Gotta get back, back to the past, said Samurai Jack.
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Cruising at 65: A Time Traveling CYOA Feautring Vinyl Scratch
Gotta get back, back to the past, said Samurai Jack.
You are in your freshman year of Equestrian College for Advanced Studies and Liberal Arts school located right next to the Stop and Shop and Phil's store of Automated Sexual Devices
You haven't always been the best student in high school, but you try your best. And since you are a glorious Canadian, affrimative action laws in this country pretty much ensure that you get a free education on the behalf of the taxpayers. THANKS OBAMA.
You wake up in your dorm room, damn.... there was something you were supposed to do today, but you can't remember.
You get up and walk to your bathroom. Goddamn it, Norman is passed out in the tub again with a lampshade on his head. Musta had a good time with Rarity and her friends last night. Norman scracthes his ballsack, and balloons start flying out. Huh. Must have tapped the Pink. The poor fool, you never tap the Pink man, or you wind up with wicked bad Balloon crotch.
You look in the mirror, and look at your handsome as fuck face. Its green as the 10 dollars in your pocket, with a question mark bigger than your rather girthy pants snake. By the way, where has the little, I mean big fella gone? Seriously, its your pet snake, where the fuck did he get to? Oh well. You sit down on the toilet and wipe the morning sweat as you begin your business. You hear a knock at your door.
"Yo Anon! You comin' to class?"
Fuck its that autistic bitch who listens to shit tier music with her faggy glasses and shitty ass clothing.
"WHAT THE FUCK VINYL I'M ON THE FUCKING TOILET, GIVE ME A FUCKING MINUTE GODDAMN IT. " you scream at her, puckering your anus slightly in hope that your bowels would release its noxious load.
A quite audible moment of silence, and you exhale deeply as you prepare to make your morning business. You shouldn't have eaten all those burritos from Johnsons Tacos And Burritos shop. Seriously, why? Why would you eat 15 burritos right in a row? You could feel the power of Christ compelling you to let the brown demon from you. You begin pushing an insane amount of burrito into the porcelin toilet, the torrent of waste is spraying all over the bathroom, some of it splattering on Normans face.
You exhale and reach for the toilet paper, to find it completely empty. Well shit. You take your glorious green badonkadonk and wipe it on Normans cardigan sweatervest. Hah, what a faggot. You pull up your drawers and walk back into your dorm room. Oh shit.
Vinyl is standing there in the middle of your dorm room, and she probably heard everything that just happened. Probably saw it too since you didn't close the bathroom door. Gotta remember to lock and close doors man. You two look at each other akwardly.
"So Anon, you comin to class or what?" she asks as she rubs the back of her neck.
Without thinking you punch her right in her stupid fucking face, turn 360 degrees and jump out the window where you land ontop of Flash Sentry's Delorian. FUCKING SWEET. Flash is sitting in the driver seat, hitting his hands on the steering wheel listening to a Bruno Mars song. What a douchebag, you reach in and pull him out of the automobile.
"ANON WHAT THE FUCK?" he screams at you whining with his girly falsetto voice that everyone knows Flash has..
You climb in and flip the bird at him, as you turn the engine on, and do a fucking sweet donut, breaking both of his kneecaps in the process.You turn on the radio as this starts playing. http://youtu.be/rRtpArDU0Xo [Embed] as you then turn on the siren as you start driving around town haphazardly, then begin driving on the sidewalk, nearly running over Fluttershy., then through a car wash, then through the mansion of Diamond Tiara, interuptting her father sleeping with one of the mexican housemaids. Then through the local Womens only Gym dressing room, then somehow on a roller coaster. You pull up right into class 101b, and crash through the wall saying "OH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH" and land right on top of Twilight and Rarity. Just in time.
