The Best Worst Fanfiction, EVER!

Forgive me, Father, for I hath sinned. It gets easier to read eventually.

"Hay guiz ay bowt eh car" pinkeh pah sed 2 twiliet n spiek as spiek stroekd twilietz pink sock "U want go ried en et" "Shur" twiliet n spike sed as dey howped en deh dawj chargur un got transploded to 'Murikuh. "WOW MURIKUH EZ BIG PLAEC" twiliet sed 2 pinkei. "DOOD LMFAO DIZ IS OSSUM" spiek sed. "lez gu to mickdondulds n get fat liek Murikens do." "OKAY SPIEK. CUM ON PINKEH, IF U NO WUT I MEEN" "OKIE DOKEI LOEKI TWILIET" Pinkeh sed az seh druv 2 mcdondalds n dey got 6 nugget happi meelz n 4 beg maks "wow lol dis toi maekz mi flank lewk big" pinkeh sed 2 spiek. spiek wuz 2 buzi fappeng awl ovur hiz raritee dowl to caer tho. twiliet lulzd and den pinkeh lulz at dis spektikle and spiek staerd hawt ironz at dem bof. "HAY LETZ GO 2 WHIET CASSLE" spiek sed as de car sped off in dat genrul direkshun wif pinkeh pah pewsheng down gaz pedul wif hoof. twiliet sed "OMFG PINKEH Y U DRIEV PONEEZ CANNOT DRIEV CARZ" as spiek contenyood tew walk de dinosaur wif rarity toy."OGAWD TWILIET AY REWINED HUR HAYR WUT DO" "omfg u faget y u do dat do u fink diz es eh mudhurfghking gaem" "yes" "Faget" twiliet sed az pinkeh pah kehpt pusheng down de pedal "LEZ PLEY MOOZIC EN DIS NIGGA" twiliet sed. spiek pushed de cd playur n Justen Beebur began 2 plai. "OMFG PINKEH U LIZTEN TO DIZ WUT EZ WRONG WIF U" spiek cried into twiliets main az she gaev pinkeh condeskending lewk. "LOL I DUNNO BLAEM DE MTEH I WUZ ON AT DE TIEM MON. DOSE PLACENTAS WUR TASTEE" "pinkeh u no poneez kent driev rite" "U LIAR OMFG U MAEK MI CRI EVRI TIEM WUT EZ WRONG WIF U" "am just be logical sille fill-e" "Oki hay less go 2 Niagara Falls ez pretti" "EZ MAED UF CHOKKITS?!" "No pinkeh is nacheral watur formayshun. Ay waturfall ez casued bi ey rivur erodeng teh grownd aweh n stuffs" "BORING" "Spiek u r faget no wun liekz u or ur episoeds b quiet" “Hey! Don’t be mean to Spike,” the All-Mighty, All-Knowing, Omnipotent, Omnipresent Author boomed. “I really do enjoy his episodes! I mean, that episode with Owlysius? Amazing. The episode where he goes King Kong? Excellent. The episode where h-“ “AUFOR STAWPET UR SENTENCES R 2 GOOD.” Pinkeh dragon showted at mi. “Sweet Celestia. Fine, Pinkie. By the way, you should probably go to Niagar-“ “WI WUR GETENG DUR AUFOR OMFG U FAGET ANALBREATH BUTTBEADED RECTUMWREKD ANULY OFENDUD BRAT” twiliet shouted. “Hay man dankz fer stickin up fur m-“ “Shut up, Spike.” “Yez mastur, ay comply 2 ur demands” “lol u whippd nigga” pinkeh sed. “Omg dood.. y u meen 2 mi” “becuz ur purpul and ware aprunz” “WELL U IZ ALWAYS ON METH AND COKEAINE” “well ur a neggur, harry” “dun quote literamachur ay haet it when twiliet fangirls over thin-“ “OMG HAIRY POTTUR SQUEEEEE<3” twiliet said az she sprayed violently all ovur spike and his long- forgotun raritee doll “OMFG PINKEH PONIEZ CAN’T DRIEV WUT EZ WRONG WEF U” “FUCK U I DO WUT I WANT SPIDERMAN.MP4” “WELL FIEN BUT DUN BE SO MEEN BOWT IT DOOD” “OMFG OMFG OFMG OFMG OFMGFOGMWGHWIUGHWG SHUT UP LETS GO TO WYTE CASSLE ALREADY JEEZ” “Fien dood.” Pinkeh snapped her fingers, and the charger was teleported into wyte cassle burgers “dood howd u do dat” spiek sed as he lit up his bong “blak magik fukkery lol” pinkeh sed “BLAKK MAGE IZ BEST HUMAN CHARACTER” twiliet exklamed as she wunce ageen skwirted awl over spiek “OKI ILL TAKE TEN MEALS PLEEZ” pinkeh sed az she orderd meel fur onli herself dat greedi hoe “pinkeh who dat fewd foar” “mi sille” “u aint gonna shaer et” twiliet pouted “lolnigga u stupid ef u tink ima shaer diz bicth” “SPIEK” “Yes twiliet” “HOL’ MAH