then send your love,hate,death,love, and rape comments below thanks
*INSERT NAMES HERE**INSERT NAMES HERE* I stood there for about five minutes before one of them before one of them was sane enough to respond to me much less talk to me. The first one to respond was a cyan flying bird pony with rainbow hair.” I like the hair" I thought to myself while maintain the smile. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MONSTER!" she screamed at me while pointing her hoof at me, which I guess, was the same as pointing a finger at someone... "What are you talking about?" I asked with confusion not knowing what in the bloody hell she was talking about. "I ASKED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MON-" she yelled before I teleported right in front of her and went down to my knee and grabbed her muzzle with my hand and closed her mouth shut. "And I said what are you talking about?" I said getting right up in to her face. "LET GO OF HER!" screamed one of the ponies to my right before I was knocked ten feet in the air landing on my back. "What was that?" I thought to myself as I got back up and dusted the dirt off my suit. "STAY AWAY FROM US MONSTER" screamed one of the ponies and I look to see that it was that it was one of those incest ponies with a pump on their heads and this one was the color purple with a darker purple for hair with a pink highlight on the side. I looked over the rest of the ponies and each one had the same look of anger and fear on their faces, all except the pink one that was smiling at me earlier. She was still giving me that big smile of hers and I thought of something that might just be funny, but before I could try it out she was on me like a starving tiger on a Saturday night barbecue buffet. Then all I saw was pink and the outline of the smiling pony I liked so much standing on my head. "OhmygoodnesshelloLexmynameisPinkiePieandIwaswonderingifyoulikepartiesandifyoulikecupcakestoo?" Luckily I caught all that and responded with "Of course I like parties and cupcakes who doesn't, but I like muffins much more then cupcakes." Her hair seemed to deflate once I said this and out of nowhere I hear a loud crack like a pipe just broke, then all of the sudden she gets her hair to be poofy again and she says "Well ok then, I like muffins too, but I still like cupcakes better. "GASP. I almost forgot you have to come to the WELCOME TO PONYVILLE surprise party tonight and have cake." she said out loud while holding her hooves to her face. "PINKIE GET AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!" yelled the group of ponies "But why? He's not a bad guy." she responded to her friends "WHAT?" they all said in together "I said he's not a bad a guy I DON'T get any bad vibes from him and he likes cupcakes. I mean what monster likes cupcakes.” she said like it was a fact of nature itself. "Pinkie look at him he is as tall as Celestia herself and he has those sharp teeth and did I mention THAT HE STABBED HIS CHEST, THEN TORE OUT HIS OWN HEART AND CRUSHED IT WITH A BUCKING SMILE!" screamed the purple pony. "Well he just did that for the LOLZ" she responds back with an innocent smile "Exactly" I responded for my case "Pinkie what is a... AH never mind Pinkie" the purple pony sigh and looked down. "SOOOO I’ll ask a second time what's your names, well other than Pinkie Pie." I said while directing my finger to the pink one. The celestia walked up to me and said "I am Princess Celestia and co-ruler of the nation Equestia and might I ask who you are?" she said while looking at me with a look that made me think of a mother questioning her daughters boyfriend. "Well I already told you but it you want to get formal My name is "Lex Millennium" or "Millennium" or "One Thousand" or "The Unkillable" or "Necromancer" or "Nightmare" or my favorite "The god of a thousand moons who has destroyed countless souls and has death himself as his lapdog" or finally "The Crazy Guy" " I said with a smile thinking back on how I got my favorite nickname "I think it was form a cult that liked me." I thought to myself. Celestia looked me down with a stare that if it could kill, than I would be turned in to dust then frozen. “What do you plan on doing here Mr. Millennium if I may ask?” she said while maintain that stare “Why the hell should I tell you?” I stated with a smug look She reeled back not expecting this answer and before she could respond I spoke again. “Let me think you think you’re a god or the people around you think of as gods and over time you have accepted that, but let me tell you this you’re not a god or anything like it. Won’t to know why!? I yelled that last part out loud. Before she could answer I yelled “BECAUSE I AM!!!” She took a step back not expecting me to yell and before she could even fully respond me yelling at her I blew up my skull. Brain matter and skull fragments went everywhere they went in to people hair and on to the on their faces and bodies. The rest of the six ponies past out and the white ponies puked everywhere then passed out. Celestia just stood there with a look of pure horror plastered on her face then puked on the ground next to her. She might have eaten grass before do to the color “Gods can’t die there just forgotten Celestia just forgotten…” A white light formed around my body healing my head while I slowly got back on my feet. Once I stood on my two feet in front of Celestia half my face was still being reformed by my magic. So it looked creepy as hell with brain matter still falling out along with my eye glowing a bright blood red. “and