The professor looks at you, and gives you a thumbs up for the reference. Vinyl walks in, covering her brused eye, she looks at you, and turns her head. She pissed. GOOD. You suddenly feel kind of bad for hitting her, and wiping your ass on Norman. But not for Flash, fuck him. The Professor begins talking about the Byzantine empire over his microphone to the class. Yawn, boring. You put your Delorian into reverse and run over some students as you pull up to Vinyl Scratch. You roll your window down and say to her
" Hey, sorry for the shiner babe."
She crosses her arms and grumps at you. Wow such bitch, so grump. 0/10. C'mon I've got something that'll fix it right up.
"I don't want to talk to you right now Anon."
She puts in her Dr Dre beats headphones and begins blaring some shitty europop techno. What a fucking poser. You take a deep breath, c'mon Anon, she really can't be that bad. Norman walks in, still with a lampshade on his head, and shit all over his cardigan sweatervest. He walks down the steps as you open the Delorian doors, the door hits him right in the jaw and sends him flying onto the auditorium stage. The professor looks down at him.
"Hmm. This might be a good time for a break students." His microphone screeched, making everyones ears bleed.
The professor walks out, and so do some of the students.
"C'mon Vinyl, I'm sorry, let me make it up to you."
She looks at you, and sighs.
"Fine. Let's go" she gets into the Delorian with you.
Before you even put the car into drive you hear a loud trickling sound. It goes on for 30 seconds followed by a loud audible fart, and then an old man singing "My neck, My back". Fucking professor forgot to turn his mike off. You and Vinyl look at each other suppressing intense laughter and you kick it into 3rd gear.
"VAMONOS" you cry out summoning the power of a sexual tyrannosaurus and also a bear. You drive out of the class room, severely maiming several students in the process, and running over Flash Sentry again, smashing his crutches and rebreaking his kneecaps.
"Where are we going Anon?" Vinyl asks as she fools around with her hair.
"To the local meat market, Imma buy you a steak." you say unmericessly ramming into fruit carts much to the dismay of Antonio Rutherford, owner and founder of Randomly Place Fruit Carts Inc.
"Wow. Impressing a girl by buying her dinner huh? Who knew there was such a soft side to you?"
You stop the car doing a fucking sweet 180 stop as you hit anoter randomly placed fruit cart, crippling the immigrants dream of being a successful Fruit Cart Owner.
"Yeah, I'm a bit of a sweet heart, and I've got plenty of soft things." You put your hand on her shoulder, her face turns from a causal look of dumbness to a look of nervous dumbness.
"But there's one spot that isn't so soft." You position yourself and trap her in her seat. Her face turns from nervous to horror. She knew what was coming, or more specifically who was about to.
"PREPARE YOUR ANUS" you say in your most ''Oh God if I was doing a Choose Your Own Adventure I would've written this current scenario in a different way" tone. Suddenly, out of fucking nowhere Norman appears in the backseat and surprises both you and Vinyl.
"HEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!" he yells out smacking you on the back of your head and maiming Vinyl in the boob You are so startled that you fall back and hit the gas pedal. The Delorian starts speeding up, 33...44...55...
"ANON, STOP THIS CRAZY THING, GET ME OUT OF HERE" Vinyl is screaming at the top of her lungs, scrambling desperately to get out of the attempted sexual assault mobile.
85...86...87...
"Wait Vinyl, No, I'm sorry..." you try to tie the proverbial knot on your tombstone that hasn't had it coffin nailed shut yet. The odormeter hit 88, and all three of you feel a weird sensation. Like eating a tube of toothpaste while being suspended by ceiling hooks attached to your nipples while a midget in BDSM attire is smacking you on your bottom with a Mackeral. You get up and look out the window to see all this time warpy stuff and also that weird Doctor kid pounding that retarded grey girl in the pooper.
You, Vinyl and Norman all do a cheesy 90's WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH moment as you a portal opens in front of you and you land right into a haystack.
