A changeling's visit to Skyrim

Fenora had never considered herself an adventurer, or even ‘hero material’.  True, she was a reasonable, self-reliant and capable elf who could hold her own if she needed to. She had learned skills from some of the best, as both her parents were adventurers before their injuries left them crippled, and even her best friend in Elsweyr had been a treasure hunter for most of her life. But Fenora had never seen the appeal in risking your life for riches and glory, even if the reward was great.

Instead she had decided to become a farmer and part-time wanderer, exploring the world for rare and exotic plants and herbs to bring home. For her, that was exciting enough, and she was content with her life.

So imagine her surprise when she was headed home to High Rock by way of Skyrim after a long and exhausting journey only to be captured and brought to what would have been her execution. True, she escaped only slightly worse for wear when a dragon burned the town to the ground, but that turned out to only be the start of her problems.

What started out as a mission to sound the Dragon-alarm and get out of dodge, led to the fate of the world being thrust onto her shoulders, and instead of being able to run as far from Skyrim as possible, possibly to somewhere tropical, she was set off on some grand ol’ quest of epic importance. First the objective was “Go to a place and talk to some old dudes.”, then it was “Head into a tomb and fetch this thing. Oh, and can you clear out the bandits and zombies while you’re at it? Thanks.”.

Then… necromancer bandits, vampire bandits, wizard bandits, the freaking Theives Guild, pissed off walruses-

Things were getting more contrived and improbable every day. Needless to say, (In a deep gravelly voice) Fenora never asked for this. But she kept going because millions would die if she didn’t. She was the Dragonborn, and if she didn’t find a way to save the world… no one would.

Luckily she had a bit of a reprieve from the burden of saving the world and dealing with the people living in it…

Okay, a reprieve aside from all the grave robbing, selling random loot for money, collecting weapons, drinking, and using bandits and the wildlife as her punching bags to work out frustrations.

Anyway, that little piece of comfort and comic relief was named Stross; he was a funny, bug-like creature from another world that happened to have way too many feelings for her. But she didn’t mind, it was kind of cute and endearing the way he stuck with her even when she charged into harm’s way, and she couldn’t deny that having him around had saved her life more than once, usually from her own rashness.

Fenora was glad to have Stross, he was nice to have around. She didn’t know why his kind were so hated back on his own world, if they were all like him, everyone would want a changeling of their own. There was something about him that just made her feel good whenever he was around, and it did wonders for her anger issues. She couldn’t believe that some people actually did this saving-the-world thing for fun; everything they had to deal with would surely drive anyone insane.

When Fenora thought back to a few days prior, when their adventure had just begun, it seemed like a dull time compared to what was happening to them now. When she and Stross downed that dragon at the watchtower back at Whiterun, they had fought hard (practically on their own, too) and through teamwork and a lot of luck, had pulled out a win. It was a small victory in the grand scheme of things, but a satisfying win no less.

For a while, Fenora had assumed that was going to be as hard as it would get. That while lasted about ten seconds.

But right now all that mattered to the elvish Dragonborn was that an inter-dimensional sovereign, the most insane thing yet, had come to drag Stross away and likely kill him; Fenora would literally chew off her own legs before she let that happen.

Speaking of which, she should probably wake up soon…

Any second now…

…

Umm, is she dead or-

Oh! Here we go!

As Fenora lay in semi-consciousness thinking about her life, she couldn’t seem to ignore the strange sensation that washed over her as she was gradually pulled from her concussion-induced sleep. She scrunched up her face and opened her eyes with a groan as her head pounded. Greeting her as she awoke was a face she could admittedly never get tired of seeing.

“Stross, you’re okay.” She sighed as he knelt down beside her. “Are you blushing?” she asked.

Stross began fidgeting and averting his eyes. “W- what? No! Wha- why… Why would I be blushing? I’m just-“

“Mouth to mouth doesn’t count as a kiss.” she told him.

“Does too.” he mumbled as his giddiness was savagely murdered.

Fenora smiled and suppressed a chuckle while dragging herself to her feet and finally shaking off the effects of Luna’s magic blasts. She was glad to see that Stross was still on Nirn, and that the horny bird-Princess was nowhere in sight.