I can’t be forgotten.” I said while letting my tongue roll out of the half of my head that was still gone I look at Celestia staring at me with a bloody face and eyes of pure fear before she too past out. “Awesome” I thought as looked down at Celestia I look around and saw the where all the brain matter was and see all the ponies past out and thought to myself “I want a fucking muffin”. I went to the basket seeing it did not have any brain on it and picked it up and grabbed a muffin out and did a pack man style eating routine. “I wonder if Derpy has any butter.” I said out loud to know one imperticular. I started walking toward Derpy’s house and stopped. I looked back and saw the blood and puke and thought “Might as well clean up.” I said while waving my hands in front of me and willing the puke and puke away. Seconds later we had a clean street with past out clean ponies on it. ”There much cuter when there asleep” I turned around and started walking away from them toward Derpy’s house and the butter. 2 HOURS LATER “WHERE THE HELL IS HER HOUSE!” I have been looking for Derpy’s house two hours and I can’t fucking find it. “I swear to god if I find it on the same street as those knocked out ponies.” I said while grinding my teeth to dust only for them to reform. I turned around a corner only to walk in front of a dozen white ponies holding spears and in armor. Then one of them stepped in front of the others holding a spear and yelled “Halt in the name of Celestia!” I stood standing just looking at them without moving. The pony yelled “You are under arrest for assaulting royalty, escaping, and being in a populated area.” I stood there standing looking at them, then all of the sudden I started laughing. I just stood there laughing at them because it was the funniest thing I have ever heard, because I did not care. SHINK CRACK SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH I stopped laughing and looked down and saw my basket was broken and that the three muffins I was holding for the butter was sitting in a mud puddle. I stared down at the muffins with a blank look on my face, and then I heard the same white pony say “That was a warning shot monster, so don’t try to fight back.” I looked at him with the same blank look, while he had a smug look on his face. I continued to stare at him and then something odd happened. My left eye twitch *FLASH BACK* “Mr. Millennium what would you do if someone took your muffins or destroyed them” said Dinky while whisking the batter in the bowl. I looked at her and gave her a blank look and said “You don’t want to know.” *END FLASH BACK* I continued to look at the smug pony and I said the first thing that came to my head. “What’s your name?” He seemed confused by the question, but recovered quickly and while still holding that smug grin said “Shining Armor why?” I took out my iPod and switched to the song that I only used once before then set it to start in fifteen seconds. “Just wanted to know what to put on your grave stone” I gave while frowning and you might think "OH NO HE’S FROWNING WHAT COULD BE SO WRONG" and I would reply with….EVERYTHING! His stump on his head started glowing a pinkish color and he said with the same smug look “I said give up; you can’t honestly think you can win where the best the princess has to offer. Just give up.” It was then the music started. They seemed surprised by the music and started looking around to see where the music was coming from. I raised my arms in the air and forced open a portal to drop two fully loaded Smith-and-Wesson 500 magnums into my hands. I then pointed both guns at him and gave the most deadly, sinister and hatred smile I could do and it seemed to work because the bastard took a couple steps back and gulped. I then lifted my arms up and pointed at the other eleven white ponies and shot at them hitting each one in the chest. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* Each one had a red fluid pouring out of there chest with a look of agony on there still faces. I looked back at Shining Armor covering his ears with his hooves only to open them and see the massacre behind him. I saw the look of sadness and shock on him looking at his friends dead on the cold ground like there where nothing much more than bags of flour. He then slowly looked at me with fear and anger in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but before he could speak I pointed the magnum in my right hand and fired. *BANG* His hooves went back to his ears from the sudden loud noise and looked at himself to make sure he was all still there then he looked at me with pure fear in his face and I could swear the ground around him turned wet with piss. At that point I put the guns in my coat pockets and walked away from the pissed ridden pony. I stopped and turned my head and said “Their not dead it’s just a hollow blood bullet with a knock out explosion.” I then continued to walk forward not caring about the tears coming down his face and going to his friends to shack them awake. I yelled out loud "DON'T FUCK WITH MY MUFFINS!" Author's Note HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am going a little insane here.. haha I like the song and if you don't like it then you can go fuck yourself. Ok then leave your love,hate,death,love and rape comments below and also leave ideas below as well for the next chapter.
