Convenient

"Having fun?" Rainbow Dash chuckled. I opened my previously squeezed shut eyes to see that Dash was watching me attempt to teleport. She was sitting in the desk chair facing me, who was sitting on my bed imagining Equestria.

"When did you stop trying this?" I asked, embarrassed that I probably looked like a retard.

"Like thirty seconds after we started." She looked over to a clock on the wall. "You've been doing this for what, ten minuets now? I don't think its going to work."

"I'm pretty sure it will. I know for a fact that I didn't drink any of that crap, and i'm pretty sure you didn't either. Normal shit doesn't evaporate into nothingness in your mouth! If there was you know I would be constantly drinking it! I know that stuff wasn't useless." I sighed, "Look, do you want to get home or not. You might be trapped here forever if you don't try."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and smirked. "I already won by making you look like an idiot."

"That's not very tolerant and loving..." I commented sarcastically, noticing her harsh use of words. "...I love it." I was pleased to see that she was starting to adopt human humor.

"Whatever, can we do this now?" She asked, pressing her hooves back to her temple trying to focus.

"Yea, what are we really suppose to think of? Equestria or like Ponyville town square?" I asked Dash who was broken from her meditative state.

"I think the more specific the better." Dash stated as she resumed her concentration.

"Sure, makes sense." I shut my eyes again and continued to utilize whatever we drank.

The two of us were in my room trying to establish a mental teleportation to another world for about five minuets. I opened my eyes once more to see Rainbow Dash still trying hard to do this. I had a new idea that I thought would probably help. If there's two parties necessary, maybe there needs to be physical contact. I reached over to touch Dash's knee. "Maybe there has to be cont-"

There was an explosion of light as soon as my finger contacted Rainbow Dash. I could feel myself sailing threw the air, not sure when I was going to meet the cruel floor. All I felt was wind as I fell, icy wind that froze my core. Rainbow Dash was no longer beside me, as far as I could tell. My vision was filled with whiteness, I was blind. A force slammed into my entire body that made me bounce. I coughed in pain as my limp body flopped on the ground. I could tell that I finally made my destination. I laid on the ground, unable to move yet. I couldn't hear anything, just a high pitch ring from the blast.

"Dash!" I couldn't even hear my own voice. I was unsure if I was isolated or just momentarily flash-banged. "If you can hear me, i'm so cold my testicles might pop off like acorns right now!" I shouted into the empty space with a smile. Struggling to get to my feet, I could start to hear muffled noises starting to over power the deafening ring. Attempts to stand were thwarted by the bitch known as gravity. I would reach a crouching position, but then fall over into the dusty whiteness. My vision was starting to regain some slivers of the color spectrum back.

Crawling over onto my hands and knees trying to stand, I could start to hear and see more and more. Still unable to pick out what I was hearing or seeing, they looked like smears of random color and it sounded as if there was someone there. They seemed to sound upset or panicked for some reason. I slowly rose from my crouched stance once more, gaining altitude, the sounds were getting louder and the ring was starting to die out.

I was now on my feet, barley supporting myself with my own legs. My vision was starting to return slowly, I rubbed my burning eyes, trying to see my surroundings. The ringing getting softer and softer as the muffled, contorted sounds of something unknown getting louder and more distinct. My eyes were soothed by my gentle cleansing. It was no longer cold and windy, but cool and calmer feelings came over me. I heard a distinctive shout this time. "PONY-NAPPER!"

OH, shit.

I removed my hands from my eyes to be met with a pair of hind hooves connecting with my chest. I flew through the air for several moments, before being reunited with the unforgiving ground. It seemed as though I made a dent in the ground upon impact. "UGH... Damn it..." I choked out in pain. Rubbing my chest trying to somehow make that pain stop, i noticed that nothing appeared to be broken. Wincing in pain, I forced open my eyes again to see a orange pony about to come down on my face. I quickly rolled out of the way, forgetting my pain momentarily. Hastily stumbling to my feet, I remembered situations like this with my dog, I wondered if the same technique would work.

Observing her discovery that I was no longer under her, I quickly ran up behind the pony and picked it up by it's back. Suspended in mid-air, it couldn't come at me again with a second attack. "What in tarnation!" The pony shouted. "Yer' not gettin' me the same as Rainbow!" Wait, a second. I know that accent.