You pull your head from the steering wheel, Vinyl is holding her head, "Ugh... what happened? I can't remember anything." You turn around and look at Norman. He hit his face on your seat, which made his face super handsome and beautiful. You look outside and see a whole bunch of fields, and cows. One goes "SHAZOO" CONGRATULATION! You just traveled back in time and are now in Feudal Equestria times.
You get out of the car, Vinyl and Norman joining you shortly thereafter. "Ugh.... Anon," Vinyl limps toward you, falling into your arms. "I feel like I've been hit by a handsome man, then almost sexually assaulted and then ripped through a ripple of space time."
You pat her head. "Wow, its a good thing it was just a crazy feeling and it actually didn't happen right Vinyl?"
She shakes her head, "But it felt so real."
You grab her shoulders. "IT. NEVER. HAPPENED."
She gives you a weak smile, as she nods her head. Norman stretches his back and yawns. "Oh man, Hey Anon, hey Vinyl. Where are we? I woke up this morning, with a lampshade on my head. That is seriously the last time I party with those 6 again. I woke up covered in shit, and balloons on my crotch. Seriously, that Pink girl is a wild beast. He gives you a brofist.
"Norman, do you feel any different today?" you ask him.
He turns his incredibly handsome face away, and stares off into the horizon as angels begin a chorus to sing the beauties of his face.
"Not particulary, why?" he says as a random lady with silly eyes whoop whoop'd and hollered.
"N-no reason." You punch a cow right in the face to dispel all the raging homo thoughts flowing through your head.
Vinyl takes off her glasses, and puts her hand up to her eyes. "What the fuck kind of place is this?"
There are small mud cottages with straw roofs, and people in knave attire eating bread, and working the land. You look at Vinyl and Norman. "I think we have jumped back in time."
Norman and Vinyl look at each other and laugh at your claim.
"Hahaha jumped back in time, thats a good one Anon." Your face turns red with embaressment and anger asbend down and continue punching the cow in the face like a yearning housewife who is not cooking in the kitchen.
"C'mon guys, let me show you what I mean." You walk past several more cows as you punch each in the face several times. Every hit lets out an ear shattering "SHAZOOOOO"
You kick open a door to a barn where a humble yet homely maiden is punching a cows udder by hand into a milk bucket, you walk up to the cow and punch it in the face repeatedly. The milk maiden looks at you and says "Nay stranger, that be not how thou gets thine milk from the bovine. The blue haired freckled milk maiden takes your hand and directs towards the cows udder. She pulls your arm back and forth in a stroking method as white liquid began falling everywhere. She begins thrusting faster and faster as her own milk sacs are bouncing in repetition as you punch the cows udder over and over. Vinyl and Norman look on with a quizzical face, and then suddenly realize.
They come up behind you, and grab your shoulder.
"We understand now Anon."
Then they begin punching the cows udder as well. After 15 minutes of abusing farm animals, the milk maiden wipes her brow of the white liquid, and invites all of you to come inside. All of you agree, and you come inside. You sit down at a shabby table across from a scruffy looking gentleman with a broom and a toothbrush moutasche, wearing a Nazi armband.
"Verily, you've excercised mine wife quite well. Thanketh to thee strangers. Now it beith time to my janitor work."
Norman pulls out a gun and kills the janitor.
"FORSOOTH, WHY?" he cries out before slamming his stupid janitor face creating an internet explorer missing image icon.The Blue haired freckled milk maid walks in and drops her milk bottles in shock and screams.
"FINALLY I CAN BE WITH MY TRUE LOVER." She runs off screaming
"SIR MLP, I'M FREE FROM THE WRETCHED JANITOR NAZI HUSBAND OF MINE!"
You all stare at one another. Well this is akward. You look at Norman, goddamn he is beautiful, but still, we just went back in time and Norman killed a man, possibly fucking up the entire space time continuum.
"Norman, What the fuck man? What the hell was that all about?" you dare to ask the beautiful adonis of a man who stood before you.
