Insert Human Here

I awoke once more, with feeling, to the sound of running water. I took a look around at my unfamiliar environment. If my memory had served me correctly, this was the inside of Rainbow Dash's house. I thought back in an attempt to recall the previous day's events.

But my thinking was interrupted when the water suddenly stopped running. I then heard a few steps, and a few seconds later, Rainbow Dash walked into my view, sopping wet. Steaming water ran down her face and sides, causing her colourful mane to cling to her body, a sleek body, which glistened beautifully underneath the sunlight that was pouring in through the clouded windows of her home. After taking in this image, I sat up in the couch to greet her.

“Good morning, Rainbow Dash,” I said.

“Kyaa!” Rainbow screamed in shock. “Oh, hi, Incer! What are you doing here?” she asked nervously.

“You invited me to stay in your house, remember?”

“Oh, right! Must have forgot! Silly me! Gottagobye!” she said quickly, before speeding out the door.

After that fast-paced display, I noticed that along with my posture, something else had also risen, a fact which was confirmed when I felt my left wing brush against the couch. Just then, Rainbow Dash popped her head back inside.

“Almost forgot! You can use my shower if you need to! Leaving now!”

After watching Rainbow Dash exit for a second time, I decided to heed her advice. I got up off of the couch and navigated the aerial domicile to locate the room where these facilities were located. Once inside, I stumbled upon a mirror hanging on the wall, which had been the first reflective surface I had noticed since my transformation, so naturally, I couldn't help but to get a good look at myself.

Stature-wise, I looked pretty much the same as any other pony, with only a few defining features that could set me apart from the others, such as a white coat, a teal mane and tail, and a pair of red irises that seemed to brighten up my eyes.

Well, at least until sleep deprivation sets in. Then they'll be camouflaged. Although, I do have to say, it's a good look considering where I am. Here in Ponyville, I could probably blend into a crowd fairly easily with this look, but back on Earth, I'm pretty sure I could qualify as a modern art masterpiece...

Having finished the analysis of my appearance, I then proceeded towards the shower and its accompanying bathtub. It seemed to be just like any other shower I had seen before, with the tap knobs and everything. Because of my current body form, I was also simply delighted at the fact that the soap was of the squirt bottle variety, rather than the bar variety. Taking a sniff at the soap bottle allowed me to take in its fragrant aroma and discover that this particular soap contained an essence that was indeed among the highest calibre of soaps: soap flavoured, with just a hint of soap.

I then started the water and stepped in. Immediately, I recoiled as I was assaulted with a chilling cascade of cold water. As the frigid torrent continued to force itself upon me, I began to wonder; why?

Maybe, at this altitude... That would make sense...

I interrupted my thoughts so that I could start soaping up, then resumed.

Either that, or Rainbow just used up all the hot water. Come to think of it...

I thought back to the sight of Rainbow Dash leaving the shower. There was definitely steam coming off of her body, her athletic body, with a slender figure and a magnificent―

!!

Just then, I had managed to unconsciously run my soapy hoof by my underbelly, making contact with a certain sensitive spot and causing my entire body to convulse with thrill. After that, I felt some throbbing, followed by the feeling of something running down my hoof, which I immediately brought into my view, only to find that the odd substance blended in quite well with it. At that point, I turned towards the drain and saw a larger amount of this substance about to exit.

Is that...? Yes, definitely. *Sigh* You'd think that water as cold as this would prevent this sort of thing...

In shame, I finished up the rest of my shower, then started towelling off, which gave me ample time to do some more thinking about the incident.

I sure hope cloud drains don't get clogged easily, because if they do, then Rainbow is going to be pissed. And speaking of Rainbow, what the hell was I thinking, fantasising about her? I mean, I can't possibly find a pony to be... attractive, can I?

Then, my thoughts, in all their impurity, turned to Rainbow Dash once again, so in response, I halted them in the only way I knew how to.

