Convenient

"Just remember our talk about special effects from earlier." I reminded Rainbow Dash, while we surfed the dark, underbelly of the internet, known as fourchan. Rainbow Dash had not closed her mouth in over ten minuets. "You OK? Rainbow Dash?" I snapped my fingers in front of her face, trying to bring her back form wherever her mind was residing.

She blinked a few times and shook her head. "Yea... Yea i'm fine." She rubbed her eyes with her hooves and looked back at the screen, which had a disturbing picture of her and Fluttershy. "Why would they make this?" Dash said in a surprisingly flat tone.

"I would say: thirty percent arousal, twenty percent they were bored, and fifty percent because they thought it was funny." I told Dash, who was now looking towards me. "I think that humans are inherently evil. The normal humans though, develop a conscious. We think: 'Hey, it's wrong to make a picture of me raping a pony. I'm not going to do that.' These people, however, did not get it."

"If they actually saw me, would they try to do this stuff that they're describing?" Dash asked with a worried countenance.

"I doubt it. They are really just trolls, having fun wasting everyone's time by posting porn and reaction images." I reassured her. "I mean, no one around here. We should probably keep you from being on the news though, I foresee problems there..."

"They're so..." Dash looked back to the screen. "Descriptive with their imaginations." She shuttered.

"Yea... they're pretty weird." I continued. I thought about something just then. "Hey, one of those earlier posts did get me thinking though." She turned to me with a curious expression. "Exactly how do ponies... uhhh... reproduce?" Dash's mouth was gaping with that question. I awkwardly scratched my neck. "Probably bad time to ask. Seriously though, you don't exactly have the... things necessary..."

"They come when we want them to." She informed me with a embarrassed, angry tone. "Is there anyway we can get this stuff taken down? I don't want people watching me and Fluttershy doing this!" She motioned to the screen.

I knew it! "We could definitely get it taken down, although many things would happen then."

"Like what?" Dash asked.

"Well, informing everyone on this site that your here, in our world." I pointed to the picture and the vulgar comments with it. "I feel like some people would try to make good on their words. Also, the government or science people or whatever might try to take you. There could be many side effects that go along with that."

"So, to sum up,  we can't do anything about this?" Dash asked.

"That is correct, I don't feel like being woken up in the middle of the night to some guy's penis. I bet you don't either." I finished. "You could try and take it as a compliment!"

"How in anyway is THAT A compliment?!" Dash roared, pointing to the picture with her hoof.

"They think your pretty? I don't know! I'm trying to help make this seem less weird!" I shouted back. "Just try and ignore the drills, and the penis, and the rope, and the whole location, and the positions your in, and it's just a nice portrait of you with Fluttershy!" I joked.

"No matter how I look at it, it's creepy." Dash shook her head. "I thought that the show alone was freaky enough!"

"Why? Your famous... In a way..." I offered.

"Being famous is different than this though, your aware of being famous. These ponies are stalkers..." Rainbow Dash replied.

"They're people not ponies." I corrected. "I can see what your saying, but every celebratory has their stalkers!" I pointed out to her.

"Thanks, but I still don't like this." Dash sulked. I closed out of the internet and shut the computer. "So what now?" She asked.

I turned the swivel chair that we were sharing towards my bed, whose current resident was a brown bag. "BOOK TIME!" I almost jumped out of the chair and onto the bed, my feet barely kept grounded. I pulled open the bag and pulled out the green text. "Ready to make some awesome potions and crap?" I was getting pumped for this.

"Let's do it! This is going to be awesome!" She exclaimed.

I threw the bag back on the bed. I moved my computer our of the way and set the book down on the desktop in it's place. It looked like it was animated, the same as Dash. You could tell that either were not form this world.

I was looking over Rainbow Dash's shoulder as she sat in the chair. Dash opened the book to a random page. We spent the next thirty minuets looking though the book of potions. There were many different kinds: Ones to make you smarter, dumber, taller, shorter, thinner, thicker, and really anything you wanted to change about yourself. We came across one page that really caught our interest.

On the top of the page in bold letters read: Potion of Teleportation. "Huh," We looked at the label for a few moments, then I looked down to her as she looked up to me. "how does a potion grant crazy teleportation powers?" I wondered.

"It's magic, don't try to think about it. Your head will explode if your even try." She joked. I stopped leaning on the back of the desk chair and fell onto my bed, thinking about the possibilities of being able to teleport places. "We should make this one, It's so cooool!"

"I concur." I said in a sarcastic, royal voice. "Hold up a second." I thought more about the possibilities. "Couldn't we use that potion to get you back home?"

Her eyes widened with the realization. "Celestia! This could definitely get me back to Equestria!"