THE PAST THE PRESENT THE *GASP* FUTURE!THE PAST THE PRESENT THE *GASP* FUTURE! I arrived in front of Derpy’s house and before I could even knock on the fucking door I was blasted by some form of energy shot in to my side and I was thrown across the street at a fast rate, which for landing was going through a fountains seat area. You know the area around the fountain that people sit on. “THAT’S FOR ATTACKING MY SISTER YOU EVIL UNHOLY MONSTER!!!” screamed someone while my head was under water. “It must be really loud if I can hear it clearly underwater.” I thought to myself with a smile. I stood up out of the water and looked around for the yelling figure and saw that it was the other tall pony like Celestia, but this one was a dark blue with stars for hair. “Nice hair” I said out loud to the pony. She looked at me like I grew two heads and had pink emo hair on one. “FOOLISH FOOL DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT WE WOULD FORGIVE YOU FOR A BIT OF FLATTERY TO OUT HAIR!!!! JUST FOR THAT I SHALL GIVE YOU A BEATING THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN!!!!!” She screamed breaking the sound barrier with her voice alone. “Whatever I was just being kind and not trying to hurt your feeling, there’s no reason to spit in my face about it. Why do I have any reason to hate you?” I said nonchalantly “HA! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU WILL WE WILL BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY YOU ARE KIND OR THAT YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS!” “Well yes, but…” I was about to explain why when she stated something that with take Lucifer and God to hold my anger in check only to fail. “AS IF WE PRINCESS LUNA OF THE MOON WOULD BELIEVE SUCH A MONSTER AS YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HOLD ANY COMPASSION OR LOVE IS ASKING US IF WE BELIEVE IF ROCKS BREATH. WE BET THAT THE ONES THAT THY LOVE OR GIVE KINDNESS TO DIE LATTER IN A HORRIBLE DEATH DON’T THEY!” I stood there looking at her with my smile, which was slowly growing smaller by the second. FLASHBACK “Jessica, don’t leave me my little muffin, your daddy’s big girl you can’t die before daddy. Come on now when you get better we’ll both go out and get your favorite muffin.” I said with a smile with a waterfall of tears going down my eyes holding my dying baby girl that had holes in her chest. “Daddy why didn't you come helps us? Why daddy? You said if we ever need you would come hel-COUGH COUGH” Jessica said coughing up blood on me while looking at me while the spark in her eyes vanished. “Jessica…Jessica… JESSICA!” I screamed shaking Jessica hoping she was just sleeping. But no she was not sleeping, nor was my other children. They were all died. They had all been kidnapped and raped in an old factory only to be brutally beaten and stabbed to death. I had only just made it to find Jessica holding on to dear life crying my name softly. I stood there holding Jessica hot tears coming down my face with me still holding on to the smile. I raised my head and screamed to the sky with all the sorrow in my heart and kept screaming until my throat started to bleed. I set Jessica on the ground and put my hands to my face. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, please don’t leave me.” END FLASHBACK I stood there with a shrinking smile until it was gone leaving behind only a blank expression. Luna noticed then and immediately grew nervous from and was probably regretted the last sentence she said to me. I stood there looking at here with a blank expression and my eye stated to twitch. It only twitched to a small degree then slowly built up to my hole face cringing. Luna looked curious at me with my face cringing when all of the sudden I ceased cringing and asked here a question that brought fear and regret to her face. “Did you just insult the ones I love?” I asked her with my blank expression with an even less expressionless voice. “No I didn’t mean…” she started to explain, But I teleported in front and looked right in her face. She seemed surprised how fast I could teleport and that surprise quickly turned to fear when I spoke again. “You may insult me or my muffins or anything else I have, but you speak of my family and I will cut out your tongue and shove it up your ass only to make to crawl up you intestines and stomach and throat only for it to fall out to repeat the process all over again.” I stated with enough venom to kill a elephant. She seemed honestly scared of me, but only to find her courage again and say “Y-you h-have not right to speak to me like that I-I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DEAD FAMILY SO WHY DON’T…..” she continued to speak growing in volume, but I was not listening. I was angry and growing angrier. She dared to insult my family not once but twice, which was enough to break my bonds of self-control and calmness. She continued yelling so I did what I always do before I fight. “I am going to kick your ass.” I stated as I walked toward her. “Fool you think a mere monster like you could hope to defeat a princess?” she said with a smug smile. “Nope not at all.” I stated with a frown. “Well how do you plan on beating me?” She said while raising her eyebrow with a questioning expression “I didn't. I said I was going to kick you’re….” I said before teleporting behind her and lifting my leg back “ASS!” I yelled before kicking her in the ass sending her through the air and landing on the ground. “OUCH!” she screamed after hitting the ground with a thud. She turned back around giving me your dead glare and having her horn glow a dark blue color. I Thought I was fully prepared for anything she sent at me. That is until I felt a noose go around my neck, literally. “The fuck” I