“Well anyway, I assume you stood up to that Princess and beat her back to her own world where she belongs.” Fenora gave Stross a congratulatory slap on the back.

“Umm… actually,” Stross began as he got back up off the ground “a dragon… in a top hat… named Godfrey… came and ate her whole.”

“Well that’s good ne-“

“And then he swooped over to Ivarstead for seconds.”

Fenora followed Stross’s line of sight to find that the dragon was indeed attacking the village, and being incredibly posh about it.

“One normal day.” Fenora sighed as she equipped a giant hammer dubbed ‘oversized-weapon number twenty-two’ and rushed towards the village “Is one normal day too much to ask for?!”

“Oh great,” Bassianus spat “I knew that this would happen. Should have moved to Riften when I had the chance.”

“I would have gone with you!” Fastred glomped onto him.

“Over my dead body, you crazy teenagers!” her father, Jolfthor shook his fist.

“Will you all shut up!?” Temba silenced them “This is hardly the time for this.” She looked up through the roof at the gigantic dragon in a stylish top hat.

The second Sir “total drag-on” Godfrey had started circling the skies over Ivarstead, everyone immediately took shelter inside the inn. This happened to be a terrible idea, as Godfrey managed to block off all of the exits (considering there’s only the one) with his massive tail, trapping them all inside. Then it was simply a matter of tearing off the roof like the lid on a Tupperware container and picking which one of them he wanted to eat first.

Luckily for all of them, he was a very picky dragon.

“Hmm, let me see. What do I feel in the mood for right now?” he pointed his talon at each of them in turn, grading them like pieces of meat for a guy on a diet. “Too fat…”

“Hey!”

“Too old…”

“Why I never-“

“Oh goodness, take a bath for crying out loud!”

*Sniff**Sniff*…*Faints*

“Die dragon!” a guard yelled as he clung to Godfrey’s shoulder and started hacking at him with his axe.

“Ugh, too generic.” Godfrey said in disgust as he flicked the guard off his shoulder and into the river.

“Oh, what do we have here?” he picked up Drizeel “A bit scrawny, but a bit of lean meat never hurt.”

Drizeel looked as though she was going to burst a vein as she dangled between the dragon’s claws. “I’m a highly skilled assassin of the Dark Brotherhood; slayer of men and beast and man-beast alike! FEEEEEEAARR MEEEEEE!” she flailed her arms and legs and scratched at the talons holding her.

“Ooh and a bit of spice. I do enjoy it. Cheers!” Godfrey plopped her into his mouth and swallowed her.

“Drizeel, NNOOOOOOO!” Narfi yelled in anguish “Give her back you mons-“

Godfrey didn’t even let him finish before he repeated the process. Then just ‘cause he felt like it, he scooped up Wilhelm and ate him as well, but not before the innkeeper could sound out his clan’s trademark scream.

“We demand thou stop eating people! It’s getting crowded in here.” Declared Luna from inside Godfrey’s stomach. “TAKE THIS!”

Godfrey’s belly rumbled when she blasted the walls of his stomach with her magic.

“Give it up Dragonborn. My gloriously godlike form is impervious to your magic, inside and out.” Godfrey boasted “And don’t even try teleporting out again, I don’t feel like eating you a seventh time. Honestly, you should all be honored that I’m choosing you to be my meal.” he said indignantly and put his hands on his hips.

Before he could go back to eating the remaining townsfolk or make any more abnoxious comments, Godfrey was nearly hit square in the face with a giant fireball. After a second of griping over the new scorchmark on his wing, he looked over to see what would dare assail him. Standing on the road a few dozen feet away were two small figures; the one wearing a blue coat and leather armor with lots of pouches hefted a giant hammer over her shoulder, while the other in a grey hooded cloak and black leather focused on conjuring the fire in his hands.

The one brandishing the hammer stepped forward until she was within a few feet of Godfrey, the dragon towering over her by at least thirty feet.

“And what do you want?” he glared down at her.

She looked up and met him with a cold gaze. “I just thought you should know…” she paused for dramatic effect “That hat looks retarded.”

Godfrey’s monocle popped off and everyone gasped at Fenora’s statement.

