A book by Discord

            My speedometer was acting up again: the needle would rise temporarily, and then fall, rise and fall. I gave the dashboard a nice, hard whack. The needle limply rose again, and collapsed once more.

         I returned my eyes to the road.

         Traffic was light. That didn’t help. Everyone else was moving too slow. I ground my clutch as I swerved around the drivers: shift down, hit the gas, shift up, tap the brakes, change lanes, and shifted down again. The other inconsiderate motorists honked their horns and flashed their brakes.

         Well, you all can go shove it!

         They didn’t work a dead end job where their boss yelled at them from start to

finish. They also didn’t have a sister, younger sister who liked to go out and party, while leaving their six year old daughters at their brother’s house. My life is just PERFECT, just GREAT!

         I pulled into my driveway.

         My dinky little house sits on the corner of Ugly Street and Shitty Avenue. Graffiti pop-marked every wall; no one has the spare change to clean it up. Trash is allowed to pile up in front yards and in narrow alleys. The whole place stinks.

         I opened my front door.

         Paradise is hard to come by in this world. At least mine is clean. A sagging sofa occupied one wall of my living room. A thick and heavy turn-of-the-century TV occupies the opposite wall. It was free, it works, and its 40 inches of entertaining bliss until my sister arrives.

         I dropped onto the couch.

         I have an hour before my niece arrives. First thing she does is go straight for the remote. I object, and out come out those big, blue eyes, misting over with the first formation of tears. I cave in. Bubbling happily, she changes the channel to her favorite network. Then it’s up on my lap, turning and twisting until she finds a comfortable spot on her number one substitute pillow. I stay there, unmoving, while she enjoys another adventure of Twilight Sparkle and her five friends.

         If I have to sit through another episode of “friendship is magic” I am going to rip my hair out!

         I hate ponies! I hate their cheerfulness and laughter. I hate their compelling characters. I hate their love, acceptance, and tolerance for each other. I hate their bright colors. I hate the show. I hate the sappy, feel good endings.

         I just hate it all!

         I hit the power button. Nothing happened. I try again; same result. Stupid TV, maybe if I whack it upside the head it will fix itself.

         A bright light flashes before me and a dragon appears in my living room. Not just any dragon, a Draconequus with mismatching limps and horns. He loops several times in midair before grinning broadly at me. Discord!

         “Dear me,” he said, looping several times in midair before facing me again with a broad grin. “Not who I was looking for, but you’ll do just fine.”

         This can’t be happening.

         “Get out, Now,” I shout.

         “Don’t be unprofessional about this,” he said. “Good entertainment has been a bit short of late, so I’ve decided to write a book. It’s called “Adventures in Equestia” and guesses what? You’re my main character. Congratulations!”

         Confetti instantaneously appeared and exploded throughout the house.

         “No,” I said, leaping to my feet, “absolutely not.”

         “A reluctant hero,” said Discord, looking whimsically. “A tragic past, torture by internal strife, a debt of loss and pain that can never be repaid.” He clutched his lions paw to his chest, eyes shut, as if he could see it all before him. He looked at me again. “It will be a best seller.”

         “Noooooo!” I screamed.

         “Come along now,” he said and vanished with a wink and a puff.

         I was engulfed in a mass of light and my surrounding disappeared in a flash.

         Discord, I hate you oh so much