The Dentist's (not laughing) Gas

Colgate forced the brush in and out of her mouth, watching her reflection in the mirror with half-closed eyes. It was a morning like any other. In an hour, she would be meeting with patients and cleaning teeth as usual. She was a very meticulous mare; her timing was punctual, her plans always well thought out, and in particular her hygiene was impeccable. She always prided herself on how clean and tidy she was; certainly she wasn't snooty about it, but it was well known that the bicolored mare's teeth shone like the sun. Naturally, dentistry was her calling.

She swished the foamy mixture of saliva and toothpaste in her mouth, sleepily noting the taste. She had recently purchased a new brand of toothpaste, an abnormal deviation from her typical Colgate (her own secret recipe of tooth-cleaning chemicals, not-so-creatively named after herself). Within the hour, she was out the door and headed to work.

Colgate went over her patient charts and chatted with her coworkers as she typically did, but she noticed that there was a strange pressure in her abdomen. It reminded her of being full after a large meal. The feeling was not too uncomfortable, however, so she accredited it to the extra helping of hay fries she enjoyed for dinner last night. With her morning brushing done, she headed off to work.

...

At 9:30, her first appointment began. When she walked into the room, a meek-looking yellow filly made eye contact with her before averting her gaze to Colgate's shoes. "Good morning, Fluttershy!" the dentist greeted warmly, well aware of the identity of her first patient of the day.

"Hello Doctor," Fluttershy responded, her voice nearly a whisper. Colgate smiled.

"Just a routine cleaning today, I believe," she stated. "Any questions?"

Fluttershy paused before answering "No." Colgate directed Fluttershy to lie down and positioned the seat correctly, adjusting the lighting and preparing the tools.

The pressure in Colgate's belly had grown by now. As she bent down to begin working on her patient's teeth, she winced, a sharp pain radiating from her gut. The young mare followed typical procedure, prodding at the shy filly's gums and scraping between the teeth. Fluttershy was always very good with her dental health, she mentally noted. Suddenly, a low groan sounded out.

Colgate felt a deep vibration in her gut accompany the noise. Fluttershy heard it too, and looked up at Colgate. The dentist pony smiled, as if inviting Fluttershy to laugh. She let out a giggle through the tools in her mouth and Colgate joined in. "Sorry, I must be hungry," she suggested, although she knew that wasn't the case.

It felt like a balloon had been inflated in her guts. Any movement and she could feel her innards shift around this mass, like a stone that rested deep in the center of her intestines. Having to bend over frequently to tend to Fluttershy's mouth was certainly not helping the issue any.

The minty filly would excuse herself as soon as the checkup was done. She was finishing prodding at the last few of Fluttershy's teeth, noticing that she missed a spot. As she bent down to reach, she farted.

It was not particularly long; only a second or two did it last. It sounded out like a broken trumpet, loud and brash and tapering off into a high note at the end. Colgate looked up, her eyes wide. Surprisingly, only a few of her colleagues seemed to notice, staring at her with a mix of furrowed brows and stifled grins. Fluttershy was visibly blushing, but otherwise did not react.

Colgate felt the blood rush up to her own cheeks. Instantly, shame flooded in like a cold torrent of water. She felt frozen in place, the few eyes watching her freezing her muscles. Oh god, a voice in her head whispered. Did I really just do that?

Quickly recovering, Colgate went back to work on finishing Fluttershy's cleaning. The aroma of her gaseous expulsion was certainly noticeable. The stench tickled her nose through her medical mask. The scent of digested hay and other vegetables sourly mixed in with a hint of... mint, surprisingly. Thankfully, the smell seemed to have faded a few sniffs later.

Still feeling a bit mortified, Colgate stepped back and allowed Fluttershy to stand up. "Thanks for coming in, you did well," Colgate began saying. "Just make sure to get the back teeth when you floss, okay?"

"Sure thing, Doctor! Thanks," Fluttershy said, her voice sweet and appreciative. She waved to Colgate as she left the room.

The dentist sighed. She still felt butterflies (in addition to the bubble of gas) in her stomach. She prayed that no one would talk about her... outburst. It made her feel dirty and unprofessional. "Accidents happen, I suppose," she quietly muttered to herself, repositioning the chair and getting a sterile set of tools. "Although I don't feel any relief..."

Colgate checked the clock and her charts. She had a good twenty or so minutes before her next appointment. As soon as she was done tidying up her station, she headed to the mares' room. Locking the door behind her, she let out a sigh of relief. She would get it all out in here and be done with it.

She tugged her pants down her legs, the bright blue scrubs falling to the floor. Wiggling her undergarments down her thighs, she took a seat on the toilet. Almost instantly, the force that was pressing against her tailhole was released. A several-second long fart, just as noisy as before, sounded out. The crude noise echoed off of the porcelain bowl, once again making the normally clean mare blush. The fart made ripples in the water that lapped up against the sides of the bowl. She strained and farted again, this one much the same as the previous one, only louder.

