It's been almost three hours, and I still can't seem to find the campsite. Let's face facts:
1)I am lost.
2)I have no water.
and 3)my phone is long since dead.
What's that spell? D-O-O-M. I'm DOOMED. Unless... I hear water.
Thank all that is right with the world I HEAR WATER! WOOHOO! Finally something to... wait... if I drink this straight, I might get one of those crazy parasites like on T.V., I should boil it. Now... where's that lighter? Is it in my front pocket? No. Back Pocket? Indeed. Alright, now I need some kind of fuel. Gas? No. Bark? Let's try bark!
Five grueling minutes later...
Bark. Not very flammable. Got it. Does fruit have water in it? I think so. Let's eat some fruit. I think I see some berries. Hope they're not hallucinogenic or something.
...
Actually, not gonna take my chances. I'll look for...blackberries! At least, I hope they are. >Munch< Yep, these here are grade A blackberries! Great, now for shelter...>Punches nearest tree< OWW! Note: Minecraft is not the same as real life. This is what I get for trying to "Experience Nature!". Now I'm tired, hungry, cold, and my hand hurts. Welp, look at the bright side Louie... could be worse. I could... what the Hotel Echo Lima Lima? Those, my friend, are some kooky flowers! I didn't realize there were such a thing as glowing blue... flowers. Are they radioactive? Is it some kinda chemical reaction? Are they dangerous? I dunno, but they'd be neat at a dinner party! Or a rave! (Not that I go to those... it was a phase.) Wait... I've seen these before. That isn't possible.
That could only m-
Crashing noises in the background<
I'd better say something. "Hello?"
"Huh?" a voice, female, by the sound of it. Mature, but probably not too far into her 20's. (I know. Don't ask how, I just do.)
"Who's there? I'm warning you I have a...Lighter!"
"What? I don't want to hurt you. Calm down. What are you anyway?"
"What do you mean 'what am I' I'm a human being, Homo Sapiens Sapiens, Smartest species on the planet earth."
"What is that supposed to mean?
"It means... wait, are you some kinda talking animal? I mean, if you are then that's okay, but I'd like to know. For reasons."
"Ta-...wait. Oh my, you aren't from here, are you?
"Define 'here'."
"Equestria. That's where you are. More specifically the Everfree Forest."
Oh crap, I've gone and landed myself in some kinda alternate universe.>Turns around<
With ponies. Super.
I don't see why I have to be the one who has to go looking for these wildflowers. I know next to nothing about plants. I just wanna go home and do more research into this so-called conspiracy that's apparently been hidden in the Royal Guard for centuries. It boggles my mind how deep this seems to go. How did they keep this a secret for so long? It's crazy! Soooooo, where are these flowers? I haven't seen any, and I'm losing hope. Maybe this was all a big wild goose chase. It wouldn't surprise me. Those three crazy florists thought I would be a good candidate for gatherer? Please, I'd be better off farming rocks, or something. No, I think somebody put them up to it. Paid them to send me out here just to get rid of me. But, who...?
It has to be Dirt Cheap. Nopony else would want me out of their way badly enough to hire florists to do their dirty work. He's really behind all those Intelligence leaks, and guess who catches blame? ME. Now I'm under Claustrophobically close surveillance. In fact, this little trip is the first break I've had in ages. So, I guess thanks are in order.
3 Hours later...
There they are! Now... what was it I wasn't supposed to do, ever?
THUNK< "OWW!"
What the blazes was that? Sounds like somepony just tried to headbutt a table. What is that? It looks like a monkey without its tail. It looks like it's wearing some kind of clothes too, so it's either a pet, or smart enough at least to know how clothes work. It's freaking out like it's in pain. Should I help it? No, I need to look out for number 1, and that means I don't have the time, nor the patience to deal with-
*trip*
CRASH<
"Hello?" Sounds Like they speak Equestrian. Strange.
"Huh?" Well, I had to say SOMETHING.
"Who's there? I'm warning you I have a...Lighter!" A...what?
"What? I don't want to hurt you. Calm down. What are you anyway?"
"What do you mean 'what am I' I'm a human being, Homo Sapiens Sapiens, Smartest species on the planet earth." WHAT?!
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means... wait, are you some kinda talking animal? I mean, if you are then that's okay, but I'd like to know. For reasons." This thing is getting on my nerves.
"Ta-...wait. Oh, you aren't from here, are you?" Obviously he's not.
"Define 'here'." Called it.
"The Everfree Forest. That's where you are." I almost added "and I'm lost.", but I didn't want to scare him too badly.
Looks like I've got a long day ahead.