said before a very sharp tug was given on the other end of that rope. “SHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!” I screamed while my whole body was violently pulled to the ground. “DON’T MESS WITH THE PRINCESS YA HEAR!” I look and see the six ponies from before and Celestia running toward Luna, while an orange pony was holding the other end of the rope in her mouth. I turned toward Luna and painted toward the group “Your friends” She answers with a simple nod and gives an arrogant smile to me. I stood up and took the rope of around my neck and Luna teleported over to her friends and proceed to talk to Celestia and the others. I was able to only hear some of the conversation, but it sounded like she saying she was alright and shit I really didn’t care so I proceeded to go over to Derpy’s door and knock on it. I waited for about ten seconds and the door opened to reveal a small unicorn filly. “Hey there Dinky” She looked up with confusion, but quickly turned to a smile when she saw my face. “LEX” She jumped in the air higher than I expected and landed in my arms. She nuzzled my chin and asked “Did you bring me anything? Huh. Huh.” I looked at her with a smile being reminded of the children in the orphanage and said “Well once we go inside I will give it to you is that fair?” “YES” she hollered before jumping out of my arms and ran inside. I chuckled and turned around stared at the stunned ponies. Each one was giving their own expression of dumbstruck and confusion. Celestia and Luna were both were staring at him like he had turned the colors of the cyan ones hair and was juggling monkeys. They stared at me for a couple of minutes before I spoke in a calm and collective voice. “Well until you can be calm and tolerant and not try to kill me, then I hear by ban you from this house and any future attempt at getting in. If you would like to talk to me in a formal setting you will calmly walk to this door and tap or knock on said door and state your name and business, then if I feel like talking you will be allowed inside.” I simple stated I then proceed to walk inside the house through the open door and slam it shut with a loud bang causing the ponies to wake up from there utter shock. I stood in front of the door with the door closed to my back and thought to myself “Where the muffins at?” 4 HOURS LATER It was seven o’clock and it was time for dinky to go to bed. I had her in my arms while I was walking to her room down the hall. She lay curled in my arms fast asleep after both of us having are fill of muffins, while eating muffins we started an eating contest. Needless to say I won, but just barely. “The filly sure has a stomach.” I thought to myself with a smile. I opened her door and looked inside and it was like a typhoon collided with a tornado. There were toys all around the ground and the top of her bed looked like someone piled all the remaining toys and just made a big war hill. I walked over to her bed stepping over any of the toys on the ground. I stood over her bed and knocked the toys to the ground and placed her under her covers. I proceed to walk away went I heard a faint whisper come from Dinky. “Daddy” I knelt down in front of her and placed my hand of her mane lightly pet it. Dinky smiles at this in her sleep “Lex there is ponies waiting at the door for you.” I look around and see Derpy there by the door with a smile on her face that would have lit up a galaxy. I give her a nod and walk out of the room. I went down the hall toward the door walking by pictures of Derpy and Dinky along with a pony with an Hour glass cutie mark but his face was ripped off on all the pictures. I took no mind to this and kept walking to the door. I stood in front of the door and looked through the peep hole and saw the seven ponies from before along with Luna and Shining Armor. “Who is it?” I said with a comical voice that sounded like a male trying to sound like a little girl, but failing miserably. I was still looking through the peep hole when they gave me there answer. “Princess Celestia and Luna along with captain Shining Armor and the elements of friendship.” Celestia stated with note real tone in her voice. “Ok here or the ground rules; one I say who comes in.” They started to protest but I quickly shut them up by stating the rest of the rules. “Two, no fighting once you get in here. Three, we will can give you answers I want you to know and hold back on I don’t want you to know. Four, you will be polite when inside. Five, break these rules and I will fill your stomach with lava will force feeding you acid and six be quiet there is a filly sleeping right know and if you think rule five was bad, then you find a new meaning of pain if she wakes up.” I waited for that to sit in before finishing with “Now then do you agree to the rules or no?” I said nothing for a couple seconds all looking at each other with worrying glances before Celestia said “Yes we agree with the terms.” “Excellent well I will be stating who or who not comes it right now.” with a happy tone glad they agreed to the rules. I looked them over one more time before giving my answer to them. “Ok then, Pinkie pie, Celestia, Luna, and Shining armor and just to be fair you can pick the last one to come inside. Also when you have made your decision the rest that was not chosen must leave. Knock on the door again when you have done that.” I looked away not wanting to see who they picked and after some time and hearing muffled voices I finally heard the door being knocked. I opened the door quickly and looked to