“Okay, okay!” Fenora quickly hastily corrected herself “It looks mentally challenged. Geez.”

“Before I incinerate you for such a dreadfully rude comment, I have the right to know.” Godfrey leaned in and stuck his snout in Fenora’s face to which she didn’t even flinch “Who are you, puny mortal?”

Fenora smirked and grabbed Godfrey’s left nostril “I’m the Dragonborn, you asshat.” she in a badass fashion as she shoved a beehive into the dragon’s nose.

Godfrey recoiled, eyes wide as he shrieked like an old lady “Oh no, not the bees! NOT THE BEES! Ahh dear me, they’re in my eyes, MY EYES!” the dragon thrashed and flailed around as the angry hornets swarmed inside his respiratory system.

“Stross, hit ‘em high!” Fenora yelled and Stross took to the air while she rushed forward on the ground.

Fenora used the momentum from her run and channeled it into her swing, bringing her hammer down on the recovering dragon’s only stationary limb. Godfrey, who had just managed to dislodge the hive from his nose, howled in pain as one of his toes was flattened by a forty-pound hammer.

Stross saw his chance and pulled out his steel dagger.  He encircled the blade and his fist in a cone of flame as he dived from the air, weaving past the dragon’s wings and meeting his target, the soft part of Godfrey’s neck.

The duo retreated as Godfrey whipped his tail at them, destroying the porch of the inn in the process.

“This sure won’t be easy.” Fenora said, surveying what damage they’d managed so far; a damaged toe and the smallest of scratches in his neck.

“I think we only made him mad.” Stross landed next to her.

“I SHALL END THEE!” Godfrey roared and barreled towards them “Yol… TOOR SHUL!”

Fenora and Stross dove to opposite sides to avoid the furnace heading straight at them, but were caught by Godfrey’s massive wings as he passed them, throwing them high into the air.

“Fen!” Stross zipped over to catch his love interest before she could hit the ground, straining slightly under the added weight. “Gotcha!”

“We need a plan to deal with this guy.” Fenora told him. From their height she spotted the river and the waterfall it led to “I’ve got it! We need to lead him over there.” she pointed with her free hand as she drew her bow with the other.

Before they had time to react, Godfrey flew past them and snapped his jaws, blowing them out of the sky. Spotting where they landed he let out a vicious snarl. He then cleared his throat while adjusting his top hat. “Ahem, I mean… yes, have at thee.”

Fenora shot an arrow that bounced off his shoulder.

“Hah! You puny mortal fool, I’m not afraid of toothpicks!” Godfrey mocked as he hovered just above the ground.

Fenora took aim and let loose another arrow; this one chipped the glass of his monocle. Godfrey’s wings froze midair and he dropped ungracefully to the ground with a loud thud. He was motionless and his eyes stared straight ahead as his glass monocle cracked across, and finally shattered.

Fenora and Stross stood still by the bank of the river, the villagers of Ivarstead watched on from the remains of the inn, Luna and the others were getting sick from tumbling around in a dragon’s stomach, Ulfric Stormcloak was all the way over in Windhelm making pancakes, and all were silent as Godfrey began to tremble.

Godfrey barred and gritted his dagger-like teeth. “Ffffffff-“ he continued to hiss and his eyes began to twitch as everyone nervously glanced to one-another “FFFFFFF- GAH!” he finally snapped and turned his maddened gaze skyward as he roared “FAAS RU MAAR!”

As the thu’um was released, a wave of pure terror washed over all who heard it. While the villagers began to run around in circles and sit in the fetal position sucking their thumbs, Fenora shook it off and steeled herself for what was to come.

“All right Stross, are you ready to- Stross?” she turned to the changeling who was currently clinging to her from behind with all his available limbs.

“Y- y- yeah. I g- g- got your back.” he said through his chattering teeth.

“All right, now’s our chance.” Fenora took a deep breath. “Hey you big stupid lizard!” she yelled “Come and get me!”

Wanting only to end the being that broke his precious monocle, Godfrey was happy to oblige. With a powerful flap of his wings, he darted towards the pair, his mouth agape.

