Cupcakes: Reason and Madness

Listlessly, Pinkie Pie wandered the streets of Ponyville.  Her color seemed faded and her mane, though nowhere near the straight it was in her nightmare, did seem less bouncy.  That nightmare, for she couldn't think of it as anything but, had drained her of what little of her energy was left.  Where once she would be bouncing along happily, now she shuffled.  Many ponies who would otherwise have stopped to pass some time with her walked quickly passed, head low out of respect for her loss and her mood.  Pinkie barely noticed them.

Why would I have such a ghastly grossly dream?  Pinkie's mind ran in circles.  What did it mean?  Why was there a little filly-me there?  And those mean faces my sisters were making at me.  I don't remember any of that.  She abruptly knocked herself in the head, startling a few passersby.  Why do I even think those nasty, meanie bad thoughts are memories?!

"Get ahold of yourself Pinkie.  It's time to go looking for your bestest galpal in the whole world!"  Her face set with determination, she sprang up and rushed off towards the library.  She had been meeting her friends there every morning for the last two months and this day was no different.  It was also the last day she had managed to wiggle out of bakery duty with the Cakes.  Surely today would be the day when they found her Dashie!

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"I'm sorry Pinkie."  Twilight shook her head.  Her purple and pink mane was a tangle, small fly-aways whipping about as she moved.  While her mane was in a state, the rest of her was a wreck.  Huge bags sat under her eyes and her whole purple body slumped as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her back.  "I, I'm sorry.  It's been two months and we haven't found a thing.  The Royal Guards called off their search a week ago and …"

Twilight stopped, her voice giving out as Pinkie slid to the floor.  Her face, once the mirroring the joy of Equestria, had fallen further than Twilight had ever seen.  Even her hair, as physically impossible as it seemed, had collapsed on itself, hanging down from her head in strands.  She was looking at Twilight with such big, hurt eyes.  It shook her to the core to see the normally energetic party pony this upset but it was time.

"Pinkie, Rarity can't hold off on her orders anymore or she'll lose the Boutique.  Applejack has been putting her load of chores on her brother and that's not only not fair to him, it'll hurt her farm.  Fluttershy has her animals that need her and Spike just can't keep up with them anymore."  She nodded over to where the dragon youngling had curled up to catch some sleep.  The poor dear looked exhausted.  "And I'm so far behind on everything that it'll be months until I can catch up.  I'm sorry Pinkie, it's time … it's time to let her go."

Pinkie lowered her head.  For a moment, Twilight thought she would break down and began to step towards her friend to comfort her.  At the first step, however, Pinkie's head shot up, her face a sneer and her eyes filled with anger.

"So the Element of Loyalty doesn't get any loyalty,huh?  Is that it Twilight?"

"Wha-?"  Twilight backed away suddenly, as if struck.  Pinkie rose to her hooves, stomping towards her friend as she spoke.

"Dashie would do anything for any of us and here you are, Princess Celestia's 'student' and Dashie's friend leaving her cold and alone out there.  For what?  To study?  To read books?"  By this time, Pinkie's voice had risen into a shout.  She had backed Twilight into a bookcase, making the unicorn cower at her friend-turned-stranger.  Spike had woken up moments before and was staring slack jawed at the scene before him.  "You care more about your stupid books than you do about your friends, huh?  Well FINE!"

Turning abruptly, Pinkie stormed out of the library, leaving a confused and frightened Twilight behind.  Just before she slammed the door shut, she turned to Twilight with a look of absolute hatred.  "You've just lost another friend, Twilight."

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Pinkie Pie stormed down the street, a very angry grimace firmly entrenched on her face.  While the ponies of Ponyville had gotten slightly used to the sad sight of the dejected pony walking listlessly around town, this was something else entirely.  A cream colored earth pony approached her as she walked, a concerned look on her face.

"Pinkie, dear, what's the matter hun?"  Bon Bon's voice squealed through Pinkie's head.

"Go away Bon.  It seems some of my friends don't care about their own friends as much as I thought."  Bon Bon winced at Pinkie's tone, suddenly very sorry she decided to get involved.

"Pinkie dear, why don't you, uh."  Bon Bon couldn't for the life of her figure out the best way to say what needed to be said.  She knew Pinkie was running herself and her friends ragged looking for the missing Rainbow Dash, everypony in town knew that.  And with the sudden disappearance of another pony a week ago, it had everypony on edge.

Pinkie slowed to a stop and, very slowly, turned her head towards her fellow candy-maker.

"Why don't I what?"  Pinkie's voice had an edge, a harsh and angry edge that sounded so very wrong coming out of the normally jubilant party pony.  Bon Bon flattened her ears in response, backing away slowly.

"Eh, nevermind.  Good luck Pinkie."

For her part, Pinkie just watched the mare back away slowly for a moment before continuing on her way.  Surely her other friends wouldn't put their reading before their friends.  Surely they wouldn't abandon her.  For a brief moment she faltered.  Where had that thought come from?  She shook her head and continued walking.

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"Pinkie I said I can't!  Now get out of my Boutique and don't come back until you've seen reason!"

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"Please Pinkie, you're ... you're scaring my animals!  I, I'm sorry but there's just too much for me to do.  I'm sorry ..."

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Pinkie stood on the slopes of Sweet Apple Acres, staring out towards her friend Applejack's farmhouse.  She was extremely nervous.  All her other friends had decided to wash their hands of Dashie, to leave her to whatever nasty fate some evil meanie had come up with.  Maybe it was a crazy pegasus that wanted to harvest her for rainbows?  Or maybe a physical incarnation of Nightmare Moon, come to break her wings and absorb her powers?  She shook her head, trying to stop her rambling thoughts.  She had to focus.  For Dashie.

