I blame magic and the Forces of the Universe!

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Tom?" I asked, watching the scenery pass by as the truck wove through the trees.

"Absolutely!" He told me. "I mean, how ha-" I punched him in the gut, shaking my head, before looking at trees passing by.

"Never say those words again. Ever! Because that is asking for the world, fate, destiny, and several other things to bitchslap you!" I scolded.

"You... Could've just... Told me!" He wheezed. I sighed, before the truck stopped.

"What'd we stop for?" Talon asked.

I shrugged. "Dunno." Before anyone else could say anything more, a buzzing could be heard from where we were about to be.

"I'm telling you, I heard a car!" One said.

"And I'm telling you you didn't!" The other said. The buzzing got closer and a bush to the left of the truck, near where I was sitting, rustled. I grabbed my rifle, put a magazine in it, and pointed the gun at the bush, Tom and Talon doing the same.

Two changelings emerged, floating inches off the ground. "Aha!" The one on the left said. "I knew there... Was... Fuck me!" He said, before Tom, Talon, and I riddled their bodies with bullets. Taking the used magazine out, I replaced it with a new one.

I leaned the rifle next to me, on the back of the cabin, before sitting down again. "While that was interesting, please start driving again Gilda!" I told her.

She nodded, before pressing the gas pedal and the truck started to move forward again. "As I was saying, are you sure this is a good idea? Assault a military base full of armed guards that could kill us with their pinkie fingers, and we go and neutralize it for friendly use. Yeah, this is not gonna end well." I groaned. "Well, better get my gear ready." Tom nodded, and started checking his own gear.

I had twelve magazines of ammunition, amounting in three hundred and sixty bullets, three grenades, a med kit, a pistol with three magazines that held fifteen rounds, a medkit in case of emergency, and a flashlight, just in case. "I need to stop the car here." Gilda told me as she parked the car behind a cluster of trees. "Or else we might get spotted."

I nodded, before telling everyone, "You know what to do. Do not talk until your task is complete. Understood?" The five nodded. "Good." I said. Ah, yes, I suppose I should tell people what the battle plan is! OK, well, Gilda goes in and starts shooting important looking figures, Derpy starts sniping random people, Tom infiltrates the base and kills the commander, Lightning and Talon go and make things explode.... And I'm the distraction. I go in, hidden, in the middle of the night, which it is, and blow something up with a magically charged grenade, courtesy of Lightning and Talon, then start killing everyone who isn't a friendly, who will be distinguishably by the little HUD thingamajig Tom gave us all when he was hyped up on almost pure happiness! Now it makes it like a fucking videogame, except no health bar.

I got up and walked into the clearing where the base was. Let me tell you... It was fucking small. It was ten tents... And that's it. Two armed guards guarded each cardinal direction of the camp, and I shrugged. I was facing the ones facing north, and I raised my rifle, before shooting the one on the left, and rushing behind a tree. I stepped out again, rifle raised, before my jaw tried to hit the floor. In front of me, levitating in green magic was hundreds of bullets, maybe two or three rockets, and a fucking grenade. I'll tell you, that was a real bullet hell frozen in front of me. "So sorry to interrupt." A voice from behind me said. I nearly jumped into the air, dropping my rifle. Behind me was Chrysalis, as you could guess. "But as you can see, your friends are captured." She nodded at them, all tied up, "And I'm the only one stopping this storm of bullets from killing you and ripping you to shreds." She grinned maliciously. "But! I uave a deal. Tell me, where is the base you operate from? Dot hat, and your friends go free. Don't, we just experiment on them. Ph, I can almost see the things we'll discover about Pegasi bones!" She said.

I shook my head. "Fuck you, go to hell, you'll never win, go fuck a squid!" I retorted. "And maybe become a power ranger. That's a fate worse than death, I tell ya!" I said.

"I see." Chrysalis said, before flapping her insect wings and flying above the storm of bullets, before she stopped stopping the bullets. They tore into me, tearing me to shreds. The rockets blew me up, the grenade did, and the bullets just generally killed me. How I was still talking, dunno. In fact, dafuq? I watched as the ground grew smaller and smaller, until I couldn't see it. By then, though, I was in the presence of a weird, strange, being. "Hmm... One hundred and thirty bullets to the body, two rockets, and a grenade. Amazing! They must've really wanted him dead."