"Read more! What does it say we have to do?!" I asked, sitting up on the edge of my bed, trying to fake being pumped.  I was conflicted with my feeling about this. I was happy that she might be able to get back to her home. On the other hand I was getting depressed with losing Rainbow Dash. I knew that they were all real now. I would forever hope for the opportunity to reach Equestria.

"The description says: Grants two parties the ability of mental transportation." Dash read out loud. "It says it's ingredients too! All it needs is some dandelions, caffeine, and copper? Oh, you stir it with copper. " She shrugged and continued to list off the ingredients she finished about two minuets later "... and dog saliva... weird."

"Is that all? There's no special ritual or anything to it? I have all that stuff around my house!" I asked dumbfounded that teleportation was so simple.

"It says that there needs to be two parties..." She said looking up from the book, to me. "Whats that mean?"

"It means that I would have to drink it too." I told her.

"Oh." She went back to reading like it was nothing. She noticed that I was astounded how casual she took that. "What?" She understood what I was amazed at. "I thought you drinking this thing too was part of the plan all along. You didn't think that I was just going to leave, did you? How do you think I was going to pay you back for saving my life and letting me crash here? The fact that we both need to drink it doesn't change anything." She beamed at me.

"The two of us would always have to be in the same universe though, you would have to be here with me or vice-versa." I informed Rainbow Dash.

"All I'm hearing right now are nothing but pluses. Let's do this!" She shouted with a large grin on her face.

I relished in the fact that Rainbow Dash wanted me to hang out with her in Equestria. I put my hand over my heart in satisfaction and fell-back onto my bed that I was sitting on with my eyes shut. "Rainbow Dash, you have no idea what it's like to hear that from you." I wanted to slit my wrists just then so I could die that overcome with joy.

"What do ya mean?" Dash asked, her smile faded with confusion.

"Here let me put this in perspective for you." I sat up and faced Dash with a large smile. "Imagine that somehow..." I snapped my fingers trying to recall Rainbow Dash's favorite character. "Danger Doo! Imagine that Danger Doo somehow joined the wonder-bolts and then met up with you." Her eyes widened. "Now imagine that she thinks your awesome and wants you to fly with her and the wonder-bolts. That pretty much just came out of your mouth, to me."

"Wow." She was thinking about the scenario. Her smile returned with the understanding of my point. "I know that i'm awesome, but I didn't know that you thought that much of me. You do realize that I will rip on you later for this?"

"I do and I don't care. It needed to be said." My face beamed right back at her. "Alright, so what else does it say?"

"It says there only needs to be one dose for the two parties..." Dash said.

"How does that work?" I asked from the edge of the bed.

"It says that there has to be a 'oral transaction of the elixir between the two parties'..." Dash gave a confused glance to me.

I lost all traces of being pumped just then. I fully understood what it meant. I stood up, walked over to the bedroom door, opened it and turned to face Rainbow Dash who was also turned around. "No." I said flatly and pivoted out the door, closing it behind me.

***

I was sitting on the couch, watching the television. Trying to clear my head of all thought with the random dumb shows that my brother was watching. He was no longer in the living room with me. I heard Rainbow Dash bypassing the stairs with her wings, I braced myself for what I knew she was going to ask.

She landed at the base of the stairs, looking at me with a curious face. "Where's your brother?" She scanned the room.Better than what I thought she was going to ask.

"He just got up to... flush out his bowels." I pointed my thumb behind me towards the bathroom. She shuttered in disgust. "He has a weird diet. We have about half an hour before he gets out of there."

Dash trotted over and sat on the couch opposite to mine. "So, why don't you want to do this all of a sudden?" She asked.

"You don't know what 'oral transaction' means, do you?" I asked her with a cocked eyebrow.

"Nope!" Rainbow Dash said proudly. "Because i'm not an egghead." She snickered.

"Try smart." I retorted. "A oral transaction means passing of the mouth." As I informed her, I saw her eyes widen. She sat there in silence, pondering how to take this.

"Let's do it." She stated.

"Wait, what?" I asked in astonishment of what she said.

"Sure, it'll be a little weird. Things might be a little awkward after too, but still, teleportation!" Dash exclaimed.

"NO! It's just- No!" I told her, trying to think of the right words to display my disapproval of this idea.

"Why not?" Dash questioned. "Is it because of me?" She adopted a depressed expression along with duped ears.

"No, it's not you, not at all." I tried to bring her out of her sad demeanor. "It's just that, I don't want to become one of those people on the internet. So many of them would literally slit my throat with a smile for this opportunity." Her ears erected again, but her cheerful countenance did not return.

"It's fine! Your not like those people." She encouraged. "I'm OK with this, so this is nothing like anything on that place."

