Achievement Hunter in Equestria: JT Hailstorm Edition

Waking up with a pounding headache Jack sits up. He wonders what happened, he and the others in the office were playing this new game and that’s about it. As he looked around he knew he wasn’t in the office anymore, as a matter of fact he knew he wasn’t in Texas. Everything was so colorful and pretty almost like the kiddie section of an arcade. However he is in a library cause there are books, a lot of books. Looking around in wonderment he fails to notice the purple baby dragon looking at him.

“What did you do with Twilight?” Spike asked. Jack focuses on the purple baby dragon in front of him with his arms crossed. Nothing is making any sense anymore.

“Did you just talk?” Jack asked.

“Yeah and you didn’t answer my question.” Spike said.

“I have no idea who Twilight is.” Jack said.

“Great…now what am I going to do?” Spike said. He looks at the ground in discouragement. Jack continues to look around in amazement.

“Where am I?” Jack asked. At that moment the door opens and Applejack comes in with a hogtied Ray and Gavin. They appeared very cartoony so he looked at himself and he too was cartoonish.

“Twi, we have a pro- who the hay are ya?” Applejack asked.

“Well I’m…” Jack began to say. Then Rainbow Dash flies in with a very scared Kerry.

“I found another…hey you aren’t Twilight.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Purple dragon, where am I?” Jack asked.

“You’re in Equestria.” Spike said.

“Answer meh.” Applejack demanded. She got up close to him in an aggressive stance. So did Rainbow Dash who dropped Kerry on his head.

“My name is Jack Pattillo.” Jack said.

“What did ya do with Twi?” Applejack asked.

“I don’t know…” Jack said. He covered his head in fear. Suddenly he teleported to a different spot in the room that was away from the angry ponies, and he looked over to the confused ponies. “What the fuck?”

“Eh what jus’ happened?” Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash dashed over to Jack to keep the pressure on him.

“How did you do that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I don’t know.” Jack said. Once again another entered the room but this time it was Princess Luna, with Geoff, Michael, and Lindsay restrained by her magic.

“Princess Twil- you aren’t my sister’s prized student. Purple dragon, I request the Purple one.” Princess Luna said.

“I uh…well…I don’t know where she is.” Spike said.

“It seems you and I have the same problem. When night drew to an end I waited for my sister to raise the sun but alas she was nowhere to be found. Only this scruffy one, who rested in my sister’s place.” Princess Luna said. She held up Geoff who looked very displeased. “I went to check on the Crystal Empire and I found these two instead of Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. Then I come here and find more of these things.”

“We prefer to be called humans.” Jack said. Everypony and everybody looked at Jack who was still intimidated by Rainbow Dash. Ray managed to get the rope out of his mouth.

“Rub her belly.” Ray shouted.

“How’d ya get that off?” Applejack asked. Jack grabbed Rainbow Dash and rubbed her belly. As he did she became less aggressive and laughed a little bit.

“Haha stop that.” Rainbow Dash laughed.

“You aren’t that scary now.” Jack said.

“Humans?” Princess Luna asked.

“Yeah.” Jack said. While distracted he stopped rubbing Rainbow Dash’s belly. She got away and flew over to Applejack. Jack stood up and the ponies looked on in amazement.

“I have heard of your kind.” Princess Luna said.

“I know who all of you are…” Ray said.

“You do?” Princess Luna asked.

“Yeah, you’re Princess Luna…the one who hogtied me is Applejack, the one who dropped Kerry is Rainbow Dash. As for the other two, I wasn’t paying attention.” Ray said. He smiled at Applejack.

“If we are here, then where are these other…ponies?” Jack asked.

“We have to figure that out.” Princess Luna said.

“Uh Princess Luna, Jack here teleported earlier. How do you explain that?” Spike asked. Kerry woke up and rubbed his head.

“What happened?” Kerry asked. He looked around and saw the ponies. “Ah! Don’t hurt me.” Kerry covered his head and cowered in fear.

“Human can you do magic where you are from?” Princess Luna asked.

“No.” Jack answered.

“Interesting.” Princess Luna said. She let the three down and they stood there in utter confusion. “You scruffy one. Get a book from where you are at.” Geoff looked around at all of the books.

“Uh…” Geoff said. He picked up a book by holding his hand out, almost as if he was using the force. The book floated in the air and he smiled. “Holy shit this is awesome.”

“You two do the same.” Princess Luna said. Michael and Lindsay did the same as Geoff. Both were excited that they could do the same. Princess Luna looked at Jack. “Now you.” Jack did the same and the ponies and Spike looked on in amazement.