I shook my head. "Yeah. I mean, they did want the major cause of resistance to them gone." I said, before sitting cross legged on the floor.

"Wha? Most spirits don't have physical forms... Or talk! Oh, I must study this!" The massive being got off his seat, and started to walk towards me. I took a few steps back, before giving him the finger.

"Fuck that shit!" I yelled, before retracting my hand and willing a tank to appear. Opening the hatch, I made surthe big gun was pointed at the being before I loaded in a shell and pressed the big red button. A loud boom, and the being clutched its stomach.

"Oof! This one has fight in it! Perhaps I shall keep it!" It got back up, gold ichor streaming down from the hole in its stomach.

I heard another footstep, and I stuck my head out of the hatch. A being clothed in Black and Red this time, said, "Brother, it shall be mine, instead! You would'nt even remember about it!" And so, a massive argument broke out about who would keep me. Meanwhile, the tank started to sink, me ignoring it for the time being, until it broke theough the clouds, right before a three tipped trident almost speared me. The tank fell through the air, me sitting in it, sipping on some tea and wearing a tophat, monocle, and one of those fancy mustaches. I took another sip, before I took all that off and started screaming frantically. The tank slowly started to break apart, and once it fully broke apart, I landed on the ground, light as a feather, where my body once was. The area was a mess, my blood and bits of me splattered everywhere on the trees and ground.

"I should get that checked." I said, before a random chunck of my head flew over to my 'spirit form' and stayed there. Suddenly, random pieces of my body assembled and flew over, slowly reconstructing my body, plus a new addition. "New iPod, cool." I looked around. The top camp had had security doubled. By top, I mean I could guess that there was an underground facility. Using my guestimate, I think there was about twenty guards on the surface. Plugging in my earbuds to the new iPod, I put on the first song, before grabbing my gun, and stepping into the open.

"Oh please excuse me! I don't mean to alarm!" I shot a changeling through the head, surprising them.

"Get him!" The commanding officer yelled.

"Don't hate me cause I'm funny, don't hate me cause I'm beautiful!" I filled another changelings head with three bullets, before I took cover behind a random crate, before I read the label.

"Who the hell leaves explosives like this lying around!?" I shouted, before jumping up and running away from the crate, just as it exploded. The force behind my pushed me forward, and I punched a changeling so hard it died from the force. That, and its skull split open and I shot it. "Three down." I muttered, before I recovered and shot a two round birst into another changelings chest, and took cover behind a another crate. four down. I thought, before I stood up and threw a grenade at a group of three changelings. At least one was caught in the blast, and I ducked back down. Five down. I looked around for something, before grinning deviously.

Running over to the truck parked on the edge of camp, I jumped on the back and got on the heavy machine gun. "Die motherfuckers!" I yelled, before raking the area in front of me with bullets, punching holes through crates and changelings. I turned the gun towards where three were hiding behind a crate, and my grin grew bigger. I fired at the carte, and it blew up. "Eight." I muttered. Before I turned the gun towards two more who had the bright idea of charging towards me. "Ten." I said to myself. I stopped firing to throw another grenade at a group of five changelings. One caught it, and instead of throwing it back, just looked at it, before he started to gnaw on it, while three of them ran away. "Uh... Twelve." I said, as it blew up and I shot the three changelings who had decided it was a good idea to run away. "Fifteen."

A grenade landed in front of the HMG, and I gulped, before grabbing my rifle and jumping over the side and running away. A changeling flew in front of me, smiling, and threw at a punch at me. I dodged, and shot him in the manly parts, before shooting his head. Reloading, I muttered, "Sixteen." Crouching behind a crate again, I peeked up. The four changelings were approaching, and one fired at me. I ducked down again, before I thought of a plan. That plan was stand up and shoot everything. So I stood up, aimed in the general direction of the four changelings, and pressed the trigger. One went down immediately, another tried to duck down, but got a bullet to his chest for his troubles, another got hit in his arms, and the last one was left standing.

"Convenient." He said, before using his wings to propel himself and tackle me. We struggled around on the ground for a bit, before I realized something.

"This looks really wrong." I said, as the changeling tried to stop my hands from struggling. He paused to think about it.

"This is an awkward position." He said. "Sorry." He told me, getting up.

"No prob." I said, before punching him in the face and taking out my pistol, shooting him in the head. "Now, time to go help mu friends." I said,w alking towards the giant hole I missed earlier.