PJ's Adventures in Equestria

I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming of home. This was a dream I had often even there, a dream that my family paid attention to me instead of arguing. A dream in which I felt loved.

It was a nice dream even if it could never come true. After all, I doubt even my family would love a kid with retinal dystrophy and the inability to do anything right. Do you want to know how pathetic I was? I once made fish cakes in school and then upon finishing realised I had forgotten to put the fucking fish in. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life and that's saying something. I just want to be normal.

The dream itself was simple, we were having a barbecue. The sun was shining and I was laughing with my brothers while mum and my brother's fiancée were calmly talking at the table. They were getting along just fine.

This was the image I associated with happiness and it was perfect in my eyes. A dream that could never come true is all the sweeter, no?

"Hey PJ. You need to wake up" my only younger brother said in a strangely feminine voice.

Suddenly they were all chanting it "Wake up! Wake up!

"...Wake up!" Twilight yelled as I slowly opened my eyes, letting out a long groan.

Twilight sat with an apologetic look on her face "Sorry to wake you so early but we need to hurry. I received a letter a little while ago from Princess Celestia, she said she'd be here at noon!"

I shot up and looked at the clock. 5:00am. Damn, she did wake me early.

Still though it was good to have a lot of time so I just went with it "Have you got showers here?" I asked.

"Yeah, turn right and take the second door to your left. You can't miss it."

"Thanks Twilight."

I left the room, turned right and sure enough on the second door to my left I found a bathroom. That shower was definitely a sight for sore eyes after I had that rather unexpected journey the day before. At least I could maintain some sense of normality.

I took a piss and left my glasses near the sink before getting into the shower where I washed myself thoroughly, not using any shampoo because I wasn't entirely sure most of this stuff was for men anyway. I dried myself off with a towel, put my clothes back on and gave my glasses a wipe with the cloth I always keep in my pocket before heading downstairs for breakfast.

Walking down the stairs I smelled something amazing. Something familiar. Something like...

"Pancakes!" I shouted excitedly. I fucking love pancakes.

Twilight let out a giggle at the table "Yep, Spike made 'em since I can't cook too well." She looked a little down after finishing.

"Don't feel bad about that Twilight," I comforted "I'm not that good either. Back home we have these things called fish cakes. I tried making them once but you know what I did? I forgot to put the fish in."

I'm pretty sure Twilight was trying to stifle a giggle but if she was then she was damn good at it. "Seriously?" she asked.

"Yeah, I fuck up like that a little too often to be honest." Now it was my turn to look down.

"Hey, is everything alright?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"I'm fine. It's just some shit from back home, I'll be okay."

"Well, okay I guess. Oh and just for the record you might want to hold off from swearing in front of the princess." she laughed a little. I laughed too.

"Yeah that would be pretty bad wouldn't it?" I said through my laughter.

"Definitely."

We ate the rest of our breakfast in silence, apparently Spike had gone back to sleep. Twilight was giving him the day off because of our meeting with the princess later and she wanted him to be well rested after yesterday. To be honest though, I think the little bastard's just being lazy. I like him.

At around 9:00am there was a knock at the door. Twilight instructed me to go upstairs and I did so, we didn't want to scare any of the locals after all. Once I'm safely out of sight I hear the door open and a set of hooves enter the building.

"PJ!" I hear Twilight calling up. It must have been one of the ponies I met the day before. I walked downstairs and saw Rarity stood in the library wearing saddle bags. "Rarity says that she has some new clothes for you."

"That I do Twilight. Now PJ, I have this" her horn glows blue and one of the bags is engulfed in a blue aura. I figured it was her using magic. Out of the bag floated a black t-shirt with a red trim running down the sleeves and around the neck and bottom of the shirt. There was also a pair of trousers which had a similar design, black with red stripes running down the sides. "and this!" out of the other bag floats a white shirt, a black bow tie(which are cool by the way), a black jacket and a black pair of trousers.

"Wow, Rarity." I said in awe "how did you get these done so quickly?"

"I have been doing it for years darling. I can make clothing in good time given that it's as simple as this."