Norman turns his head away. "It was for a friend." Norman cried a single manly tear as he put his hand on the window as the Large Chested Blue Haired Freckled Milk Maiden embraced her Green Faced Lover as they rode off into the sunset on horseback.
"Be free and love each other you two" he says as he puts his palm on the window, and I will remember you plays in the background for whatever reason.
You shake your head, Vinyl looks at you and you simply shrug. She picks up one of the milk buckets and begins to drink from it.
"Mmm... this is a way general milky for my tastes ."
You look at her with a look of disgust on your face. Who the fuck talks like this?
"DID YOU SAY MILKY WAY GENERAL?" a booming voice came from within the cottage
The janitors corpse began twitching as his broom levitated toward him.
"OH FUCK." All three of you scream, watching in horror as the reanimated corpse of the janitor began filling with a moderate rage.
"ANON DO SOMETHING" Vinyl screams at you.
You look around, uhh... weapons, need a weapon. Your eyes gaze around the room, you see a dagger, a battleaxe, a bazooka, an atomic bomb, a cannon, a gatling gun, and a tennis racket. You grab the tennis racket and hit the revenant on the neck. You begin hitting his neck over and over again until it comes completely off. Well, good job. You successfully decapitated a man with a tennis racket. Vinyl hides her face and begins vomiting profusely. Norman looks at you solemnly and nods. You take the corpse, and its head and bury it in the cellar, putting the head between its legs, making a subtle auto fellatio joke, and then never speak of the incident again.
You, Vinyl and Norman all look at each other in silence. Vinyl flicks her hair, and gives you a sexy look. Norman does the same thing and gives you a sexy look. Then the Cow flicks its hair and gives you a sexy look. Things are getting sexy in here.
"So uhh... guys. Whats the plan?" you ask fiddling around with your thumbs like your Uncle B/non taught you how to do. You can also remove your thumb too! Look! Whooooooooooooo! It's like magic!
Norman pulls out a potato chip from his backpack and says
"I've always wanted to visit Ireland and meet some of my ancestors." He takes the potato chip.... AND EATS.
Vinyl pulls out Swedish Meatballs from her bra and sets them on the table. Your previous face of disgust has a face of disgust on top of it.
"I always wanted to know what made Swedish Meatballs so Swedish."
The cow moos and licks it lips as it winks lustfully at you.
"Those all are good ideas, but we have to choose which one we do first." you say being the obvious meditator of the group, not because of age or senority, but because you have the biggest schlong this side of Manhattan. Well except for Granny Smith. That woman has the biggest everything of anyone.
Vinyl smushes her Swedish Meatballs,
"I SAY WE DO MINE FIRST."
Norman crinkles his potato chip bag
"MINE IS BETTER."
They start bickering like cats in heat, as the cow puts on sexy stockings and holds a branding iron in its mouth while raising its eyebrows excitedly at you, licking its lips. You can almost hear it whispering to you.
"Would you fuck me? I would fuck me."
You slam your hands on the table.
"I SAY WE FUCK THIS COW AND THEN WE GO TO SWEDEN." you say with all the serious of a polio vaccine in your voice. Norman and Vinyl look at you, and then look at the cow. They both shrug and then all three of you begin punching the cow in the udder again. The cow becomes extremely attached to Norman and his beautiful face, and then grabs Norman by the back of his neck and drags him into the barn. Go get im Tiger.
You and Vinyl walk out of the hut and see the Milk Maiden and her Lover making out on top of their horse. Vinyl blushes, and holds your arm. Eh? You didn't know she had feelings like this.
"Excuse me!" You call out to the milk maiden and her very attractive lover.
They stop and look at you.
"Good morrow stranger, thy hast returned mine lover to my side and slayeth the wicked daemon who kept her away from me. I am forever in your gratitude." He gets down from his high horse and shakes your hand.
What a strong guy, looks alot like you, Green face, a mighty beard, and a chisled chest bursting out from his tight top. He could be an ancestor or something.
