Fluttershy vs. the Self-Defense Course

The Aftermath

Nopony knew how or why it happened, and the bigger mystery was how they survived.  First there was a flash of light, and then the ponies found themselves dazed, confused, and relieved.

In the sunny afternoon, Royal Guards descended en-masse for the witnesses.

And so, due to the near-destruction of Ponyville, Twilight and her friends were summoned to the court to prostrate before the Solaris Princesse herself.  Even when she appeared calm, Twilight appeared ready to have yet another total nervous breakdown, while Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity appeared ready to single out the bearer of the Element of Magic as the responsible pony.

As for Pinkie Pie, she was now eating through her sixth tub of ice cream.  Celestia in her limited omniscience didn't know how she got them, and Fluttershy appeared to be donned in some kind of boxy-kind of armor.  To the Princess of the Sun, something about it reminded her of the stallions' locker rooms.

Still, the ponies before were in trouble.  Forgivable as they were, she looked down upon them as all monarchs would towards troublesome subjects, even if they represented the Elements of Harmony and were the country's only means of anti-apocalyptic defense.  Her eyes weren't that of an angry goddess, but they were those of a severely disappointed parent.

"I hope you understand why I summoned you before me," spoke Celestia.

"Um, Princess," spoke Applejack.  "I jus' wanna go on record that I had nothing to do with this."

"And I don't know why I'm here as well!" cried the frantic Canterlite North Star.  "I'm not even part of the Elements of Harmony!"

"You're more like the Element of Whining," mumbled Rainbow Dash.

"Let's focus my little ponies," said Celestia.  "The reason I summoned you here is because--"

"MY MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Luna cried.

The Lunaris Princesse crashed through the doors off towards the side.  She did not just go through--she obliterated the antique doors as she staggered in high on caffeine, drunk on cider, or a dangerous combination of both.  Her wavy space-mane and space-tail somehow appeared frazzled complete with split space-ends.  When she paraded between Celestia and the Bearers of the Elements, nopony could resist watching her wave her dark blue bottom back and forth with hypnotic suggestiveness.

"Yes," said Celestia.  "You blew up Luna's moon."

"Like I said," said Applejack, "I had nothing to do with it."

"Neither have I," added North Star.  "Can I go now?"

"Dear Applejack," said Celestia, "you're here for a different reason--you walked through a wall and put a hole through Luna's room.  And on top of that, a quarter of Ponyfield was wiped out."

"Nopony cares about Ponyfield," grumbled Rainbow Dash.

"I do," spoke Fluttershy through her boxy locker-armor.

"Rainbow Dash is right, but that's not the point," said Celestia.  "With the moon gone, I'll have to think of a way rebuilding it, or else I'll never hear the end of--"

"MY MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Luna cried again whilst jiggling her behind.

"--that.  With a heavy heart, however, I have to impose upon you all a necessary punishment to assuage the general populace."

"W-what do you have in mind Princess?" asked Twilight.

"I haven't decided yet.  Luna kept me distracted to come up with one before our meeting, so I'll attempt to convene with her again.  Come along my dear sister."

"My moon..." Luna mumbled.  "My moon…  My moon…"

It was almost hard not to smirk when the Lunar Princess followed her older sister back through the broken doorway.  The way she waved her bottom was so… distracting.  One could only imagine if she waved her butt intentionally.

"It's not like it's a big deal," said Rainbow Dash.  "So what if the moon blew up?  We won't have nights for a while, and there won't be any surfing."

"You just don't get it, do you?" asked Twilight.

"You heard what the Princess said: nopony cares about Ponyfield, and nopony died as a result."

"Rainbow, we realized too late!  We were too distracted in the zaniness of our self-defense course, our Friendship Lesson makes no sense, and now the Princess is going to punish us!"

"You, maybe.  I mean, what's she gonna do?  Send us to the moon?"

"I knew you Ponyville ponies were crazy, but this takes the cake!"

"Cake?" perked Pinkie Pie.  "Where?"

The oncoming footsteps of the Regal Sisters stiffened the mares back into attention.  Whereas Celestia plotted herself upon her usual throne, Luna moved to her side shaking her booty like a thang.  Only when Celestia summoned a banana daiquiri did the Night Princess cease twitching her butt and eyes and calm down to eat her sister's mouth-watering dessert.

"Luna and I have decided your punishment," said Celestia.

Before she could utter a single breath of a syllable, a toupee-wearing stallion in a suit suddenly walked from behind the curtains with a camerapony behind him.

"Fluttershy," he said.  "I'm Chris Hoofson of Dayline's 'To Catch a Carnivore'.   Why don't you have a seat--oh, I didn't know the Princesses were here.  I'm going to need more chairs."

To be continued…?