Putting her plan into motion, Fenora made a dash for the river’s end, and the waterfall. Unfortunately, she didn’t consider how much the water would slow her down, and she was only halfway there by the time Godfrey caught up to her.

Fenora narrowly dodged getting eaten as Godfrey lunged at her. She continued to roll through the shallow water and dodge out of the way until finally Godfrey got frustrated and scooped her up in his talons.

The dragon climbed higher and higher into the air with his two adversaries in literal tow. Once they were high enough to see a few birds fly by and all the landscape blend together, Godfrey flicked his talons attempting to drop Fenora and Stross to their deaths.

But Fenora had thought of this on the way up and prepared with a meat hook. She worked the tip of the hook through Godfrey’s plates and into his flesh, giving her a stable grip to hold on to.

Already furious, Godfrey set about doing dives, and loops with sudden turns attempting to shake them off while Fenora yelled about him going the wrong way.

“Let me off this ride! I’m gonna puke!” Stross wailed as he completely forgot he could fly, and clung to Fenora for dear life.

When the aerial maneuvers proved fruitless, he began spewing fire at them, contorting and angrily attempting to roast the mortals off his hide as they climbed onto his back.

Back on the ground in a nearby forest, a giant brown bear wandered out to the lake for a drink. It took a moment of pause to look over at the commotion further downstream. A great winged beast was flailing around in the sky spewing brightly colored flames in all directions before it spiraled down and landed in the freezing river.

The bear shrugged to itself and began to lap up some water. Whatever was happening, it wasn’t his problem.

Suddenly and out of practically nowhere, a bit of stray embers fell from the sky and onto a nearby tree. In almost comical fashion, the tree burst into flames and was reduced to ashes in milliseconds.

The bear’s eyes went wide and then narrowed as he looked over at what caused the destruction of a part of his turf.

Now… it was his problem.

Godfrey growled at the loss of his wing and turned to the one responsible. Fenora drew another of her swords as the two prepared to clash. Stross was off to the side puking up resin. Queen Elisif was in Solitude impressing the court with her colorful language after spilling hot tea in her lap.

The tension in the air was almost solid.

Then from the treeline, a single bear stood on its hind legs and roared, pointing an accusatory paw at Godfrey.

And suddenly… bears.

From the forest, dozens of bears charged forth in the fray, sloshing through the waters with ease as they homed in on the burner of trees. Godfrey turned his head just in time for the leader bear the leap on with a flying tackle. His brethren quickly chose a body part and followed suit, clawing, biting and demanding pic-a-nic baskets.

Stross wiped his mouth and shuffled over to Fenora. “So what’d I miss?” He asked as Fenora attempted to tie a rope around a boulder.

“The bear cavalry is here.” Fenora explained “But I don’t know how much longer they’ll last. So here’s the plan...”

“Oh please.” Stross said, disturbed by his friend’s lack of faith “Even in Equestria the bear cavalry are legends; four of them managed to hold off an entire buffalo tribe by themselves. Now that they’re here, I could say that we’ve got this fight in the-“

And then five bears flew overhead on fire.

Stross’s eyes went wide and he listened intently to the plan.

The bears kept their distance as another of their ranks were either swatted aside or swallowed whole. The commander stood at the front, staring down their enemy. Never before had his clan faced such a monstrous being, and for the first time in centuries, their odds were looking dreadfully slim. The scaled thing had withstood their forward assaults and sundered their lines, but as the commander’s remaining forces rallied around him for one final stand, the dragon did something unthinkable.

It turned away.

It… turned away… from them. Denying them a final confrontation and ignoring them as if they were not worth the effort. It was the greatest insult one could offer.

The bear commander and his brethren snarled as it walked away, but their expressions turned to surprise when it was engulfed in an inferno of red flames. The fire dispersed to reveal the dragon barely harmed, but flying at its eye level was a black flittering creature taunting it.

“Yo, Fish and chips!” It screamed mockingly “I wanted you extra crispy!” it then threw another blast of fire at the dragon, which growled in annoyance and responded with a blast of its own. The hovering creature's eyes narrowed "This changes nothing."

The black thing then fled downstream with the scaled beast in eager pursuit, smashing through a large structure of rocks and straw along the way.