No, stop! What the hell are you doing, you motherfucker?! That does not go there! WHAT THE FUCK?! ...Besides, I'm pretty sure she's way out of my league. And I'm also pretty sure that I'd be treading on Pinkie Pie's territory. Heh... Wait a second. Pinkie Pie?

At that moment, I had just remembered a previous engagement I had made with her. Today was the day for my welcoming party, and it could start at any moment, so with my clean body dried and absolutely no idea of the current time, I hung up my towel and rushed out the door.

All right, let's do this. Sugar Cube Corner, here we come.

Thankfully, I had actually remembered the fact that this house was in the sky and descended safely towards my target. With the candy-shaped building in sight, I landed and entered. Once inside, I saw only two ponies, not nearly enough to inhabit a party; a sign that I had arrived early. As I approached the front desk, a blue mare noticed me.

“Can we help you?” she asked.

“Yes, actually,” I answered. “I heard that Pinkie Pie is going to be hosting a party later today. Do you have anything on that...?”

“Oh, yes, I do. It should be starting up in about an hour, I think. But, if you're looking for Pinkie, well, she's not here. She left a while ago, probably to round up some guests.”

“I see... So, I figure I should just come back when the party starts, maybe?” I asked.

“Okay, then...” she replied with somewhat of a concerned look on her face.

I then made my way over to the exit and peeked outside. The sky had suddenly changed to become quite a bit overcast, and a couple of drops of rain had already fallen to the ground. I quickly turned back around and chuckled sheepishly.

“Eh heh heh... On second thought, maybe I should stay here instead.”

The blue mare then gave me a smile and said, “That's what I thought. Anyway, just go right ahead and make yourself at home, Mr...”

“Incer,” I replied. “Incer Tony Miere.”

“Incer? So, you're the guest of honour, then?”

“It seems so. And the two of you are?”

“Well, I'm Cup Cake, and the stallion over there,” she said, pointing at a yellow pony with a hat and bow tie, “is my husband, Carrot Cake.”

Carrot Cake and Cup Cake... Should be easy enough to remember, but... I can't help but wonder what her maiden name was.

“We run this bakery together,” she continued. “Would like like to try something?”

“Oh no, I couldn't,” I answered while deciding to just open everything up. “As much as I would like to, I haven't exactly the means to, well, compensate you.”

“Oh?” questioned Mrs. Cake, raising an eyebrow.

“I just, uh... arrived here in Ponyville yesterday, without a single thing to my name. I've managed to arrange a temporary stay with Rainbow Dash, but as for my search for employment, well, some jobs are more arduous than they look.”

“Is that so?” she replied.

But before the conversation could progress any further, we were interrupted by Pinkie Pie, who had just burst into the bakery, still as bubbly as ever, and still dripping from being outside in the rain, which appeared to have just cleared up.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” she called out. Then, she looked at me. “Oh, hi, Incer! I hope you're super-duper pumped for your welcome party, because I sure totally am! It's almost party time! Woohoo!” Pinkie then began to bounce about the room.

...I think I feel a headache coming on.

Just then, I sensed something strange about Pinkie. She appeared to have somewhat of a certain air of familiarity about her, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly. Maybe it was... something about her scent?

And then, Mrs. Cake motioned something to her husband. Apparently, she had sensed something as well. They conversed silently for a few seconds before Mr. Cake finally asked, “Uh... Pinkie Pie? Could you come with me for a second?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Cake!” She answered with a grin on her face, and then followed the other baker into another room.

“Well, that was interesting,” I said to Mrs. Cake once the two had left.

“I'll say,” she answered. “Now, where were we?”

“Something about money and jobs or something.”

“Oh, right. Well, don't let it trouble you any. After all, you must be starving, I imagine.”

...Come to think of it, this is my second day in Ponyville, and all I've eaten since I got here is some liquid from an I-V tube, if that.

“Well, now that you mention it, that cupcake there does look delicious,” I said, pointing to a cupcake with pink frosting.

Mrs. Cake chuckled to herself and responded with, “That's the spirit, Incer,” as she handed me the cupcake.

Or would that be 'hoofed' me the cupcake? Interesting...

