PonyFall: Fabulous Maximus
The day started off fine. The sun was shining and there were only a few scattered clouds in the sky. There was a gentle breeze running through central London, keeping the late summer heat to an almost comfortable level. In all, it was a pleasant summer day.
Edward hated it.
He was a typical Londoner: cynical, sarcastic, and perpetually miserable. He loathed sunny days especially. Usual English weather was dreary, damp, and cold, and Edward had grown accustomed to it. What he was not used to, however, was summer heat. If the thermometer so much as approached 24 degrees, it would leave him sweating like a pig. He had offered a deal to the sun a long time ago. He would ignore it if it left him alone and didn't trouble him. The sun had declined the offer on this particular day, but Edward still extended it to most of the things in his life. If it wasn't making itself his problem, he would let it continue to be somebody else's problem.
There would be another addition to the list of things violating his sacred Londoner's Deal today, but he had yet to discover it. The sun was definitely quickest on the draw in that regard.
He got up that morning like any other at 6:45. Unlike any other, it was accompanied by the smell of fudge and a strange pink sky that he observed through the window. Dismissing it as not his problem, he continued his morning routine--- and made his way to his computer on the opposite end of the room. Opening Ponibooru, he went about seeing what was new. He paused though, when he realized he'd left his filters unchanged from the previous night. Humanized, Rarity, questionable and explicit only, no spoiler thumbnails. Setting them back to safe would take more time than he had, though; Ponibooru's servers being what they were...
After a few minutes at the computer and a quick shower, he arrived downstairs at about a quarter after. He breakfasted on a small bowl of cereal, more out of habit and as a way to kill time than from hunger. Pondering the day ahead and the unusually good weather, Edward decided that, by God, if the sun wanted to bother him, then he could make a show of how much it didn't bother him. He'd walk to school today.
“Hey Edward,” his father began, stopping in the kitchen doorway on his way to the front door. “Are you ready to go?” He began fishing his car keys out of his pocket.
“Actually, I think I'm going to walk to school today,” Edward replied. “I think the exercise will behoove me.”
“Fine idea, lad. Just be careful, your Mum would never let me hear the end of it if you got yourself hurt,” Edward's father said, only half in jest. “Bye then, Edward.”
“Bye Dad,” Edward gave a small wave to his father's retreating back.
“I suppose I should get walking, then,” Edward observed to himself, grabbing his book bag. Stepping out into the accursed fresh air and sunlight, he began his half hour walk to school.
Being a modern teen, it was not long before Edward was on his phone. It was his link to the larger world when he wasn't at home. He checked up on the latest updates in the Ponyverse, making a quick run through Equestria Daily and FIMfiction to see if there were any stories he would be getting to read later during break. He was out of luck, though. Nothing new had happened in the last hour since he had checked on his desktop. The only update had been to a story called Rude Awakening, but he had stopped following it once ity had moved away from Carousel Boutique and his favorite pony, Rarity. I mean, how could a fic be considered good if it phased out Rarity and was rejected flat out by EQD?
Sighing, he powered the screen off and slipped his phone back in his pocket, rubbing his fingers over the light blue, embossed triple diamond design on the back. It seemed to be a habit of his, rubbing Rarity's cutie mark like a good luck charm whenever he was bored. Equestria was definitely not the idyllic place it had seemed to some to be in the first season of Friendship is Magic, but season two had shown it most certainly was not boring like London was.
He had gotten his share of weird looks and teasing because of his love for the show, but he always laughed a little on the inside whenever he caught grief for it. It took a lot of confidence in oneself to like something so definitively feminine, and he could only assume that he got flak from those who were trying desperately to prove to themselves and others that they were masculine. They were doomed from the start, though; masculinity was not the avoidance of feminine subjects, but instead was built upon unshakeable self confidence.
