Convenient

"You know, you could just move to a different desk instead of that." Jeremy leaned over and whispered to me.

We were in our last period and our teacher was a bit lazy. He taught for about a half hour, then let us do what ever we wanted, as long as we weren't boisterous. Rainbow Dash had curled up,taking a nap on the top of my desk. She wasn't exactly tiny so I was filling out my homework on her back.

"Meh, i'm fine. I'm planning on using her as a pillow when i'm done." I told Jeremy in a hushed tone.

"That's...strange..." He trailed off.

"Have fun sleeping on you hand." I said as I put my worksheet in my backpack. I laid my head down on my former writing surface, facing him.

"And you think that she will be OK with th-" He was interrupted by a content sigh from Rainbow Dash. She had a smile on her face. He looked back to me, who was smirking.

"I think so." He raised a lone middle finger in my direction and rested his head on his forearms.

***

DING!

The bell marked the end of the school day.

The bell wasn't responsible for waking me, but rather my head's impact on the wooden desk. Rainbow Dash knew that this was my last period, as soon as the bell rung she shot off the top of my desk and was now hovering over me and Jeremy. People already started to shuffle out of the class room.

"That means we can go now, right?" Rainbow Dash was exited with the thought of escaping the school.

"Yea, kind-of. I still have lifting though." I groaned. Slowly, I started to get out of the desk, the rude awakening put me in a half groggy state. Dash grunted, she couldn't leave just yet.

Jeremy's brain registered what I had just said. "Wait, what? Dude, you can't bring her to lifting!" He already beat his tired demeanor out of himself. "Leave her in your car or somthin'!"

"Why can't I come with you guys?" Dash whined, I guess she wanted to do something.

"Because our coaches are weird. Plus your a pony..." Jeremy pointed out.

"You use that argument a lot." Dash observed in disapproval.

"It's the only argument I need!" Jeremy retorted.

"Jeremy, it's fine. We'll see if he lets her in, if not then... I dunno." I ended their squabble. We walked out of the room.

***

The gym we lifted at was located in a field house past the football field, It normally took us around ten minuets to walk there. The three of us were waking our way up to the gym, Dash was hovering beside us.

"Hey, so Jeremy..." I turned to him. "...Did you read Twilight's list?"

Jeremy's eyes widened. "Hell yea I did!" We both laughed and high-fived once more. Dash cocked an eyebrow, she recognized her friends name.

"Damn, we can never stop being friends!" I declared. "I normally don't read stuff like that, though."

"I know exactly what you mean, shipping is freakin' weird." He made a disgusted expression. "But that story was so cute I wanted to vomit a puppy!"

"What the hay are you two talking about now?" Dash questioned. We faced Dash, then looked back to each other, pondering about how to explain it.

"Another story... about you...and Twilight..." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Dating" Jeremy coughed.

"Twilight and me? Dating?" Rainbow Dashes face turned a deep red. "Why is there a story about that! It's not even true!" She was embarrassed and angry.

"Well, i'm pretty sure i'v mentioned before that the show is popular..." I started.

"Rule thirty-four applies to all..." Jeremy cut in with raising his hand and staring off into the distance.

"Dude, she's not going to know what that means!" I informed him. "Look, Dash, people like to... make their own versions of things?" I tried to explain.

"Maybe you should just let her read them when you get home..." Jeremy suggested. "Let her find out that way."

I faced him to criticize his idea. "That..." I looked over to Dash and thought about his plan. "...Is what i'm going to do. Sorry Dash, but your going to have to be in the dark for a little bit."

"Just tell me now!" She demanded.

"Sorry! Can't do it!" I shouted. "Too complicated! You have to read them."

"You should show her some shipping pictures too." Jeremy joked.

"Man, shut the hell up!" I scolded him. Dash just crossed her arms and pouted. "The loss of innocence should be gradual, not in one fatal swoop."

***

"So how exactly are you thinking this is going down?" Jeremy asked curiously.

"I have no idea." I yanked the door to the field house open and held to polity let my two friends enter first.

"Thanks" Dash said as she trotted though the threshold.

"Your tho thweet!" Jeremy sarcastically said with a fake lisp. I sighed and walked through the door, it closed itself with my passing. We were early, the first ones there. Besides the coaches.

Our coaches, coach Smith and coach Sanford, caught us as we walked into the gym's core room. "Jack! Jeremy! Get over here!"

We exchanged worried glances. Jeremy tapped himself, trying to bless himself with a cross. I put up a hand to Rainbow Dash to non-verbally tell her to wait right there. We approached our coach. "Yes, sir?" We said in unison.

