The Jerk

"You're probably wondering how the heck I wound up face down in a puddle of spoiled mayonaisse behind Joe's coffee emporium, with my pants ripped, and several penises drawn on my chest. Well, I think its because of everyone else! Everyone else is the fault for this, the world is full of JERKS! Let me get the taste of rotten egg stuffing out of mouth and I'll tell you the story."

It was third period when my crazy adventure started, the class? Advanced Underwater Basket Weaving. Now I don't mean to brag, but I was totally crafting a totally bitching picnic basket, it even had a pink bow and streamers! Focused on the magnificence of my art, I barely noticed when the smelly hippy kid next to me slipped me a note.
"Here man *cough* like, this is for you....ewe...chu....chew.... hehehehehehe"
"Thanks?" I try not to touch his smelly and unshaven hippy hands as I grab the note from his more likely than not rolling a doobie while listening to Blink 182 hands. With a sense of curiousity falling upon my being, I decided to take a peek at the note. As I lifted the corner, I could smell a scent of lilac and pineaapple permiate my nostrils. I'm quite familiar with the scent, for it is the scent of the woman I have lusted for many a fortnight! I think the brand was Arachi, but to me it was "Eu d'Rarity" With great anticipation I furrow my brow and hasten my trembling fingers.
"Dearest Anon, meet me in the girls locker room after class. I have a surprise for you."
Ah, my heart! I felt my stomach turn into fiery lead as my loins tensed below! It can't be...my mind began pacing through male fantasy. Rarity in naught but linen wear beckoning me forward in open solidarity. The heaving bosoms twain my fingertips, the lush moisture of passion! Interlocking lips with pulsating tongue! The vibration of two in coitus of one! Finally! My dreams realized!
I knew it not then, but appairently to my classmates, I had made quite the scene.
"Mr Anon?" I heard faintly in my heavenly paradise.
"Yes, and wear the elephant underpants with the extendable trunk, my favourite.
"MR ANONYMOUS!" The shrill shriek of a teacher rang out shattering my lovely mental garden of adolescent bliss
"Uhh yes! how can I help you Ms Cheerliee?"
I stood in a bit of a stupor, unknowing of my current predicament.
"I believe you should go to the mens room Anon." She said with a bit of a gruffness in her tone. Her eyes remained staring directly into mine, as if there was something forbidden in her other views.
"I'm quite fine, I already made tinkles and sprinkles, thank you for pondering though." I reply whilst rolling my eyes. I'm a grown ass man, don't child me woman.
Her hands slam on the table, as she points to the door. "J-j-just go already!" In that moment of furvor her eyes led downwards, and her face ran crimson. In retrospect I should've clearly understood what she meant when she insinuated the restroom in the first place, but callous youth, ach, tis be quite the thorn in the side of men!
My eyes followed hers, and I beheld the looming mass of erection within my jeans. It was there for all to behold! Akwardly shuffling toward the door, I heard the smelly hippie kid point at me and shout.
"Hey guys, like, Anon has a boner! Let's all ostracize him and feel better about our insecurities while doing so!"
The classroom erupted with laughter, as I felt every sting of pointer finger.
"Look at him! He has sexual urges that are typical for someone of our age group!"
"When I laugh at someone else, it helps me forget that my father physically abuses me!"
"I went through this entire scenario a week ago, and I felt terrible being laughed at, so in all reality I think I'm just going with the crowd consesus in this even though I do feel bad for you"
I rush out of the classroom and collapse, Damn you smelly hippy! At least that moment of personal shame is done and over with forever.