Noticing he still had quite a ways to go before he got to school, Edward put aside his philosophic musings for a moment and got out his headphones. However, as he was pulling out his phone to queue up a play list, he dropped it. He clutched frantically for it, trying to catch it before it hit the ground but he only succeeded in sending it flying further. It landed at quite a speed and skidded into and under a pile of cardboard boxes and recycling bins.
“Bugger all,” Edward muttered under his breath. Now he'd have to go scrounging through refuse to find his phone. He made a motion to check how much time he had left before first period was due to start, and cursed again as he realized his timepiece, the phone, was the source of the delay.
So here it was, the second thing that had violated the sacred covenant today. As he began moving boxes off the pile, continuing to bathe his luck in scathing curses under his breath, he noticed something odd. Strands of vibrant purple were draped over the box he had just uncovered. Briefly, the scent of fudge brownies wafted past his nostrils. Following the strands back towards their other end, he moved another box out of the way, uncovering more of them. With more context they now appeared to be a woman's purple wig.
Moving to uncover the rest of it, he was frozen by shock as he lifted the next box. There, amidst the recycling, was a beautiful girl with vivid violet hair, apparently asleep. Her hair lay spread over several of the boxes around her, radiating outwards like rays of light from a heavenly body. Her face was pale, so pale that when taken with her fine features she could be easily mistaken for some sort of Scandinavian goddess. Edward continued to move boxes and realized something both exhilarating and unsettling: she was stark naked.
Not knowing many reasons for a young woman to be lying unconscious in a pile of recycling that were not the result of foul play, he started checking her for injuries. He saw none, and noted, that she was breathing deeply and slowly, a sign of natural sleep. Perhaps she had simply had too much to drink? It did not appear she was in any immediate danger.Well, apart from being a beautiful girl lying entirely nude in a London alley way, that is.
Unslinging his pack from his shoulder, he fished out his gym shorts. Trying to not peek at her privates as much as possible,though finding it hard not to, he got her into the shorts. He took off his blazer and wrapped it around her, buttoning it so it wouldn't slide off during the next phase of his plan.
As he worked, he was troubled by the nagging sensation that he knew this girl, but he couldn't place where he would know her from. He certainly didn't know any girls who partied hard enough to do this. The hair, though, seemed hauntingly familiar.
Hoisting her slight frame in his arms, one under her knees and the other around her shoulders, he thanked biology that he'd gotten a growth spurt recently. Had this been a couple years earlier, she would have been far too hard to handle in this fashion. Edward made sure her head was supported, leaning it up against his chest, and set out for home. If she was passed out from drinking, he reasoned, she might not appreciate a call to the police just yet. In the meantime, he assumed that she would be thankful for being clothed and removed from the public streets.
Fortunately, it wasn't a long walk back to his house. His pace while browsing on his phone had not been the quickest, leaving him a brisk three minute walk from his house. He would certainly need to walk briskly. Though she was not heavy, the Princess carry as the anime junkies called it, was not a very efficient method for carrying people. Sure, it was more dignified than the fireman's carry, but it was really hard on the arms.
Thinking back to his phone, Edward remembered it was still lying, somewhere under the pile of boxes. First thing’s first, though. He needed to get his unexpected charge home. It was only half-past seven; the garbage collectors wouldn't be down this street until after eleven.
As he entered his house, the sounds of the early arrivals at his mum's daycare reached Edward's ears. He tried to open the front door quietly, but this was a rather difficult feat when encumbered with an unconscious beauty. The reason for his stealth soon presented itself.
“My, Edward, you're certainly back early. Did you forget your lunch again?” his mother asked from the next room over. It had been years since he'd forgotten his lunch, but she acted as if he still did it all the time.
“No Mum,” Edward replied, exasperated. He could hear his mother moving through the kitchen towards the entryway. “Don't freak out, Mum, but,” his mother rounded the corner, “I may have found an unconscious girl on the way to school.”
His mother stared for a while, struggling to find the right mental gear. “Are those your gym shorts?”
“Yes, Mum.”
“And is that your blazer?”
“Yes'm.”
A moment's pause. “So what was she wearing when you found her?”