“Wow that is awesome.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I wonder if I could do that.” Kerry said. He lifted his arm out and tried it but nothing. Once again he tried but then he gave up.

“Hey Kerry, catch this.” Michael said. He threw the book he was holding at Kerry. The book hit Kerry in the face. All of the Achievement Hunters laughed at Kerry’s misfortune, even Gavin laughed a muffled laugh.

“You humans are strange.” Princess Luna said.

“Where’s Ryan?” Jack asked.

“Yeah where is Ryan?” Geoff asked.

“There is another?” Princess Luna asked.

“I wonder if he has the same powers.” Jack asked.

“Let’s hope not, he’s a crazy motherfucker.” Geoff said.

“Scruffy one, come with me.” Princess Luna said. The two of them walked outside, naturally the other followed except for Ray and Gavin who were still tied up. “Use your powers to move the sun.”

“Is that even possible?” Geoff asked.

“Yes.” Princess Luna said.

“Do I have to?” Geoff asked.

“Yes.” Princess Luna said. Geoff raised his hand to the sun and moved it. “Hmm…this must mean you humans have replaced certain ponies. We just have to figure out which ones.” Jack looked very confused.

“So does this mean I’m that Twilight, everyone seems to be looking for?” Jack asked.

“I’m afraid so.” Princess Luna said. Everypony walked back inside and the Achievement Hunters did as well.

“Princess what d’ya want us to do?” Applejack asked.

“I have to do some research before we try to do anything. The scruffy one and I will rule over Canterlot together while we are researching. Those two however, cannot rule over the Crystal Empire so they will have to stay here. You two and the rest of your friends will have to watch over these humans. Ensure they don’t get into any trouble.”

“I’d prefer to be called Geoff.” Geoff said. Princess Luna pulled Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike to another part of the room to discuss other things.

“King Geoff?” Lindsay asked.

“Well technically he’d be prince. Since he somewhat replaced Celestia, we could call him Princess Geoff.” Ray laughed.

“Do you want me to destroy him now, Geoff?” Michael asked.

“Later. I have a country to rule.” Geoff said.

“That’s all we need.” Jack said.

“Silence Jack. I am now King Geoff.” Geoff said.

“Well Prince, my liege.” Michael said.

“No, I am King.” Geoff said.

“Michael, he is Celestia so he’d be like you know.” Ray said.

“Oh yeah.” Michael said.

“Mike would be so jealous.” Lindsay said.

“Good thing he isn’t here, he’s a freak.” Michael said.

“That reminds me…” Ray said.

“Doesn’t he get a boner when Fluttershy is mentioned or something like that?” Kerry asked.

“Yup.” Michael said.

“I wonder who I am.” Lindsay said.

“Bigger question, why don’t I have super powers?” Kerry asked.

“Kerry my boy, you are probably like a non-magical earth pony.” Michael said.

“I wonder how we got here.” Jack asked.

“We were just playing a game sent to us by one of those companies.” Geoff said.

“Yeah, and when we started the multiplayer game the power went out and then we blacked out.” Michael said.

“I thought it was strange we got a copy of a game from that company. They never sent us stuff like that before.” Ray said.

“Did you read who it was from?” Geoff asked.

“Yeah, it said Rockstar Games.” Ray said.

“How was it spelled?” Geoff asked.

“R-O-C-S-T-A-R G-A-E-M-Z.” Ray said.

“You idiot, that’s not Rockstar Games. I don’t know what that is.” Geoff said. Michael started laughing out loud.

“You dumbass.” Michael laughed.

“That’s not how you spell it?” Ray asked. Gavin finally got the rope out of his mouth. “Well Gavin’s the one who said it was the right thing.”

“Me?” Gavin protested.

“Yeah you. You accepted the package from Kara.” Ray said.

“Yeah but…you should’ve known.” Gavin said.

“I thought you were joking. I thought you were misspelling it as a joke.” Ray said.

“No, I don’t joke about things like that.” Gavin said.

“Well now we’re here. Princess Geoff here is ruler.” Jack said.

“Actually you’d be a princess too.” Ray said. “Not that I would know cause I stopped caring…” He looked away so as to throw them off. The ponies returned and Princess Luna used her magic to pick Geoff up.

“I must be off. Let’s go Geoff.” Princess Luna said.

“Wait, what about the rest of us.” Jack asked.

“Those two will tell you.” Princess Luna said. Princess Luna and Geoff disappeared. Spike was nowhere to be found but Applejack and Rainbow Dash were still there.

“Where’s that purple dragon?” Jack asked.

“His name is Spike.” Michael said.

