La vie est drôle!

La vie est drôle!

Chapter One

Written by Harime Nui

“It’s over, Nui.”

As the Grand Couturier looked at Ryuko and her friends, her heart sank. It was… over? But that was impossible! They had followed the plan to a ‘T’, they were supposed to win! How could these humans just up and thwart it so easily? Well, whatever the case, Nui was clearly not happy. Slowly rising up from her hands and knees, she once again looked at everyone surrounding her.

Though it was less than wise, all she could think of doing was vivisecting everyone around her. They deserved nothing less for taking her mommy away from her, not to mention cutting off her arms. And yet…

“Not yet…” she muttered just loudly enough for Ryuko to hear her.

“Huh?”

Everyone watched, baffled, as Nui changed the form of her arms into that of wings and began lifting off of the ground. Was she… running away?

“I can’t get my revenge yet, but rest assured, you filth,” the pig tailed girl began replying as she picked up speed, “I’ll get stronger, and I will come back to finish you all off.”

Before anybody could respond, Nui took off into the sky in a flash, intent on leaving that stupid planet behind. The whole thing, ‘having friends’, made her absolutely sick. ‘Only weaklings take solace in having friends’. That’s what her mom had told her so many years ago, and as it turned out, she was wrong. Those freaks were anything but weak, and she stood no chance against them as she was now. After all, all she had on her person was her trusty umbrella, but that wouldn’t do much against an opponent like Ryuko.

Yes, for now, Nui had to do something she never thought she would.

Admit defeat.

--- Elsewhere, One Month Later ---

“Twilight, when did you say the parade was supposed to start, again?”

“In about two minutes, Rainbow Dash. To be completely honest, though, I’m surprised you of all ponies decided to come watch it with me.”

“Are you kidding? Princess Luna is awesome!”

Giggling, Twilight responded, “She is pretty cool.”

“How come nobody else wanted to come and see her, Twilight?”

“They were all busy, I guess. I know Spike and Rarity are working on some dress for some high class customer, but as far as the others, I’m not sure.”

“Well to hay with them, we can have fun without ‘em!”

“Oh, it’s about to start, Rainbow!”

As Twilight and Rainbow Dash pushed themselves through the gathering crowd and to the edge of the sidewalk they found themselves on, an announcer began speaking.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, as you know, today is a day that needs no announcement!” As the ponies gathered throughout Canterlot began to cheer, the announcer chuckled. “But the princesses are paying me for this, so I may as well say it. Today is the Winter Moon Festival! So, without further ado, Princess Luna!”

As her name was exclaimed, the midnight blue alicorn teleported onto her float and began waving to all the cheering ponies in the streets. This was certainly new for her. For too long, she had lived in the shadow of her older sister, but Celestia had finally decided it was time to put an end to that. She could feel a few tears form in her eyes, but she paid them no attention. All that mattered was giving these ponies the show of a lifetime.

As the fireworks throughout the town began to fire into the air and explode beautifully, Luna yelled out to the crowd.

“Let the Winter Moon Festival begin!”

--- Ponyville, Same Time ---

“Wow, do you see that, Rarity?” Spike asked the unicorn next to him, pointing to what he was talking about. As Rarity turned her head to look as well, the sight left her stunned.

“Well, it seems as if Princess Luna decided to pull out all the stops for today,” she observed. Indeed, Canterlot seemed to be glowing as fireworks raged above the city. It was truly a sight to behold, and she could only be angry at herself for choosing not to go.

“I wonder if Twilight and Rainbow Dash are having fun,” Spike stated idly, taking a bite from the apple in his hand. “Aw, who am I kidding, they’re having a blast.”

“Spike, what have I told you about talking with your mouth full? It’s very unbecoming.”

Spike blushed and quickly stammered out an apology, but his focus shifted quickly back to the fireworks above Canterlot. They were… amazing. But still, something seemed… off. “Hey, Rarity, are fireworks supposed to go down instead of up?”

“Hm?”

“That firework, up there,” Spike pointed, “it’s going down.”

Rarity followed Spike’s gaze and spotted the firework herself. Though, her reaction was much different than his. “Well, that certainly is interesting. I’ve never seen anything like it…”

“What do you think it is, Rarity?”

“I’m not entirely sure, Spike. But it seems to be picking up speed quite quickly.”

“It’s getting bigger, too,” Spike observed. Sure enough, the glow around the object was getting larger by the second. A look of terror washed over Rarity’s face as she finally realized what she was looking at.

“It’s a meteor, Spike! And it’s headed right for Canterlot!”

“Huh? But shouldn’t meteors, um, what was that word Twilight used…”

“They normally disintegrate, yes Spike, but this one must be rather large. And what’s worse, there’s no way for the ponies there to see it through the fireworks!”

“W-what do we do?!” the drake practically yelled in response.

“Idea!” exclaimed Rarity after a few moments. Opening the saddlebags she was wearing, she took out her shopping list and a quill. Turning the list around, she began writing on the back of it with haste. After a few seconds, she practically shoved it into Spike’s hands. “There, send that to Princess Luna, dearie.”

“Oh… that’s a good idea, Rarity!” Spike quickly drew in a breath, raised the piece of paper up to his mouth, and let out a burst of flames. As the note disappeared, Rarity commented.

“I only hope that they have time to evacuate.”