But before I could thank her, a buzzer sounded in another room. Immediately, Mrs. Cake perked up and said, “Oh, the timer! It's been a nice chat with you, Incer, but now, I have to get to the oven!” before she exited the room, leaving me and my cupcake all alone.

Seeing as I had nothing else to do, I then started on the pastry that was in front of me by strategically chipping away at it from all angles with my tongue. I skilfully licked my way around the perimeter of the treat and navigated the frosting, causing a stock of the sticky substance to pile up inside my mouth. I then removed my tongue from the surface to enjoy the taste of that which I had captured; to savour its sweetness and revel in all of its luscious glory.

Strawberry. Definitely strawberry.

After that, I finished the cupcake just in time for Pinkie Pie to re-enter the scene holding what appeared to be an enormous group of helium balloons that, in total, amounted to about four times her size. Humming a tune to herself, she then deftly bounced about the room, distributing the balloons at several points throughout it. Once she had released the final balloon, she spotted me.

“Oh, Incer! You're still here! That's so great, because now I have somepony to help me set up the party! Come with me!”

Before I could respond, she grabbed me by the hoof and quite literally dragged me into another room which contained various party supplies.

“Hmm... Now where do we start? Oh, right! Tablecloths! I don't have to get the tables because they're still out from last week's party! Could you get the punch, Incer?” She asked this as she aimed her hoof towards a bowl on my left.

“On it,” I said as I eyed the punch bowl.

Now, how do I... Oh, that makes sense.

I took the bowl in both of my front hooves and flapped my wings a bit to keep me hovering over the ground. Heading back into the bakery's lobby, I then spotted a table that Pinkie had already covered with a cloth, and carefully set the bowl down in the centre of it.

Afterwards, I simply followed Pinkie's lead when it came to getting the rest of the supplies. To be frank, I wasn't of much assistance, due to my inexperience with party-related matters, as well as my inability to keep up with Pinkie's boundless energy. Within minutes, the entire place had been primed for the party.

Pinkie then said to me, “Thanks, Incer! I couldn't have done it without you!”

Now that's definitely not true...

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie lunged towards me with her arms extended. In shock, I nearly screamed as I fell over backwards, which caused Pinkie to lose her balance and fall on me.

Pinkie then proceeded to wrap her arms around me and say, “Come on, Incer! It's just a hug from your friend Pinkie Pie! Don't be so scared!” And then, it hit me.

Female thing... On top of me... Must resist...

Indeed. Pinkie Pie was definitely making contact with me while I was in quite a sensitive state brought about by my current position. I had to put all of my focus and every last bit of my own willpower into suppressing my every single natural urge in hopes that these urges would not overcome me, and somehow, I succeeded. After what seemed like an eternity, Pinkie Pie finally got off of me, allowing me to stand back up.

“Well, Incer, I don't know about you, but I think we should get back to the party...” said Pinkie, as she shot me a gaze that appeared somewhat... enticing.

“R-right. Of course,” I replied, feeling extremely nervous and highly unsure of what I had just brought upon myself.

As we both re-entered the lobby, the bakery's entrance opened to grant passage to five other mares, Rainbow Dash being one of them.

“Oh, hi, you guys!” Pinkie shouted. “Glad you could all make it to the party!”

“Well, we certainly wouldn't have missed it for the world, Pinkie,” an orange pony responded with a bit of a drawl. “Now, introduce us to your little friend here.”

“Oh, this?” Pinkie answered. “This is Incer!” She then hesitated a bit. “Well, what are you waiting for, Incer? Say hi!”

“Oh! Um... Hi, everyone. You're all here for my party, right?” I said, mentally cursing my social awkwardness.

Damn! I didn't expect to be put on the spot like that! My tactical prowess is failing me, so time for Plan B: ad-lib everything!

Of course, said awkwardness did not go undetected, as was evident in Rainbow Dash's sudden laughter.

“Ha! What's up with you, Incer? Are you telling me that this is the guy that I―” She then cut herself short. “Heh... Never mind.”