Edward hesitated a moment. “Well, that's the thing, Mum. She wasn't, uh, wasn't wearing anything when I found her.”
Her eyes narrowed, piercing Edward with a stare that would have broken lesser men. “You didn't do anything improper to her, did you?” she asked, the threat of certain doom hovering behind her words, ready to strike at the first sign of an unsatisfactory answer. From an average 5'2” woman this would usually not carry much weight, but from a 5'2” Liverpool woman the threat not only carried weight, but had its own gravitational field.
“I've been a gentleman, Mum,” Edward replied. Even though he was innocent, he was still shaken.
“Good. We'll finish sorting her out when she wakes up, take her upstairs for now and let her get some rest, and since she only looks a little drunk the police do not need to be involved” she commanded, returning to her duties in the daycare.
“Sure thing,” Edward replied. He made his way over to the staircase, and began climbing the two flights of stairs to his room. Having not much else to do, he studied her face as he climbed. Why did he seem to know that face? That hair? Even her makeup seemed familiar.
Gaining on the first landing, he changed mental tracks as he changed staircases. What was she doing in that alley, anyhow? If she was at a party, why didn't her friends look after her? For that matter, she didn't seem to smell nearly as strongly of alcohol as someone who had passed out drunk should. In fact, she didn't smell like alcohol at all.
Arriving at the third floor landing, Edward made his way down the hallway to his room. As he passed his brother's room, he was heard.
“Hey Edward,” his brother called called through the closed door, “come on in here. I wanna show you something.”
“Sure thing, Jack. I'll just be a minute,” Edward replied, pushing his door wide open with his toe.
He made his way over to his bed and set the girl down. His blazer wouldn't be entirely comfortable to sleep in, and would probably chafe. He needed a replacement for her, preferably something with buttons so it would be easy to put on her without too much touching of her swimsuit areas. He walked over to his wardrobe and started rummaging around inside it.
“That one's too sheer, this one's a pullover, hmm... damn it, that's just a polo shirt...” Edward muttered as he searched. “Aha! this will do.” Edward turned around, shirt in hand, only to realize he was now staring straight at the girl's dark blue eyes. The girl who was now very much awake, and very naked. And very much swinging a fist in his direction.
Edward took the blow hard in the chest, losing some of his breath. He had not been expecting such a hard punch from someone her size, and it surprised him as it hit like a buck from a horse.
He was not unbalanced long though, and he stepped inside her next left hook. Not actually wanting to fight her, he grabbed her elbows, turning her body around before hugging her tightly from behind to hold her still.
“Unhand me this instant, you ruffian!” she screamed, trying to wrestle free. Edward held his grip tight. Nagging in the back of his mind though, was the thought that even her voice was familiar.
“Calm down woman, I'm not going to hurt you,” he began trying to calm her.
“Not going to hurt me?” she exclaimed in an incredulous tone. “You kidnap me, turn me into whatever weird type of creature that you are, and then dress me in tacky clothes and claim you're not going to hurt me?” Her voice was bordering on hysteria.
“Shh shh shh. This isn't what it looks like, I've been trying to help you, I swear,” Edward continued in a soothing tone. “I'm going to let go of you, will you promise not to punch me again?”
The girl did not respond other than to stop struggling against his hold.
“I'll take that as a yes.” Edward slowly loosened his grip, taking care to avoid her naked breasts as he withdrew his hands. “There we go. Now, maybe we can talk this over?”
She sighed, her shoulders falling. “Yes, I suppose that would be the prudent thing to do.” She slumped to the floor, sitting cross-legged.
“Do you want to maybe borrow some of my clothes first? when I found you you weren’t wearing anything...” Edward trailed off, trying to get both an explanation offered and a problem solved. From behind, he could see how her hair fell in long purple waves with a tighter curl at the ends, near the middle of her back. It looked exceptionally well taken care of, accepting the lapse in the boxes and the trip here.