"Applejack?" I asked with curiosity.

"Wha- How do ya' know mah' name?" Applejack questioned. "Yall' been stalking all of us?" I rubbed my eyes again with my biceps, still holding the orange pony. I could see roughly normal, probably couldn't read but I could scan my surroundings. Applejack's head was backwards, trying to make eye contact while attempting a headbutt. I then saw that the other five ponies were watching about fifteen feet away, all with rage in there eyes, except for Rainbow Dash, who was unconscious on the ground, being tended to by Fluttershy. She was periodicity taking care of Dash and giving me death stares.

"Damn Dash!" I exclaimed. "A light breeze would knock you out!" I sighed, knowing what this entails.

"Put her down!" Twilight commanded. She stomped her hoof trying to intimidate.

"Tell her not to kick me again!" I shouted. "That might not be lethal, but it still hurt like a bitch!"

"It'll be much worse next time." Applejack hissed. "Y'all can count on that."

"You all are so cute that I can't take your threats seriously... It's like a rottweiler puppy barking at a mail man. He thinks: He might hurt a bit if he bites me, but he's so cute that I don't care." I said to her, I observed her face about to go into a rage. "Turn that frown upside-down?" I offered, but it seemed to make her more enraged with the fact that her face was upside down. Then I turned to the rest of the group."Here, just get Rainbow Dash up and she wil-"

"You shall not be getting near her ever again!" Rarity interrupted. "You have done enough harm to her!"

"I didn't do anything to her!" I shouted back. "I even saved her life when she came into my world!"

"Obviously." Applejack cut in pointing to the unconscious Rainbow Dash. "Put me down and stop spreading yer lies!" She commanded.

"By the way, why are ponies so light?" I realized that Applejack was only a few pounds heavier then Rainbow Dash. "Seriously though, how did you kick me that far when your not even half my weight?"

"This thing's weird!" Applejack shouted to her friends. "If y'all don't put me down in next five seconds..." She started.

"Fluttershy, is she OK?" Twilight asked with a concerned countenance.

"um...yes." Fluttershy whispered. "I think...um, she's fine. But we still need to get her to a nice place to rest. If that's ok..."

"If she's injured in anyway, you will pay for it." Twilight threatened.

"I didn't do anything. The fall however, i'm not completely sure. If I didn't just get a flash-bang to the face and then punted by a pony, I would be over there trying to help her too!" I told them. The scowled to express that they didn't believe me. "This is how you ponies treat new people?" I said sarcastically. "It's kind of rude, I would say."

"Pinkie Pie, go get some rope to tie this criminal up with." Twilight ordered her pink friend. "I'v never seen this kind of creature before, I want to study it a little before Princess Celestia takes it."

"Okey-Dokey-lokey!" Pinkie Pie cheerfully recited before running off to fetch some rope.

"Hmm, rope does not sound fun..." I announced with a frown. "I'm telling you, I didn't take Dash from here! And I didn't do anything to her!"

"Sure you didn't" Rarity commented.

"Your going to stay tied up until the princess comes!" Twilight said getting ready to charge, she was joined by her other remaining companions. Spike was not present for some reason. The three remaining ponies preparing to charge to do something painful and to liberate their comrade.

"Um... Uhh..." I was starting to panic, I had no idea what to do. There were buildings all around, but no other living things. I then noticed that we were in front of the Sugar Cube Corner. I made a quick decision, in hindsight, it probably wan't the best one. Applejack was still glaring at me upside down, I still had her extended out in my arms. I looked back to the other three. "...Uh...DISTRACTION!" I threw Applejack towards them. A surprised yelp came from Applejack as she soared through the air.

"Applejack!" Twilight cried as she broke from her aggressive stance to catch her friend with a telekinetic spell. "Are you alright?" She asked a startled Applejack.

"Yea, i'm fine." She looked back to me, who was no longer there. I had already bolted in the other direction. "He's gettin' away! Fluttershy, are ya OK with takin' care of Rainbow while we chase that thing down?" Applejack offered.