"The suit'll be perfect for the meeting with the princess later. I can't thank you enough for this."

"Of course dear. Anything for a friend."

I froze up for a second, did she just say I was her friend? No one had ever called me that before, she was clearly just being nice. And it was working.

"Thank you." I said again "I won't have to walk around in these trashy things now." I gestured to what I was currently wearing.

"Well now I must take my leave. Good luck with the princess PJ! And goodbye to you too Twilight!" she said rather loudly, waving a hoof as she left. Me and Twilight waved back and she shut the door.

We stood there is silence for a little while, I was starting to wonder why the atmosphere suddenly went awkward. "Oh well," I said while holding up my new suit "I'll go and put this on while we wait for noon okay?" I started up the stairs without waiting for a reply and went into the bathroom to change.

Time went agonisingly slow but the time was almost upon us. It was 11:55am. Five minutes to go.

Needless to say I was shitting bricks. I had never met a princess before except for Twilight who I'm not intimidated by because she acts nothing like I'd expect one to act. This situation was getting scarier by the second and panicked thoughts began flowing through my head.

What if I do something wrong? What if she doesn't like me? What if they think I'm a monster? What if I get locked in dungeon somewhere? What if they have me killed? These thoughts continued to plague my mind.

12:00pm. The moment of truth had arrived.

A bright flash of light covered the library and I once again had to shield my eyes from it. I blinked a few times to get my eyes to adjust again and saw the tallest pony I've seen so far in the middle of the room. She was about my height, taller if you count the horn. She had a white coat similar in shade to Rarity's and had a mark on her flank of the sun, I looked over at Twilight and saw that she had one too of a big pink star surrounded by smaller stars. I wondered if all ponies had these.

The next thing I noticed about this tall pony was her mane it was multicoloured, containing: blue, green, purple etc. It was flowing in an invisible breeze and made her appear more god-like. She had wings and a horn just like Twilight. This must be Princess Celestia.

"Hello there Princess Twilight." she said calmly.

"Hello to you too Princess Celestia!" Twilight sounded much more excited, these two must be close.

"And hello to you too, 'PJ' was it?" Princess Celestia sounded almost motherly in the way she spoke. Not that I would know how a caring mother sounds.

I bowed down to my waist "Greetings Princess Celestia. Yes, PJ is my name."

"Rise, there is no need for such formalities in the current situation." I did as she said and rose from my bowing position. "Now, would you care to remind me of how you got here?"

"Forgive me princess but I was led to believe that Twilight told you this in her letter."

"That she did but I would like to hear it from your mouth to make sure the stories are consistent. I hope you will understand."

"Quite. Okay so, I was taking a walk around the local lake and thinking about stuff when this big light vortex thingy pops out of thin air. I didn't have time to avoid it so I ended up walking into it and landing here where Twilight and Spike found me." I began wondering how many times I would repeat this story over the next few weeks.

"I see," the princess was deep in thought "and what do you intend to do now that you are essentially stuck here?"

I thought for a moment "To be honest princess," I sighed loudly "I don't know. This is the first time I've really had to adjust to an entirely new environment. I have no idea what to do."

She smiled at me "Well I can tell from meeting you that you bear us no ill will so you shall be granted full citizenship rights and you may live in Equestria peacefully. Twilight, will you ensure he is introduced to the town?"

"Yes princess. I'm sure one of Pinkie Pie's parties will sort that problem out for us." Twilight smiled "And with your permission PJ I would like to study you and ask you questions about your world."

I returned the smile "I have no objections." I say.

"In the meantime I will attempt to find a way to send you back home," Princess Celestia sooths "I know you must miss your family and friends very much."

"Yeah..." I reply, a little half-heartedly "thank you Princess Celestia."

"It is no problem, now I must leave. I can spare little time from my schedule at the moment. I bid you both farewell."

There was another flash from her horn and Princess Celestia was gone. I couldn't deny that she was nice but in all honesty I didn't want to go home. All I had there was an arguing family and loneliness, but then again I didn't want to overstay my welcome. She was nice but she was still a princess and the last thing I wanted was to piss her off.

"So," I begin "when's the party?"