Two insane idiots

What is my life like. Well, it's... strange to say the lease. That's thanks to an old friend of mine, Tyler. There's just something about him that yells "I DONT GIVE FUCK!" Oh well, he's seems like a ass at times, but ya get use to it. Anyways, enough about Tyler, lets get back to me. Like I said, my life is strange, and... painful. Unlike Tyler with his lively mood, I am just a big six feet giant that is pushed around, and is a giant train wreck. I wouldn't say my life is terrible, it's just hard. My family has thrown me out and doesn't even want to look at my face, my dog was ran over by a car right in front of me, and I was just dumped by my girlfriend, right after she had sex with some asshole jock. Fucking slut. But I always had a good friend or two right there behind me, ready to back me up. Like a real family. But even with this family, my life seems to run over even bumpier roads, and I cant take it! I just wish that something would come along, and give me a second chance. I guess that's just a dream, right?

Today was like any day, I got up, and went to school with my friend Tyler, and like always we get our self's into some kinda trouble, but today was just stupid. I just finished my last class of the day, and went to my locker to get a couple things, but before I could even open my locker, Tyler came running to my locker with a pissed off look. I raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. He raised a broken lock.

"That bitch Amanda stole my pot!" He growled.

"Oh shit, here we go." Mumbled. "How the hell did she even get it?"

"Hell if I know, but she got it, and broke my damn lock. That bitch!"

"How do you even know she took it?"

"Shaun saw her take it out of my locker."

"Why is it such a big deal, cant your brother give you more pot?"

"No, he cant till next week."

"Cant you wait till next week?"

"Fuck no, you know when I'm pissed pot calms me down."

"Well, where is she anyways?"

"The girls locker room." He grinned with devilish smile. 'Of course it is.'

"Let me guess, you want me to help you get your pot back, don't ya?" He slowly nodded with that smile still on his face. "How?" He raised a rubber snake. I gave a heavy sigh. "Great." I took the toy snake, and we quickly jogged to the girls locker room. "Ok, now what?"

"Simple, you run in screaming, and yelling that the snake is attacking you, and hopefully all of the girls will run out."

"That sounds like a bad plan."

"It's better than nothing."

"Fine, lets just get this over with."

"Ok,Ready?" Tyler asked.

"No." I said.

"To bad, now go!"

"I hate you." I growled. I pulled out a rubber snake, and walked to the girls locker room. 'What the fuck am I doing?' I took a deep breath, and swung the door open screaming like a girl. "AHHHHHHHH, SNACK!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!! IT'S EATING MY SOUL!!" I screamed. All of the girls stopped dead, and screamed. They fled the locker rooms, and Tyler came sprinting in with a small crowbar. I dropped the snake, and ran to the door to watch for anyone. Soon I heard the locker bust open, and a loud roar of victory from Tyler.

"I got it!" He shouted.

"Good, lets get moving then." I said, and made my way out of the locker room, but stopped dead. To my horror I saw every one of the girls from the locker room holding bats, tennis rackets, and other objects. Soon Tyler rushed out next me, and did the same thing.

"RUN BITCH, RUN!" Tyler shouted as he jumped over a large metal fence. I followed, and looked back to see several half naked chicks flying around the corner with several blunt objects.

"Oh shit!" I shouted, and climbed over the fence. I landed on my back with a hard thud, but quickly jumped to my feet, and darted towards Tyler who was trying to open my car door.

"OPEN YOU WHORE!" He shouted. I ran around to the drivers seat, and flew into the drivers seat in the blink of an eye. I looked up, and saw that the angry mob of wet half naked girls were getting extremely closer. I pulled out my car keys, and started the car. The engine roared to life, and I stepped on the gas. I shot out of the parking lot, and drove towards the exit with huge smile. But that smile soon disappeared as looked to my right to see no Tyler. I looked at my mirror to see Tyler running full sprint towards the car with the mob hot on his tail. I slammed on the brake, and stopped car, and opened the door. Tyler jumped in, and I slammed on the gas. The car screeched, and we went flying out of the Schools parking lot.

Once we were on the road, I began to hear Tyler chuckling. I looked over to him, and saw him with a big fucking grin as he raised a small bag of pot. I looked at him for a second, and smiled. I shook my head, and begun to chuckle myself. "Happy now, was all that worth it?" I asked. He nodded slowly with that huge damn grin of victory.

"Hell yeah it was worth it, this was my last bag till next week." He said, and kissed the bag. I rolled my eyes, and turned back to the road. "Thought she was all slick, and shit, but I'm not haven that shit!" He said, and opened the bag, but I stopped him by slapping the back of his head. "Owww!"

"How many fucking times have I told you not to smoke that shit in my car?" I asked.

