"I thought you knew...." I muttered as I fixed my bag. "It's waterproof."

Amber drifted by on her back, kicking her legs and propelling her through the lake. "It's just weird you wash with it on. I mean...you wear a bag on your head so it's already kinda weird." She dunked her head for a moment before coming back up. "I mean...can you- here let me see." she said as she swam over and pulled my bag off.

"What the hell are you do--"

"Quiet." she dunked my bag and filled it with water. She pulled it out and held the now full bag in front of her. "What is this!? It's freaking paper!" She swam over and dunked the bag over my head. "Unbelievable."

I spat out excess water as I fixed the bag. "You think that's crazy, it's fireproof too."

"Reaaaaly...we're gonna--"

"No!" I yelled as I got out of the water and found my towel. "We are not lighting my head on fire!" I finished drying off my person and started getting dressed. "God damn socks...come on!" I had trouble pulling my socks on as a bit of moisture clung to my legs. "For fucks sakes!"

"George, your thing is kinda hanging out." Amber noted as I struggled with my socks.

"Look it doesn't matter! Fucking- things!"

Amber started snickering as she walked over. "It's gonna matter when you look up."

"Wha--" I spotted a familiar light blue pony in a couriers uniform. "Cloudchaser....morning."

"Wood." she said as she jumped off a rock and walked towards me. "Anyways. You have a letter...you know my price."

I shook my head and gave up on my half on sock. "Holding my mail ransom isn't okay. Just give me my damn mail!"

Cloudchaser shook her head. "Maybe you don't get it. All you have to do is move a stupid paper bag, I had to fly from the crystal empire! And...this!" she pointed at her blackened eye. "Had to fight somepony just to get this to you safe!"

I grumbled angrily as she walked up. "You know...maybe I'll just hit myself with a brick, then what!?" I knelt down and pulled my bag up. Cloudchasers eyes went wide as she started chattering to herself.

"No words....onl--ly...." she hugged me, keeping her gaze locked on my face. "Hold me...I can't...I can't...words...." She started babbling as she latched onto my stomach. "I love you...we're gonna have foals one day...and you're going to love me."

I looked at Amber as she started laughing wildly. "Little foals -pffff- I don't get it!" she grabbed my towel and started drying herself off. "Wow...she's really on there."

I stood up, Cloudchaser hanging off my stomach as I tried to walk away. "She's not letting go!" I tried to push her off, only managing to get my fingers caught in her mouth. "What the fuck!?"

She sucked on my index finger, pressing her tongue against it as she suckled greedily. Her back legs went limp as, once again, my knee was dribbled with mare cum. She gave up on my finger as I yanked it free, moving to licking my stomach. "They're gonna be name Diamond and Genie and--"

"Hey!" an angry voice rang out, snapping Cloudchaser back into reality.

"Crap!" she let go, taking a glancing look back before jumping and trying to take flight. "Shit- crap- buck!" she pissed and moaned as her stiff wings refused to flap. She ended up running off and jumping off a hill. "Buuuuu-- Ow!"

I pulled my bag on and finally fixed my socks. "What the hell just happened!?"

"Cadance damn it!" An angry looking Crystal pony started yelling as she trotted over. "That bitch!" She looked rather beaten up and absolutely livid. "That bucking skank stole my damn bag!"

I looked at the now obvious courier and let out an angry groan. "Fuuuuck! God damn it!"

The courier shook a few twigs out of her mane and looked at me. "Shut up! You're not the one who got sucker punched by a winged nutcase!" She reached into her glittery tail and pulled out a letter. "Here.... Never keep important papers in obvious places."

"Huh...that's smart." I noted as I opened the letter and found my pants. I pulled the letter to my bag's eye holes. "Fuck you and your tiny print...Princess Cadance!" I pulled my shirt on and started walking over to Amber. "Amber, read."

"I'm not gonna read shit! You're a big boy, you read equestrian...."

I glared at her and started taking my bag off. "Amber, listen. Dear George...da da da...presence is requested in the Crystal Empire...on the orders of Princess Cadenza. The courier sent will guide yo--" I stopped suddenly as I spotted the courier peeking under the letter. "Can I help you?"

The mare was literally drooling as I moved the letter. "I uh...traditional...crystal greeting...is a kiss." She stared into my eyes unblinkingly. "And we uh...never...introduced."

"You're so full of shit!" I yelled as I tried to take a step back, the crystal mare matching each step. "Stop it!"

Amber walked behind her as she backed me into a tree. "Holy shit dude, you should see this! It's glistening!"

"Not helping!"

The courier stared at me as she turned around and presented herself. "I uh...royal greet is different...uh...kiss it."