"Are you two coming to the speed training tomorrow?" Sanford said, giving us a stern stare. "You two are the only ones that don't commit."

I was racking my brain trying to think of an excuse. Then I realized that I had the best excuse that I could possibly have. "Sorry coach, I have to find out to get Rainbow Dash back to her universe." A smile crept on to my face. Jeremy gaped at me, with a look that said 'did you really just use that card?'

The coaches were speechless, they couldn't believe that sentence came out of my mouth. "What kind of fruity fagness did you just say?" Coach Smith barked. "Stop playing with your pecker at home and actually do som-"

"Dash, come out here!" I interrupted his rant to call to my pony friend to intervene.

Rainbow Dash, hearing the conversation, shyly trotted into the core room. The blue pegasus stood right beside me, returning the coaches stares. "What in god's name is that?" coach Sanford said pointing to her.

"This is Rainbow Dash, she has been staying with me since she somehow came to this world." I explained with a smirk.

"Why the hell would you bring her here?" coach Smith seemed to only have one setting of volume: ear bursting.

"I couldn't just leave her in the car, also, she wants to lift some weights too." I insisted. I nudged her with my knee to get her to defend herself.

"I won't get in the way?" She couldn't think of anything to say.

"Absolutely not. She's going to have to stay outside." coach Sanford said harshly. Her ability to talk didn't even phase him.

I could only think of one, last thing to counter with : "Coach, what would Jesus do?" I tapped my temple with my finger motioning for him to think about it.

I glanced over to Jeremy, who was trying to retreat to the door slowly. I looked back to coach Sanford who had a thousand yard stare into nothingness, I could see that he was contemplating what I said. Coach Smith just glared at us.

"OK, fine. Hurry up and change into your lifting clothes before I change my mind." Before I even understood what he said, I was already rushing to the locker rooms with Dash not far behind. Jeremy was still frozen with fear, Dash flew over to him and slapped him out of his daze. A loud smack filled the previously silent room.

"OW! What was that for you Bi-" He saw the coaches watching him, he tried to change the word. "-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch... I couldn't think of another word..." His eyes shut to await his punishment.

"Jeremy! We don't use profanity in this program! Especially in the presence of a-" Coach Smith paused his rant and studied Rainbow Dash. "Your a girl, right?"

"That's the fourth time today!" Dash roared. "Why do people think i'm a colt!"

Jeremy snickered. "To be honest, I thought the same way at first. I was like, Yes! A male that says more than one word!" He cackled. "Awww, damn it's another girl. I think it's your voice."

"I don't understand it either. I knew that you were a girl before I even watched the show." I poked my head out from the locker room.

"Regardless! You said another curse word! Get down and start doing push ups until I say stop." Jeremy mumbled something under his breath as he set his backpack down and got on his hands and knees. Dash chuckled as she flew back to the locker rooms.

"Nicely done." I observed her work, Jeremy was already straining. I receded back into the locker room and remembered the purpose of the room. "Hey Dash, you want to wait in the other room or somthin'?"

"Why?" She asked with a blank face.

"Because i'm about to change into my lifting clothes. I don't want  you to see my... Thrill drill..." I said with my hand on my pants.

"Ponies barley ever wear clothes, it's fine." She tried to reason.

"It's not the same!" I sighed. "Can you just go around that corner over there? At least while I take my pants off?"

"OK, i'll go." She trotted behind the corner that led to the showers.

I pulled down my pants and started to put on my lifting pants, when a deep red Jeremy walked in. "I think Rainbow Dash likes what she sees." I shot him a confused glance until his words clicked in my mind. I turned around and saw Rainbow Dash poking her head out from the corner, staring at my half-naked body.

Her appearance startled me. I tripped and flailed my arms trying to catch something to prevent my fall. I ultimately landed on my ass. Jeremy and Dash were laughing at my tumble. "Would you be OK with that?" I asked Jeremy with a blush that surfaced for many reasons.

"Yea, it's not like she ever wears clothes..." He admitted.

"Exactly! That's what I told him!" Dash emerged from her corner. "Also, why do you only have hair on your stomach and your butt?"

"I know, it's weird!" Jeremy added. "No one has that much hair! Your like a Sasquatch! You really need to shave."

"I'm not shaving my butt. ever." I proclaimed. "Can we get off the topic of my treasure trail and my ass, please!"

"You should though, It's really peculiar how hairy you really are..." Jeremy countered.

"Really? That's the peculiar thing right now?" I observed the situation: A pony and my friend talking about me shaving my butt. "You don't see anything else right now that's peculiar? Like how i'm half naked on the floor right now, with a guy and a pony trying to convince me to shave my ass!"