see who the new pony. To my dismay it was the purple with the striped pink and purple emo hair. “Dang it” I said while looking down at the ground in a defeated stance. “What do you mean by that?” she says with an eyebrow raised “Nothing, well come right in then.” I said while backing up and creating a hole where they can walk through while giving a slight bow. “Living room is on the right, can’t miss it.” They all looked at me confused until Pinkie said thank you quietly while bouncing without making any noise. The rest began to follow trying not to make any noise at all either, but not giving me eye contact or saying thank you. “Rude much assholes” I thought while looking at each one as they walked past. Once they were all inside I shut the door and also walked over to the living room summing a tea pot with seven cups. As they all entered inside the living room and sat down I created a table and sat the pot of tea down and laid the cups in front of the respected owners of them. I then asked them “well while we wait for the muffins I thought you all might like some tea.” They all were looking around the room except Luna and Celestia who Luna was giving me a look of hatred, while Celestia was looking at me with curiosity. “Well I am sure you all have questions so let’s go like this… The pink one first then she decides who goes next then that person asks a question and picks someone new as well. You may even choose me as well.” I said thinking it was a pretty good idea “Well ok if I am going first my question is why do you like muffins more than Cupcakes? I MEAN CUPCAKES ARE SO MUCH MORE SWEATER And muffins are bland unless you put something with them like blueberries or bananas.” Pinkie pie said all on one breath. I put my thumb and pointer finger on my chin and thought of an answer for that for a minute, before coming up with one. “For my daughter Jessica.” I simple stated and Pinkie pie simple contempt by that answer, but the others where sum what confused by it. “Well who is next pinkie pie?” I said to her giving her a smile She smiled back at me and said “How about Twilight?” I looked over and saw the Purple one was surprised by this and said “Thank you Pinkie.” She looked at me and I could see her brain moving at a hundred miles per minute till she finally came up with ha question. “What are you?” I said back a rehearsed line that I grew accustomed to saying “I am known closest to a human, but not the quiet the same. I have the look of them, but my powers tend to come from something else.” She did not seem happy with that answer but before she could say anything I interrupted her and a said “Who is next” She looked around until her eyes came upon Celestia and with a slight nod in her direction she spoke up and said “Princess Celestia”. I looked over the White horse while she was looking at me with a look of curiosity as much as what Twilight. We sat there looking at each other when she finally spoke up. “What is your purpose here in Equestia?” “Nothing” She seemed unconvinced of the answer but I quickly put my hand in front of me before she could say anything and said “Next”. She seemed angry by the my sudden outburst but with a sigh she looked over at her sister who was still trying to drive daggers in to my brain with her eyes and at Shining Armor who was doing his best not to look at me. “Shining Armor” Shinning turned a whiter than he was moments before which is hard when he looks more bleached than bones. He looked at me thinking of over different questions in his mind when he eyes opened wider and said “Why didn’t you kill my men?” I looked at him with a devious smile and said “Why should they die when it was your own fault for pissing me off?” He looked down with a blush on his face while everyone else looked at him wondering what I meant. “Well who is next shiny?” I said with a snicker He gave me a look and quickly replied with “Luna” I looked over at Luna and she was just getting over her confusion over my answer to Shining. She looked at me with anger and curiosity which was much better than her driving imaginary nails through my head with her hooves with her eyes. “What happened to your family?” I sat there unmoving not saying a word or breathing. I looked at Luna straight in the face with a look that would have frozen a war in mid battle or even turned Medusa to stone. It did not help with my anger my eyes lit aflame. Everpony cringed at the site not see my full gaze that I was giving Luna. No one noticed that Pinkie was hiding behind her chair with her hair flat holding her hooves to her face crying. Luna was sitting there staring at me with fear and terror spreading across her face from seeing me. DING! “Muffins done” I heard from the kitchen that was next to the living room and was only connected by a door way. The flames in my eyes stopped and a smile spread across my face. I got up from my seat and calmly walked over to the kitchen to grab a plate of muffins for the guests. LUNA POV “The eyes.” I said aloud catching the attention of Celestia. “Sister what is the matter? Did Lex do something to you?” Celestia said with concern and anger in her voice. “No Celestia it was just his eyes.” “His eyes?” Celestia said with confusion in her voice “Yes sister his eyes, they were so filled with anger and hatred but the anger was not toward me at all. It was confusing and terrifying all at the same time.” Celestia raised her eyebrow at my statement but before she could get a question out there I resumed speaking but with a sadden tone. “He eyes showed so much anger but so