Shattering Walls

Shaking gently, Caramel stepped away from the tree, his hind legs sore and starting to get stiff from the tiring work of helping out at Sweet Apple Acres. He was now without a steady job, and had just recently moved into his own place, so helping the Apples with their work was the only way he was going to get any income for now. But it hurt, his legs throbbed, his lower body ached, and his breathing was ragged, as he looked up at yet another tree, full of apples. He was beginning to hate the things, and it didn't help that he wasn't very muscular. It normally took five or six good shots from his legs to shake the apples from a tree's branches.

Frowning up at the fruits, the tan pony tapped his hoof against the trunk, leaning over to take a peek around the tree. Big Mac was just a few feet ahead, his strong legs slamming into another tree, making the entire load of apples drop into his buckets. Watching the large, red pony's lower body pivot and ripple with motion, he thought to himself, Caramel, you can't be doing this. It's wrong, look away now...With that thought, he forced himself to look away, feeling the blush on his cheeks as the afterimage of Mac's hindquarters lingered in his mind. Looking around quickly, he made sure none of the other ponies had been looking his way and sighed.

"Why does it have to be so hard? Just stop it, Caramel. You know what other ponies would think, what they would do. It's wrong," He thought aloud, in a whisper, shaking his head gently. Only I know it's not... Frustration with himself and his inability to do anything about his situation - and his inability to even knock an apple out of a tree without multiple tries - built up until he could ignore the soreness in his hooves. Spinning around, he slammed his back legs into the tree for a fourth time, dropping about a third of the fruits from the branches. Eyebrows tilting down as he frowned even more, huffing, Caramel slammed his hooves once more against the trunk, dropping most of the remaining apples into his baskets.

Stopping for a few moments to regain his breath, Caramel moved over and picked up the mostly full baskets, dragging them over to the storage cart before leaning down, shoulders aching as he steps away. Again reminded of how much his body ached, he flicked his eyes toward Mac, imagining the strong stallion close to him. Stop thinking about him, Caramel. Just stop, you have better things to do and think about. You have bills to pay, and slobbering after some stallion while you're supposed to be working won't help with that... Shivering, the young pony tilted his eyes down and-

"Y'all listenin?" Applejack poked his side, making him jump, muscles burning anew at the quick motion. Seeing him respond and turn to look at her, the pony shook her head and spoke up again, "As Ah was sayin, the cart's almost full, so we're just about done 'ere. Go tell Macintosh to get his plot over here and help pull the darn thang to the barn. Are you staying for supper, Sugar Cube?"

Taking a minute to collect his thoughts and stop his heart from pounding so hard, he responded, "Of course, AJ... I uh, I'll get Mac..." Stepping away, he began winding his way towards the red stallion, eyes drifting over the other's flank for a second before flicking back up, keeping himself in check as he come closer.

"Hey, um, Big Mac.... AJ said you... you uh, need to pull the cart back over to the barn," Caramel tilted his head away, focusing on the other's face as he held his body in check, taking deeper breaths to calm himself. Watching the other stallion turn, Caramel had to catch his breath as he smelled the sweaty musk drifting from Mac, making him tremble as thoughts of the stallion filled his head. Get control of yourself, you idiot...stop acting like a fool mare, you're better than that... but he's soo- No, just stop thinking about it.

"Ah'll get right to that, just, ah, give me a second," the larger stallion nodded while he talked, and Caramel could have sworn he saw a little smile on the edge of Mac's lips, if for only a moment, as their eyes touched. Looking away, he waited as Mac picked up his baskets and began to move towards the cart. Turning, the only thing Caramel could see was Bic Mac's plump flank and, between swishes of his tail as the red stallion walked, his huge orbs, bobbing gently.