"Meh, it's not that strange." Dash asserted.

"Yes it is!" I picked myself up off the tiled floor. I turned to face Jeremy. "So you would be totally fine with her seeing your Johnson."

He developed a half-lid expression and pointed to himself with both hands. "It's me. I normally flash my junk to people." He responded.

"Oh yea, you did that Thursday... In the lunch line..." The memory came back to me, I shivered with it's return. "Well hurry up and get dressed, I want to finish this fast." I said as I waled out of the locker room, back in the core room with the lifting equipment. There was already more people coming to the locker room to change.

Rainbow Dash was right beside me. "I'm ready to pump some iron!" She said confidently.

"Your going to lift? You know you can just watch if you want to." I proposed.

"What? What fun would that be! I'll lift with you guys!" Dash exclaimed.

***

"Alright, so... What's your weight?" Jeremy asked Dash. We were stationed at bench-press.

"I had about five hundred pounds for my last max." Dash stated. Jeremy and I shared a look of doubt.

"Sorry Rainbow Dash, but we have physics here." I said. "Jeremy, let's start her off with..." I examined Dash's phisique and thought about what she could do. "... Ninety pounds." He nodded in agreement and we both shifted around to the sides of the bench to adjust the weight.

"What! I can do way more then that, though!" Dash complained.

"Try it. We'll see if you can handle more." Jeremy replied.

Dash reluctantly obeyed. She laid down on the bench and unfurled her wings. "How exactly are you planning on doing this?" Jeremy questioned from his spotting position behind the bench. He looked down at her with a cocked brow.

Her wings raised and wrapped themselves around the metal bar. "Yea... And you said fingers were weird." I muttered.

"OK, one, two, three, GO!" Jeremy lifted the bar up and out so that she could start her rep. Almost instantly her jaw clenched and her eyes snapped shut as soon as her spotter let go of the bar. She slowly lowered the bar to her chest. Her entire body was shaking from strain. Dash started to sweat profusely as she tried to raise the bar away from her body. Slowly, but surely the iron rod gained altitude. Finally, locking out her wings, panting, Dash slammed the bar down on to it's rack. She sat up and looked back to us. "That... Was... Not... Ninety... Pounds..." The pony stammered out between breaths of air.

I pointed to the ends of the bar. "Your right, it's not. It's actually eighty five." I snickered. "You might have speed over me, but I definitely have strength overyou!"

"I don't think weights are the same here as they are in Equestria..." Rainbow Dash realized.

"Probably not." I replied.

"Hey, two-thirty, most reps gets ten bucks?" Jeremy proposed.

"Let's do it!" We shook on our bet and started adjusting the weights. "We have bets on who's stronger, if your wondering." I predicted Dash's question. She watched in awe as we repeatedly raised the bar.

***

"Dude, I literally almost crap my pants when you pulled out the 'what would Jesus do' card." Jeremy said as the three of us walked to our motives of transportation. "I thought he was just going to go in a rage and pop you with his weird, vein bulging arms."

"I'm surprised that worked too!" I admitted.

"Wonder if we should try it more often..." His voice trailed off as he thought about such occasions. "But, still though, I have no idea how you hold the lifting bars the way that you do."

"You have to grip it loose, but firm." I informed him.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Dash cut in.

"It makes perfect sense, to people like me. You just have to believe." I stared off into the void.

"What the hell are you even talking about right now!" Jeremy shouted, getting frustrated.

"Oh yea! That reminds me!" I put out my hand towards him, palm facing up. "PAY UP! HUSSY!" I had won our previous bet.

Jeremy reluctantly reached into his pants and pulled out a wrinkled ten dollar bill. He slapped the paper into my hand. "Wait a sec," I thought about what just happened. "you don't have any pockets..." Jeremy just smiled and snickered. "Sick! well... jokes on you, I don't care if my money smells of balls. Cashier might, but hey, still money!"

"Oh hey,Dash, are you coming tomorrow?" Jeremy asked Rainbow Dash, who was floating beside us.

"Maybe. Why?" She returned.

"Because i'm eighty-percent sure that today has been a dream or i'm tripping on something seriously hardcore." He explained. "And if your not here tomorrow then i'll assume that this day didn't really happen."

"Sound reasoning, even though everyone at your school has seen me..." Dash said sarcastically. Our short walks ended as we reached our cars.

"See ya!" I shouted to Jeremy as Rainbow Dash and I slid into my car. Jeremy threw up his arm to say bye as he walked to his own vehicle.