"Yes...um... be careful with him." Fluttershy squeaked. "You don't know what it can do yet..."

"We will darling, don't you fret." Rarity assured her.

The three ponies sped off to give chase to their abductor. "Terrible first impression." I said to myself. "I just have to avoid them until Dash wakes up. Then she'll explain everything to them and it'll be fine... Unless she takes days to wake up, then i'm screwed..." I pushed the thought out of my mind in hopes that it doesn't come true. I ran until I reached the edge of the town. Quickly scanning my surroundings for a place to hide, I saw a tall tree. That could work.

I sprinted over and jumped just high enough to grab onto a branch to pull myself up. Jumping from branch to branch, I gained altitude. I'm like Altier up in this bitch! Reaching the highest branch I could manage, I crawled on my stomach over the branch to observe my pursuers. They were fully aware that I was in the tree. The three ponies stared up at me, discussing what they should do about me. I was too high in the tree to hear what they were saying, but I did see them nod their heads in consensus of an idea. I watched as Applejack walked over to the base of the tree. I knew right then exactly what she was planning on doing. "OH NO, YOU WON'T DO IT!" I shouted down.

"OH YES, I AM!" Applejack returned. She turned around and balanced on her front hooves for a moment and bucked the tree as hard as she possibly could with her hind legs. The tree shook with the immensity needed to destroy a building. I was flung around the tree like a rag-doll. I was involuntarily slamming my face on the branch I was holding on to. I lost my grip, and fell out of the tree, while hitting all the branches on my way down. I could see the rapidly approaching ground... stopped by a purple haze. I was suspended in mid-air, it felt so... Comfortable.

"The hell?" I wondered as I looked around again. I saw that the three ponies had a triumphant smirk. Twilight's horn was emitting a purple glow. Realizing that this was part of their plan, I let a sigh escape my lips. "So, what now? You going to kick my ass?"

"No, your coming back to my house with me so I can run a few tests while the princess comes." Twilight said as the three started to trot back into Ponyville.

"What then?" I asked while I put my hands behind my head, getting into a good position. "What happens when she comes?"

"You might get the same treatment as nightmare moon..." Rarity proposed with a grin.

I watched the show, I knew exactly what happened to her. I popped out of my comfy position and was attempting to get upright within the purple glow. "WHOA,WHOA, whoa. Let's not go anywhere near that now! I haven't even done anything! Creatures in my universe kind of need oxygen to live!"

"You'll get what ever punishment comes to you for pony-napping Rainbow!" Twilight snapped. My other words landed in her head. "Wait, what do you mean in your universe?" She question, cocking an eyebrow.

"I thought it was pretty obvious that i'm not from here." I said to the three. "Please, i'm telling you, I will be able to explain everything if you just wake Rainbow Dash up. She will tell you that I took her in while she was in my world!"

"Why'd ya run then?" Applejack asked suspiciously. "Innocent folk don't run away... Or throw other ponies."

"Cause I thought you were going to kick me again." I said with a weak smile. "I really didn't want that again. Just give me benefit of the doubt, please."

The three ponies exchanged looks. Twilight used her active spell to give themselves distance between them and their prisoner. I could hear their muffled voices deciding what to do. After about five minuets of discussion, Twilight brought me back over. "Fine. If Rainbow says anything different from what you've been saying though... Celestia will take you away from here."

"Thank you. But she's going to tell you the exact same thing as me." I stated. "Is Pinkie still getting that rope?" I chuckled.

"Yea, where is she? She should have caught up with us before we chased you down..." Once again, another thing snagged Twilight's mind. "How do you know her and Applejack already? It's not exactly helping you case."

"Yea, I know. It's complicated, I'd have to explain it with Dash's help." All three shot me a glare. "I really wouldn't be able to explain... Sorry"

They turned their heads back to their path. We were nearing Twilight's library. "What sort of creature are you?" Rarity asked with a intensive stare at my clothing. I was wearing just a hoodie and a pair of blue jeans, casual wear. "And what sort of clothing is that your wearing?"