“Hmph. Borrow yours? As if I would wear a stallion's horrid clothes. As for why I wasn't wearing anything, well, I simply couldn't risk any of my precious outfits in a fight, now could I?” Her tone had shifted again, and now had become haughty, with what sounded like an affected accent. It was like... an American trying to speak the Queen's English? Not quite, but very close. Maybe she was Canadian?
Her response seemed to have raised more questions for Edward than it had answered. Why was she refusing to wear clothes? Why did she call men's clothes stallion's clothes? What could she have been fighting that called upon the use of her birthday suit?
Perhaps, thought Edward, it was time for some more basic questions. He walked around her and sat down on the floor in front of her, keeping his eyes focused somewhere above her head to avoid distraction.
“Um, so let's start with basic questions then. Who are you?”
“I am Rarity of Ponyville, wielder of the Element of Generosity and one of the guardians of Equestria,” she said, laying on the snooty with a thick brush.
Edward was incensed. “Oh, that's just bloody grand, now isn't it?” he spat, rising to his feet. “You lot tease me at school, harass me online, and now you try and get me to believe that I've found Rarity on the side of the road. Make me believe that my wildest dream has come true.” He no longer was avoiding her gaze, he was staring daggers straight at her.
For her part, 'Rarity' was more than a little bit flummoxed. “You think I did something to you? I've been dropped into an alien world in an alien form. My ostensible 'savior' seems to recognize my name but doesn't recognize me? Thinks I'm some sham, a trick?” her eyes were tearing up, her voice wavering.
Edward was finding it hard to maintain his anger when confronted with her reaction. Though the kids at school teased him for his Pony enthusiasm, they never did much more than that. Certainly none of the girls would be willing to go to these embarrassing lengths for a prank. Could it be, that he had actually found her? Found his favorite pony?
“Hey, don't cry,” he said, his voice softening." If you are who you say you are, I am a big fan." He said, emphasising this with his hands.
“You,...are a fan of mine?” she asked between sniffles. She had turned on the waterworks fairly quickly, but they did not seem to be going away with the same speed.
She smiled, no new tears forming. “I think you have me at a disadvantage, then. You know me, but I don't know you, Mr.?” she trailed off.
“Call me Edward,” he said, standing up, still holding her hand. “If you would like to stand up, you really should put something on while you've got a human body. Trust me on this for now, I can explain later.”
“For now, maybe,” she said, taking his offered hand for support as she stood.
“While you find yourself away from Equestria,” Edward giggled a bit internally, giddy that he was probably talking to the one and only Rarity, “you are welcome in my house. Feel free to make yourself at home,” he finished giving her a shallow bow and a wide grin.
“Thank you ever so much, Edward,” Rarity replied, giving him a hug. He blushed a bit, her naked chest pressed up against his shirt.
At that moment, tired of waiting for his brother, Jack popped his head through the door.
“Hey Edward when are you...” he trailed off as he surveyed the situation. “Do you need protection, champ? I can get it if you like," he grinned impishly. "Try to keep it down, though, the walls are pretty thin,” he said, giving his brother a knowing wink. He left before Edward could object.
“Edward, who was that and why do I feel like he just said something lewd?” Rarity inquired.
“That was my brother, and it feels like that because he did, in fact, just suggest something lewd,” Edward replied, annoyed with his brother's apparent misinterpretation of events. “Now, let's see about getting you some clothes in case he comes back.”
PonyFall: Fabulous Maximus
PonyFall: Fabulous Maximus
Chapter 2
Making sure they would not be interrupted again, Edward closed and locked the door to his room.
“Bloody twat,” he muttered under his breath.
“What was that, dear?” Rarity asked, standing much closer than he had thought.
“Oh, um, nothing really,” Edward diverted, getting back on track, “Now where were we?”
Edward scrutinized the clothes he had on hand. She had only expressed an opinion on two items so far, which wasn’t much to work on. There wasn’t much for it. He was already a fan of girls’ toys, but it was time to take the next step.
It was time to play dress up.