"Oh, eh, hey sugarcube.  Wha- what are you doin' here this early?"  Applejack's voice startled Pinkie out of her revelry.  Where before she would have leapt into the air in an exaggerated display of fear, now she only blinked and turned to face her earth pony friend.  Her last friend.

Applejack gasped at the sight.  Tear trails ran down Pinkie's face and her eyes were bright red from crying.  While Applejack had gotten used to Pinkie's new mane style, it had never been this flat.  Even her colors seemed off.  Like they were darker or dimmer somehow.

"Are you going to give up too AJ?  Are you going to leave her out there to, to," Pinkie sniffed and rubbed her running nose with a hoof, unable to finish her sentence.

"Oh, Pinkie.  Ah wish Ah could go today.  Ah wish, Ah wish none a' this had ever happened.  But it's time ta move on."  Applejack removed her stetson and wiped at her damp eyes with her hoof.  "We all tried as best we could, sugarcube.  But she's ... she's gone and Ah don't think she'd want us ta destroy our lives tryin' ta make her appear."

Pinkie sobbed, her face contorting into one of anger and sadness.

"Don't say that!  Don't ever say that Applejack!  She's not dead, she's not!  I hate you!  I hate all of you!"  With a stamp of her hoof, Pinkie turned and ran from the startled apple farmer, her sobs trailing behind her.  Applejack step forward to go after her but stopped herself.

"Oh Pinkie Pie.  Ah know you don't mean that.  Ah hope you cin forgive us."  With that, she turned at cast an eye over her farm.  She sighed.  There was still so much left to buck, so many chores left half finished.  With a heavy heart, Applejack turned and walked slowly back to her work.

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Pinkie Pie cried.  She cried liked she had never cried before, gasping for air and wailing into one of her pillows.  She kicked her legs and screamed.  She sobbed and yelled and tore at her hair and nothing made the hurting stop.  No matter how much she cried it never stopped.

After what seemed like hours, she slowly hiccoughed to a stop.  It had gotten dark and she hadn't bothered to light any candles.  The only light that came into her room was a small pool of moonlight from one of her upper windows.  It had stayed well away from the sobbing pony, keeping itself to the middle of her room.  She wanted this.  She wanted to be alone and in the dark and she wanted to cry until she couldn't feel anything anymore.  She deserved this.  The strange thought gave her no pause.  She was too emotionally exhausted.

She lay on her bed, her pink blankets wrapped around her hind hooves , gasping and panting.  It wasn't fair.  It wasn't fair.

"It's not fair," she screamed at the ceiling, throwing one of her many pillows across the room.  It caught the edge of some lamp, bringing it down with a smash.  Pinkie collapsed back onto her bed, uncaring.

"Well now, feel better after that tantrum?"  The sudden voice caused Pinkie to shoot upright.  That voice, no ...

"Oh yes, Pinkie dear."  The filly-her from her nightmare walked into the pool of moonlight, her face a sneering smile.  "We need to have a little sit-down, you and I."

For her part, Pinkie just stared at the filly, her mind blank with confusion.  This time, she knew she was awake.  This time, there was no excuse.

"Who are you?  What are you?"  At the question, the filly laughed.

"I'm you, silly filly.  At least, I'm part of you."  She walked out of the moonlight, the darkness swallowing her.  A sudden light flared and a candle burst to life nearby, the fire making the filly's face even creepier than usual.

"How?  How is ... how can you be me?  I'm me."  Pinkie jabbed an accusatory hoof at the filly.  "You can't be me.  You can't be here."  The filly rolled her eyes and sat in the little pool of light.

"Oh get a grip.  I lit a candle.  How can I not be here?"  Filly-Pinkie held a hoof up before Pinkie Pie could answer.  "Don't answer that, I don't care what you think about this.  I said we need to have a talk and so we are going to have a talk.  Can your vapid little mind wrap itself around that?"

Pinkie winced at the words, the tone striking a deep and painful chord somewhere inside her.

"Why are you here than?  I don't like you."  This brought another little bark of laughter from her tiny tormentor.

"Pinkie, no one likes you.  You are, undoubtedly, the most unlikable pony that has ever walked across this pathetic planet.  You are ... vapid, inane, unintelligible, selfish and grotesque.  You are the worst.  Pony.  Ever."  With every word, the filly jabbed towards Pinkie, still on her bed.  Every word sent a stab into Pinkie's chest.  Every word brought her face a little lower.  Every word hurt.

And yet, somehow, she knew they were right.  Pinkie's raw throat choked back a sob.

"And you know I'm right."  The filly sneered at Pinkie  "You know that no one comes to your parties because of you, they come because you can bake halfway decently.  You know that any time anyone ever tells you 'hi,' they're only trying to be nice to the local idiot.  They can't stand you."

"That's not true," Pinkie whispered, her head swimming with images of ponies coming to console her.  They all spoke words of comfort but every one of them had something else in their eyes.  Pity.

"That's not truuue," the filly mimicked.  She ended with a look of utter contempt on her face.  "Shut up.  You make me sick with all your parties and uselessness.  No matter what ponies are going through, they can get a laugh out of Pinkie.  No wonder Mama was embarrassed by you."

"Wha-" Pinkie blinked through her tears.  "Mama isn't embarrassed by me."  The filly only smiled.  It held no joy.  Suddenly, Pinkie remembered.

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Pinkie Pie stood on her old foalhood porch, a foal herself.  It was ... dirtier than she remembered.  Several of the supports were broken and the roof sagged.  The barren fields held only a few stalks of wheat that waved in the errant breeze.  It was late afternoon and Mama would be calling her in for dinner soon.

Suddenly, there was a commotion behind her.  Yelling.  For some reason Pinkie Pie couldn't understand, the memory-Pinkie gave a resigned sigh.