"I'm sorry!?" I shouted indignantly.

The courier grew flushed, her crystalline yellow coat now bright pink around her muzzle. "Please kiss my vagina." she scrunched her muzzle up as she maintained unending eye contact. "It's...royal greeting...so...do it...."

"You're full of shit!" I yelled as I found the rest of my stuff and packed up. "Amber, you know the way?"

"Holy shit dude...." Amber walked past me and over to the prostrated pony. "You know...I made a joke that you drown in pussy...but you could actually drown in the pussy!" she prodded with courier's rear, making her shudder and try to contain herself as her flower winked and spilled out even more juice. "Look at that, did you just cum?!"

The courier just muttered under her breath as she adjusted her backside. "A little...."

Amber started laughing as she stepped back. "George...you have to."

"I don't have to do shit!" I walked over a rock and looked over a field. "It's north right?"

"George...." Amber flew over with pony plot tucked under her arm. "Look at this!" She pointed out the mare's pale yellow butt, glistening from her crystal coat and the copious fluids soaking her inner thighs and sex. "Just kiss it."

I stared into the moist abyss. "Why do you even care!?" I yelled at Amber as she teased the already sensitive courier. "Since when do you side with them!?"

Amber looked down at the plot under her arm. "Since...they...just do it! I heard stuff about them and I wanna know!"

"Then you do it!"

Amber adopted a cynical look. "No lips...dickhead."

"Shut up!" I snapped at her as I flipped her off. "So just because you can't, that means I should?!"

"Yes damn it!" She thrust the now limp pony butt at me. "Now kiss it!"

"Blow me!"

"Deal!" Amber snapped back, thrusting the pony butt up to me. "I can totally live with that!"

I stared at her beak. "Um...no...not after last time."

"Uuf!" she scoffed and stuck her tongue out. "One time I nipped you--"

"I'll do it...." the crystal pony squeaked out, making her flank bounce. "Just...somepony do something...I need something...it's so hot...."

I grumbled to myself at the prospect of a blowjob. "Fuck.... Amber put her down...go find my bag."

Amber set the pony down and went to find my bag. The courier laid on her chest, ass held high in the air. "Please...please...I just...I love you...please...I'm so close."

I knelt down and cautiously approached. "The things I do for my dick...." I slowly pursed my lips, making glancing contact with the mare's sopping wet sex. Mere seconds after the contact the mare started bucking and spazming. I managed to pull back just far enough to avoid the lion's share of her squirting juices, but a decent amount still splattered my face. "God fucking damn it!"

"Oh buck- buck- buck!" the courier lost herself as her sex convulsed and squirted out feminine juices. Her voice cracked as she let out a feminine shriek. "Ooooooh- buck..." She slumped to all fours and panted heavily as her soaked backside cooled in the fall air. "Oh mama...."

"How'd it taste!?" Amber asked as she flew back over with my bag. "How!?"

I rubbed my lips with my sleeve. "Fucking...." I grumbled to myself as I went back to the lake. "Birthday cake.... How in the fuck?" I washed off my face and filled my bag with water. "How the fuck do they have flavors!? Fucking bullshit." I stated angrily as I dumped my bagful of water over the spent mare.

"Buck my ass!" she screamed as the ice cold water snapped her out of her haze. "Buck!"

"Shut it!" I yelled as I finally got my bag back on. "I'm sick of being covered in mare liquids, now let's get going!"

"What?!" she yelped angrily as she shook her body out. "Why do I need to--"

"It said you're supposed to take me! Now get going!" I waved my arm towards the north. "Get going!"

Amber strolled over. "Doesn't she owe you a BJ?"

I shook my head as the mare sloppily walked along. "Yeah, not out in the open like an animal! If we're going to the empire I'm gonna get a fucking hotel, or a house, I don't know...." I sulked on after the wobbly mare. "I'm getting my blowjob for that...."

Amber took a step away from me. "Dude...that sounds super creepy."

"You know what's fucking creepy!? Being stalked by an entire town! That's fucking creepy." I shut her down and focused on the road. This was going to be a long walk. I looked up, spotting the wobbly mare's backside still soaked in juices and lake water. "At least the view is nice- fuck...too nice." I started walking crooked. "God damn it, now is not the time!"

"Boner?" Amber asked as she took to the air. "That sucks."

"You suck!"

"No! She's gonna suck!" Amber pointed at the wobbly mare. "And I'm gonna watch!"

"Filthy pervert." I muttered angrily as I loped behind. The Crystal Empire only miles away.

Author's Note

Hmm more fics...look at that...