much more sorrow. His eyes show age beyond even ours sister. It’s as though he has seen countless innocent lives lost and was forced to kill thousands of enemies in battle.” “Forced?” said Celestia with concern “No he did it on his free will but in his heart he did not want to do it but there was no choice.” I explained. Celestia gave a frown and lowered her head a bit, while looking at the floor in thought. Celestia raised her head and was just about to ask another question when Lex walked in carrying a foot tall platter of muffins. Author's Note OK i will have to thank Deathstar47 for the help he gave me and i would recommend reading his stories as well. I have not been updating in a while due to the fact that school sucks a lot with tests and shit. Also if anyone has any ideas or problems with the chapters that are already out or the ones coming out send me a comment or go through mail. WELL I best be hitting the old dusty road Leave your Love,Hate,Death, Hate, and Rape comments below by
My Date with destiny... mostly with a changeling though.“Well, I have blueberry muffins and banana nut muffins which one would you like?” I said to the group of ponies. They didn't say anything at all and I just set the muffins on the table. I sat back in my chair and gave the group one more look before I let spoke again. “Well, Luna, who’s next?” She looked at me and then proceeded to look around the room at all of the ponies present until her eyes finally came back to me. “How about you, Lex?” She said in a cool relaxing tone I put my finger on my chin while looking in the air and thought of my own question. I kept thinking of one until I thought of something that had been bothering me ever since I got her. “Ok I got one. Why are you two bigger the rest of the ponies? Are you freaks or something?” I said, while pointing a finger at Luna and Celestia. Shining and Twilight stiffened at comment and gave me a glare that would have lit ice on fire, but Celestia and Luna just sat there and smirked like they were just remembering an old joke. “No, Lex, we are not freaks. We are commonly known as Alicorns here in Equestia. We have more magic then the common pony and our body has to be slightly bigger to accommodate that.” Celestia stated “Yes, my sister is correct along the lines of what we are.” Luna followed up I looked at them both for a couple minutes with a blank expression. Needless to say due to past experiences with that look they both cringed slightly. Before they both spoke to ask what was wrong I smiled and said. “I pick Ms. Doo.” I said as I pointed at Derpy as she walked in from the kitchen balancing a muffin on her head. “Who” She said with a questioning look on her face. “You silly” I said back to her chuckling to myself “Oh, yes that’s me.” she said trying to hide a blush which I found fucking adorable. “Well, I do have one question for Ms. Luna.” She said still hiding the blush “Princess Luna” Shining openly stated to in which I informed him of that this is her house and we she can call us anything she wants by saying “Shut up”. He quickly looked down angry that someone would tell him to shut up like a child when he was a full grown stallion. “Well I always wondered if you take requests on when you do meteor showers.” Dinky said not taking notice of mine or Shining outburst. “Well we usually don’t, but sometimes only for special occasions or reasons. Why do you ask?” “Well my daughter’s birthday is coming up and she loves star gazing so I was wondering if you could have a meteor shower on her birthday.” Derpy said looking down trying to hide her uneasiness. “Well I believe we can. What day is it?” “It’s coming up next month on the eighteenth.” Derpy said still looking at the ground but with a small smirk on her face. Luna put her hoof to her chin and looked up in thought, then stated with a frown “We are sorry but we are unable to do the meteor shower that night. We must attend a summit in the Griffin Kingdom and it takes us a lot of energy to do such a feat as a meteor shower.” Derpy lost her smile and looked even further into the ground. I did not think that was even possible but here she was doing it and it was wrenching my heart to see it, so I did what any gentleman would do in that situation. “I will create the meteor shower for her.” I openly stated. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy or insane for a couple minutes until Luna spoke. “How art thou going to do that?” she said in an old English accent “Well I would say science but you don’t have a lot of that here so the typical answer would be…MAGIC!” I yelled out the last part while pointing my index finger in the air like an idiot. They all gave me a dead pan look and Shining said while rolling his eyes “Oh, that will totally happen.” I looked at him with a smile then forced a twitch in my eye. He noticed this and his eyes grew wide and he started to shake. The others noticed shining shaking but before anyone could ask what was wrong I pulled out my gun and said one word. “Run” He leaped out of that chair so damn fast that it left a dust trail of him there while he was running out the door. The others were just about to ask what was happening with shining and why I told him to run, yet I was on my feet and running out the door as well. Somehow I quietly shut the door while I was running out and only I and Shining was outside. He stopped and turned around to see if I was just bluffing and was just inside, but as soon as his eyes found me they grew to the size of dinner plates. They only grew bigger when I pulled