PJ's Adventures in Equestria

Two days. Two fucking days of being stuck in a library. Now, I like reading as much as the next guy, I had my own bookshelf back home and it was more cramped full of books than an intellectuals brain. So yeah, I like reading. What I don't like is being stuck inside for four fucking days, two of those just living in fear of a party.

The day of the party was here and I was shitting myself on a whole new level. I had gained the approval of a kind-hearted princess but the thing about me is that if you try to get me in a social environment I am pretty much fucked. What makes it worse is that this was my first and possibly only chance to make a good impression on everyone... er everypony in town.

I had trouble meeting new humans without either embarrassing myself or coming of as a complete asshole. The first one is bad because I'm always reminded of it afterwards, the second one is worse because people then proceed to say shit behind my back and it's fucking irritating. So yeah, I wasn't counting on this going too well.

"Are you alright?" I hear Twilight say from behind me.

"To be honest," I said, turning to face her "no. I don't get along very well with members of my own species, somehow I don't think I'm gonna do to well here."

Twilight simply gives me a reassuring smile. "I can understand not being that social of a pony but this has to be done if we have any chance of getting the town to like you. And besides, Pinkie would have done this eventually anyway."

I let out a small chuckle "And there lies my other worry, are you sure it's safe to be around Pinkie Pie? She seems a bit... enthusiastic."

The pegasus-unicorn (I seriously need to ask what they're called) in front of me giggled "Oh don't worry, that's just Pinkie. You'll get used to it." She went over to the stairs "Spike!" she called up "We're heading to the party now!"

We hear scrambling from upstairs "Wait up, I'm coming." The little purple dragon came running down the stairs. It looked to me like he'd fallen asleep while getting ready. Good on him, sleep's always good.

I opened the door and allowed the two of them out before walking out myself, I turned around because I had never seen what the library looked like and was obviously quite surprised. "Holy shit." I said, Spike and Twilight turned around and looked at me questioningly "It's a fucking tree?"

Twilight simply nodded slowly with a look that says 'well yeah, what did you think it was?' which made no sense to me. Although I had to admit that the irony of all of those books being inside a tree didn't escape me at all.

So I just shrugged and did what I'd been doing since I got here, I went with the flow.

We walked through Ponyville and I spotted a rather interesting building, it looked like some sort of fucked up giant merry-go-round so I could only assume that it was Rarity's place. The Carousel Boutique.

We reached pretty much the end of town and I shit you not the place we were outside of looked like it was made out of gingerbread. I was tempted to take a bite out of the wall just see if it was. I assumed this was Sugarcube Corner, as Twilight had informed me my party was being held at a place called that. I knew this because there was music coming from inside and I could see ponies dancing through the window.

Once again I got to the door and held it open for Twilight and Spike to enter, I got in and the reaction was much as I expected. The second I was within view of the ponies they stopped dancing and just stared at me, the music kept going though. This was the single most awkward moment of my life and that is fucking saying something.

I decided to break the ice. "Hi everypony," more silence "why did you guys start horsing around without me?" I heard a few laugh at the admittedly bad joke(which I'm surprised they even understood due to the initial reaction of Twilight to my use of the word horse) but most stayed silence. I swear if it weren't for the music I could have heard the crickets chirping.

Pinkie stepped in just at the right point to do her random thing "Okay everypony. Now that the guest of honour has arrived let's get dancing again. Ooh and the food, such delicious treats just waiting to meet your stomachs!" I swear I am going to figure out how her brain works at some point.

Everypony except for a few then proceeded to completely ignore me for the rest of the night. Twilight said they'd get used to me eventually and that it's kind of like what happened with Zecora(whoever the hell that is) and that it should resolve itself eventually. I took her word for it and just socialised with the ones that would speak to me. These included: Vinyl Scratch who was DJing for the party, a school teacher named Cheerilee, Applejack's family and a mint-green mare named Lyra Heartstrings who developed a rather unhealthy obsession with my hands.

It was about an hour into the party and I was glad to have made at least a few friends. I was feeling a little hungry so I looked around for the buffet table that was sure to be next to one of the walls. I found it on the far side of the room, just next to one of the windows and headed towards the end with all the cakes and stuff on it. I picked up a cupcake and started munching on it when I saw something grey shoot past me and crash into the table just by the muffins.

I saw that somepony was struggling to get out from under the remains of the table and thought it best to help out, I had to make a good impression on some of the ponies even if most of them are freaked out by me. I removed the biggest part of the table and reached my hand out for the mare to grab it. She gave me her hoof and I hauled her back onto her feet. Upon looking I saw that she was in fact a grey Pegasus with a blonde mane and some bubbles tattooed onto her flank(another thing I need to ask about). What really stuck out to me though was her eyes, they were crossed.

I automatically sympathised, I couldn't exactly say I knew exactly what it was like but my left eye was my worst and it had a habit of wondering whenever I wasn't doing anything. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said whilst trying her best to look me in the eye "it happens to me all the time. I'm Derpy by the way, Derpy Hooves."

"PJ." I told her. I was ecstatic that I had found another pony who wasn't freaked out by me.

"Cool. I don't mean to be rude but what are you exactly?"

"I'm a human and yes I am well aware that I look like a hairless monkey."

She laughed at my attempted joke "Never heard of 'em. So where are you from?"

"A town called Redditch, a country called England on a planet called Earth."

"Okay so..." she asked questions for about ten more minutes and then idly chatted for the rest of the party. Which, by the way, lasted three more hours. We got on like a house on fire.

I headed back to the library with Twilight who had a sleeping Spike on her back. I was tempted to ask why she didn't just fly but decided against it, she was probably as knackered as I was.

"How did you enjoy the party?" she asked sleepily.

"I'm gonna be honest," I said "it could have gone better. I met a few nice ponies but the majority were scared of me."

"That's too bad, but at least you made some friends right?"

"Yeah," my thought mainly drifted to Derpy, I didn't know why thought. "I met some great ponies and I think I have a new best friend."

"Great. I'm gonna assume you mean Derpy, I saw you two talking for the majority of the party."

"She was nice and I kind of understand what it's like to have your eyesight mess you up."

"Oh actually she sees okay. Her eyes have been like that since birth and she can't focus on just one thing but she sees quite well. The whole 'bumping into everything' thing is mostly just due to casual clumsiness."

"Ah, that explains how she seemed to see me just fine then."

We got back to the library, went upstairs and after putting Spike to bed both fell asleep as soon as our heads touched the pillows of our respective beds.