"I'm a human. But seeing as i'm being threatened with getting sent to the moon for a thousand years, talking about my clothes doesn't seem to be high on my priorities." I told the fashion diva. "If I don't get sent to the moon, then i'll tell you about my people's clothes that we wear all the time." I whipped my head around, trying to point out the fact that they don't have clothes on.

"You wear clothes all the time?" rarity thought about that idea for a while. "That makes it seem, less special. If everypony wore clothes all the time, then there would be no point!"

"It's actually illegal for us to go out in public without clothes on, it's considered by most, indecent." I replied. "It's not special for us, occasionally we have to dress up nicer for special celebrations or other crap like that." We reached Twilight's house, when a familiar pink pony appeared out of nowhere.

"Hi guys!" Pinkie Pie shouted at us.

"Pinkie, I told you to get rope to tie this thing up with like, twenty minuets ago!" Twilight said to her. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, sorry. I was getting the rope in Sugar Cube Corner, when I saw a new cake sitting out." Pinkie licked her lips. "I couldn't leave without trying it. And then I couldn't leave without finishing it."

"Pause, for a second." I interrupted their conversation. "I don't appreciate being called 'it' and 'thing' very much."

"Tough, It's what we're goin' with since you took Rainbow!" Applejack told me.

"For the last time, I didn-" I sighed, knowing that nothing I say would be able to convince them otherwise. "Look, you can call me Jack, or him and he. Just not 'it'."

"Yer' name is Jack?" Applejack said with a growing smile. "That's weird, not Jackhammer, or Flapjack? Just Jack?" All the surrounding ponies began to laugh.

"That's a pretty unusual name." Twilight giggled.

"Says the pony with a stripper's name..." I muttered.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Nothing, Twilight Sparkle." I chuckled.

"Ya' know Twilight too?" Applejack asked with a scowl. They walked into Twilight's home, I involuntarily followed. "Ya' best start explainin', now."

They noticed that Fluttershy had brought the sleeping Rainbow Dash there, before they arrived. "Hi... Did you get it alright?" She had brought down blankets and pillows for Dash on the ground as she sat by her side on the ground.

"Yes, darling, We got it- him." Rarity caught herself with a giggle.

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

"IT was just about to explain to us how it knows our names..." Applejack scorned. She whipped her head back to me. "As you were saying."

"That's adorable." I said sarcastically to her remark. "As I was saying a while ago, I'm not going to until Da-"

"What is that thing?" Spike shouted as he walked down the stairs. He had cups filled with some unknown liquid that I assumed were for Dash and Fluttershy. "Is it one of Fluttershy's animals again?"

"No Spike, this is Jack, he's the one who took Rainbow. We think." Twilight informed.

"Another guy with fingers! Yea buddy!" I cheered over-enthusiastically.

"This one can talk?" Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Weird."

I sighed. "I'm not a random damn animal!" I announced, agitated.

"Dosen't matter what ya' are. Explain." Applejack hissed.

"Your pretty aggressive there, Applejack." I snickered with an idea that formed. "Is all that time on the farm getting to you? Your the element of honesty, you can tell me! I'm sensing some jimmies that have been rustled." I was just going to mess with her.

"Wha- How do ya' know that!?" She barked. "There's ponies in Ponyville that don't know that!"

"Oh, but don't you know?" I mustered up my best blank, expressionless, poker face to stare at her with. "I'm you."

Her face froze in horror at the thought. I couldn't keep it in any longer, her face was just too cute and hilarious. I burst into laughter followed by the other ponies in the room. "Enough of yer' stupid talkin'!" Applejack shouted, crimson took hold of her face from embarrassment. "Explain how ya' know us already!"

"I can't without Da-"

I was interrupted by Rainbow Dash coughing. Everyone and pony turned to face Rainbow Dash, who was waking up with a lot of coughing. She opened her eyes and propped herself up with her hooves so that she could see us. "Hey guys, what's going on?" She asked casually, looking around at her surroundings. THANK GOD! finally I can get things set fucking straight. Her eyes stopped on the group, we were all completely silent. I was beaming at the thought of clearing everything up. "What's with that thing?" She pointed at me with her hoof.

My heart sank.

Everyone in the room turned to me, all displaying a glare of hate. I sighed. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

Btdubbs, I'm on steam with the username shpoople1.