“Rarity, we’ve gone through everything I have,” Edward said, falling back on his bed. Rarity had at least agreed to a pair of boxers and an undershirt for the time being. He’d had to explain why humans wore clothes, and the difficulties that her lack thereof was causing for him. That had been a fun conversation.
Rarity had been rather surprised to hear about the visual response that humans had to each other. She had not been feeling anything of the sort looking at Edward, and he had been forced to, begrudgingly, admit that he did not have that effect on many people.
“The only things you haven’t tried on yet are my suit and a couple of the T-shirts,” Edward said, rummaging through his chest of drawers.
“Well, what about the suit?” Rarity suggested.
“You probably wouldn’t like it; It’s not tailored for women... and it may not have been cleaned since I used it for my cousin’s wedding last year,” Edward informed her.
Rarity blanched at the thought of how much dust it contained, “Let’s try the T-shirts then? Surely they can’t all be awful.”
Edward picked up a stack of shirts from the back of one of the drawers and set it on the bed. He pulled out the first one, spreading it so she could see the design.
“I don’t see what’s so ‘epic’ about a plain purple shirt with some writing on it, next!” she waved a hand dismissively. Edward tossed the BoE epic shirt into the corner with the rest of his disapproved clothes, and pulled the next one off the stack.
“Ay see dee see?” Rarity puzzled out. “What is an AC DC?” she asked.
“It’s a band, they play rock and metal for the most part,” Edward explained, turning the shirt around so she could see the guitarist on the back.
“Wouldn’t wearing their shirt just be advertising for them? Pass,” she dismissed it.
Giving an internal sigh, he tossed it on the pile with the others. Picking up the next shirt, he didn’t even bother looking at it before showing it to Rarity.
He waited for her condescending judgement, but was puzzled when it didn’t come. Lowering the shirt to see over it, he saw Rarity staring at the shirt in shock.
“That’s... that’s me!” she exclaimed, grabbing the shirt out of his hands.
“Yes and no,” Edward waffled, rubbing the back of his neck. “So... I didn’t exactly tell you the entire story of how I came to be your fan.”
Rarity shied away from him, slowly, dropping the shirt at arm’s length. “What, have you been stalking me?” she asked, accusingly.
“No no!” Edward quickly interjected. “Hell no. Nothing like that.” He searched for a good way to explain that he’d watched her and her friends’ adventures every Saturday evening on the computer.
“The explanation might be a bit complicated, though. Depending on how this all happened, someone either wrote a series of stories about you and your friends that happened to be true, or someone managed to observe Equestria and record some of your adventures.”
“So all you’re saying is that it wasn’t you stalking me, but someone else. Am I hearing this correctly?” Rarity continued to misunderstand.
“I guess that’s about as close as it gets. But I don’t think they knew that what they were writing or seeing actually exists.” Edward thought for a moment. “There have been a lot of folk tales and myths written about Unicorns and Pegasi in our history. Surely ponies have stories about some sort of mythical being? The kind of beings that would make you think you were dreaming if you saw one/them?"
“I suppose it makes a little more sense, now that you put it that way” she conceded, relaxing again.
Edward sighed, relieved that the existential crisis averted for now. He noticed that the stack of shirts had been exhausted, however.
“Hmm... looks like you’ll have to settle for that shirt, though,” he told Rarity.
“What? How could I go around wearing a picture of myself? I’m not vain,” Rarity turned her nose up. “Well, OK, but not that vain,” she finished lamely.
Edward walked over to his dresser and picked something up. Still with his back turned to Rarity, he put it on his face.
“Well, Miss Rarity,” he began, “that was my last shirt. It looks like you’re going to just have to,” he paused to turn around, his secrecy revealed to be a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses. He pulled them down to look over them.
“Deal with it,” he finished.
Rarity threw a shoe at him.
“I’m really am just so sorry!” Rarity apologized again for what seemed like the fiftieth time.
“I know, I already forgave you,” Edward sighed, holding the ice pack to his eye. “You were right after all. I was having fun at your expense, after all.”