--- Canterlot ---

“Citizens of Equestria, it is with great pleasure that I, Princess Luna--” Luna was cut off by a small piece of paper appearing directly in front of her, causing a certain pony who was still watching to let out an audible gasp.

“What is Spike thinking!? He can’t just interrupt the festival like that!”

“Whoa, Twilight, chill out,” her rainbow maned friend attempted to calm her down,”I’m sure he had a good reason.”

As Luna’s eyes scanned over the paper before her, Twilight and Rainbow Dash could see them widen. “Lieutenant Swift Wing!”

The pony Luna called quickly flew over to her, ready for any orders. “I need you to organize an evacuation, Swift Wing.”

“What is wrong, Princess?”

“I’ve just received warning of a meteor about to hit Canterlot.”

Seeing how serious the situation was, Swift Wing asked no more questions. Instead, he turned around and began yelling orders to the ponies gathered in the streets. Orders to get out of Canterlot.

Without thinking, Twilight ran past him, Rainbow Dash right behind her. They reached Princess Luna within a few seconds, and she was barraged with questions almost instantly. Though, she could only answer one.

“I don’t know, Twilight, I can’t see the meteor through all those blasted fireworks. Heh, I guess being flashy wasn’t the best idea after all. But if your friend Rarity claims we are in danger, I will take it seriously every time.”

“Wait, how do you know Rarity sent the note?”

“It was written on the back of a shopping list, and the only things on the list are clothing related.”

“Well, regardless, you should evacuate with everyone else, Princess.”

“No, I will remain here to ensure everyone gets out of the streets safely. It is my duty as princess to ensure to the safety of mine and my sisters subjects.”

“Hey, uh, not to barge in on your conversation,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, “but look.” She pointed up in the sky, and it seemed that the last of the fireworks had finally faded away, leaving only one thing in view.

“Oh no, that’s too close!” Twilight exclaimed. “It’s gonna hit within seconds! Get down! Take cover!” she cried out, diving behind Luna’s float. The other two ponies did the same, and all they could do was wait.

And wait…

“Alright, is that thing gonna hit any time so--” Rainbow Dash was cut off by a deafening boom, and a high pitched squealing overtook her. Covering her ears in shock, she attempted to raise her head over the side of the float and see the crater. Smoke clouded her vision, however, and she fell into a fit of coughing. It could be worse though, she thought. It could have landed on them, after all.

Eventually, after minutes of waiting, the smoke finally began to clear. As the three ponies climbed over Luna’s float and towards the crater, they began waving away the last of the smoke. Before they could see what was in the crater, however, Swift Wing landed at Luna’s side. “Princess, are you alright!? That thing hit really close to you guys!”

“I assure you, I am quite alright, Lieutenant. However, I would like to see myself just how large this meteor was.”

“Very well.”

It wasn’t as if she needed his permission, but Luna had always wanted her guards to act as if they were her equals. As she peered into the crater, however, it wasn’t a meteor that she saw.

“It’s a… creature.”

“Huh?” was all the three ponies behind her could say in response. As if to show them, though, the creature slowly got up onto its feet. It was bipedal, Luna noted to herself, and it seemed to be wearing clothes as well. So maybe it was sophisticated? Or maybe it was here to wreak havoc and take over the planet, like in all those movies. Breaking her out of her thoughts, though, was the fact that the creature was now out of the crater and standing directly in front of her.

“Um, hello?”

“Hi!” it responded in earnest, in possibly the cutest voice Luna had ever heard. Collectively, the jaws of every pony within view of the scene went agape. “Kono basho daisuki!”

“Careful, Princess, she’s speaking some creepy alien language!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed to Luna, to which the Princess could only facehoof.

“Rainbow Dash, she’s speaking Neighpon,” Twilight informed her friend.

She was about to respond, but Luna’s own speaking cut her off. “Anata no namae wa nan desuka?”

“What did she just say?”

“Harime Nui da!” the creature responded happily. It was clear that this ‘Harime Nui’ was a girl, but it definitely wasn’t clear what species she was. Luna, meanwhile, decided that while speaking in Neighpon came easily to her, she’d rather not have to do it.

“Hajimemashite. Eigo wa dekimasu ka?”

“I do indeed!”

“Why are you here?”

“To have fun!” she replied oddly. “Hehe, you look really cute, with your horn and your wings and your butt tattoo!”

Luna blushed instantly, never having heard someone refer to their cutie marks quite like that. Before she could respond, though, Swift Wing did for her. “That is Princess Luna, ruler of the night and of our kingdom! You will show her respect!”

It had been a while since he had heard someone talk so disrespectfully to one of the princesses, and he didn’t like it one bit. After all, he’d do anything to protect their reputation.

“Hm… nah! Why should I respect a girly little horse?”

“Why you…” before anyone could react, Swift Wing was charging at Nui. Just as he was about to reach her, however, she disappeared from his view. As everyone looked around for her confusedly, he brought himself to a halt, stopping himself from falling into the crater she had crawled out of. “Where did she go?”

As if to answer his question, he felt someone tapping on his flank. As he turned around, he was met with the girl. “I don’t think I like you very much.”

Raising her hand up in front of his snout, she giggled. “Bye bye!”

Everyone was left wondering what she meant by that until she flicked out her middle finger and it made contact with his nose. As he was sent flying back into the crater, they heard her giggle once more. Only this time, it sounded far more grim to their ears.