Author's Note

should check this out...

"I don't get it."

"No seriously, I don't get it." Amber played with my head, turning me with her talons and poking me. "Ponies go crazy for this?"

"Yeah...I don-aah--" I was cut off as Amber stuck her talon in my mouth, holding my lips open as she looked inside.

"You're teeth aren't even that sharp." she picked at my teeth a bit before letting go. "You're fleshy like them...I guess I get it."

I shook my head and pulled my bag back on. "No, it's not that. You want me to show you?"

Amber shrugged and sat on her haunches. "I guess? Can we get something to eat after?"

I nodded and stood up. "Sure. Sick of eating rats anyways."

Amber popped an eyebrow as she stood up. "Rats are delicious...the heck you been eating?"

I shook my head, crinkling my bag as I did. "Sorry it's not a bloody vole. Could eat a bloody vole...." I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I dreaded another night of dining on rat. "Come on, sooner I prove I'm not crazy the sooner we can find some dinner."

Amber flew past and walked ahead of me. "So, ponies throw themselves at you. What do you do?"

"What do I do about what?"

Amber turned around and started walking backwards. "Do you...you know, fuck em? Do they fuck you? How crazy do they go?"

I let out a long sigh and shrugged. "You'll see soon enough." I shut her down and walked into the town limits. We walked along a rather scenic path that a trio of ponies usually clung to. A few minutes in and we were already met by the usual trio.

"George!" A read headed pony trotted over, flanked by two others. "You remember me?"

I thought back as Amber sat next to me. "Uh...Rose...Lily...and...Daisy?"

The two ponies behind Rose bounced happily, squealing as the pranced about. Rose nodded and walked up to me. "So you remember us...do you...have something for me?" Rose started tracing her hoof around the path. "Or is this just for...pleasure?" she fluttered her eyelashes and struck a bashful pose.

I turned to Amber and held my arms out to Rose. "See? I haven't even taken the bloody bag off yet!" I turned back to Rose and ducked down. "Just a peek, trying to prove I'm not crazy."

Rose let out a girly squeal as she walked over to me. "I don't even know what that means!" She nuzzled up against my chest and looked up my bag. "And I don't care." I rolled my eyes, going temporarily blind. I pulled my bag up just enough to give Rose a peak. Her eyes went wide, a huge smile grew on her face as she peered up at my face. "Oh dear Celestia...." She mumbled to herself before biting her lip. Her back legs trembled hard as she let out a soft moan, muffled by her bitten lip. "Bu-uuck...."

Rose took a step back as I pulled my bag back into place. "See that!" I stood abruptly and turned to Amber. "Look at this!" I pointed to my knee, a wet patch evident on my pants. "That's her! That's hers!"

Amber covered her beak as started snorting out her boyish laugh. "How the heck, how did you do that?"

I looked back at Rose as she tried to stop her involuntary air humping. "I didn't do anything! She looked at my face, that's all!"

Rose's heavy breathing filled the air as she continued to hump nothing. "Gonna cum- gonna cum- buck- buck- buck!" Rose locked up as her hips dipped down and locked up. "Buuuuck!" she let out a terrible scream as her back craned and head shot straight up. A string of saliva clung between her teeth and tongue as her mouth hung open and her voice broke. She finally finished her impromptu orgasm and laid her chin in the grass, her rear held high in the air. "Buuck.... Thanks George.... Cuddles?"

I stared down at the presenting mare and turned to Amber. "Every time! Every damn time!"

Amber stood up and pulled me down by my collar. "Did you change under there?" she ripped my bag off and tossed it aside. "No...still just as ugly as before."

A pair of shrill moans rang out from Daisy and Lily as they clutched each other, melting together as they went docile and slumped to the ground. The went about their own pleasure as Amber turned around and watched. "What...I don't...." she walked back and found my bag. She put it back on my head and watched as the ponies calmed down. "Okay...." she lifted my bag right off, sending the ponies into a twitching pile of lesbianism once again. "What the fuck!?" Amber yelled as she pulled my bag on, calming the ponies.

She slowly lifted my bag, making the ponies twitch slightly before slamming the bag back down. "You're a lich, or a warlock, or something else evil!" she snapped as she pushed my down by my face. "There's no way you just...they just...look at this!" She pointed to the pair of ponies as they laid together in the grass, their backsides bright pink and erogenous. "You're a fucking wizard! A sexual wizard!"

I fixed my bag and stood up. "Hey, you wanted to know! I never said I understood it! I mean, it doesn't bug you, it doesn't bug me, it never bugged girls back home, but ponies just...this!" I thrust my finger out to Rose as she hugged herself. "I just stood here! I didn't even touch them!"

Amber gave me an unconvinced glance. "So you're unintentionally evil...that's still evil."

A rock flew down the path as I crossed my arms. "Oh screw you. I'm not pretty enough to do this, I'm five-eight! I'm short as shit, I never shave, cause I fucking cant! I'm ugly damn it!" After I stopped I felt something grab my leg.

Rose nuzzled my shin as she held on to my leg. "Nothing is ugly about that face." she continued to nuzzle and wrapped herself around both my feet. "So...this might be a little forward. But I need you to rut me...in the grass...right now."

I tried to move, starting to stumble as Rose acted like a trap. "Shit- shit- fuck!" I stumbled around, feeling like my pants were already around my ankles. "Shit- fu--" I was cut off as a flying pink mare zoomed over and clotheslined me.

I was quickly swarmed by the three needy ponies and pinned. I managed to keep my head out of the writhing mass and spotted the flying mare. "Pinkie, you twat!" I tried to claw my way out of the pile, the flower mares refusing to let go. "Somebody help!"