"Actually, I was kind of hoping you could help us with something" you begin to ask, feeling Vinyl's every shoulder nudge. Stop nudging me Vinyl. Hey. You. Stop it. Oi. Baaaaad.
"Anything kind stranger." The milk maiden said as she lovingly stared at her lovers backside.
"Could you tell us how to get to Sweden?" you ask holding a map of Finland in your hands that you totally had the entire time, but failed to produce until this very moment in time.
Sir MLP and the Milk Maiden looked at each other and laughed heartedly.
"Why good sir, You already are in Sweden! Could you not tell by all the cows and the terrible food?"
Well that was achieved quite quickly, Vinyl seems quite pleased, and she nudges you once more. I swear to God if that goddamn DJ person nudges me one more time.
"Well, then... can you tell me why Swedish Meatballs are so Swedish then?" you follow up on your question, keeping your boiled rage to a minimum. Sir MLP stops his laughing aburptly and gives you a stern stare. He puts his mighty hand on your shoulder and looks you straight in the eye.
"Kind sir, I only do this for you have reunited me with my love."
He takes off his pants, and pulls out his genitals.
"See for yourself kind sir! Dont be shy, look upon my Swedish Meatballs!"
You look at Vinyl and she nods her head repeatedly like Michael J Fox on a Tilt A Whirl. Appairently she is into the whole "Man on Man" thing. You put your face closer to the quite possibly your grandfather's grandfather's ballsack and look deeply into the green life giving sack of flesh.
"Ah yes, I see." you say, nearly dry heaving at the sight of another man's balls. The milk maiden is fanning herself off very heatedly, as Vinyl is doing the same thing. Appairently they are both into it. Suddenly Norman comes out of the barn with kiss marks and hoofprints all over his face.
"HEY YOU GUYS!" he yells.
You shockingly accidentally bury your face in MLP's ballsack, as he yelps in pain. Vinyl and the Milk Maiden both gasp and moan. You feel a very sharp pain as you cry out "Ow, my existence!" Yup. You just buried your face into your own ancestors ballsack.So the answer to what makes Swedish Meatballs so Swedish is that you are inside of them. You quickly apologize to Sir MLP who laughs heartedly and pats you on the back.
"VERY GOOD SIR, I SHALL NAME MY FIRST CHILD AFTER YOU."
Huh, so thats how Great Great Great Great Great Grandad Anon was named. You, Vinyl, The Milk Maiden, Sir MLP, Norman and the extremely promiscous cow all look at each other.
"Hey, do you guys want to go to the future with us?" you decide to break out of the silence with.
"Sure, why not?" they all respond.
Vinyl bumps your shoulder.
"Hey Anon, I know a trick.EVERYONE FOLLOW MY LEAD."
Vinyl takes a jump to the left, and then a step to the riiiiiiiiiiight. She put her hands on her hips, and brought her knees in tight She begins pelvic thrust, and it drives you all insane. Suddenly all the villagers open their doors and hang out from their windows
"LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIN"
http://youtu.be/Rtkdo7bOmJc [Embed]
Cruising at 65: A Time Traveling CYOA Feautring Vinyl Scratch
You all break through space time again, and begin seeing all the time warpy stuff again.
However, this time is different. Something is blocking your path to the future.
You stand on your feet in the void between time and space. You look at the man blocking your path. Its a gay black terminator viking in a trenchcoat blocking standing in front of the exit portal.
"STOP. I know what you came here for. And I am going to stop you from achieving it." he pulls out a ridiculously long sword that was a gun too however the fuck those kind of physics work. "By any means nescessary"
You shake your head in confusion, "Dude, I just want to get back to my own time." He charges and slashes at you. "DON'T LIE TO ME.YOU CAME HERE TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE AROUND YOU! I WON'T LET YOU!" He begins slashing again and again, every slash letting off a gunshot.