EARRINGS, IMMA LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON DIS PINK AZZ BICTH NIGGA” “ooooshiiiiit” spike monaed “Dayum nigga u krazi” pinkeh sed 2 twiliet who wuz now super saiyan 5 twiliet wif flaming maen and wyte quote “GO RAPIDASH” spike screamed as twiliet nodded “USE HYPUR BEEM” twilietz hypur beem caused theh ooniverse tew implode and den exploed and den imploed and expload and impload and expload and empload n stuff n yeah n um “nigga dat shit cray” spike sighed as he took another hit from his bong “dood dat wuz so hardcoar” twiliet sed “bicth u still cray” pinkeh sed “well u shooda got us fewd” “ay dident hav nuff bits nigga” “oshit nigga den daz fien, u shooda told us dat” “omfg nigga ay wuz gonna but den u hypar beemd” “I sorry” “les maek luv 2 forgiv eeh udder” oki twiliet” IT WAS THEN THAT SPIKE BECAME A MAN. A few months later pinkie gave birth to her and twilight’s mewling, wretched spawn. This was called the Milky Way, and in it were nine planets, star constellations similar to Equestria’s, a sun, and a moon. “OFUK TWILIET I GAEV BURF TEW GALAXY” “OMFG NIGGA I NO HOW DAT POSSIBUL” “BLAK MAGIK FUKKERY LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO YOLO” “like totalai omgwtfbbqsauce like so lets liekkekek go 2 murikeh agen[“ “okeh;” “;ETZ DU DIS” manspiek roared “DISULL BE BETTUR DEN DAT TIEM PINKEH PAH THREW JEEZUS INTEW DE SUN.” “OMG MON HE WUDNT SHUT UP BUT ET WUZ SICK AZ BUCK WHEN HE TURNED DE URINE INTO WATER AND DE WATER INTO WINE LOLOL YOLO WE GAWT SO DRUNK DAT NIET BRUH” “I KNO BROSKI NIGGA” “Sigh I rly miss jeezus u fagets y u remind me but ay had 2 threw him into sun or he becum mega jesus n he steel all owr souls and put them in eestur bunnz n snickerdoodles for old peepul” “Well duh he feeds off the virgin maid youths to feed his immortality and eternal youth” “I never thought of that twiliet” “dood” “wut spiek" “Bang.” “SPIEK NO DUN SAY DAT FAGET U MAEK MI CRI EVRI TIEM” pinkeh cried as she floored the gas pedal, propelling the trio towards erf az jesus cuddled pinkeh “NIGGA JESUS U HEER” “Bby I heer 4 u no mattur wut” he siad az he gaev her lapdance in hiz black lace lingerie “bby jeesus” “yes pinki” “ay luv u 5-evar” “dat.. datzz moar den 4-evar..” he cri “alweyz bby<3” and den dey fkcued “Oh wow” twiliet sighed “Nigga be cheetin on mi wif jesus” “OMFG JEESUS U NVR TOLD MI I WAS WIF TWILIET” pinkeh yelld “JESUS I NEED UR POWER” jesus shouted as he did the fusion dance wif ultra mega mexican jesus “WE AM BECOME ULTRA MECHA DRAGON ROBOT GUNDAM SAIYAN JESUS! OUR DRILL SHALL PIERCE THE HEAVENS. PINKEH, I THOT U LUVD MI ND MY DRILL” “NOT NO MOAR, OMFG U MAEK MI HURT DE WUN I TRULEE LUV” “BUT BBY WE EZ MARRIED” jesus creyed “BUCK U NIGGA” pinkeh exclaymed az she grabbed bowserjesus by the tail, spun in circles and flung him intew de sun “Nigga u so cray” twiliet giggled “ez y ay luv u” “Betch AM GUN CUT U” pinkeh exclaymed az she puwled out stiletto out of main “looks like we gawt ay badass ovur her” spiek sighed. “Twiliet?” “Wut nigga” “DAKEDO ITSUKA KIDZUKU..!” OMFG DAT ANIME SPIEK AY LUV U” pinkeh skweeled “DESHOU SONO SENAKA NI WA..” “Spiek stop” “JUS TRY N STOP MI BETCH. HARUKA MIRAI MEZASU TAME NO HANE GA ARU KOTOOOOO!!!!” twiliet facehoovd. “Dood.. Rly? Furst u fap on raritee, den u sing dat theme..” “Aw cummon twi, u used to luv dat show” “not win gendo dyed.. ay luvd him” At this point I find it imperative to remind the reader that a platoon of orchestra members are at Pinkie’s every beck and call. Said orchestra includes Miss Octavia Philharmonica and Miss Lyra Heartstrings. “FAGET. ORCHESTRAAAA!!!”