Realizing that he was staring, and had stopped moving, Caramel mentally slapped himself and sauntered after Mac, diverting his attention to his surroundings. What if I just told... no, I can't do that. Hmm... but what if I got him alone and, just, told him I feel... it couldn't go that- NO Caramel, what are you thinking? You'll just cause unnecessary trouble for yourself. But what if Mac is... no, don't even begin to think that, you'll get your hopes up! And for what?, he thought, shaking his head. It was always best to just not even think about it...

~~~~~~~~~

It was a few years ago, and Caramel was at the Apple farm for the weekend to hang out with Applejack and Big Mac for a bit. Only this time, something was different. He had been playing around in the barn with Mac, Applejack, and another colt named Java, the four were getting a little bored. Applejack had said something to Macintosh about a game, and the two went off to get the materials for it. As they were sitting and waiting for the other two to return, Caramel had shyly taken a peek at Java, admiring his dark brown and green colorations. At some point while he was sitting there, he hadn't noticed Java moving closer, and jumped when the other colt poked him with a hoof.

"Hey, Cara.. c-can.. can I tell you something?" the colt had a worried look in his eyes, while at the same time, Caramel noticed an odd smile on Java's face. Nodding to the bigger, older colt, Caramel leaned in a bit to listen. Java leaned in a bit, and Caramel could see a blush on his face, "I-I like you... like, I like like you, Cara..."

Caramel felt his pulse pick up, hearing those words, and his eyes widened in slight fear, "B-but my dad says colts... colts aren't supposed to like colts... and.. and..." He couldn't find the words to say, but he felt the warmth of Java's quickening breath for a moment before it happened. Within just a few seconds, Java had leaned in and then, wrapping a hoof around the tan pony, he began to kiss Caramel. Shaking in fear, confused at the pleasure he found in the gesture, Caramel felt himself begin to kiss the older colt back for a moment. As the other slid a hoof down his chest, and Caramel shivered in response, leaning in to kiss Java back, he felt himself getting aroused in a way he'd never felt on his own. He'd played with himself before, and that felt good, but this... He just didn't know what to do. As Java pulled away from the kiss, panting and smiling at Caramel, the two stared at each other a moment, and Caramel couldn't help but notice the head of Java's shaft poking out. Confused and scared at his feelings, and the feeling of the other colt kissing him, Caramel began to lean back away from Java bit, stuttering.

At that moment, Big Mac stepped into the room, waving to Caramel, "Cara, we couldn't find the game board and-" Stopping dead, Mac seemed to notice that Java was turned around, and the brown pony covered his crotch before sitting up and turning around with a smile, "Hey Big Mac! No luck?"

Unsure of what his friend had seen, Caramel had dropped his head and looked away, his heart hammering in fear as he waited for something bad to happen. But didn't. After a few moments, he felt Java's hoof against his shoulder and heard the light whisper in his ear, "I ah, just wanted to know.. do you like me Caramel?"

Turning to look at the other colt with a little confused smile, he nodded, eyes wide in fear, and Java finally noticed his reaction. Making a calming noise, he rubbed his hoof across Caramel's back and leaned in once more, "Maybe we can... talk later?" And with that, he gave Caramel one last little smile and turned back, dragging the tan pony over as Applejack walked in. They regrouped in the center of the barn, and Applejack began to explain her plan for a different game.

~~~~~~~~~

Shivering as he remembered that encounter, Caramel sat in the Apple's living room, sitting beside Mac and Applejack as they waited for supper. It had only been minutes, but his mind had taken him back to that moment, as he recalled the event, remembering a small something that he'd tried to repress many times: All that day after the kiss, Caramel had become fixated on Big Mac, not Java. Java had kissed him, yes... but now he truly realized how far his feelings went for Mac, and not just as friends. So since that day, he'd hidden his attraction as best as he could. There had been a few other secret encounters with Java, and then with a colt or young stallion here and there, but he'd always been terrified, never letting it go very far, but desperately needing the attention of another male. And what scared him the most was, not his sexual attraction- which he had accepted quickly to be a real thing after Java's kiss and his short relationship with the pony- but of ponies finding out about it. He just wanted to be normal... and if anypony found out that he wasn't normal, and didn't like fillies.... he didn't know what he would do. The thought made him shiver, and Mac shifted to look at him, breaking his train of thought.

"Ya cold, Cara?" the red stallion asked, tilting his head in an almost concerned manner. Mac saw Caramel's nod and smiled, leaning in to hug him gently. Caramel tried his best to hide his blush, hugging the pony back but looking away, tucking his chin down to look at Applejack, just in case anypony noticed the blush. Mac is so warm... don't think about it, don't think about- and he's strong and he's hugging me... should I tell him... but I can't tell him I'm gay... it would ruin everything... what if he didn't want to talk to me anymore? I don't know how I would deal with that... I- no, don't even think it, Caramel. But it's true- You think it's true. You don't love him, you just like him. He's a big, sexy stallion, yes. But he's not even gay. You can't be in love with him.