He had to admit, seeing Rarity wearing shirt with her own picture on it was worth the bruise. It ranked right up there with watching curlers play shuffle board for unexpected happenings. Curlers, though, did not usually look as good playing shuffleboard as Rarity did in the form hugging T-shirt. (When Edward had ordered it, he had accidentally ordered the woman’s cut instead of the men’s. As a result, it was never worn and fit Rarity very nicely.)
“It looks really nice on you.” He said, trying not to overplay his apparent satisfaction.
“Oh please, hold the flattery until I have the chance to make something.” She said, giving him a small smile. She held it for a moment, before a frown swept across her face. “Though that might be difficult, being removed from my shop and all.” She chewed her lip, lost in thought.
“If you wanted, we can look about town to see if there’s anything I can afford to pick up for you,” Edward offered.
Rarity brightened. “Oh would you really? I would be ever so grateful.” She seemed positively ecstatic about the thought of being able to get back to designing. “A new body opens up so many possibilities! The vertical lines can be so much longer, there’s so many new shapes that can work...” She continued her rapid fire ideas as Edward’s eyes began to glaze over. Rarity eventually noticed that her audience had tuned out.
“Oh goodness me, I’m boring you, aren’t I?”
Edward shook his head to clear it. “Not at all!”
Rarity fixed him with an incredulous stare. “You’re drooling,” she deadpanned.
“Okay, maybe a little,” he confessed, wiping the drool away from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t admit, though, that it was largely because watching her get caught up with something was enthralling to him.
Rarity laughed, “Don’t worry about it, I just got carried away with shop talk. Fashion is my passion, and it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to do something entirely new. The last time I got an opportunity was probably for Princess Cadence’s wedding when I designed a suit for Spike.” She stopped talking, halting abruptly as she mentioned Spike. Her smile faded as the recent past caught up to her.
“Spike... my friends... Oh dear, I have no idea if they’re all right,” she said, getting to her feet. “We’ve got to find them!”
“Wait, what happened to your friends?” Edward asked, growing concerned.
“We were fighting Discord -- did that stalker ever tell you about him?” Edward nodded. “Well he had escaped again, I don’t know how, and he was running amok. My friends, the Princesses, and I were fighting him, but he had taken the Elements of Harmony again. And he was smarter, too! He didn’t tell us where they were, and didn’t bother with any silly games. He just showed up in Ponyville and started popping ponies out of existence!”
Edward nodded again. This seemed uncharacteristic for the Discord he’d seen in the show, but it would be fairly easy to corroborate if they’d all had experiences similar to Rarity’s.
“Did he do the same thing to you?” he asked.
“Something of the sort,” Rarity replied. “He cast a big bubble like the one the Elements made when we beat him the first time, only all the ponies in its path disappeared when it caught them. I apparently was not successful in outrunning it,” she finished, slumping back down on the bed.
“If others showed up on Earth there might be a way to find out,” Edward informed her. “Come take a look at this,” he said, walking to his computer.
Rarity watched him walk over to the monitor, curious as to what he was doing. “Why are you going over there? My friends certainly aren’t in there,” she said, her confusion growing.
Rarity gasped when Edward turned on the monitor. “My goodness!” Rarity exclaimed. “I didn’t think humans could do magic. I certainly haven’t been able to use mine since I got here, anyway.”
Edward grinned. “Not magic. Technology,” he said waving an arm expansively at the computer.
“That’s just silly.” Rarity was not amused. “You’re saying that Discord sent me into some fantasy land where magic doesn’t exist, but technology, the whole bit with gears and steam power, replaced it.” She raised an interrogating eyebrow in Edward’s direction.
“We actually moved past gears and steam power some time ago, but basically yes,” Edward replied. “But that’s really not the issue right now. I’m going to see if anyone else has found humans claiming to be magical talking horses,” he continued, giving her a teasing wink.
