Author's Note
Viewer Discretion Advised.
1
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Tales of an Unusual Mare
1
Hi. I'm Dave's Mom. As you can tell by my photo, I'm kinda different from the other people around here.
Let's just get the backstory out of the way. I lived a pathetic life on Earth and my son finds this place called "Ponyland" or something. He said that I should move here to get away from the crowded city, the bad people, etc. He thought the happy overtone of the town would help me become a better person or whatever.
So, after three months of hearing his nagging, I caved in and decided to go with it. I was also starting to go into debt and I didn't want it to get any worse. Yeah, I jumped town to avoid paying my rent, sue me.
And it's not just that. I had a terrible day job that didn't pay well and my other job, which I don't want to talk about, was just tiring. So yeah, I bailed out of my responsibilities (not that anyone should), and I don't regret it.....sorta.
When I got to this world of magic and ponies and whatever, I quickly noticed something different. Well, yeah, the entire world was different, but what was different was something with me. I had these overly-large breasts on my lower-body (or whatever a crotch is called in horse terms). Like, HUGE. Like, as big as freaking bowling balls.
And don't get any ideas, I don't enjoy them. They're a pain in the a**. A big one too. Literally, they freaking grow. And why do they grow? Because they're making milk. And what do I do to shrink them? I have to milk them. That's right, milk them. It's like some guy some guy poisoned my food with something that made my stomach grow and I had to throw up to get it to shrink down.
What really p***es me off is how I have to do this thing daily. I swear, my boobs have made so much milk I could flood the Grand Canyon. And another thing, it makes me so freaking sore afterwards. This isn't fun for me, it's as tiring as my other job was. And if I didn't milk them one day, they'd be big enough to be touching the floor and I'd have to waste more energy just to get it all down. I've had to do milk myself in my bathtub because of how much came out at a time. At first I was worried that I might be poisoning the water supply or something. Now, I don't care anymore.
Either way, wasn't getting the whole "happy tone" of the town, because everyone was freaking ignoring me! Geez, they're as bad as some of the racist people back in the city; they closed their doors when I came near; they acted like I was speaking another language when I tried talking to them all because I have big dangling boobs unlike anyone else in town. And my son kept telling me that everyone here is "accepting and friendly!" My a**.
So I tried making a makeshift bra out of some of my spare sheets — I think I did a good job with it too — to keep my breasts covered and tied so that they wouldn't dangle. People didn't treat me like a total alien, but they still didn't really talk to me.
Getting a job was hard in this town. You barely see two people working the same job because everyone has some "special talent" that a tattoo on their butts demonstrate.
Anyway, I finally got a job at some post office sorting incoming and outgoing letters. I swear I had to beg the boss for the job; I would have tried seducing him, but something told me that the males here aren't into large boobs.
After about two weeks of sorting, I got the attention of some young stallion. I could tell he was young because he looked like he was barely out of high school. Anyway, I was hard at work (shut up, perverts) when he asked me if I had any plans later that evening. After I told him I was free, he asked if I wanted to go out later. It's funny; that kid must have had a lot of balls (I don't think the males here even have those) to ask someone who's twice as old as he is out.
After confirming that he was old enough, I said yes to his date offer. He jumped in the air and cheered so loud a Martian could hear him. So after work we went out to this restaurant that I guess the teens here found popular, and had a nice meal. Never before did I like vegetarian food so much. The kid even paid for everything; the meal, the drinks, the dessert, etc. His parents are probably giving him $20 a week for his allowance.
But the night instantly got worse when we got to my house. I don't even know why we went back there. So we got inside when my boobs started aching, alerting me of my daily milking. I told him to give me some privacy for a minute and I went to the restroom and closed the door. I had a large load to get rid of and I started moaning kinda loudly. It sent heat going through my body, and I gotta admit, I kinda enjoyed it in that moment.
The kid burst in and saw me having trouble. I told him to go away, but he thought I needed help and started squeezing my breasts. And what did I do? I socked the kid right in the mouth and his head slammed against the toilet. He was alright, but I started yelling at the kid about giving a woman privacy and such. I must have scared the sh** out of him because he darted out of the house faster than the freaking Roadrunner.
That night, I couldn't sleep because I was so mad at myself for what happened earlier. I got so angry I started squeezing my own breasts, hoping that they would pop and I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. Instead, it got be horny again, and I started begging that when I burst, my freak boobs would burst with me. Instead, I got milk and my juices on the bed and I passed out due to lack of energy.
I used to be such a nice person. I came here hoping that I could be nice again, but so far, things have been frustrating for me. The kid won't talk to be anymore and my boss, who I think is his father, doesn't act well towards me anymore. If I get fired, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll live at home and live off my own milk and nothing else. Maybe I'll become some weird urban legend where I'm a psycho that captures people who come near and force feeds them milk. Maybe I'll die alone and no one will even notice.