out my IPod and turned on a song. [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBV0bQeu8_M ] Skip to: 30 I pulled up my hood so my face was hidden and changed my eyes to glow and my smile to be a bit bony. (Look at the picture the song and you will see what I mean =D.) I can feel the animal inside My resolve is weakening Pounding on the doors of my mind It's nearly overpowering I pulled out both my guns and looked down at him with the smile. I cannot begin to describe The hunger that I feel again Run if you intend to survive For the beast is coming to life I swear to god this time when he ran I saw a dust figure of him where he used to be. I looked behind me to where the front window was to see Twilight, Luna, and Celestia all looking at me with their mouths agape, while Derpy just waved at me with a smile. Taking more than a glimmer of this tainted moonlight Death approaches on this night I waved back to Derpy which in turn freaked Twilight and Luna out making them run behind Derpy while Luna just mouthed out words I could not understand but I could translate them and they made me want to smile even more. “Don’t even think about it.” I stared at her For the animal's soul is mine We will be completed right before your eyes I have no control this time I looked over at shining And now we both shall dine in Hell tonight And then I ran like a bat out of hell. 4 hours later Damn Shining has more stamina then I thought he has been running for about four hours now and only now starting to slow down. My hood had moved off my head long ago and my eyes stopped glowing. Well for me after about thirty minutes I summoned my demon Harley and started following him with a new music list and every time a new one comes on he runs faster. “GETTING TIRED THERE SHINING!” I yelled over the noise of the Harley “STOP BUCKING FOLLOWING ME!” “IT’S FUCK NOT BUCK!” “WELL THEN FUCK YOU!” I smiled while revving the engine pulling a wheelie making him run faster. He ran around a corner in to an open market street with people and I did the most reasonable thing I could think of. I laughed I drove around the corner and saw to my delight many other ponies where standing there looking at me with wide eyes. I smiled at them giving them a queen’s wave as I drove past them following shining on his run through hell. “STOP CHASING ME!” “WHY WOULD I DO THAT?! “BECAUSE I AM TIRED!” “HOW ABOUT NO?!?!” I kept chasing him down the street till I heard a scream. Shining and I stopped and looked around. We heard another scream that was much closer. *CRASH* An explosion to our right created a hole in the side of a building that had a bed and quill sign above it. I saw something walk out of the hole and I thought that it was the most weirdest hottest thing ever. “GO MY CHANGELINGS FEAST ON THE LOVE OF THE PONIES AROUND HERE!” “CHRYSALIS!” Yelled shining Chrysalis turned around and saw shining and a big smile that showed off her fangs. “Shining, it’s so good to see you again, how’s Cadance?” Chrysalis said with a smug smile. “Don’t you dare say her name bug.” Shining said with as much venom as he could. Chrysalis laughed with her hoof to her face and looked over at me. “Well, hello who are you?” MY BRAIN AT THAT MOMENT Goddamn it there looking at me! what do I do what I do what do I do. OK, she is girl and she cute and maybe single. I’ll ask. OUTSIDE “Are you single?” Shining and chrysalis both looked at me like I had asked a rock to marry me. I looked at both shining and chrysalis with my eyebrow up. What?” Chrysalis was the first to recover and said “Well this is new. You’re the first thing ever to try to hook up with me in my real form. Even my own Changelings are afraid to ask.” “Well are you single or not?” I asked with more eagerness. “Lex, this bug almost destroyed this kingdom and you’re asking if its SINGLE?!” “My name is Chrysalis and I not at it I’m a she.” Chrysalis said in a nonchalant tone. “To answer your question Lex; Yes, I am single. Now why would you…” “Want to go on a date?” Shining jaw drop like a rock with rocket strapped to it pointing downward it almost touched the ground. Seriously it almost touched the ground it was like an inch away. He might want that checked out I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. Chrysalis did not have as much as a reaction as Shining but she still moved her reactions across. They both stood there staring at me for about fifteen minutes and during all that time all surround in Changelings and Ponies also just stood there slack jawed. After about fifteenth minutes I said something that might break the tension or hopefully not. “What?” Chrysalis was the first to recover again and she just started laughing. And laughing And laughing And laughing “Is that a yes or a no, either way I would like to know.” She stopped laughing and stared me down with a snarl on her face. “Don’t make fun of me swine.” She said with venom “I’m not. Now, will you please answer me?” I said with a straight face. She looked me straight in the eyes and slowly walked toward me with a neutral expression. Her hips swayed back and forth with a swag clearly showing off her as… BAD BRAIN BAD GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER. She stood right in front of me looking me down with the same expression and put a hoof to my chest. “Only if you can beat me and my changelings, along with kissing Celestia and Luna will I ever think about dating you.” She said with a little hatred hidden in her neutral tone. … … … “Deal” She reeled back not expecting that I would agree and shining