Pony Persona Project: Wait, what?

Waking up in strange places is never a fun thing. Neither is hanging upside down from the ceiling or being wrapped up so tight the ropes dig into your skin. Having all three happen to you at the same time with a blindfold on leads one to think about certain questions. How did I get here? Where is here? Who did this to me? Why did they do this to me? The first question out of my mouth is completely unexpected.

“Why am I naked?” Priorities man, priorities.

“You still have your shorts on.” A female responds.

“That doesn't answer my question.”

“Dude, you were soaked and it’s not exactly summer anymore.” Oh god, there’s another one. Kind of tomboyish compared to the first though.

“Something seems odd about all of this.” Though, I can’t quite put my finger on why.

“Well Ah think you should be a little more appreciative. If we hadn't been there to fish ya up who knows what woulda happened to ya.” And the southern belle makes three. I’m starting to get worried now. Exactly how many girls am I dealing with? “Everfree Forest ain't exactly a playground.”

Wait, what? Everfree Forest? Where do I know that from? Actually, that reminds me.

“Why am I tied up?”

“Because we pulled you out of the Everfree.” Tomboy’s answering this time. I'm ignoring her sarcasm. “We can’t exactly tell whether you belong there or not.” Excuse me? I don’t exactly look like a monster. At least I hope that I don’t.

“What are you anyway?” They’re screwing with me right? I swear if this is another one of his pranks then I’m punching Nick where it rhymes. I've done it before and I will do it again. Meh, I'll play along.

"Human. What are you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Wow. They're definitely screwing with me.

"He has a blindfold on, Scootaloo." That is the second saddest name I've ever heard.

"I-I knew that." And I'm Micheal J. Caboose. "I was just testing him, Sweetie Belle." I'm speechless. Their parents are horrible people. "Quit laughing, Apple Bloom."

"Sorry." I don't really know what prompted me to say that but it drew attention back to me pretty easily.

"It's not your fault." Sweetie's trying to sound reassuring.

"Sorry." Did I just apologize for apologizing?

"Seriously, we're just kidding around. There's nothing to be sorry about." Scootaloo sounds embarrassed. Is it for me or her?

"Besides, any day you can help somepony in need is a good day." Applebloom is surprisingly upbeat about all this. "That's what mah sister always tells me, anyway."

"Oh. Can you help me down. I'm starting to get a headache from the whole 'blood rushing to my skull' thing going on."

"On it!" Thank you, Scootaloo.

"Wait, not that one!"

Too late for warnings now. I feel the rope free me from it's evil grip into gravity's gentle em-thunk Fuck you, gravity! You shit-grinning whore! God dammit, that hurt. Did they hang me from the fucking rafters? Oh hey, one of them took the blindfold off. Now I can see what...they...look...like. I'm confused now.

"What exactly did you say you were again?"

"We're ponies silly." Oh joy, I'm fainting now.