"Like a hundred times." He said, and closed the bag. "it's not that big of a deal you know?" He said.

"Yeah, sure, last time you smoked pot in this car, we got pulled over two seconds after you finished. We're just lucky that cop wasn't smart enough to smell it." I chuckled. He shortly chuckled, and relaxed. For a half hour we drove to the store, and then back to our apartment. Once we reached our apartment, we climbed up to our room, and saw a strange large box at the front door. I picked up the box, and Tyler opened the door. I walked in, and placed the box on the dinning room table. I sighed, and flopped onto the couch. "Fuuck, I'm beat." I moaned, and turned on the TV. Tyler soon entered the room, and sat down on the other side of the couch. I looked over, and saw him smiling while he was holding a bag of weed. He soon rolled up a bit of pot, and began to enjoy it. I just ignored him, and continued to watch TV. For the next hour, we just sat their relaxing, and began to hear a strange noise. I looked over to Tyler who was half baked off his mind. "You hear that." I asked. He slowly turned his head towards me, and smiled. '

"What?" I face palmed, and shook my head. Soon the noise got louder, and it sounded like it was in our apartment. I quickly got up, and walked into the dinning room. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the box that I placed on the table glowing red.

"T-Tyler, I think you got me high!" I yelled, and only heard the sound of him laughing. He soon walked in, and stopped right next to me. He was also frozen, and stared at the glowing box.

"What the hell is in there?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Not sure, but there's only one way to find out." I said. I walked up to the box, and slowly placed my hand onto the top of it. As soon as I touched it, I was sent flying into Tyler, and we both slammed into the wall. "O-ow." I moaned. I crawled onto all fours, and stumbled onto my feet. I looked over to Tyler to see him twitching. "You okay?" He soon looked up at me with a pissed off look, and replied.

"I just got crushed by a six foot giant that weighs two hundred pounds, you tell me." He growled. I rubbed my neck and gave a sheepish smile.

"Heh, sorry." I said. I looked back over to the box, and noticed that it stopped glowing. I slowly walked over to the box, readying myself for anything. Once I was close enough, I closed my eyes, and reached for it again. Soon my hand made contact, and nothing happened. I snapped open my eyes, and stared at the box. For the next couple of minutes, I just stood there staring at the box, but soon snapped out of it once Tyler walked up behind me.

"Is it safe?" He asked.

"Hope so." I said. "Hand me a knife." I said. Tyler quickly grabbed a knife, and handed it to me. I quickly cut open the box, and opened it. I raised an eyebrow once I saw two strange artifacts. The artifacts looked the same. They were both black crystals. Along with those crystals was a letter. I picked up the letter, and attempted to read it, but couldn't. It was all in some kind of strange language that looked alien to me. I grabbed one of the crystals on the left, and began to investigate it. There wasn't much detail to it. Tyler walked over, and grabbed the other crystal. We just stood there, trying to figure out what was going on. Soon, the crystal began to glow green, and purple, and green sparks began to shot out. Me and Tyler dropped the crystals, and quickly backed away. The sparks began to grow larger, and started to create a figure. Soon there was a bright light that made me look away. Once I opened my eyes, the light was gone. I looked back to the crystals, and froze. Right in the middle of the two crystals were two black figures with green, and purple eyes. Their eyes had smoke flowing out of them, and they both had large, evil grins planted onto both their faces. By the looks of it they were female by the looks of their smooth figures. I just stood there, paralyzed, and speechless at what I was seeing. Tyler had the same look planted on his face, but he started to back away. Both of the figures noticed this, look at each other, and giggled. I raised an eyebrow, and began to relax a bit. One figure noticed this, and drew her eyes onto me. I noticed her smile, and saw sharp vampire like teeth. They weren't ugly, monster like teeth, they had a cartoonish look to them. The room was silent as both of the figures stared at us, and just smiled. I cleared my throat, and spoke. "Uuh, Hi." I said. I heard Tyler face palm from behind me, and mutter something. I ignored it, and waited for a response. One of the figures walked up to me, and put her face in mine.

"Are you the two who awoke us?" She asked in a soft, but spine chilling voice. I gulped, and spoke again.

"Y-yeah, we are. Who are you, and what the hell is going on?" I asked with a straight face, but I could fell my heart racing.

"We are the daughters of Sombra, god of darkness, and shadows. We were sealed away into these crystals our father personally made for us." She said and backed up a bit. I am Shadow, and this is Darky.

"I told you not to call me Darky! It's humiliating..." Darky said. "It's Darkness." Soon Tyler pushed pass me, and spoke.

"Now hold the fuck on, what the hell is going on!? Did that bitch Amanda fuck with my pot?" He asked. Both of the visitors looked at each other, and begun to laugh. I actually began to chuckle a bit, but I quickly gained control, and stopped. Soon their laughter died down, and they just stared at me and Tyler.