“Yes, madam Pinkie?” Octavia answered, as sweetly as possible.

“Play a song for mi.”

“Alright, darling. What song would you like us to play?”

“Pley Mai Hart Weel Gu On. Frum de Ttinaic."

“Okay. Lyra, Drumsticks, and everypony else.. A one, a two, a three..”

At this point it is imperative to remind you all that Octavia used to be in a death metal band as a teenager. “Ah sweet moozics” pinkeh sighed as Octavia’s wailing, guttural roars came from the speakers attached to Mordhaus. “Twiliet” “Yus pinkeh?” “Wut ez Gurren Lagann?” “WHAT!? YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT GURREN LAGANN IS!?!” “..No..” “MANDATORY SUICIDE YOU BITCH AZZ NIQQA PUNK HOE” “But..” “SHUT UP. UNLESS YOU WATCH IT THIS VERY INSTANT! YOU COULD DIE ANY DAY NOW. SURE, YOU BIRTHED THE MILKY WAY GALAXY, BUT OH MY GOD WHAT THE BUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY HAVEN’T YOU WATCHED IT!? DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE TWILIGHT THAT BELIEVES IN PINKIE. BELIEVE IN THE PINKIE THAT BELIEVES IN YOURSELF!! YOUR DRILL SHALL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, PINKIE!” “..Twi..” “Who the HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?” “Gendo?” “Good call, but Rarity and Celestia are currently having a fight to the death with rubber chickens for that title, Pinkie.” “I see. Well, it seems someone now has horrible gas that smells as if someone rended Pony Satan’s buttocks open with Adam Jensen’s armblades and poured Zyklon B inside of it..” Spike sighed and chewed on his bottom lip. “Really, Pinks?” He glanced at Twilight. “You know, we had Mexican earlier today..” “SPIKE. I would NEVER do that, you greasy ass niqqa cuntlip..” Spike, now frantic, searched left and right for an answer. As realization dawned upon Pinkie, her mane slowly began to deflate as her eyes dilated. “..No.. He’s.. SPIKE IS MAH NIGGA, I CAN’T DO THAT TO MY HOMEBOY!” Twilight put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “We must, Pinkie. No one can digest Taco Bell. This is only the first stage.. the horrible gas. Then, he’ll be having explosive diahrrea all over the car, Pinkie.. I’m sorry.” Pinkie sobbed into Twilight’s mane as Twilight pulled a stiletto out of Pinkie’s mane-cache. “Forgive me, Spike, but you have sinned! FOR I AM THE REAPER, THE TAKER OF THE VIRGINITIES OF A THOUSAND MULES..” Spike stared at his surrogate mother with a mix of fear and trepidation. “I never asked for this. My testicles are augmented..”Twilight cackled maniacally as she advanced towards Spike, the now-Elder Dragon caused by eons in space with the two mares. “But.. I don’t.. I don’t want to go..” Spike breathed. Pinkie’s mane, now as straight as glass, was being idly flipped around by a hoof. “You know, Twilight, I’ve ALWAYS wanted to bathe in dragon feces..” “Oh, really, Pinkie? That.. is my fetish, as well.” Pinkie sighed, and caused the Charger to do a barrel roll. “I’m sorry, my nigga Twilight. But I can’t let you do this.” And here is where the author wonders why he isn’t typing this in Ebonics but is too lazy to fix this, yet he’s not making a new paragraph after each spoken sentence. Twilight gasped. “How DARE YOU betray ME!?” “Because niggers, bitch.” Pinkie smiled as she hoofed the gas pedal down. “I will NOT allow you to hurt Mr. Author Man’s favorite dragon!” “Actually, Crackle is my favorite.” “SECOND FAVORITE!” “Don’t you think you’re overdoing it, Pinkamen-“ “SHUT UP!” Pinkie screamed as diahrrea began jetting in all directions from her and Spike’s puckered buttholes as they screamed with all their might. A guttural roar escaped the giant, liquified monster as it revealed its true form: Reptar. “REPTAR.. SMASH!!” Pootar roared as it grasped a catatonic Twilight, while at the same time blasting blue lasers out of his massive, throbbing stallionhood to rend holes in the depths of the space-time continuum. Pinkie screamed in delight as everyone opened their vehicular doors, got on the floor and walked the dinosaur as Reptar showered everyone in hot, greasy invisible children while Spike smeared a fine mixture of vomit, semen and poo all over Twilight’s face in revenge .

I REGRET NOTHING

THE END