Goddamn! Looks like your in for an epic battle, you look around for your party.
"Dont even think about it."
The Man within The Void summons a sphere of black energy in his hand and banishes three of your party members.
http://youtu.be/kNFVJQO66Qk [Embed]
The Man Within The Void closes his fist, and suddenly, Vinyl, Norman and The Milk Maiden are whisked away by cherubs into the deep expanses of time!
"VINYL! NORMAN! GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDMOTHER MILKY NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Sir MLP chases after Milky, "NO MY LOVE, NO NO NO I WILL NOT LOSE YOU AGAIN!" He rushes to her disappating body. She looks at him with loving eyes. "I love you MLP."
She disappears into the fabric of time.
MLP drops his head and his fists begin shaking in rage. "RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" he ignites in a fury of a heartbroken lover and begins meleeing the Man within the Void relentlessly, "GIVE HER BACK TO ME. GIVE ME BACK THE LOVE OF MY LIFE." Tears running down his face with every blow.
Wow holy shit, your ancestor really loves Milky.
You and Cow look at each other and nod. You punch Cow in the face and it squirts Milk at you and Sir MLP raising both of your stats.
"COW USE FLARE!"
Cow does a quick motion with its hooves and you prepare an Ultima spell.
The Man within the Void parries every blow from Sir MLP, The Flare approaches him from above as the sigils from Ultima appear from his below him.
A DOUBLE HIT! Sir MLP strikes him directly in the gunblade as it breaks in two. A TRIPLE HIT!
The spells wear off, and the Man within the Void is standing there still.
"It's pointless. You cannot stop her. She is already here."
Suddenly, the real final boss descends from the time stream. It is a horrendous blob of The Humanized Mane 6 and some type of Lavos like monstrosity put together.
"Welcome our Queen, The Fandom Devourer."
The abomination screeches at you as it trashes a tentacle at the Man within the Void and assimilates him within itself.
You, Cow and Sir MLP look at each other in horror.
The True Final Battle begins now.
You raise your fists, "C'mon everyone, we can do this! We can't let our friends death go to waste!"
Sir MLP falls to his knees. "I can't go on my greatest of grandchildren. My love.... she is gone from me forever." Cow moos loudly over and over at Sir MLP.
"Cow is right Grandad MLP! We can't give up, not now, Not when the entire fabric of time and space is at risk."
Sir MLP shakes his head and looks at the great monstrosity before him. "You are right my child." He gets up slowly. "I may have not been able to save my bride." He slowly raises his fists above his head. "But I will not allow this.....THING allow to destroy everything and everyone we have ever loved or known"
"THATS IT GRANDPA! READY YOUR GREATEST ATTACK!"
Here it comes, the strongest fighter in your party, preparing his ultimate final attack! This gun be gud.
Sir MLP falls to his knees, and puts his hands together. "Milky. I pray that you are in peace."
Cow falls on its knees and puts its hooves together. "Moo."
They look at you. You fidget your fedora slightly, "Uhh... I'm an atheist."
Sir MLP looks at you with disgust. "I HAVE NO GRANDSON" Cow moos with disgust.
The Fandom Devourer rages and swings a massive tendril at the party. Sir MLP holds off the massive blow, his shirt ripping from his mighty chest.
"ANON. YOU MUST BE THE ONE TO DEFEAT HER."
Cow moos loudly as it launches more and more Flares at the monstrosity.
You turn around, and clench your fist. The Fandom Devourer screams at you a horrible cry. You can literally see the ripples of time fall apart as the scream pierces through dimensions.
"I AM EVERYTHING, I SHALL CONSUME ALL, YOU WILL ALL LOVE AND FEAR ME. I AM EXISTANCE ITSELF."
Time to finish this.You walk up to Fandom Devourer, thousands upon thousands of tentacles come rushing from its mass to pierce you.
"ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON" Sir MLP cries.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Cow moos.
You close your eyes. "You don't exist."
