Pony Persona Project: Wait, what?

Well, if you're reading this, then chances are you've made some very poor career choice.

.....

That was a joke.

Who’s supposed to be reading this anyway? No seriously, who’s reading this? Is this for people or ponies? If it’s ponies, then they’ll probably either redo this all to be accurate or just ask everyone else involved for their sides of the story.

Are they really expecting more humans to show up? A highly unlikely scenario but not entirely impossible.

In either case, I’ve gotten in a bit of trouble for not making these ‘chapters’ longer. It’s not my fault the spell nearly gave me an aneurysm.

I guess we’ll call this an interlude. Where should I start?

Hm...got it!

Cumulonavigation- This is the scientific term for (surprise surprise) navigating via weather patterns. Since pegasi have the universal ability to craft/mold/move clouds, they developed ‘weather maps’ for how they could best keep various regions survivable. This started in the Pre-Unification Period, where the pegasus tribe was located north of the others. Their creation is directly tied to pegasi’ instinctive awareness of the cardinal directions (which was the target of a lot of bird jokes back in the day). Only other thing I can tell you about it is that all weather team captains need to know it before they can get the job. This is the best description I could do with how Rainbow explained it to me.

Not enough? Then listen up losers, Leroy’s about to lay a factdown on your sorry asses.

Pegasi wings are connected to the mid/lower back and fold on their sides. It is not a fashion statement so quit staring. It also surprisingly difficult to hurt them with an outside force. Also, they are not an erogenous zone but they are ticklish.

Yes, ponies are tall. Yes, they are impressively proportioned. No, they aren’t lighter because they’re bipedal. They’re are differences between tribes though, with pegasi being the lightest of the three and earth ponies the heaviest. They’re also stronger than you would ever want to experience. Those funny little shows of strength from the show (accidental or otherwise) can be trained up to.

Yes, herds (harems) are a thing. No, you won’t get one. You will not be found super attractive just because you’re a different species. You have as much of a chance at getting a mare and/or stallion to like you as the rest of equestria. Nobody is all that interested in one night stands around here unless they're in heat or their name is Cloud Kicker but I only know her through reputation. I don’t put much stock in rumors like that. AJ called my opinion adorable but wrong.

That unicorn eating a ham sandwich is NOT a hallucination. Unicorns have the highest caloric intake next to alicorns due to their mana reserves. The majority of unicorns prefer special tea blends instead. Said tea was an invention of necessity in the olden days but grew into a booming trade with a variety of flavors and brands. Actually, all ponies are able to eat meat and you’ll most likely not realize that particular fact until you sit down to an eggs-ellent little breakfast with those crunchy strips of heaven on the side.

Heh. Reminds me of a Cracked video.

What? Stop the puns? Never! Thinking these things up is like my main source of entertainment. It's fucking boring here.

You want to know about me? Well alright.

I was going to college for a degree in criminal psychology. My hair is naturally brown but I was dying it silver back on earth. The suit/uniform I was wearing when I was sent here was something I whipped up while I was in my high school’s drama club. It was the only club with any room when I was removed from the track team.

I was in a car accident when I was sixteen which took the life of my father and left me with needing two screws in my left leg and another in my left arm. They still act up from time to time. I’m vertically challenged. The Crusaders are legitimately taller than me. It’s only an inch right now. Shit, give them few years time and they're going to tower over me too.

Why does everything seem inconsistent? I’m just doing it to annoy Twilight. It may paint me as a jerk but her reactions are one of the few forms of entertainment I actually have in this world. It’s so boring here.

Oh right, I forgot the spell. It’s a modified therapy spell that honestly reminds me of a pensieve from the Harry Potter books. Except you don’t get sucked into a bowl for it.

~~And now I’ve run out of things to say.~~

I want to go home. There's nothing to do here.

Well, that's not entirely true. They do set up some arcade cabinets in the spring. Fucking wastes of time and bits. I shouldn't say that. Even if it is true.

Over than that, nothing. I still can barely read one of the languages here. Yeah, you should watch out for that. And by that, I mean that Equestria doesn't have a unified written form so all three tribes write in their native language with Modern Unicorn being the easiest to learn. I'm currently in my fourth month of learning it and still getting shown up by the Cake Twins.

Also, Ponyville ain't that big of a place. There's no real nightlife except a single pub/club and Pinkie is the only one who throws parties during the day. I'm actually missing college just so I wouldn't have so much free time. And don't think I don't have a job. Because I do. Several in fact. All from the bulletin board just outside Town Hall.

I should wrap this up before I ramble some more. Seriously though, what was I supposed to do here?

Wait. Um, final point... the stuff after this will be ~~week-by-week format. A certain lavender mare has been whining.~~ longer.... maybe. I don't know what they want from me. Nobody is being very informative either.

....Note end?

No? Damn. How do I turn this off? Oh great, there's a timer. What the hell do I do now?

[Leroy spent the remaining twelve minutes singing what he calls "The Song That Never Ends". Despite the repetitive nature of said song, experts agree that Leroy has a very likable singing voice.]