Pony Persona Project: Wait, what?
Nothing important.
Previous Chapter[The Velvet Room]
I should have expected this. I really should have.
“You continue to be a most interesting guest.” Igor smiles enigmatically. “The power of the Wild Card is expected but you are capable of much more. To hear your personas’ hearts as they hear yours.”
“I can hear hearts?”
“You will understand in due time.” He gestures to his side. “For now, I believe introductions are in order.” A figure steps forward.
“Hello, My name is Theodore, though I am surprised you don’t know of me.” He seems to slouch a little. “Then again, nothing truly stays the same.” Brightening up again, he continues. “I and my sisters are the assistants of Master Igor. I am one of the individuals helping you on your journey. Specifically, I will be in charge of your Compendium. The same rules apply for you as they did for your predecessors.” He seems happier now. “You may register any Persona you hold at the time into the Compendium. Then, for a modest fee, recover them at a later date.” The word modest seems to embarrass him.
“How am I supposed to pay?” I’m pretty sure my gas/fast-food fund was ruined by my surprise dip. Where is my wallet, anyway? I think Twilight said something about it. Man, I really need to start paying more attention when people speak.
“I can assure you, the currency of your current location will be more than adequate. In fact, you should find my fees much more agreeable with these ‘bits’. That brings another point to mind but I believe Master Igor wishes to be the one to explain.”
“Thank you Theodore.” I look back to Igor. “Due to the nature of your current world, measures must be taken to ensure our guests’ confidentiality.”
“Why?”
“Normally, only those with a contract can see the Velvet Room’s entrance. This is due to the lack of certain abilities in the populace. However, with magic so abundant around you, we were forced to seek outside help. Unwanted guests tend to meet unfortunate ends from our less savory residents, after all.” He waves his hand in a circle. “And I would prefer to keep potential relations neutral, if not amicable.” The room seems to shake.
“It would appear she has found us, Master.”
“Indeed. We will have to cut things short, I’m afraid.” He tosses me a Velvet Key. “The next time we meet will be under your own power. Do keep a lookout for our help.”
“No doubt, it will be a ‘great’ meeting. She has a ‘powerful’ personality, after all.” Theodore jokes with a smile.
“I won’t keep you from your guest. See you next time.” Wait, what?
“What guest?” They just grin as my vision fades.
[???]
I’m suddenly in a white expanse. I watch an ornate throne room slide, Matrix-style, into existence. I can see a full moon and twinkling stars through the open balcony doors.
“What is this place?”
“This is the Night Court. The heart of Our domain, nestled deep within the Realm of Sleep.
“My name is Leroy.” I sound more annoyed than I really am.
“We are already aware of thy alias, Alien Abomination.” Okay, now I’m officially pissed off.
“If you’ve got something to say then say it to my face and quit hiding like a coward.”
“You would dare to challenge Us in Our domain, where We are strongest?” This voice is mocking me.
“I would.” Fuck you, Mysterious Voice. You can’t even stay consistent with your wording. I ain’t taking any shit from you.
“Fine!” Every pane of glass shatters at the volume. Even I’m forced to cover my ears. Starting to think this wasn’t a good idea. The shadows of the room bleed together, forming a figure on the once-empty throne. A dark blue coat with an ephemeral, starry mane/tail. Curves most definitely proving her of the fairer sex. Wings larger than any pegasi I’ve seen and giant horn upon her head. And the blue/purple dress she wears looks like it was designed around the armor and crown she wears, a sign of station worn out of necessity. She is a warrior first and nobility second. “We are Luna, Princess of the Night.”
The temperature drops drastically and my instincts scream in fear. Fear of her, a being so very far above me in the cosmic scale that I could swear Death itself is laughing at me while it drinks a V8. My mind whirls, going over everything she’s said until now, hoping to find some way to undo my insult. I don’t like the connections it makes.
“You’re a Dreamwalker.” Fuck me sideways on a rusty swingset… Depending on her power, the Velvet Room’s very presence could be considered an affront to her.
“No.” No? ”I am much more than that.” A pulse of raw power confirms that. “Will you apologise for your transgressions?” She rises from her throne and stalks towards me, stopping close enough to lean over and whisper in my ear. “Or shall We make you regret your words?” She says it in such an innocent, seductive tone. She pulls away with a smile on her face. (And a blade at my balls! How the fuck did I not notice that when it happened?)
“M-my humblest apologies, your Majesty.” I’m tripping over my words and stuttering like a damn fool. “I had no idea you-”
“Silence.” There’s no emotion in her tone. Only power. “Tonight marks the second time We’ve felt someone ripped from Our realm with unknown magic. Had Our sister not informed Us of your presence, We would never have found who it was.” Shit. “We do not blame you. We were merely curious as to who use twist Our realm in such a way.”
“Were?” She didn’t ask me anything, so where did she get her info?
“We walked through your recent memories as you gained lucidity in the void.” Excuse me, what!
“You went through my mind!” That was the wrong thing to say and the wrong way to say it.