The tentacles all grow through you like mist. You open your eyes, and simply walk past the Fandom Devourer.
It shrieks in anger. " PAY ATTENTION TO ME, I AM RELEVANT, LOVE AND FEAR ME!"
"Do you guys hear anything? I sure can't." You tell Sir MLP and Cow.
The Fandom Devourer begins screeching even louder as it begins tearing away at dimensions and time itself. " I AM RELEVANT, I AM NOW, I AM ETERNAL, PAY ATTENTION TO ME. CHECK YOUR PRIVELAGE!"
Sir MLP walks toward you, and so does Cow. "No grandson. I don't hear anything. Must be the wind."
"Moo" Cow mooed.
The Fandom Devourer begins ripping itself with its own tendrils, tearing itself apart fleshy bit by fleshy bit. "I EXIST, I EXIST, I EXIST, LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME."
It tears away at itself until nothing is left but The Man Within the Void.
"N-n-n-oooooo! MY QUEEN! MY PROJECT, MY EVERYTHING!"
He falls to his knees. "DAMN YOU ANON! DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!"
He turns around. "YOU JUST HAD TO DESTROY HER DIDN'T YOU? DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU DESTROYED THE VERY THING THAT MADE YOUR UNIVERSE! THE VERY THING I CREATED FOR THE SAKE OF EXPANDING UNIVERSES! I CREATED HER, SHE WAS MY CHILD, SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING."
The Man within the Void removed his trenchcoat, his hat, and all of his falsehoods.
Sir MLP's, Cow's and your jaw dropped simultaenously.
It wasIt was a urbanized individual of a dark skin tone! "Don't you see Anon?" He said as it swung its gold chains at you. "This was the only way for my people to do anything of accomplishment." Its stench became overpowering as watermelon began falling from the time stream. "But no.... you had to go and ruin that." Fried Chicken and Gold rims begin flooding in from the timestream, all collecting upon the Urbanized Individual with Darker Skin Tones. "FOR THAT I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! TAKE THIS, ALL MY HATRED, ALL MY SORROW, AND ALL OF MY PEOPLES SUFFERING! ULTIMATE BURNING FIST OF THE AFRICAN LION!" http://youtu.be/nQgXvmtI_ug [Embed]
The Tidal Wave of Watermelon, Gold Rims, Menthol Cigarettes, Grape Soda, Fried Chicken, and Lil Wayne Records grew and catrophinated into a giant wave 500 miles high, and 2000 Gabe Newells wide.
You, Cow, and Sir MLP all look at each other with a stern look on your face.
http://youtu.be/bZz74yFLkvg [Embed]
Sir MLP raises his fist, and launches towards the giant wave of stereotypes. "DON'T YOU EVER TALK FOR EVEN A SECOND ABOUT OF LOSS AND SUFFERING" He begins launching relentless blow after blow, with his massive arms and powerful kicks that is damaging the fuck out of the massive time entity. "YOU TOOK MY ONLY LOVE, YOU TOOK THE ONLY THING THAT GAVE ME LIFE MEANING" Powerful blow rips flesh from even more flesh.
Cow gives a ninja hand sign, as it disappears in a cloud of smoke, and begins slashing at the giant wall 900 times with its leek sword and squirting milk all over the place.
Cow lands in a crouch. "Moo." Every place where it slashed, explosions erupted from the wounds.
You pull back your fist.
The Urbanized Individual with Dark Skin Tones screamed at you. "DIE ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON"
It comes at you at full force, going the speed of PLAID.
You can feel them, Norman, Vinyl, Milky, you can feel them behind you, powering up your final blow.
You close your eyes "Everyone. Let's go back to our time."
You throw your fist forward, and it clashes with the Giant Wave of Negative Stereotypes. You stand adamant as layers upon layers of negative stereotypes break and dissolve before your mighty fist.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........." you scream as you begin charging relentlessy into the beast itself, coring and drilling yourself through it until you reach the Urbanized Individual with Dark Skin Tones at the Top of the Monster. He is embedded like some living tumor ontop of a might leviathan.