The bears gathered around their commander, looking to him for guidance. He knew only two things for sure; the fight was not over, and the enemy of thine enemy is thine friend.

With fire in his eyes and determination coursing through his veins, he charged forward, leading his brethren forward for honor and glory.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT! OH SHIT! Fen if you’re gonna do something, do it fast!” Stross screamed as he flew for his life, Godfrey angrily snapping his jaws behind him.

The bosmer in question was lying in wait under the stone bridge looking back at the trap she’d hastily set up. The miscellaneous-weapon-spikes were in place, the tether was secure, and her bait friend was leading their prey right to it. Fenora faced forward once more, nervously tightening the rope as Stross drew the dragon nearer.

“Get closer, just a little closer.” She whispered as she readied her makeshift anchor, consisting of one of her longswords that Stross had melted to an axe handle in a scythe-like fashion. Seeing her chance, she darted out from her cover and got atop the bridge once they were only a dozen feet away. “NOW!” she yelled and leapt into the air.

Stross took her queue and caught her foot between his hands, using as much strength as he could to vault her further.

With the lift Stross had given her, Fenora managed to clear Godfrey’s head and land on his back, bringing the anchor down on his scales as she slid down. The point took a bad hit on the broadside of one of Godfrey’s scales, but Fenora kept it going, dragging it along his back until it hit a groove and embedded itself.

With her job done, Fenora kicked off the rampaging dragon and landed in Stross’s arms.

“Yes! We got him!” she said triumphantly before the two tumbled onto the ground. “Now we can-“

Before she could finish her sentence, Godfrey cleared the bridge, took up the slack on the rope and ripped the entire three-ton structure from the ground without so much as a second thought. He continued forward, trampling over the spikes meant to impale him once he tripped before slowing to a stop and turning to face them with an incredibly smug expression.

“Mother… fucker.” Fenora strained out through clenched teeth.

Godfrey straightened up and stood on two legs once more, having clearly regained his cool, posh attitude. “Well then, you have entertained me, mortal.” he said, casually pulling the blade from his back as the rest of the bear cavalry arrived, surrounding him “Or should I say… Dragonborn. I shall receive great enjoyment from devouring you.”

“Here’s a thought,” Fenora said, her voice dripping with anger and frustration “how about you shut up, or fuck off; ideally both, in either order. And tell your friends to do the same so that maybe the rest of us can get on with our lives! We at least deserve to live without you assholes ruining everything.”

Godfrey paused for a moment, his brow furrowing. But then he began to laugh. He laughed for a solid minute in a way so obnoxious and irritating it was almost cruel.

“Oh that’s a good one.” Godfrey said as he finally ceased his laughter and wiped his eyes “You think the lives of these pathetic, worthless creatures is valuable enough for me to even regard them as such, much less care about what happens to them. You mortal abominations aren’t worthy of the earth you stand upon. Why, if I didn’t know any better-”

“ENOUGH!”

Everyone present were surprised to see that it was Stross that stepped forward to oppose the badmouthing dragon.

“Not… another… word.” Stross growled “You take back everything you just said. The people on this world may not be perfect; some of them are downright nasty. But when I came here from a world that feared and hated me for what I was, and I expected the worst, they accepted me. I was wrong about them, and I had never been so glad to be wrong about anything in my life! They treated me like an equal and gave me a chance to prove that I was a good person!”

Stross glared Godfrey down, stepping forward as he continued his speech. “I’ve only been here a few days, and yet I’ve seen so much good in them even when it was shrouded by the worst of what they are. What I am and what I do makes me a monster, but they accepted me for who I am inside, and because of that kindness, I’ll always feel unworthy to stand among them. But at the same time, I’ll always be grateful for knowing there are such wonderful people out there.”

Stross wiped the tears from his eyes and hardened his tone once more. “So don’t you dare say that they shouldn’t exist! This world and the people in it gave me hope. So long as you or any of your kind aim to snuff out something so wonderful, I will never stop fighting you. I will nev- Hey what are you- AHHH! Put me down! MMMPPPHHH! Mmm hrrmm phhuurr huurr, aaphh hrr phrr mrr!”