"I can tell you two are going to be a riot." Shadow said. Me and Tyler both raised an eyebrow, and I spoke.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked a little concerned. It was her turn to look confused.

Didn't you read the note?" She asked.

"This note? I have no fucking idea what this bitch says." I said. They both stared at us, and face palmed.

"How do you not know Equestrian?" Darkness asked.

"Equestrian, bitch I speak English!" Tyler said with pride. Both of the sisters glared at him. I face palmed myself, and smacked him across the head. "Ow, what the hell!?"

"Show some damn respect before you get yourself killed." I muttered. Both of the sisters seemed to brush off the comment Tyler made.

"So none of you had any idea what that note said?" Shadow asked. We shook our heads. She sighed, and lifted up her hand that started to glow. Soon the note floated out of my hand, and landed into hers. She cleared her throat, and begun to read. "To those who free my daughters from their prisons will be granted powers from the crystals that were once their prisons. The crystals will grant you whatever you want, and will give you god like powers. But, there is a price. Once you accept these powers, everything you know and love will vanish, and you will take up your new life's with my daughters to rule Equestria, and cover the land with darkness. I would do this myself, but my powers are fading. Soon Celestia, and Luna will arrive to in-prison me. As the god of darkness, I gift you these powers to finish what I have started with the help of my daughters. By now their powers should have matured, and they should be ready. Bring Equestria to it's knees, and rule with a iron fist..." Shadow finished, and looked at us. I just stared at Darkness with my jaw hanging. I looked over to Tyler who had a blank look. "So, will you accept our fathers offer?" She asked. Tyler looked over to me. I motioned him over, and leaded him to the other side of the room.

"What uh, what ya say?" I whispered. He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"What the fuck do you mean 'what ya say'? I say no fucking way!" He whispered back.

"Dude, just think of it, we will have the power to do anything we want, and be able to make new life's for our selves. Even better, we'll have two sexy goddess with us for extra mussel." I whispered.

"Why the fuck would I want to start a new life, I'm happy with the one I got!"

"WELL I'M NOT!" I yelled. Tyler seemed to flinch, and backed up. I continued. "Ever since day one, my life has been nothing but living HELL! I've been stomped on, chewed up, and spit out by this fucked up life! I've tried Tyler, I've tried to fix my life, but nothing I do works. It just fucks it up more! And I'm tired of it! I'M TIRED OF BEING A FUCK UP!!" I screamed. Tyler just stared at me with shock. I turned away, and walked up to both of the sisters. "I accept your fathers offer." I said.

"And your friend?" Darkness asked. I clenched my fist, and grinded my teeth.

"He's staying here." I said.

"NO!" I spun around, and saw Tyler running towards me. Before I could react, Tyler's fist made contact with my face. I stumbled a bit, but quickly recovered. I rubbed the side of my face, and stared at Tyler with surprise. "You don't get to leave like that, you don't just leave me alone!" He yelled.

"Your not alone, you have family!" I yelled back.

"You are my family!" He yelled. I just froze, and stared at him. He continued. "You and me have been through a shit ton of things, and I'm not willing to lose a friend like you. Please just think about what your doing." He said. I just stood there, staring at Tyler with shock. I soon snapped out of it. I lowered my head, and sighed.

"I'm sorry Tyler, but I cant take it, please try and understand why I'm leaving." I said. I turned around, and saw Shadow, and Darkness sitting down with a bucket of popcorn, watching us like a show. Soon they both got up from their seats.

"Awww, I thought you two were gonna kiss." Shadow said.

"Shut up, and lets just go." I said. They nodded their heads, and they both snapped their fingers. Soon a large black portal opened, and the sisters began to walk towards it. I shortly begun to follow, and tried not to look back. Once I was close enough to enter, I felt a hand fall onto my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder, and saw Tyler with a small smile. He then raised up the two crystals, and spoke.

"We're gonna need these." He said. I smiled, and nodded. He handed me the crystal, and I took it. Before I could say something, Darkness poked her head out of the portal.

Are you two coming or not?" She asked. Me and Tyler shrugged, and entered the portal, and into our new lives.

[Crystal empire]

Cadence awoke from her bed, sweating bullets, and panting. She soon calmed down, and placed her hand onto her head. 'What in Equestria was that?' Before she could ask herself anymore questions, she felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She looked over, and saw Shining armor with a concerned look.

"Cadence, are you alright?" He asked.

"Y-yes, I'm fine, I just had a nightmare." She said.

"Well you should try and get more sleep. You have a big trip tomorrow for your visit to Ponyville." Shining armor said. Cadence nodded, and laid back down next to her husband, but as she fell asleep, she could have sworn she heard a group of voices.