Embarrassed, Colgate reached her arm out and turned on the faucet to mask the noise of her flatulent episode. She tried a third time, the smell of her colon rising up to meet her nostrils. The stink was growing more pungent. It wasn't stomach-turningly rancid, but it would definitely flare a few more nostrils than the bomb she dropped near Fluttershy would.

Frustrated, Colgate checked her watch. Over ten minutes had passed already, and all she accomplished is fouling the air in the restroom. She still felt nauseously full, but she had no choice. She stood up, redressed herself, and went back out into the hallway.

She got an odd glance or two as she proceeded down the corridor, but she made no indication that they bothered her. On the inside, she still felt the wound of shame festering. When she returned to her chair, her next patient was already sitting; Lyra Heartstrings.

"Oh, hey Colgate!" Lyra said, grinning and waving at the doctor. Lyra and Colgate were acquaintences. Certainly not the best of friends, but the two had crossed paths more times than strangers would.

"Hello, Lyra," Colgate greeted cordially. "Today you're having a routine checkup and a flouride treatment, right?"

" You're the dentist!" replied the harpist, reclining in the dentist's chair and opening her mouth wide.

"Eager to get this over with?" mused Colgate, an entertained smile on her face.

Colgate went to work on Lyra's mouth, although there was little work to be done. Surprisingly, the eccentric musician took very good care of her oral hygiene.

As Colgate worked, she felt the gas inside of her churn and work its way around her insides, a sudden pressure building inside of her rear. The blue-coated filly gritted her teeth; she was not going to mess up again, she promised herself. She clenched and tightened, but the gas kept building up like a river about to pour over a dam.

It was hopeless though. She bent over her patient an inch too far, and the nightmare ripped through her buttcheeks. Starting off low and bassy before varying in pitch, her flatulence was not unlike a wind instrument being played by a novice. She felt the gas rip through her plot and brush against her coat and tail. The few seconds this burst lasted felt like minutes as each head in the room turned to stare. The fart died down into an airy hiss before silence filled the void. Lyra was the first one to respond.

"Geez, Colgate," she laughed. "I had no idea you could fart like a farm animal."

The toothpaste-maned mare had half the mind to lunge at Lyra's throat. "S-shut up!" she stuttered out. "It..."

"Wasn't you?" finished Lyra. By now, those in the accompanying rooms were beginning to turn back to their work, either shaking their heads in disapproval, shrugging, or giggling. "That was all you, girl."

Colgate sniffled in embarrassment and rage, catching a whiff of her brand. Whatever was in her guts was creating quite a stink; her gas, hinted with sulfur, hung in the air like some awful perfume. A few were holding their breath, and one young colt was coughing.

"I said shut up," Colgate barked at Lyra, shoving her tools back in her mouth. Lyra craned her neck away.

"Yeesh, at least let me get one final breath of semi-fresh air before you stink the place up!" Colgate had had it; she trust her tools painfully into Lyra's mouth, eliciting a silent yelp of pain. The mischief in the mint-green mare's eyes had faded; she sat in silence as Colgate worked, breathing in the stench of her dentist's flatus.

It wasn't long before Colgate ripped another one, the immature sound ringing out in the dentist's office. Lyra smiled and started raising her head as if to make a quip, but decided against it and slumped down. Colgate on the other hand was turning so red it was becoming visible through her cool blue coat. Her head felt hot and her knees weak. She worked quickly and impartially, the tools trembling in her fingers as she worked to get the job done. Just as she was finishing, the young mare broke wind once more. This one was nearly silent, and the emission seemed warm enough to burn her tail. As soon as the quiet hiss of air died down, the hot smell reached Colgate's nose.

It was as if her previous gasses had all their intensities combined. It was like fermented cheese and rotten vegetables, hinted with the putrid aromas of digested protein and eggy sulfur.

The miasma had now grown rancid. The smell clinged to everypony's senses like dew to grass. It poisoned the nostrils and lined the throat. One colleague who had taken enough of it marched over to the window and opened it as wide as she could, giving Colgate a disgusted glare. Others were literally gagging from the sustained stink.

Colgate was trembling. Never in her life had she been so embarrassed. She was unaware that her own body was capable of producing this much gas, as well as gas this malodorous. She scanned the room, taking in the different reactions around her as well as sucking in a breath of her stinking release.

"I-Igottagoseeyoulaterbye!" she cried out involuntarily, ripping her mask off and bolting out of the room. "Brush more towards the gum line!" she called out to Lyra as the door closed, and then the dentist was swift-footedly on her way.

…

Colgate sat down in her house, flipping through a book. She threw it down in disgust; she couldn't focus on anything but the horrors that unfolded today at work. How would she ever find the willpower to return there tomorrow? She reached over the bottles of anti-gas pills that littered the coffee table of her living room and took a swig of her drink, swishing it around in her mouth. That reminds me, she thought to herself. I better go brush before I head to bed. At least my top half will smell better than my lower...

The twin-colored mare wet her brush and lifted up her bottle of new toothpaste. As she was squeezing it out, watching flecks of blue in the paste, she noticed the ingredient list.

The primary ingredient was Poison Joke.