The tail end of Stross’s moving speech was cut off as Godfrey stuffed the changeling into his mouth and swallowed him like so many before.

“STROSS!” Fenora yelled as he slid down the dragon’s esophagus “Godfrey, you son of a motherless goat!”

“Oh really now, I simply can’t stand long-winded speeches.” Godfrey said, picking his teeth “Well… unless they’re mine of course.”

In his arrogant stance, Godfrey didn’t notice the amount of ground Fenora had gained in that short time.

“Spit him out you bastard! Spit them all out!” Fenora said as she pried Godfrey’s mouth open, much to his surprise.

While Fenora occupied his face, the bear cavalry used the opening to hit the dragon’s legs, the combined assault sending him stumbling back.

Fenora held on to the teetering lizard and continued beating his snout. “Let! HIM! GO!”

Godfrey regained focus long enough to notice where the elf was positioned, and an obvious solution came to him. “Yol…” he inhaled, about to unleash his fire breath. But something stopped him before the second syllable could come out, leaving him with only a strained choking noise.

Gripping at his throat, and desperately trying to dislodge the object stuck in his windpipe, Godfrey’s mouth gaped open to reveal a certain changeling, clawing his way back up.

“What’s the matter Godfart? Changeling got your uvula?!” Stross said with a laugh “This is what happens, when you DON’T. CHEW! YOUR! FOOD!”

With each word emphasized with an elbow to the throat-mounted punching-bag, Godfrey was vomiting all over the place in seconds. It began with Stross and a few bears getting launched from his maw, covered in a thick mucus. Then Narfi, Wilhelm and Drizeel were retched up, their clothes and skin a bit digested, but nothing too serious.

Quite a few other things were ejected from the dragon’s stomach as well; wagon wheels, several ingots of gold and silver, a few treasure chests, and a man in a black and red jester’s outfit crying for his mommy.

“Stross, are you okay?” Fenora asked as she hugged him, heedless of the disgusting goop covering them both.

“Ah, just like back in the Badlands.” Stross said, his eyes glistening with nostalgia of having to bust out of hungry predator's stomachs.

“GRRAAHH!” Godfrey snarled as he recovered from his vomiting fit, wheezing and gagging “You… poor excuse… for food! I… shall… vanquish-” he could say no more before he stumbled back to the ground and into a hacking fit.

“Fen?” Stross turned to his Dragonborn “Are you ready to wreck this fool?”

“You know it.” she answered with certainty.

To their left, the bear commander grunted in agreement.

Moving in sync with one another, they easily toppled the weakened dragon. It started with a Fus Ro Dah uppercut from Fenora, followed by a staggering flame-punch from Stross. The bears formed a living battering ram as they shoved themselves into Godfrey, pushing him back towards the falls, to which a hack to the rear legs from Fenora’s executioners axe and a banana peel from Stross, managed to send the dragon tumbling over the falls, satisfying cracks heard the whole way down as his body hit the rocky cliffs jutting out.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Fenora asked as they looked over the edge of the falls at the dragon’s twitching body.

“Probably not, but let’s do it anyway.” Stross replied with a smile as Fenora pulled out yet another sword.

And just like that, the two of them dove off the edge of the falls as the bear cavalry gave them a standing salute. The two plummeted downward, side by side, each gripping the hilt of the sword, and in a repeat of the Whiterun watchtower, Fenora aimed the blade while Stross poured his magic into it, turning it white hot.

In a landing from a jump they would both agree to never repeat due to limb fractures, they drove the sword into Godfrey’s squishy organs, delivering karmic justice and a much anticipated end to the pompous and bigoted dragon in stylish attire.

The strangest thing about the fight however, was what happened after. Godfrey’s body disintegrated like Mirmulnir’s and any other dragon that dies, leaving only scales and bones, (and an unconscious Princess of the night) but there was no soul left behind to be absorbed. Fenora questioned this, but Stross quickly found the answer on one of Godfrey’s scales.

They had, in fact been painted to look their golden sheen, and underneath they were actually a bright orange-ish red. In that moment, the lack of a soul became clear to them both.

“He was a ginger!” They said in unison.