“Don not forget who you speak to.” I can’t help but flinch at the bite in her tone. Her gaze softens. “Why do you make this so difficult?” She’s not really speaking to me as she continues. “My mind is at war when I lay gaze upon you. Mentally, I know you are an adult but your shorter stature invokes the urge to guard you like a colt. I doubt there is any mare who would not feel the same.” Is that what’s been happening? An ‘Older than he looks’ thing? “Of course, there are mares who are into that sort of thing.” Why did she say that? H-has my life turned into some kind of fucked-up harem comedy? Because I will fight it every step of the way if it has. I actually like living. And those plots suck. (And the relationships either don’t go anywhere, because the main character doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and it only gets resolved in the finale or have things go down the ‘everyone shares the main character’ route which is just complete bullshit.)
(Hey! I actually like those stories.)
(What? Why? They’re completely unrealistic! Relationships are built by spending time together and being faithful to your partner. I have no respect for a guy who can’t make a choice like that. Especially if he already has a girl in mind.)
(You’re completely unrealistic!)
(Stay classy, Twilight. Stay classy.)
Luna chuckles at my expression. “This is much more enjoyable than our first meeting.”
“First meeting?”
“Last night. I was attempting to aid you with your nightmare. Instead of hearing me out, you punched me in the face.” A nervous blush appears. “I may have overreacted in response.” Huh. I punched a pony goddess/princess in the face. How many guys have that on their resume?
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine. Though, I am unsure as to why your nightmare appeared in such a form. It appeared to me as you running through Ponyville screaming ‘I am freaking the fuck out.’ at the top of your lungs.”
“Sounds about right.” She’s clearly unsatisfied with my answer. “I hate people looking at me like I’m weak, so I bottle things up and deal with them in private. What you saw, most likely, was me suffering the near mental breakdown I should’ve had the day that I arrived. There’s only so much the human mind can take before it breaks.” My mind’s going weird again. “What’s with your speech anyway?” Ha! I actually caught her off guard with that one. Damnit, she’s recovered.
“You mean the ‘Royal We’? I’m supposed to use it during matters of the state. Sleeping is the only time I can actually talk like I want to. Especially after Star Swirl’s sadistic study sessions on speech. Tia did have it far worse than I did. It took her two hundred years to stop glaring at tea kettles.”
“What?”
“My sister chose the more political side of the lessons while I chose poise. Her hardest challenge was ‘Tea Time’, where she had to conduct herself as a proper noble while drinking tea. If she messed up at any point, she would have to do the entire lesson over again.” That doesn’t sound so bad. “She wasn’t even allowed to relieve herself until she passed for the day.” Her grin’s telling me there’s more. “And Star Swirl never interrupted his lessons, not even the failed ones.” I almost wince while Luna starts grinning like a lunatic. “She never lasted through the third try the entire time he taught us.” We both start laughing.
“That’s so cruel.” I gotta sit down.
“I know. Compared to that, balancing a bucket of tree sap on my horn was a cakewalk.” We laugh a while longer. “It’s nearly morning now. Perhaps we could talk like this again?”
“Just give me a little warning next time.”
[My Room]
I’m shocked. It feels like I’ve been awake the entire time. It’s kind of unsettling but not completely.
“This place is weird.”
“Well you’re up early.” I am? “Celestia raised the sun a few minutes ago.” Am I supposed to believe that? Then again, I did just talk to a goddess. Is Celestia this ‘Tia’ she spoke of? It would still take a shitload of power to move a celestial body....
Wow. The connection has been made. Time to welcome back my old friend paranoia, because I don’t believe in coincidences.
“Good morning, Miss Cheerilee.” She had been waiting for an answer.
“Oh, you don’t have to use the Miss with me.” She smiles cheerily. Wow, two for two. Good going, brain.
“Okay.” I move to sit on the side of the bed. Cheerilee joins a second later.
“Do you have any plans for today?”
“Nope.” It feels weird to say that. On Earth, I always had something to do or some little side project to work on. “Why are you asking?”
“I was thinking you could do with some more clothes. It’d be better to get them now.”
“Where would I even go to get them?”
“Carousel Boutique. Rarity’s the go-to girl for Ponyville’s clothing needs.” She seems a little nervous now. “You should really tell her yourself. You don’t want her finding out on her own. It won’t end pretty.”
“It may just be my paranoia talking, but you’re making it sound like she’ll rape me or something.” Complete silence with a haunted look. “She wouldn’t actually do that, right?”
“Of course not! I don’t know what you’ve heard, but being in heat doesn’t make a mare some kind of sex-crazed criminal.” Hold up.
“Rarity’s in heat?”
“I was trying not to say that.” That’s a yes. “Rarity is very passionate about her work. Her current condition usually makes it a bit worse as she tends to be....”
“Hot-blooded?” Cause she’s in heat. I crack me up.
“I was going to say prideful but that works too.” She takes a minute to compose herself. “Here’s the thing. If you don’t tell her now, it will only haunt you later.” I see her shudder and give her a one-armed hug, offering silent comfort.
“Okay. It’s not like I have anything better to do.” She returns my hug. I guess my surrender was more transparent than I thought.