“Right...” said the purple unicorn. “Incer, is it? Yes, we're here for your party. So tell me, how has Ponyville been for you so far? I haven't been here that long myself.”

I answered with, “It's been pretty good so far. Some things seem a bit strange to me at the moment, but I'm hoping that I can work around that somehow.”

“Don't worry. I felt the exact same way when I first arrived here. You'll get used to it. Anyway, we should all introduce ourselves. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I run the local library.”

“Twilight... Nice to meet you. I never considered myself much of a reader, but it might be something I could get into.”

Then, another unicorn stepped forward and began speaking. “So, a new stallion is in town? I must say, we don't get those often here in Ponyville. I am Rarity, a fashion designer and a prime example of a pony's beauty!” She then batted her eyelashes at me.

…

“...”

“Ah! I see my charm has left you quite speechless, has it not?” she asked, giving me a sly grin.

“Eh... Sure,” I replied, taken aback by her forwardness.

Then Rainbow Dash came to my defence with a double-edged statement. “Come on, Rarity, take it easy on him. Besides, I don't think Incer here is ready for the big leagues. Isn't that right, Incer?”

I took the full brunt of that attack and weakly countered with, “Right... Big leagues... Still way far away from that!” Everyone then started laughing, much to my chagrin. “Okay, okay. So who's next?”

The orange pony then walked up to me and starting shaking my hoof. “Pleased to meet ya there, Incer. I'm Applejack, a proud member of the Apple Family, owners of Sweet Apple Acres and growers of the best darn apples in town!”

“You farm apples?”

“Apples.”

“Apples... Is it rough living the farmer's life?”

“Maybe for you unconditioned city folk, but when you've been apple-buckin' since you were knee-high to a cider barrel, it couldn't get any easier!”

I'll just take your word for that...

“Of course. Nice to meet you, Applejack.”

“It's a pleasure!”

Just then, Pinkie jumped into my view once again.

“Ooh, and I'm Pinkie Pie, and― oh wait! You know me already!” She then fell to the ground and burst into a fit of laughter.

In concern, I asked, “Is she... quite all right?”

“Like I said,” Twilight answered, “you get used to it eventually.”

Rainbow then chimed in with, “Twilight's right, you know. And of course, same goes for me as Pinkie. Now, gimme some!” She finished by holding out a hoof, and then we performed a high five, or to be more accurate, a high one.

“Of course, Rainbow Dash,” I responded. “Now, these introductions have been great and all, but I could have sworn there were six of you...”

“...eep.”

Just then, I heard a voice sound out from behind Rarity. She then turned around. “Now, Fluttershy, just what are you doing hiding back there? Come on now, we've worked on this. You've absolutely nothing to be afraid of, so go on, be friendly!” She then got behind the yellow pegasus and gave her a light shove to bring her closer to me.

“Um... Hi, Incer... My name is... Fluttershy.”

Well, she certainly lives up to that last syllable. It looks like I'll have to take the initiative here. Come on, man... No mistakes... I am so not ready for this!

“Fluttershy? I'm glad to meet you, Fluttershy.” I then noticed that she was cowering slightly, with her face partially buried underneath her own mane, a sight which gave me an idea. “So, do you see yourself as being, well, shy?”

She silently nodded her head in response.

“Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.”

“...You don't?” Her face became fully exposed.

“I don't. In fact, it sort of reminds me of myself when I was younger. And you know what?”

“What is it?”

“I like your style.”

“Y-you do?!”

“I do.”

“T-that's... so wonderful...” Her face then gained a pinkish glow as she smiled and took a few steps back to rejoin her friends.

...I may have laid it on a bit thick there. That kind of thing tends to happen when I don't plan. But you know what? I survived the conversation and didn't completely screw up my first impressions, and at the end of the day, that's really all that matters. So, what's my next mission?

“Well, enough about us,” said Rarity. “What about you, Incer? Where do you come from?”

!!

“Well, I, uh―”

“Wait a minute.” Suddenly, Twilight interrupted. “Aren't the other guests just arriving right now?”

