Pony Persona Project: Wait, what?

“Quit doing that! My head feels like it’s going to explode.”

“My apologies but the spell still needs adjusting.”

XXXXXXX
I awoke to deep blue velvet and a strangely soothing tune. I found myself sitting comfortably in a leather recliner. The rooms’ furnishing reminded me of a nightclub office.

“Welcome to the Velvet Room.” I looked toward the voice, my eyes drawn to the old man across the desk. I knew him from somewhere but couldn’t recall his name. His bulging, bloodshot eyes, and long nose should have brought something forward but I just couldn’t remember. It was as though the fog of sleep was clouding my mind. “The first time is always rough on our guests. You see, this place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter. My name is Igor. I am delighted to make your acquaintance. It’s not often we receive guests already aware of this place.”

His perpetual smile seemed to grow as he slid a plain folder to me. A flick of the wrist and a single page was revealed. “Please sign this.” Three simple paragraphs and I knew what they said. “This contract simply states that you will accept all consequences for your actions.” I grabbed the pen provided and tested a theory of mine. I felt genuine excitement when the ink shifted to my true name. “You are truly the strangest guest we’ve had in a long time. But this is as far as we go for now.” He was right. It felt like something was pulling me away. “When next we meet, you’ll have found what lies beyond the looking glass and awakened the power inside your heart.”

XXXXXXX

“Nice adjustment. That particular dream’s about six days early.”

“Would you prefer my sister’s student take over for me? Maybe you’ll mend that rift between you two.”

“I’ll shut up now.”

“Thank you. I just need one more tiny little nudge.”

XXXXXXX

“Okay, that was a weird dream.” I slowly open my eyes, blinking a couple times to adjust to the light. I don’t want to go blind after all. I’m on my back which is a little surprising. “I’m pretty sure I fell forward.” I feel pretty weird too.

“Hey.” It’s like I’m almost numb except for the throbbing in my skull. I only notice myself sitting up when the pain lets up.

“HEY!” I try to jump away only to hit a (very sturdy) wall.

“Holy fuck! Don’t do that.” I glare at the source. I almost jump again in shock before my brain catches up with me. “Oh right, mutant pony things.” I slip into my normal habits, trying to stop my hearts’ current escape attempt. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” My eyes dart to the floor.

“Aw shucks, ya’ll don’t have to apologize for that Mister.” A yellow hand claps my left shoulder. Its’ owner smiles impossibly wide and her giant eyes sparkle in happiness. “A day like yours would make anypony grumpy.” Her hand feels like a warm rug rubbing my skin.

“I’m still sorry.” I wish I was as calm as my voice sounded. These three girls are the closest thing to CG that I have ever seen. “How can they be real? Robots can’t move that fluidly.” I assume they’re in their mid-teens due to their figures. I silently admit that I could be wrong though. I ask to be sure and am completely surprised by the answer. Girls as young as them shouldn’t be this developed. “Is everyone freaky tall here?”

“Is something wrong?” The white one asks. I panic and blurt out how old I thought they looked. They blush and smile. Now I’m ruining this cute little moment by explaining why I thought that. They’re taking it like champs. They just blush a little harder and look away. I’m somehow reminded that we haven’t introduced ourselves and it’d just be rude to assume I know which one is which.

“I’ll just change the subject before things get any more awkward.” I say, scratching the back of my head. “How about we introduce ourselves?” At least they’re looking at me now. “I guess I’ll start. My name is Leroy and I’m a human being.” Awkward has been kicked to the curb and the girls are back to normal.

“Howdy Leroy, my name’s Apple Bloom an’ I’m an Earth Pony.” She’s grinning again as I take in her appearance. She has yellow fur, orange eyes and red hair/tail with a pink bow on her head. The rest of her outfit is pretty cliché so I promptly ignore it.

“It’s nice to meet you, Leroy. I’m Sweetie Belle and I’m a Unicorn.” White fur, pink and light purple mane/tail and bright green eyes. Her clothes are also pretty generic.

“Ditto, I’m Scootaloo and I’m a Pegasus.” She has orange fur, purple mane/tail and purple eyes. And she’s par for the course in bland clothing. Dread echoes through me as they jump to their hooves in some kind of ginyu-esque pose.

“And we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” It’s almost like the sun itself is shining on them just a bit brighter, giving them some kind of mystical aura.

I’m speechless.

It’s not from the pose though. My brain just decided that now was the perfect time to join the conversation.

Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Everfree Forest.

Anthropomorphic ponies.

This entire situation is three levels of fucked up and it can only get worse from here. How else do I explain me being nearly naked in a clubhouse with three underage girls? “Nearly? Oh God, what did they see?”

“Where are my clothes?” So many unanswered questions I will never ask for ANY reason, EVER.

“Oh! I’ll get them.” Sweetie, you are fantastic.

“You sure you’re all right? You’re all red and stuff.” Apple Bloom is still grabbing my shoulder.

“I’ll feel significantly better once I’m wearing pants again.” They thankfully don’t get it. I say that because I do NOT want an angry AJ or Big Mac chasing me down. I have no idea what Rainbow would do but I hope it isn’t too bad.

Sweetie returns pretty quickly and I thank her with a quick hug. I ignore their stares and throw my clothes as fast as possible. They seem impressed when I’m done. Sweetie clears her throat.

“We only have an hour of daylight left.” That definitely startled the others. Scootaloo reacts first.

“Already, what are we supposed to do about him?” She throws her arm in my direction. “Where’s he going to stay?”

“He can’t stay on the farm. Ah’d be grounded for weeks if Ah brought a boy home this close to supper.”

“We don’t have any room at the boutique either and there’s no way Rarity would let a boy sleep in the same room as me.”

“I guess you’re staying at my place then. Good thing my parents are out of town.” Scootaloo is much more comfortable with this than I am.

“This is just for tonight?” They nod. “Okay. What’s the worst that could happen?”

XXXXXXX

“The paper’s picking us up.”

“What? That shouldn’t be happening. I will need to consult my sister.”

“So we’re done for now?”

“Indeed.”