“Okay where’s Spike?” Jack asked.

“He’s getting a book.” Rainbow Dash said.

“So…we are stuck here?” Lindsay said.

“Hey can we be untied?” Ray asked.

“Oh yeah…sorry ‘bout that.” Applejack said. She untied Gavin and Ray. When they were free they stood up and Ray had wings.

“Hey look I got wings. Guess who’s fly now?” Ray said.

“Oi look, I got lil baby wings.” Gavin said.

“Great, Scootaloo got replaced.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Ah wonder who else got replaced.” Applejack said. Spike returned with a book and handed it to Jack.

“Princess Luna wants you to study this.” Spike said. At that time Spike belched up a scroll. “They’re okay.” He picked up the scroll and opened it. “Spike, I and several other ponies including Princess Celestia, Princess Cadence, and my brother. Are all trapped in this weird world. We are okay and are trying to figure out how to get back to Equestria. Signed Twilight Sparkle.”

“You need to send her a letter explaining there are humans that replaced them.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude but I can’t read this stuff.” Jack said.

“Great…more stuff we need to do.” Rainbow Dash said.

“What are you complaining about? I have to be his assistant.” Spike said.

“Oh yeah.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Well let’s git on writin’ that letter.” Applejack said. They began writing a letter explaining the switch that has occurred. After several rewrites and one paper cut Spike sent the letter.

“Ah-ha! I have my emergency 3DS.” Ray cheered. He pulled out his 3DS out of his pocket. Shortly after saying that he immersed himself in playing a game.

“What will you do when the power runs out?” Jack asked.

“Oh shit I didn’t think of that.” Ray said. He looked at the game and turned it off. Spike then belched up another letter.

“Dear Spike, at this time we encourage that you call a meeting with the others. I will send you instructions soon. At the meantime keep our guests happy. Signed Twilight Sparkle.” Spike read.

“Keep them happy?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well Ah’ll go git the others and bring ‘em here.” Applejack said. She left as fast as she could. Rainbow Dash and Spike shook their heads.

“She read my mind. I guess I have to stay.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I’ll get on baking some cookies.” Spike said.

“I wonder where Ryan is.” Jack said.

Meanwhile in a remote and nearly unreachable place in Equestria, stood one man staring out at the landscape. Already engulfed in his own madness he smirks. The only creature to stand next to him is a cow.

“Moo.” The cow said.

“That’s right Edgar…we’re going to take over. This vastly colorful world sickens me. You shall be my right hand and we shall color it in a better color…what’s the word I’m looking for?” Ryan asked. The cow looked at him.

“Moo.” Edgar said.

“You have a way with words. Gather more, and when we are ready we’ll start our march.” Ryan said. Then a thought came to him, something told him he’s missing something. “Before you leave Edgar, fetch me a chicken and possibly a sheep. We need some diversity.”

“Moo.” Edgar said.

“They won’t cause us any trouble. They’re too stupid to do anything. Now go, do as I say.” Ryan said. Edgar walked away and Ryan got caught up in his evil plots. “Hmm…they won’t see me coming.”

Back to Jack and the others minus Princess Geoff. Michael finds his 3DS in his pocket so he and Ray start playing a game. Kerry and Lindsay spectate the two as they played their game. Jack talked to Rainbow Dash and tried to explain what all of them did.

“So you guys got paid to play games?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yeah though we have to record us playing them, cut, edit, and upload to the Internet.” Jack explained.

“Now explain the internet.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I would if I could, well I guess I could give you a sorta example.” Jack said. He pulled out his phone and looked at it. Something interesting caught his eye. “Hey, I’m getting Wifi here. So I could give you a better example.”

“What we get Wifi here?” Ray asked. He looked up for a moment.

“I’m gonna beat you Ray.” Michael said.

“Anyways, this is the internet.” Jack said. Gavin leaned in with Rainbow Dash as Jack brought up a few websites.

“Hey Jack…I’m watching you do stuff.” Gavin said.

“Hey Gavin, you can’t fly.” Jack said.

“Shut up.” Gavin said.

“Nobody told you to jump off that thing.” Jack said.

“You were lucky I was there.’ Rainbow Dash said. Gavin looked dissatisfied.

“What are you anyways? Are you part bird?” Gavin asked.

“Gavin, she’s a pegasus.” Jack said.

“Oh…” Gavin said. He looked at Jack with utter confusion on his face.

“Don’t even try explaining it. He’s too stupid to understand.” Michael said. He didn’t even bother looking up from the game. “Fuck you Ray.” Apparently Michael lost so he turned his 3DS off and put it back in his pocket.