jaw hit the ground. Gross “So beat you and beat your changeling along with kissing Celestia and Luna is that it?” I said looking at her with smile. She stood there slack jawed looking at me with a look of pure confusion and revulsion. She recovered and stated “Yes that’s all, but how do you expect to do that?” I smiled at her and stated only two things “With a song and a couple illusions.” I snapped my fingers and a gold sphere grew around my hand. I snapped my fingers again and it started to grow. It continued to grow until it was larger than my body then kept expanding until it covered the town. “Now that’s down let’s start the song.” I said pulling out my iPod and flipped to a couple playlists until I found a song that worked and didn’t work with this situation. The music started and the sphere I sent out pulsed an unearthly glow. I moved my hands to my head forcing it to change. Green and blue flames swarmed around my skull rapidly melting it. I looked up opening my mouth and the two flames coiled around each other and went in to the sky only to come back and slide inside my mouth. The flames melted my eyes, skin, hair, and muscle around my skull leaving only a bleach white skull that rested in my shoulders. I looked over at the first changeling while creating tiny blue and green flames in my eye sockets. I also moved the flames to my left and right hand. The right held the Green flame and the left held the blue. Some of the changelings grew some balls because ten of them came from all directions and tried to attack me. I am putting a lot of emphases on tried here. They surrounded me and lowered their heads aiming their horns at me and proceed to fire green shots of magic at me. I let the flames absorb the magic and grow longer. The firing stopped and I unleashed a hell on them. I used the flames and rapped the flames around the necks of the changelings and severed their heads from their bodies not even leaving a drop of blood due to the flames burning the flesh. I looked around and saw that most of the changelings were backing up with looks of dread on their face. I looked over at Chrysalis and Shining and saw that Chrysalis had a look of complete shock and disgust while Shining also had a look of shock but also one of happiness. He and I need to talk in the future later about him and his likes and dislikes. One of the changelings shot a beam of magic at my chest knocking me to the ground. The rest saw the opportunity and also shot green beams of light at me while I was still on the ground. Dust kicked up and surrounded me while the beams of light shot at me. After about a full minute of beams hitting me they stopped. The dust was slowly settling but before he could fully I sent both my flames out and massacred the Changelings. The flames decapitate heads and or severed body part from their bodies leaving many still alive screaming. The ones still alive which were about twelve out of the fifty that Chrysalis brought where crying out in pain with severed legs or horns. I used the flames to pick them up making sure not to burn them and moved them toward me. I floated them to me and once there where in front of me; letting me have a good look at them. Each one was female as far as I could tell and each one was crying. I looked each one in the face getting up close and each one cringed at the look. After looking each one in the face I raised my hand and brought in down in a slow movement. As I was doing this the flames that were holding them reached down and started cutting them in half like butter knife through cold butter. There screams brought to new heights and I also learned that each one was in fact a mare or a very girly stallion. “STOP!” I looked over and saw Chrysalis looking at me with an expression of hatred and fear. Before I could say anything she shot a huge beam of green magic at me which at the last second I deflected into hitting all the changelings that I caught in half. She stood there with a look of pure horror knowing that she just disintegrated twelve of her Changelings. I teleported around her and knocked her out with my elbow before she could do anything else. She slumped to the ground and I recreated my face, which is a painful process in which where the nerves are a bitch to recreate. Only after my head was back to normal I picked her up. I looked over at where Shining was and saw that he had passed out with puke coming down his side. “Pussy,” I said with a sneer while whipping my hair in the air because I just don't car. Which in fact is very hard to do with out long hair. I walked away and realization came to me. I turned around while holding Chrysalis snapped my fingers and the gold sphere shrinked down to my hand to disappear. I looked around and saw the carnage was gone only leaving behind Changelings that where knocked out and would have nightmarish dreams in the future. I turned back around and went to finish my two last tasks to have a date with Chrysalis Defeat Changelings Check Beat Chrysalis Check 3.Kiss Luna Not complete Kiss Celestia Note complete Author's Note i would like to thank again Deathstar for all the help he has given to this story and like to openly state that there can be no more rape comments. You guys are really fucked up Now then i would like to say i am coming out with a short story in the future. Its a twist on the fucked up story of "Derpy's finest hour" which I would and would not recommend reading. anyway if there is any problems with the story feel free to comment below and please leave all the love and hate below. Goodby