"But..." I hesitated. Rainbow Dash got off the couch and flew to a spot above me.

"Please, this might be the only way I can get back home. You've done a lot for me, just do this last thing, so that I can find a way to repay you somehow in Equestria." Dash tried to convince me, she sensed my lingering hesitation. "Com'on, hangin' out in Equestria. That will be awesome! I'll finally be in the place that you don't know about!"

I contemplated in silence for a few minuets, Dash staring intently at me. I finally gave in to the blue pony with a sigh. "Fine. I'll do it."

"YES!" Rainbow Dash shouted triumphantly, flying around the room.

"Are you exited with the possibility of going home, or practically kissing me to get home..." I chuckled. Dash immediately stopped her eleventh lap around the living room and gave me a embarrassed scowl. "Calm down, I was joking... I'll get the crap we need and meet you in my room to do this weirdness."

Dash's glare turned into a uneasy grin for what was about to happen. "Alright, I'll be waiting there!" She sped off to my bedroom upstairs.

I rubbed my eyes and shook my head, thinking about what I just agreed to do. I felt nervous in my gut. I slowly got off the couch and started getting all the supplies that we needed to make the potion.

***

I kicked open the cracked door to my bedroom, my hands were occupied with all sorts of miscellaneous items and ingredients. Bowls and jars filled with random things needed to brew this concoction. Dash had already cleared of the top of my desk for this. I set all the bowls and jars on the desk and exhaled while turning to her. "Who the hell created this thing?" I wondered. "Seriously though, i'm going to make a drink with caffeine and clay! Then i'm going to spit it into someone's mouth!" I imitated the author of the book. Dash stifled a giggle.

"Dunno who wrote it, some old pony." Dash examined the ingredients. "OK, lets do this. I don't think that there's any special way to mix it, as long as we stir it with the copper."

"Alright, seems simple enough." I grabbed a large bowl and mixed all the ingredients necessary to make the potion.

When we were done, we were looking at a bowl with a very thin, blue liquid inside of it. It smelled as if something was burning. I was nervous, because of what I knew came next. I poured the blue liquid into a cup that I had also brought with me. Dash and I stared at the glass, then to each other, I could tell that she was nervous too. I gained a devious grin that I displayed towards Rainbow Dash. I then picked my computer off the ground and set it on the table.

"What are you doing?" Dash asked with curiosity.

I loaded up a song from Itunes. I pressed the space bar and played the song- your beautiful by James Blunt. I whipped my head around and pointed to dash, who was standing right beside me, and mouthed the words of the song. "Your beautiful. Your beautiful. your beautiful, it's true. I saw your face, in a crowded place-"

Dash saw that the space bar controlled the playing, she tapped it to pause it. She looked back to me with a deep blush. "What are you doing?" She cried.

"Well, since this is probably the only way to get me and you to Equestria," I explained with a grin, "i'm going to make this as weird for you as it is for me!"

"Why?" She asked, smacking her forehead with her hoof.

"For funsies." I said cheerfully. "Plus, it's an awesome song." I hit the space bar again and whipped my head back around. "And I don't know what to do." I stopped mouthing the song and fixed my gaze to the cup with the blue liquid in it. I grabbed it and faced Rainbow Dash. We both gave nervous smiles while I swished the concoction around in the glass. I slowly tilted the cup up to my mouth when I was interrupted by Dash pausing the song again.

"Wait," She thought about something for a few moments. "what if this is actually poison or something?"

"Let's hope not." I pressed down on the keyboard and resumed the song. Much faster this time, I tilted the glass up to  pour the elixir into my mouth. As it crossed the threshold of my mouth, I could taste... nothing. It smelled like something burning on a stove top, but tasted like absolutely nothing.

It filled about half my mouth's max capacity. I did not let any of the substance down my throat. I set the glass back down on the desk and looked at Rainbow Dash. She was rolling her shoulders and cracking her neck from side to side, getting herself prepared.

Dash sat in the desk chair as I knelt down in front of her, so we were at about the same height. "Com'on, let's do this." Dash said as she closed her eyes. I can't believe this is really happening right now... This is pretty fucked up right here.. My face was closing in on Rainbow Dash's, my mouth holding the potion. James Blunt blaring through my laptop.

My lips connected with hers. Normally I would get grossed out by girls with lots of facial hair, but not this time. I forced my eyes shut, I didn't really know how to take this just yet. We slowly parted our lips in unison, expecting the transaction of the liquid. As the liquid flowed out of my mouth and into Dash's, it started to heat up. I then thought about the power of magic, anything really to take my mind off what I was doing. The concoction became hotter and hotter. increasing in temperature, but never burned either of us. Then is started to evaporate within our mouths, without releasing any byproduct like steam. All that was left in it's absence was a chill between our lips. Neither of us actually drank any of the elixir. it just seemed to disappear, although we both could still feel it's presence.