“Still the champ.” Ray said.

“More like…what’s that word you Americans use?” Gavin asked. He went over to the others and tried to look cool.

“Anyways, that’s the internet. I could show you a little bit of what I we do.” Jack said. He started showing Rainbow Dash what they do as a company. A little while later Spike showed up with a tray of freshly baked cookies. “If I could ask you one thing. Do you guys have alcohol in this world?”

“Jack they do…or at least that’s what the fandom says.” Michael said.

“Fandom?” Rainbow Dash asked. She looked to Jack for some answers.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer for you. Plus those cookies are calling my name.” Jack said. He went over to get a cookie. Rainbow Dash intrigued about fans she flew over to Michael. Kerry ran over to get a cookie but mostly to avoid Rainbow Dash.

“Explain this fandom thing.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Well in our world you guys are just a cartoon on TV. The target audience for that show is supposed to be for little girls but there is an older audience that call themselves bronies and pegasisters. They do all kinds of things and there are those who have crazy fantasies about you. Overall they just fight about facts and enjoy the show.” Michael explained.

“Where’d AJ go?” Ray asked.

“Shut up Ray.” Michael said.

“She should be back soon.” Rainbow Dash said. She gave Ray a very awkward look.

“He isn’t one of those crazy ones. He’s rather normal.” Michael said.

“Okay…I’m going to keep an eye on him anyways.” Rainbow Dash said.

“That’s a good plan.” Lindsay said.

“Well it’s cookie time!” Ray said. Everyone went to go get cookies while Rainbow Dash hovered close by. It wasn’t long before the others showed up. Spike read them Twilight’s instructions while the Achievement Hunters played poker using cookies and what money they had as chips, Ray just used I.O.U. slips. The ponies and Spike had a discussion about the Achievement Hunters.

“The one with the wings can stay with me.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Why?” Spike asked.

“Just trust me.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Okay…how do you know he can walk on clouds?” Spike asked.

“He could stay with me.” Fluttershy said.

“That’s a bad idea.” Michael said.

“Yeah.” Ray said. Both didn’t look up from their cards.

“Twi suggested the one named Jack to stay here.” Spike said.

“Why don’t you just draw names from a hat?” Jack suggested. He showed his hand, which was a royal flush. The others sighed as they threw their cards down. Ray sorta cried cause he was out of I.O.U. slips. “I’m feelin’ generous, you can have your slips back.”

“That’s a good idea.” Spike said. He asked the other Achievement Hunters for their names. They used Applejack’s hat to draw names out of.

“Oh boy I got Kerry!” Pinkie Pie cheered. She walked over to the AH crew. “Which one is Kerry?”

“That’s me.” Kerry said.

“Hey you’re first at something.” Michael said.

“Yay me.” Kerry cheered. Pinkie hugged Kerry. Rainbow Dash looked defeated at the piece of paper.

“Gavin, you are with me.” Rainbow Dash sighed. Within an hour of knowing this lovable Brit, she absolutely can’t stand him.

“Well you got one with wings.” Spike sneered.

“Shut up Spike.” Rainbow Dash said. She flew over to Jack and leaned close to him. “How do you guys normally deal with him?”

“Just put him in his place.” Jack said.

“Aw…come on.” Gavin said.

“Shut up.” Rainbow Dash said. That feeling of telling him to shut up made her feel better cause he actually listened to her.

“Ray, yer with me.” Applejack said.

“Awesome.” Ray said.

“You are the last male here so you must be Michael.” Rarity said.

“Yup.” Michael said.

“So Lindsay, you are going to stay with me…if you want.” Fluttershy said.

“Of course.” Lindsay said.

“That’s all Twilight had on her list of orders for all of you except for Jack.” Spike said.

“Really? That’s it?” Rainbow Dash said.

“She said to treat them as honored guests and she also left a special note for you Rainbow. Don’t kill any of them.” Spike said.

“Fine.” Rainbow Dash said.

“If all of you would be kind enough to leave, I have to help Jack study.” Spike said. Everybody left and Spike started getting some books down. “Twilight said that since you can’t read our language I have to read the books to you.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jack said.

“Remember we’re trying to figure out how to get you and your friends back to your world as well as get our friends back.” Spike said.

“Let’s get started then.” Jack said. Spike started reading various books to Jack. Trying to stay awake while Spike read Jack looked at his phone. He opened up Twitter and he saw a tweet from Ray with a pic of him and AJ.

@AH_BrownMan:

Fuck you @AH_Mike AJ is best Pony! pic.twitter.com/UWfPwQ1pA