Turning back to the computer, Edward went to open his browser. He figured that if crazy naked women had started turning up all over London and, if they weren’t lucky, all over Earth there would be some talk of it online.
Of course, he had no idea how many crazy naked women were found around the world on an average day, but he figured that it probably wasn’t the “I’m actually a pony” kind of crazy on most days.
Clicking on his browser, Edward forgot what was still open in it from earlier the previous evening. And which tab was on top. “Image 19384: applejack artist:slugbox...” loaded up, much to his dismay.
“Oh my,” came Rarity’s startled reaction from behind him. “That is certainly an interesting art style.” Edward was pushed away from the keyboard as Rarity leaned past him to get a closer look. “Why, I would swear that this girl looks like Applejack, and this one is reminiscent of...” Rarity blanched, an impressive feat for someone of her complexion. “...me.”
Edward froze, afraid for his life. The jig was up, this girl, the real Rarity or not, had just caught a glimpse of his darker side. All she would see when she looked at him now would be a pervert.
As Rarity opened her mouth to speak, he braced for the worst.
“Did you draw this?” Not exactly the reaction he was expecting. “Does this mean you’ve met Applejack?” she turned to him, hope evident in her eyes. This was definitely not what he had been expecting, thanking whatever being is out there that she hadn’t grasped the idea of nudity, he could feel the noose being taken off his neck as he was led down from the gallows.
Breathing a sigh of relief, he replied, “No, I haven’t met her personally, but I know about her the same way I knew about you and Discord. And I didn’t draw this, either. This was done by an artist in a different country, actually. Part of what this technology does,” he indicated the screen, “is allow near instant communication across most of the world. That’s why I’m going to use it to try and find your friends.”
“So wait, if you haven’t met Applejack, and this artist here hasn’t met me, how did he know what I look like?” Rarity studied the screen closely. “He even got my Cutie Mark right!”
“That ‘stalker’, the one that told me about you, told your stories in the form of a cartoon, so we, those of us that watched the cartoon, know a little bit about what you and your friends look like as ponies,” Edward explained. He decided to skip telling her that her voice sounded identical to a certain Canadian voice actress.
Rarity nodded her tentative understanding. She seemed satisfied with that explanation for now, so Edward continued his work.
“Let’s see what the internet has to say about naked women...” Edward narrated his actions. Opening a new tab, he threw “naked woman appears in public” into the search bar.
...And quickly closed the tab. “Let’s try that again,” he muttered. This time he opened an IRC channel, as it was less likely to provide incriminating false hits.
[9:46] has anyone found any naked pony girls outside their house recently?
[9:46] oh crap
[9:47] i swear i didn’t know it was just her stage name
[9:47] i thought it was really Trixie ;_;
[9:48] um...
[9:49] i have no regrets!
[9:49] == Sethisto [admin@equestriadaily.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]
[9:50] ooookay then
[9:51] more than I really wanted to know...
[9:53] I think I found someone resembling Celestia behind my house.
[9:54] Or at least, she has rainbow hair, so it might be her.
[9:54] Does that answer your question?
[9:54] that helps a lot, actually
[9:55] did she say how she got there?
[9:56] Yeah... She says it's due to being in some fight with Discord, or something...
[9:56] well that matches with what Rarity is saying...
[9:57] ohmygodyouhaverarityatyourhouse?!
[9:58] …
[9:58] I am gonna back away slowly and come back when there is less weird shit.
[9:58] GIVE HER TO ME!
[9:58] == Belgarion [CupofTea@britishasshole.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]
“Well Rarity, I have good news and bad news,” Edward said, closing the IRC channel.
“Give me the bad news first.” Rarity said, bracing for what it could be.
“Your creepiest fan knows you’re on Earth.” Edward grinned. “Good news, though, is that someone may have found Celestia already. That’s all I could find at the moment, though.”
Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m not alone then... my friends could be here...” she said quietly. “But what am I saying?” she said, meeting Edward’s eyes. A smile turned up one corner of her mouth. “I’ve had a friend here the whole time.”