The Dentist's (not laughing) Gas

With a gentle groan, Colgate lifted her upper body and rested her weight on her elbows. She blinked a few times, the familiar shape of twisted bedsheets and the wooden foot board appearing before her, the image swimmy as consciousness flooded into her. Sunlight beamed in through the blinds, stripes of white illuminating the dentist's small bedroom. She wiped her hairline with the back of her wrist; the balmy springtime had caused a thin layer of perspiration to build under her disheveled bangs.

Stretching, the young mare kicked the wrinkled sheets from her body. Having realized that today was her day off, she smiled and inhaled a deep breath of her bedroom's stale air. In the air hung the aroma of her own flatus, musty from the hours it had been settling in the bed. Colgate crinkled her nose and grabbed the sheets, flapping them in an attempt to air them out. As the air flooded past her in waves, the memories of yesterday flashed in her mind like the flick of a light switch.

Ponies' disgusted faces. Brash, rippling noises sounding out. The sensation of warm air rushing past her buttocks. How hot her face felt and how much the tears burned her eyes as she stormed out. And the feeling of being punched in the gut as she realized that it was all because of her stupid toothpaste.

Colgate shook her head and threw the sheets down in frustration. Suddenly it felt like a weight had been chained to her mind and her heart. She hadn't felt so humiliated in her life. Something in her told her that it wasn't worth worrying about, but she couldn't help but feel that a chunk of her dignity had peeled away.

Regardless of the weight of anxiety on her, she carried about her day. She rinsed the night's sweat off in a warm shower and autonomously gave her teeth the usual morning brushing (taking special care to use a non-tainted tube). She watched herself in the mirror as she brushed, dribbles of minty foam rolling down her chin. How is anypony going to respect me after that? She thought with a wince.

As she sat down in front of her usual morning meal of oats and fruit, she flipped through the mail. Bills, flyers for the fair in town, a thank you letter from a young patient (always the most heartwarming of mail). At the bottom of the pile, however, was a peculiar letter. It was addressed to her but she couldn't identify a sender on any part of it. Curiously, she placed the rest of the mail down and gingerly split open the envelope. Within was a single letter, a message written neatly in ink.

Dear Colgate,

I was thinking about how we haven't hung out lately. It's been far too long for friends to stay distant. I was wondering if you'd like to meet up at the local cafe today? I already have a reservation there for myself at 2, and could use a little company. If you don't show up, that's fine, but I know it's your day off and wanted to catch up. Celestia knows you're always bogged down with work. Anyway, hope to see you there!

Lyra

Colgate grimaced while reading the letter. Lyra had been a friend of hers since they were both fillies. Not exactly the closest of friends, but the harpist and the dentist had pleasant history. As much as it would be nice to catch up, Colgate couldn't help but feel that this was somehow tied to yesterdays... incident.

Lyra was a nice girl and all, but Colgate was well aware of her maturity level. She was no Pinkie Pie, but she certainly didn't shy away from jokes and pranks, and especially from speaking her mind. She worried that Lyra's lack of speech barriers was going to lead to a very awkward situation at the cafe. Not to mention that Colgate still felt personally embarrassed about the whole nightmare.

Eventually, the doctor decided that a visit couldn't hurt her pride any more than it had already been wounded. It had been a few weeks since they before they got to speak outside of the office yesterday. She still had a few hours before Lyra would be waiting, she carried on her daily business.

Colgate walked into the patio area of the cafe, looking around for her table. She was dressed in a loose, pastel sundress. She liked the way that the breeze cooled her bare coat and the rays of warmth embraced her through the airy fabric. The butterflies in her stomach had nearly settled now; she was looking forward to her rendezvous.

After scanning the small crowd for some time, she spotted a lone unicorn, looking around in a way similar to herself. She walked over, her sandals clicking against the cobblestone. Lyra was dressed much more casually, in a tank top and denim shorts that extended midway down her thighs. Her thick mane hung over her shoulders, the white stripe glowing like snow in the afternoon spring sun. As Colgate approached, a smile grew on Lyra's face.

"Hey Colgate!" she said, her voice sweet and jovial. She stood up, extending her arms out and stepping towards the dentist. Colgate froze for a moment, confused by Lyra's seemingly over-friendly greeting, but complied and embraced her friend.

"Hey Lyra. How have you been?" she asked, arms still wrapped around the young unicorn's back. She smelled particularly nice, notes of her floral perfume and minty shampoo tingling Colgate's nose.

"I'm doing great! Haven't seen you since yesterday!" Lyra giggled at her own humor. She returned to her seat and gestured for the dentist to take the seat opposite to her.

Colgate took her seat, feeling more comfortable in Lyra's friendly aura. She couldn't have picked a nicer day for a get-together; the sun's warmth beat down gently, light glistening off glasses and the ribbons on the hats of older mares. The quiet chatter of fellow diners and the pleasant notes of songbirds were the only noises that broke Ponyville’s peaceful silence.

"I already ordered you a melon-berry smoothie," Lyra interjected, breaking Colgate's quiet reflection. "I think that's your favorite."

"Yeah, it is," Colgate responded, slightly confused yet pleased that her friend cared enough to remember. "You have a good memory. We haven't been to this cafe since last autumn."

Lyra smiled warmly. Her sheer amicability this afternoon was surprising. Colgate figured that she was just overreacting about her flatulent outburst yesterday.