"WHY WON'T YOU DIE ANON?" His arm turns into a massive saber and slashes at you.
You grab the blade, and smash it into pieces. He looks in horror and he tries to choke you with his other arm.
You take your head back and smash it against his.
The tidal wave of negative stereotypes shuddered, and began collapsing. You turn around, and look back at him. "Because, I'm alpha as fuck." You jump off of the collapsing creature, and throw your arms out wide. Cow ninja jumps and catches you as Sir MLP meets you at the ground.
You all watch as the massive structure implodes and crumbles onto itself. Somehow... the Urbanized Individual with Dark Skin tones survived, but was dying and could not get up.
"A-anon." it choked, raising its arm.
"Promise me.... you'll keep the universe alive... keep my child alive Anon.... you are part of my child as well."
You take the Urbanized Individual with Dark Skin Tone's hand into yours and give him a bro fist. "Of course. Who the hell do you think I am?"
The Urbanized Individual with Dark Skin Tone smiled, and faded away into nothingness.
Suddenly, Vinyl, Norman, and Milky reappeared from the time stream.
"ANON!!!!!!" Vinyl and Norman cried as they embraced you, Norman giving you a noogie as Vinyl kissed you.
"MLP!" Milky cried!
"MILKY!!!!" MY LOVE!" Sir MLP cried as the two lovers embraced and loved mightly.
"Moo" Cow mooed.
"We saw the whole thing Anon, that was very manly of you." Vinyl said as she bit her lip and held her arm.
"Yeah bro, seriously, when did you get so tough man?" Norman said hitting your arm.
You laugh, its finally over. The whole crazy quest is over. You look at your ancestors, and they look at you brimming with pride. Cow moos and everyone laughs.
You bid farewell to one another, and You, Vinyl and Norman all enter the portal, as Cow, Sir MLP and Milky, return to their portal.
"I'm so proud of you Grandson."
"Thanks Grandpa."
You both give each other a thumbs up, and then jump through your respective portals.
http://youtu.be/0l__jSgTAmQ [Embed]
All three of you fall out of the portal, first you, then Vinyl, then Norman. You land right on your back, Vinyl lands right on your face, as Norman falls right into Pinkie Pies chest.
"Well heeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllloooooooooooooooooooo Norrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrman!" She giggles as she picks him up comically, and runs off in a comical bit of pink smoke. "Noooooooooooooooo Anon help!"
You try to move around, you flail your arms around a bit, and you feel something squishy. "Oh.....Anon.... not there....."
You just realize where you are. You are under Vinyl's ass, and you just grabbed her tit. You feel kind of shoe horned in here, but we all deserve a happy ending. You hold it a little tighter as she starts sqiurming on top of your face, grinding her lustful nether harder and harder on your face. You can't contain it anymore, you bite down and remove her panties with your mouth and swallow them like a motherfucking beast. You plunge your tongue within her ripe and welcoming womanhood, her back darts back in ecstacy. "Yes, oh sweet God never stop" She grinds harder and harder on your voracious tongue. You can feel the internal pressure of her insides draw your tongue deeper and deeper within itself. You sit up, and place her directly on your raging member, which had loosed free from its dungeon all on its own. Each of you in estatic rythym bouncing in glorious harmony to the beat of passion. The final crecendo as she bent over and gave you a long kiss. You climax, her back tightens as her legs clamp around your body.
"I HAVE THE POWER!" You yell at loud.
Suddenly applause, ALOT of applause.
Turns out you and Vinyl were having sex in front of the entire school audience during Vice Principal Luna's Birthday Bash.
She was clapping the loudest.
You two shrug, and kiss some more as the credits start rolling.
http://youtu.be/d0ExxPmWdRA [Embed]