"I still don't understand how you can lift that much, but can't do ten pull ups on your own!" Dash muttered, rubbing her sore wings from her first day of lifting in our world.

"Linemen aren't suppose to be fast or agile. We're meant to be pretty much unmovable boulders on the line." I told her as I started my car.. "You saw that one guy at squat right? He looks like a plastic bag filled with cake batter, but hes still one of our best guys!"

Dash grimaced at the image of him returning to her memory. "That guy looked like a waterbed..."

I placed my hands in position on the steering wheel when i noticed the black writing on the back of my hands. The memory flooded back into my head. "Rainbow Dash." She looked at me. I tapped the back of my hand with my finger.

Her eyes widened with the memory. Then they shot into a narrow gaze. "Back-burner! I want to know what people are saying about me first! We can look at it after you show me what you and Jeremy were talking about." She demanded.

"Fair enough." I was pulling away from our previous parking spot. "Is it back there though?" I pointed my thumb to the back seats, motioning for her to check.

She paused her wing massage, they folded back up to her sides. Her head curled around the seat to look in the back. "Yep!" Half her body disappeared into the back portion of my car. She returned with a brown saddle bag that had pockets on both sides of it. She rummaged around the contents of the bag. She pulled out what appeared to be a green textbook with a picture of a mortar and pastel on the cover. "Got it!"

I glanced over to it from the road. "That's it?" I asked Dash.

"Yea, why'd ya say it like that?" She returned.

"I was expecting some ancient text with discolored, dusty pages. Where you would open the book and you'd get hit in the face with air that was thousands of years old." I continued to glance over to the text. "The books at the school look older then that one!"

"Well, they kept the original copy. They made copies of the original they found." Dash pointed out.

"Ah, I see. No one appreciates those nostalgic classics then?" I commented.

***

We pulled into the driveway of my home. "Com'on, this book could have some crazy crap in it! Why do you care what people were saying about you on the internet?"

"Because I have a reputation!" She barked. "I don't want people going around saying i'm lame or anything!" We stepped out of the car and were walking up tot the front door of my house. I had my backpack hanging from my shoulders and the brown bag in my arms, making sure we got it inside this time.

"They don't say that, at all." I opened the front door and we passed through the threshold. I took off my shoes and started up the stairs, but stopped when I noticed my brother laying on the couch, watching T.V. I always beat my mother home from school. Good to know that I won't have to explain why I came home with Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, you guys!" He waved his hand, not daring to look away from the television.

"Hey, Sloth." I said back. Dash chuckled and he looked at us with a confused glance.

"What?" He asked.

"Sloth?" I said, trying to get him to remember the reference.

"From The Goonies!" Dash shouted. My brother gave a 'OHHHH' of understanding. Then pointed at her with yet another confused look.

"We watched it on Sunday." I revealed to him. "You know, it's pretty funny that a pony that's been in our world for what, four days? Still gets more references than you."

He crinkled his nose with the thought of a clever comeback. "... Shut up..." He gave up and resumed watching his show.

I snickered. "Let's go dash, I want to find out what that book has to offer." We continued up the stairs.

"That will have to wait a while. I want to know what they are saying." Dash said. We entered my room. I threw the bag on my bed and sat down in my comfy desk chair.

I powered on my computer as Rainbow Dash sat beside me. The brown bag containing the book just laying on my bed. "Just sayin', these stories aren't saying anything bad about you. But, I can see why your... Disgruntled."

Dash looked at me. "OK, so what are you about to show me exactly?" She asked.

"Well, if you really want to read some of the stuff on here then you should probably start off with a really good one." I loaded My Little Dashie on the computer screen. "Here read this, I don't have anything else to say..."

***

Dash had tears streaming down her face. She turned to me. "Who- Why- How- How does someone write something like this even though they've never even met me?!" Dash wailed.

"Sad, right?" I said casually. "I'v slowly built up an immunity to it's insane cuteness and sadness. Please try to remember that none of this happened, this is just some guy writing a story."

"I know! It doesn't mean it's not sad!" She tried to control her tears, she wiped her face with her hoof. Dash attempted to push on. "What else is there? If this is the worst then i'm fine with this. This just makes me that much more awesome. Little creepy that they want me as their daughter, but still."

"What? This is the best! The worst is some really messed up stuff." I laughed. "What I like to call the Humanity rule is in effect with bronies. They are like the whole human race. Individually, they're fine, sometimes. As a whole though, they are evil and scary. Like how I found you instead of the people that would have you stuffed. You'll see in a few seconds that people on the internet mean that in a few different ways." I then loaded the darker side of the brony community on my screen.

Dash gasped.