"How has work been? You're a workhorse, that's for sure," the mint-colored unicorn observed.

Colgate let out a strained laugh. Lyra was completely right; work had practically become her life as of late. "Mostly due to my new promotion," she responded. "They've got me working a few extra hours, a few more in-depth operations."

"Ah," said Lyra. "Must be tiring."

"Why? Do I look tired?" Colgate widened her eyes in alarm, suddenly feeling very self conscious.

"No, not at all! You look very nice today!"

"O-oh... thanks." Colgate stammered, hoping she didn't sound defensive. Familiar pangs of worry seeped back into her confidence.

"I mean it. That's such a cute dress!" Lyra exclaimed, making Colgate blush. Before the dentist could respond, the waiter brought out their order; a tall glass of fruity smoothie for Colgate, and a heaping plate of spiced hay fries for Lyra.

Colgate became aware of the void in her stomach, watching Lyra tuck into those greasy-smelling golden fries. As if she could read her mind, Lyra pointed a finger at her plate and looked at Colgate, as if permitting her to join in on her personal feast.

"Thanks," Colgate smiled, taking a single hay fry and chowing down. While she sipped away at her smoothie and munched on a fry from time to time, she watched Lyra wolf down the fries like a lion at a steak. Somehow, it was almost... cute.

"Yeesh, you wouldn't want to be with me in a few hours," the harpist giggled naughtily. "These things give me gas."

Oh, great.

Colgate feigned a laugh, although she was certain Lyra knew that flatulence humor wasn't exactly her cup of tea. If she hadn't been so sweet to her, Colgate would've sworn that somehow Lyra was referencing yesterday.

"Just like you yesterday!"

Celestia, let me sink into the floor and slither away.

Colgate's face grew hot, her eyes darting around to make sure nopony heard. When she was certain Lyra's remark was only between those two, she shot the immature mare a glare.

"What?" Lyra asked, genuinely confused. "I didn't offend you, did I?"

"What do you think? Yesterday was awful!" Colgate blurted out, suddenly wishing she could retract the words.

"Aw, geez," Lyra said, her mouth stretching into a worried line. "You need to lighten up Colgate! It was just some gas, it happens to the best of us! And it was pretty funny too!"

Funny to you, Colgate thought spitefully. She doubted her peers felt the same way.

"Really, I don't think it's a big deal. You can't let a fart or two kill your confidence!" As if to prove her point, Lyra shifted and began lifting up her leg, wincing.

"No wait you don't have to prove it!" Colgate whined, shrinking back into her seat. If Lyra farted while in her company, Colgate swore she was going to kill that filly.

"...like I said. Lighten up." Lyra sat back down, a giddy grin on her face. "What's life without fun?"

As much as the dentist hated to admit it, Lyra did have a point. In hindsight, being able to relax enough to let bodily functions flow freely felt liberating in a way. Although she certainly didn't find it funny, the more she thought about it the less negative it seemed. There was no way in Tartarus that Lyra was figuring that out though.

"I can't act like that in front of my patients and my fellow dentists!" Colgate exclaimed.

Lyra crossed her arms. "Somepony really needs to teach you how to relax. It wasn't a big deal!"

Colgate mimicked Lyra, crossing her arms and pouting. Her face was practically beet red; not only was she being teased about her flatulence, but now the very same pony was lecturing her.

The two sat in silence for a while, awkwardly finishing their respective treats. Wiping the corners of her mouth, Lyra spoke up.

"Sorry, Colgate. You know stuff just comes out sometimes. I really mean it though, it bugs me that you're taking silly things so seriously!"

Colgate couldn't help but smile. It was truly nice having somepony care about her. Working sunup to sundown left very little for her in the way of friends, and finally having a decent conversation was like taking a hearty swig of water after a few days of thirst. Lyra always was a good friend, even if she had the maturity of an adolescent colt.

"It's alright Lyra. You're right, I've just been so wound up lately," the toothpaste-patterned mare said with a sigh.

"You sound like you could use a day at the fair," Lyra suggested. "I'd be happy to take you there sometime!"

Take me there? Colgate wanted to ask. She thought better of it. "I'd love to go sometime soon."

"It's around town for a week or two. When's good for you?" Lyra inquired.

After a brief flip through her daily planner, Colgate picked Wednesday, just two days away. She would be getting out early.

"Sounds like a plan!" Lyra smiled and nodded as the waiter gingerly removed the dishes from the table. "For now, though, maybe we should head home."

Colgate looked at the sky. The sun had sunk slightly lower to the ground, tinges of orange beginning to stain the white radiance. A single cricket or two had begun its nightly serenade, and the cafe tables were being replaced with new faces.

"Wow, time flies," Colgate noted. Lyra left a few bits on the table after insisting that the food was on her. Standing up, she invited Colgate in for another hug.

The two young mares embraced again, their grasp on each other a bit tighter than before. Colgate felt rather awkward, but Lyra didn't seem to pay any mind to it. With a wave, the two parted ways and Colgate found her way back home.

In bed that night, Colgate watched the ceiling fan swing lazily in the dark. She was pleased about the day; not only did she get to visit a friend, she finally got a little closure about her humiliation the day before. Still, she couldn't help but feel that Lyra was a bit too friendly. She shrugged it off as Lyra being a protective and sensitive friend, however, and soon enough the gentle waves of sleep washed over her consciousness.