Like I said, I used to be such a nice person.
Author's Note
Viewer Discretion Advised
2
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Tales of an Unusual Mare
2
So today after work, some pinkie pony randomly ran up and scared the living sh** out of me. After apologizing about 50 times, she introduced herself as "Pinkie Pie" and wanted to welcome me to Ponyville.
I just realized that I've been here about a week or two, and now this person randomly wants to give me a tour of the town? Where the f*** was this girl when I first got here?
Anyway, I told her I didn't need a tour — I had practically memorized the town by now — but she kept pulling my arm and begging me to go along. I eventually gave in and, no surprise here, she showed me everything I already knew about.
The only thing I never checked out was the bakery, which she took me to and begged me to have a cupcake. When I told her I didn't want one, she gave me these pathetic puppy eyes. But I didn't buy any of it. Eventually, she gave up (surprisingly very easily) and then told me that someone called "Twilight" wanted to see me.
She took me to this tree that reminded me of the one from.....I forget, some fantasy story that had a character living in a tree. The Magic Treehouse, maybe? Anyway, we went inside and she greeted me like I was another form of life. Again, the thing that seems to detach me from everyone else are by problematic crotchboobs.
She told me she had a ton of questions written down that she wanted to ask. (Again, where the hell was THIS girl when I first arrived?) But before that, she introduced me to her......I dunno, a little dragon named "Spike." I had to try my hardest not to squeal with joy, being the diehard dragon fan that I am. (Though, I hate the design of Chinese dragons.)
Apparently the little guy just does stuff for Twilight all day. That sucks! He's a f***ing DRAGON! Show some respect, people!
Anyway, she asked me where I was from, how old I am, what kind of education I have, basically the stuff you would put on your college application.
Then she asked me about my old jobs. I told her my day job was working at a grocery store, and the other......I won't talk about it here. But let's just say that when I described it to her, she was pretty shocked. (What creeped me out is how the pink girl seemed totally unphased.)
What was cute was that the dragon, uh, Spike seem really surprised, and didn't understand would want to do what I used to. He seemed really concerned, even asking if I regretted my choices and if I would ever do it again. This is what gets me angry, folks; He's loving and understanding, but they treat him like Chiwetel Ejiofor's character in "12 Years a Slave." I don't even need to tell you about the movie for you to get what I mean.
I could tell Twilight was trying to forget about it, because she went back to the easy questions. Then she came upon another difficult subject, my crotchboobs. I told her that I didn't know why they appeared or what caused them. I did tell her about how I have to deal with them every day. She felt so bad that she said she'd come up with a spell to get rid of them. What, and fight mother nature? I happen to know from experience that when you try to fight mother nature, she likes kick you square in the a** and send you flying 1000 feet. With a hard landing.
So after that, Pinkie showed me around the home of some woman called "Rarity." More like "Rarely shuts up about how she does thing better than you." I swear, that b**** criticized everything from my hair to my diet to the makeshift bra I made. I wanted to leave the house as soon as possible, but Pinkie forced me to stay and watch Rarity make a new bra for me.
Great, so first she shows up a week late to give me a tour, then forces me to do things I OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO DO. Remind me to tell my son to move here, because he'd quickly learn how unpleasant this place is.
So then she introduced me to Rainbow Dash, who's probably the most self righteous, lazy, and arrogant person I've met next to Rarity. I swear, we're halfway to seeing the Krau-.....nah, I won't say it.
Then she introduced me to Fluttershy, who I was barely able to get a word out of.
Finally, she showed me to Applejack, who I swear is probably the only person here I like. Sure, she lies all the time, but she's a hard worker. When we saw each other, I think we both got that sense that we both have worked hard to make a living. She even showed me how to apple-buck (or whatever it's called), and damn I'm a good kicker.
So after saying goodbye to her and Pinkie, I walked home to go milk myself. When I got there, the lights were off, which was weird because I always leave them on to make people think I'm home. I felt a little pain in my crotchboobs and I removed my bra to look at what hurt.
Then G-d proved that he hated me by having every pony in town there to surprise me. I swear, I screamed to loud I must have made someone deaf.
Covering myself, I demanded to know why everyone was in my house. Pinkie said she set the whole thing up, and I lost my sh**. I started screaming at the top of my lungs and swearing at her for breaking into my house just to set up a party. I saw her hair deflate like a balloon, but I didn't care. I yelled at everyone to get out, and they did so without hesitation.
That brought another night of being unable to sleep. What happened to me to make me such an a**hole?
The next day, Pinkie came to apologize, and I accepted it on the terms that she would not do it again. She hugged me tight enough to squeeze my lungs out, then bounced off.
I've completely lost track of who's sane and who's insane in this town. I'm not even sure I'm same anymore.