[Outside Carousel Boutique, Noon]
“Finally.” It was a hassle getting here so I’m justified saying that. (Rainbow Dash deciding to prank me in some sort of hazing ritual, nearly getting run over by the Crusaders as they zoomed through town, checking out the shop Vinyl mentioned while simultaneously meeting Lyra, and finding out just how Pinkie is contained/distracted for a week.)
I’m bowled over by someone rushing out the door.
“Sorry, Rarity! I need to feed my books!” Twilight? What the fuck kind of excuse was that?
“Oh my. Are you alright, Leroy?” Rarity pulls me to my feet and stares after Twilight with a huff. “Honestly, she could’ve just said no.” I get an eyeful of her current outfit.
“Nice bikini.” Baby blue, barely there, and about to burst any second.
“Oh? You mean this old thing?” She twirls in place, still ‘jiggling’ at the end. I guess the ‘bursting look’ is intentional. “I was just seeing if it still fit. As well as some other pieces from my youth.” Placing a hand to her chest in an exaggerated ‘regret’ pose. “Twilight would have just looked delightful in that skirt.”
“Well it looks great on you.” I’m not even making that up. I’ve had enough Twi'lek fantasies to not be too bothered.
“Thank you, Darling.” A dramatic little gasp. “Where are my manners? Please, come inside.” I wolf-whistle as she walks inside, causing her to look at me with a smirk. I follow her in and she shuts the door with magic. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique.” She strikes a ‘showy’ pose. “Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique.”
“Nice presentation.” It looks like she just cleaned up a warzone. I remember Spike saying that she just finished an order for some noble.
“Flattery won’t get you everywhere, Darling.” She says that, but she’s still smirking. “What can I do for you today?”
“I need a couple outfits.” I swear I see some kind of evil in her eye for a split second.
“Say no more, Leroy. I’ll take it from here.” Why can’t I move? "Just relax and let Rarity do her thing." I have made a horrible mistake.
[Scootaloo’s House, Evening]
I am never going there again unless I’m forced. She measured everything eight times. Eight times. Just to check that the numbers were right. At least the clothes won’t take long. Sweetie’s supposed to bring them tomorrow.
Speaking of Crusaders, Scootaloo is currently poking me with her hoof.
“Should I worry about where that’s been?” My attempt at humor is completely ignored. Probably for the best.
“You okay?”
“I got measured for clothes.” She rolls her eyes.
“Boys.” Oh joy, gender stereotypes exist here too. I wonder who’s getting the short end of the stick here. “You gonna just lay here or do you actually plan on eating?” She bends over to examine me. “Me and Cheerilee can put it in the fridge if you aren’t hungry. It’s already pretty cold now.”
“As it stands, I’m merely waiting for proper feeling to return to my limbs after the events that transpired earlier today. Being magically paralyzed by a fashion-obsessed unicorn and forcibly placed in a variety of poses over the course of several hours tends to be detrimental to posture.”
“You sound funny. Did you catch a cold?” Concern and fear are present in her voice.
“Fortunately for me, no. I simply need a way to vent my various frustrations in a non-destructive manner, utilizing my extended vocabulary to test my conversational skill.” I can see her blank expression. “I’m bored and still waiting for Rarity’s spell to wear off. Word games keep me occupied.” Realization, then confusion.
“Then how did you get back?”
“Pinkie Pie.” I wish I could take a picture of Scootaloo’s face right now. It’d be even funnier if I hadn’t had the same look when it happened. “Yes, I am being completely serious. Rarity tossed me out the door as soon as she had my measurements and somehow Pinkie was waiting there to catch me. She carried me here on her back.” She was also topless, speaking in a veritable storm of double entendres and sex puns, and rushing to make it back before Mrs Cake realised she wasn’t at the milker anymore. “This town is really started to get weird.”
Scootaloo pats me on the head and goes to get Cheerilee, who roughly pokes a series of spots along my spine. Feeling has returned to my body and I nearly leap to my feet. Cheerilee isn’t amused and sends me straight to bed. Meaning, she carried me there after we argued over my condition. (I still think I was fine. She shouldn’t worry so much.)
Scootaloo’s been appointed as my guard so now she thinks she has to sleep with me. The ‘friendly’ way, not the ‘romantic’ or ‘sexy’ ways. She’s still way too excited about it. I barely manage the privacy to change and get settled before she bursts into the room, tossing another pillow on the now uncomfortably thin bed. Now I have to ignore the fact there’s a naked filly in the same bed as me since ninety percent of ponies sleep nude, no matter what.
“Hey Leroy.” Wow, she timed that horribly. I was almost to my happy place. ”How would you describe yourself?” That’s a weird question. Sounds a bit practiced as well.
“An unreliable narrator.”
“Huh?” I feel her shift behind me.
“Just go to sleep, Scoots.” Her wings give a little buzz.
“O-okay. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Sleep comes easy after that.
(That good enough? Because I’d like to cut this short. There’s a new Daring Do book out today.)
(...)
(Twilight? Twiiiiiiiiiiilight.)
(...)
(I think I broke her. But how? When?)
(...)
(And now it’s creepy. I’m gonna go get a guard, you ah...keep doing what you’re doing.)
(....Tea Time?)