We all looked over towards the entrance, which ponies were practically flooding through.

Pinkie Pie then perked up. “She's right! They are here! I'd better go greet them! Sorry you couldn't tell your super-duper awesome story, but maybe you can later! Right now, IT'S PARTY TIME!” She then bounced off.

“Well, y'all heard her, girls,” said Applejack. “Let's get the party started!”

The other five ponies then scattered to the various tables in search of party cuisine. Only Twilight lingered, stopping for a moment to wink at me before following the rest of her friends.

Now what was that all about? Whatever, I'll take it.

… … … … …

“I have to give it to you, Pinkie,” I said contentedly. “This party was fantastic.”

“I know, right? I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I'll have to talk to you later, though. Gotta see if Berry Punch has an escort. See you later, Incer!”

“Bye, Pinkie!” (Phew, I survived.) Just then, I was approached by Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

“So, Incer,” began Mr. Cake, “How did you like your party?”

“It wasn't bad at all. There were some awkward moments, but, well, who doesn't have those? Overall, I had a pretty good time.”

“That's great. Well, anyway, my wife has brought it to my attention that you're looking for a job. Is that true?”

“Why, yes it is. Why do you ask?”

“Well, we believe that you would make a wonderful employee here at Sugar Cube Corner.”

...I was hoping I could avoid it, but it looks like this place really is my best shot. I think I'll just go along with it.

“We can even give you a place to stay,” continued Mr. Cake, as he showed me to a furnished room with barely anything else in it. “We were planning on giving this room to one of the twins, but they won't need it until much later.”

“That sounds... great, but why me?”

My question was met with, “Go, right ahead, sugar plum,” and then Mrs. Cake picked up where he left off.

“The reason why we're hiring you is because, well... It's Pinkie Pie. We both realised something after she was being... extra Pinkie Pie today.”

“Extra Pinkie Pie? What did she do that was so strange that it made her extra Pinkie Pie?” I questioned.

“Well...” The couple fidgeted a bit, and looked at each other worriedly.

“Hmm... Is this something I want to know?” I asked, detecting their concern.

“My guess would be that you wouldn't want to know that,” answered Mrs. Cake. “Anyway, the point is that Pinkie Pie is, well, Pinkie Pie, and we think that if she had the company of a level-headed stallion such as yourself, she would even out quite a bit.”

That is a good hypothesis, but... since when the hell did I become level-headed?

“Wait, a level-headed stallion? Are you insinuating that Pinkie and I should...?”

“Oh, no,” she replied. “I didn't mean for it to come off in that way. At least, not if you would prefer otherwise. The two of you would only be working together in our sweets shop. Pinkie also happens to live here, but the two of you would have completely different rooms.”

“Ah, I see.”

We then all moved back into the main lobby. The party guests were all long gone, and Pinkie still hadn't returned. Streamers and confetti littered the floor, along with several balloons which had fallen from the ceiling. There was also plenty of party residue, including, but not limited to, cake crumbs, punch condensation, and blood stains.

I then reviewed the proposition that the Cakes had given me. “So, what we're looking at is a win/win sort of deal, right? I get a source of income and a place to stay, in exchange for taking this Pinkie Pie off of your hands, and hopefully, swapping her with a more normal one.”

“I wouldn't put it so bluntly,” answered Mrs. Cake, “but yes, that is the deal.” Then I realised something.

...'off of your hands'? Whoa, I almost blew my cover there! I have to be more careful!

“Okay then. Since that's the case, then I am happy to say that I accept this new position,” I confirmed.

“You accept the job?” asked Mr. Cake.

“I accept it.”

“Right here and right now?”

“Right here and now.”

“Then it's settled. As of now, you are an official employee of Sugar Cube Corner!”

(E-pic pro-mo-tion theme goes heeeeeeere!)

“I honestly cannot thank you enough for this. I would even go as far as to call it an honour.”

“An honour? That's nice of you to call it that. Now, your first task as an employee of Sugar Cube Corner is to clean up this mess.”

D'oh!