Once I was certain that the potion was out of our mouths, I pulled my face away from Dash's. She still had her eyes closed with a deep crimson blush. I could feel my own face doing something similar. I stood up and turned around, took the step necessary to reach my place of slumber, and collapsed on my bed. Facing down on my pillow, thinking about what just transpired. "OH, my god." I muttered. "So many firsts have been set in the past four days..." I took a little comfort in the song, it mainly made things worse for me rather then comforted me.

"That was... different." Dash said, finally opening her eyes to me, face down on my bed.

"Technically, first contact. First bathing of the first contact. Not to mention, my first kiss!" I exclaimed with that realization. "My first kiss was with a cartoon pegasus..."

Dash's eyes widened. "That was you first kiss too?" Dash gained a little smile of relief though her blush. "Same here!" We both knew that this was an occasion for it. I brought up my fist and Rainbow Dash bumped it with her hoof.

"Nice." I flipped over to my side to face her. "I see that someone liked it!" I noticed that Rainbow Dash's wings were fully extended to their fullest potential. I snickered and tried to ignore the hot sensation in my face. I knew that wing boners were an actual thing.

"Look who's talking!" She pointed to my crotch, which had a obtrusion. "I know what that is!" I quickly flopped back down on my stomach, trying to hide it. Then a memory came back to her. "Wait. Is that what was poking me in bed the other day?" I couldn't tell if she was about to laugh or vomit. "That's not cool!"

"It was the morning! I had no control over that!" I admitted. "I learned to face down. problem solved." I stated casually.

"But, you have control over it now?" Rainbow Dash chuckled. James Blunt's song finished it's final line.

"It's the song, it's too powerful." I joked, trying to switch the topic.

"Sure it was." Dash said and sighed. "Well, if this doesn't work... First kiss, least something came out of it. It wasn't awful... " Dash blushed even deeper.

I groaned and sat up on my bed and faced her with my knees to my chest. "Yea, but what was with that thing though? I didn't know that we didn't have to drink it." My memory of the evaporation solution flooded back.

"That was pretty awesome too though!" Dash shouted. "I probably should have read more in the book."

"You didn't read it all?" I asked her with a worried tone.

"It was really, really boring. No fighting? No danger? No thank you!" She swiveled the chair around.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Calm down with your wing boner there, Dash." She was spinning around in the chair, her wings almost hitting things off the desk top.

She stopped and faced me again. "It was my first kiss, give me a break!" Dash pleaded. and then she gained a smirk. "Jeremy told me what boner meant, and I don't think your in the position to use it, Jack!" She retorted.

I sighed with a grin at the thought of my friend. "Leave it to Jeremy to tell a talking pony what a boner is."

"So... What now?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well, do you feel anything? How do we know if it worked or not?" I tried to push with all my strength, but then stopped quickly because I had almost shat myself.

"I know something changed, I don't know what yet." She put her hooves to her temples to try and focus. Nothing.

I saw that the book was placed on the ground. "Let's check the book to see if it's got anything." I climbed off the bed and picked up the book off the ground and set it on the desk. Both of our 'side effects' were still in play. Dash giggled. "Shut up." I said lightly.

I flipped the book open to the page of the teleportation potion, I was standing over Rainbow Dash, who was in the chair still. "OK, let's see here." I read the page of information.

"'Both parties must visualize the destination. One party provides the direction, the other provides the mental power. Although the first party provides the direction, the second party has the option to accept or deny the first party by not visualizing the same destination.'" I read the text out loud. When I was finished I looked down to Dash who looked back up to me.

"Seems like the second party has more power then the first." Dash pointed out.

"Meh, they provide the power, it's only fitting that they get to at least accept or deny it." I countered.

I sat back down on my bed and Dash swiveled to face me. We stared into each others eyes. "You ready to try this?" Dash asked. We were about two feet away from the other.

"Yea, lets do it!" I was getting pumped again. Our 'abnormalities' were gone and we were still feeling weird, but better. "Dash, you might get to go home." I said to her.

"Jack, don't forget. If this works Equestria will be your home too!" Dash beamed at me. I couldn't help but beam back at the thought. "Com'on Jack, imagine Ponyville." Dash and I squeezed our eyes closed, trying to focus. "Imagine Equestria!"

By the way, not a romance between Jack and Dash. I just think it's funny with awkward situations, if you haven't noticed it already. Thanks for all the support. Tell me what you think! Even I was kind of freaked out with this one... Probably the weirdest it's gonna get... Unless you all like it that way... You decide.