Pinkie ignored me and found the rock that had been thrown down the road. "I found hi-- George!" she ran over and slid nose to muzzle with me. "Hi!"

"Somepony grab his bag!" one of the flower trio yelled as they tried to tear my clothes off.

A loud thud followed by a few lighter thuds quickly filled the air as the weight was lifted off my back. "Get, get out of here ya whorses!" Amber yelled as she shook her talon at the fleeing trio. "Better not see you raping my human again!"

I scrambled to my feet and dusted myself off. "Dear god Amber, you are my greatest ally."

She struck a proud pose and cleaned her talons on her chest fluff. "Eh, I know."

Finally free I turned to the final pony in the area. "Pinkie...did you not see me? I know yo--"

Pinkie shook her head. "No I needed to beat everypony to this!" she pulled the rock from her side and held it in her hoof. "I wanted to win."

I glared at her as I fixed my bag. "A rock? You nearly bashed my head for a rock!?"

"His name is boulder." A dull voice came from behind, quickly materializing into an equally dull gray mare. "And yes...he's a rock."

I stared at the gray mare for a while before turning to Pinkie. "Okay...I'll bite. Who's this?"

Pinkie gasped. "Have you two not met! I thought for sure you two knew each other already!"

The gray mare looked at Pinkie with a confused look. I joined her and together we shot down the excitable party pony. "Umm...maybe not." She grew an embarrassed smile and wrapped her foreleg around the gray one. "This is Maud, the bestest big sister ever!"

I huffed and adjusted my bag. "Good to meet you...I'm a guy with a bag on my head."

Pinkie let out a strange displeased sound. "Georgie! You can't just say that! You gotta...can you...do the thing?" she donned a huge pleading smile and gave me a longing look. "Please? Pretty please? Pretty Pinkie please?"

I looked at Maud. She just stood there with an extremely stoic look on her face. "Uh...is she alright? She looks kinda...bored?" Bored was a nice way of me saying she looked like she was on drugs.

"I'm fine...it's good to meet you." she stuck her hoof out, keeping her indifferent look the whole time. I shook her hoof, in awe as her poker face bored through my skull.

I grew a bit agitated as she stared at me. I gripped my bag and got ready to take it off, if only to see her have another emotion besides unending stoicism. I lifted my bag up, sending Pinkie into a fervor. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" She let out a loud shriek and fell onto her back. She let out a girly squeal as she kicked her hooves in the air.

Maud just stared at me, unwavering. I pulled my bag on and muttered under my breath. "And I'm evil." I fixed my bag and looked back to Maud. "...Nothing?"

Maud blinked.

"Fucking hell." I turned to Amber and shrugged. "Let's get dinn--" I was stopped as Maud popped up next to me. "Uh...can I help you?"

Maud looked up at me, and blinked. "I'm fine...thanks."

I turned around as Pinkie's frazzled voice chirped up. "Phew! George...I- just phew!" she wiped her forehead and tried to fix her bedraggled mane. She stopped dead when she saw Maud standing next to me. "Maud! How forward!"

Maud just blinked, then turned to me, then blinked again. "Do you mind?" she asked me with her extremely methodical speech.

I looked down and couldn't spot a thing wrong. "Uh...no? Should I?"

Maud nodded and stared forward. She stood for a few seconds before brushing her cheek against my pant leg and walking off. Amber and I stood side by side as the Pies walked off. "Wow...what the fuck?" Amber asked as she stared at the dress laden pony.

"Yeah...I don't know. That was weird right?" I asked as I looked down at my red furred companion.

"Not as weird as that." she poked her finger towards the ponies. I looked up and spotted Maud with her tail high and her dress around her flanks. "And this happens all the time?"

I rubbed my face as I turned away from the flashing mare. "Usually they don't bother wearing clothes. Usually I'm just pelted with vagina on a daily basis.... Can I get a yeast infection on my face?"

Amber grimaced as we started walking back to the outskirts. "Dude that's gross. Let's just catch some food and go to bed."

I rubbed my neck and looked around. "I wish I could sleep in town...."

"Then do it!" Amber shouted as she took to the air, dive bombing a muskrat and slaying it. "Don't you get money from the princesses? We could go get a room in town!"

"No!" I shook my head vehemently as I ran over to her. "No...last time I tried I nearly got gang banged by half the population." I stuck my hand under my bag and rubbed my face. "Stallions included...."

Amber cringed as she swallowed the rodent whole. "That sucks--" she quickly realized she'd eaten the whole thing. "Whoops...it was too small anyways." she took off and looked around. "I'll just--"

I waved her down. "It's fine. I might have been a little greedy.-" I pulled a bag of apples I'd lifted from the flower ponies. "-The least they could donate considering they tried to molest me--again."

Amber landed with a thud. "Sweet." she stabbed an apple with her finger and ate it whole. "So now what?"

I sat on a rock and got to work starting a fire. "Uh...you wanna bang?"

Amber started laughing as she tossed a stick into the fire pit. "After all that you're still thinking about sex?"

I managed to start a fire and threw a broken branch into it. "Bitch, I'm always thinking about sex! But I have a fair chance with you. Getting face raped by a trio of mares isn't exactly appealing."

Amber shredded an apple in her maw. Smiling at me afterwards. "Still wanna go?"

I shrugged. "I guess?"

Amber tossed the apple core at me. "Well, show some freaking enthusiasm next time!" she rolled onto her back and turned away from me. "Go to bed, or go find that gray mare.... Or masturbate...I'll watch that...."

I sat down and kept the fire alive. "Gross. Maybe you should find a pony." I settled down and relaxed as the day petered away.